Nick, Martin n Chris
by KittyKatBella
Summary: The sons of the Eds have some wacky ed-ventures, strangely similar to their dads' as they try to avoid trouble with the Kankers' sons and daughters, the second generation of cul-de-sac kids, and even their own sisters. (Please Review!) (THANKS FOR 1000 VIEWS!) Newest chapter: Sick As A Cat.
1. Evil Angels

Nick, Martin, and Chris were at the camper in the junkyard, along with Chris's siblings, Ryland, and Kevin. All of them sported signs of a Kanker kiss-down all across their faces, necks, and arms in the form of lipstick stains and/or hickeys.

"Dio, I hate them so much," Izzy groaned. Bellino nodded in agreement.

"Me too," He said. As did Bellini.

"Me three."

"Me four," Chris grumbled.

"Me five," Nick moaned.

"Me six," Ryland hiccuped.

"Me seven," Quipped Kevin.

"Me eight," A slight smile reached Martin's lips, but not enough to dispel the heavy mood amongst the crowd.

"Why did we even go into those woods?" Bellino asked.

"Yeah, why did we even go into those woods?" Bellini repeated.

"I believe it was my fault," Martin said guiltily.

"Oh, yeah, I remember that day," Kevin drew a gray line across the page to start the flashback.

* * *

The kids were very young. Most were around five, Izzy and Ryland were six, and the twins were only two. Nick, Martin, and Chris were already best friends at this point, since their parents had had them on playdates since they were newborns, and two new kids had moved in a month before. The two new kids came over to introduce themselves to the group.

One of the boys was clad in a black jacket with a white T-shirt, blue jeans, and red sneakers. He was about halfway between Martin and Nick in terms of height, and it was easy to see he was made for sports. He approached Martin's younger sister with a hand ready for shaking.

"Hey, guys," He greeted, "Name's Eddward Rockwell."

Sierra shook hand with the athlete.

"Sierra Vincent," She said. The other boy looked slightly younger. He wore a red cap, glasses, and a green shirt. He was small and skinny.

"Greetings, my name is Kevin Anderson," He said. He saw Ryland and blushed slightly trying to hide behind Eddward.

"Our dad's name is Eddward," Martin motioned to him, Ryland, and Sierra.

"Hm. Small world," Eddward chuckled to himself. Ryland worked up the courage to approach Kevin.

"Hi, I'm Ryland," She introduced herself.

"My name is Martin," Martin said.

"Izzy McGee, and my brother Chris, and the twins," Izzy said. She ushered Bellini and Bellino out from their hiding spots.

"Woah, you guys have tails," Eddward noticed.

"Yeah," Chris explained, "Our mom has cat ears and a cat tail. Our Uncle Danny has a special name for us: he calls us nekos."

"I am Nick!" Nick said happily. Martin nodded.

"Yes, this is Nick Hunter," He said.

"So," Eddward kept his eyes on the group as he rustled Kevin's hat, "What're you guys up to today?"

Kevin squirmed away and fixed his hat.

"My friends and I are heading into the woods to search for bugs," Martin explained, "I have a collection."

Kevin's eyes lit up.

"That sounds fun," He said, "Can I join?"

"Why certainly," Martin smiled.

"Sounds lame," Eddward, "Catch you later, twerps."

Sierra spoke up before he turned to leave.

"Hey, Edd!" She called, "Did you want to go down to the park with me?"

"Sure, I guess," Eddward shrugged.

"I can show you around to the other kids in the neighborhood if you want," Sierra volunteered.

As they left Martin's garage, Martin was busy taking inventory of the equipment for his insect expedition. He passed out gloves and boots to everyone. Chris put a boot on his head and a glove around his body.

"Okay! Ready!" He joked. His siblings laughed uncontrollably.

"Set!" Nick announced, having placed a glove on his head. He blew it up with his nose, and both he and the glove went flying.

"Go!" Martin headed for the garage door, "Let us proceed to the forest!"

"And be careful to not go too deep," Ryland said, "Our parents said we're not allowed."

Izzy nodded.

"Yeah. As long as we can see at least one of our houses wherever we go, we're okay," She explained. Kevin followed the group.

"That shouldn't be too difficult," He said.

* * *

The group was trekking through the forest, looking for bugs.

"Isn't it magnificent?" Martin led the group down a trail, "All the splendors of nature, displayed in one giant petri dish full of life!"

As they walked, Nick started talking with Kevin.

"I heard these woods are haunted," Nick said.

"Impossible, ghosts don't exist," Kevin shook his head.

"Yeah they do," Chris said.

"One of our neighbors, Victor Sheppard, said he saw two blue-haired girls living back here," Izzy told him.

"I also heard from Jakob 2x4 that there was a blonde girl living here too," Chris added.

"But that's not ghosts," Kevin said, "There's a trailer park not that far, they could just be from there."

"But ghosts still do exist," Izzy said, "We're part cat, we can see them."

Nick looked to Kevin.

"My dad told me that ghosts don't have to look like ghosts to be ghosts," Nick said. Suddenly, there was a loud noise.

"Ssh, did you hear that?" Chris asked, "That's it! This nature stuff is for the birds!"

Izzy looked around.

"Uh, guys? I think we went too far," She said. Chris yelled loudly upon seeing a giant spiderweb. The group rushed to where Chris was, catching sight of the spiderweb stretched between two trees.

"Whoa!" Nick gasped,"Way big!"

"It's a masterpiece of nature!" Martin marveled.

"Looks like my grandmother's hairnet," Izzy said to herself. Kevin looked back the way they came.

"Do you think we should start heading back?" He asked.

"Yeah, let's get going," Chris said, "NICK!"

Nick was stuck to the spiderweb, happily bouncing and laughing. Nick swayed his suspended body in the air.

"Yee-haw! It's sticky!" He chuckled.

"You're disturbing the eco-environment!" Martin worried.

"Get down, you maniac!" Chris shouted to Nick. Suddenly, the group heard laughing and giggling. Nick looked around in search of the source.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Now you've done it," Martin said.

"I suggest-" Kevin began, but was cut off by the sound of chanting. Four voices, one male and three females, started the chanting.

" _Four little cuties..._ "

Four more voices, two females and two males, continued.

" _...and four little kittens..._ "

" _...wandering the dark woods..._ "

" _...searching for mittens._ "

" _Along came their angels..._ "

" _...who took them to a tree._ "

The eight individual voices in the background sounded one by one.

" _Now they're-_ "

 _"K!"_

 _"I!"_

 _"S!"_

 _"S!"_

 _"I!"_

 _"N!"_

 _"G!"_

"Let's get outta here!" Ryland said. The group ran off, the chant repeating over and over.

"HELP ME, GUYS!" Nick cried out to the fleeing group, still stuck to the web, "I don't want the fluids drained from my body!"

"Oh right!" Chris said. He and Martin rushed back to pull Nick from the web. They each grabbed a leg, and Izzy and Ryland grabbed their brothers by the ankles, all four of them pulling to get Nick loose. The other three backtracked to make sure they didn't leave them behind. The web finally snapped after the third or fourth round of chanting. Ryland got to her feet.

"Okay, now let's get outta here," She said. They started running and saw eight pairs of eyes in the trees. As they continued searching for an exit, the chanting started to form a round until the voices formed a dizzying garble. It was five or six run-ins with the eyes before Martin saw light.

"There! A way out!" He announced, "Through the trees!"

The group jumped over a log, landing in a mud puddle on the other side. The group tried to climb out, but the mud made it too slippery. That wasn't their only problem.

"My eyes!" Izzy and Chris had mud in their eyes.

"My glasses!" Martin and Kevin had lost their glasses in the mud. The ones who could see watched as eight silhouettes emerged from the trees and surrounded the mud pit, and a bloodcurdling scream knocked everyone senseless.

* * *

The group woke up in a trailer. They were in bath robes and Kevin and Martin's glasses had been set aside.

Standing over them were five girls and three boys, all of them wearing conspicuous smiles on their faces. Two of the girls had blue hair. One was decked in gothic clothes and had a pair of headphones on her head, the other had brighter clothes and a darker shade of blue hair than the other. One was a blonde. She was the only one whose smile was white rather than key-lime yellow, but her front teeth jutted out rather far. One was a redhead. Her curly beehive completely covered her eyes, and she was sporting a Bluetooth in one ear and a blue tooth in her mouth. The last girl, a brunette, was evidently trying not to scratch her nose. The black haired boy had a spiked dog collar around his neck and red lightning streaks running down his face from his eyes. The brunette boy was giving the brunette girl a back rub with one hand. The third was a redhead, and he was standing next to the brunette girl.

"Hey guys, so happy you could drop in!" The redhead girl laughed. Martin and Kevin found their glasses and put them on...before realizing they'd grabbed each other's glasses. The goth girl spoke next.

"Hope you like our parents' robes!" She said. Martin and Kevin switched their glasses back and the eight of them looked at the robes. They each had a nametag with the names Lee, Billy, Marie, Rolf, May, Jonny, Brandon, and Willow.

"How'd we get into these?" Chris looked up to see eight puckering lips approaching. The captives scrambled back, the McGee screaming like cats as they did so, luring laughs and giggles from their captors. The redheaded boy and brown-haired girl, the two smallest ones- about the twins' age- giggled.

"Oh boy, did they wake up yet?" A voice sounded from the other room. The punk boy and the male brunette sat cross-legged on the floor as the others turned to the new voice.

"Go ahead. Yell," The punk boy started.

"No one will hear you," The brunette smiled.

"Hey, isn't that-?" Izzy began.

"Yes, Victor too is impatient to greet them," Another voice said.

"Yeah, come on out, guys!" The blond girl smiled. Ryland saw Victor and Jakob walk up to the assembly.

"I thought those were just ghost stories you guys were telling," She said, shocked.

"What? No!" Jakob laughed, "This is our family!"

"I'm June!" The blond girl smiled, "You guys know my brother!"

"Yeah, and you know our brother," One of the blue-haired girls said, "I'm Mary, that's Martha.

"Lily and my little brother, Phil," The redheaded girl said.

"I'm James," The brown-haired boy said.

"Justin," The back-haired boy said.

"And our lil sister, Lil!" They both said together. Martin took a hard swallow.

"Well, in case Victor and Jakob haven't told you, I'm Martin, and this is my sister Ryland," He said.

"Chris," The boy pointed to himself and then his siblings, "Izzy, Bellini, Bellino."

"Hello, my name is Nick,"Nick greeted.

"And I'm-" Kevin began.

"We know," Martha interrupted, "Kevin."

Victor nodded.

"Do not fret yourselves," He waved the kids off.

"Yeah, they know all about you!" Jakob giggled.

"Well I just moved in not too long ago," Kevin said.

"Yes, the other new boy..." Victor struggled to remember the name.

"Eddward," Jakob provided the name.

"Yes," Victor agreed, "Eddward told Victor of you a fortnight ago, and today told us of your plan to scour the woods for tiny crawlers."

"Hey, ain't Eddward the name of that guy our mom used to like?" Martha asked.

"Yes, that was my father," Martin told her. Chris nodded.

"My dad's name is Eddy," He said.

"Mine's Ed," Nick smiled.

"Hey James, didn't Eddy marry Bella?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, our dad loved her!" James chuckled. Chris decided to change the subject.

"Do you guys know where our clothes are?" He asked. Lily waved a hand to the window.

"They're drying outside," She answered. Mary nodded.

"Yeah, you guys sure were dirty," He said. Justin hopped to his feet.

"We're going to jump into the kitchen real quick," He said. James followed his brother.

"Fix up some homecookin' for you guys," He said. June tossed one last look at the group.

"We'll be right back," She followed the others into the kitchen, "Hey! Wait for me!"

Phil and Lil sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of the robed visitors.

"This is very strange," Martin said. Ryland nodded.

"You don't suppose our parents were trying to keep us away from the trailer park, do you?" She asked.

"Either way, let's go," Kevin said.

"Hold up, hold up," Chris said, "They're making food for us! It would be rude to just leave. So why don't we just hang out, eat for free, and then we can split?"

"Well, alright," Izzy said. She and Ryland sat the twins down in front of Phil and Lil, "Here you go, guys. Make some friends."

Ryland looked around the room.

"Where are we, anyway?" She asked. Chris looked outside the window.

"Hm. Reminds me of a postcard Uncle Danny sent me once," He said thoughtfully. Izzy popped up next to him in the window.

"Oooh, Chris, remember that one time Mommy and Daddy got a trailer?" She said.

"Oh, yeah. I remember that," He said, "Good times."

Nick scanned the walls until he found a...

"TV!" Nick noticed. No one noticed Phil and Lil hugging the twins, who seemed uncomfortable. Nick tried turning on the TV, but there was only static. After a few tries of getting a signal, he gave up, "Meh, it's a rerun. Oh cool, look!" Nick picked up a scuba helmet and put it on, "A space helmet. Take me to your plumber!"

Chris caught sight of him.

"Way sick, Nick! Get it? It rhymes. Sick? Nick?" Chris let off a laugh, "I crack me up."

Kevin and Martin were looking through the bookshelf.

"Interesting," Martin said, "Hub Cap Digest."

Kevin took the book and opened it.

"This book has no print!" He cried in shock. Martin saw that he was right.

"These pages are blank!" Martin gasped.

"Dwawings!" Bellini pointed to the wall.

"Dwawings evewywhewe!" Bellino pointed with his sister.

Indeed, there were eight paper drawings on the wall, each with a boy and a girl and drawn by a different person. Phil and Lil waddled over to two pictures, showing them off proudly. One was of a stick figure with orange curly hair and a stick figure with long blond hair and cat features. The other was of a stick figure with messy brown hair and a stick figure with short blond hair and cat features.

Izzy and Ryland took note of two more pictures. One had a catgirl walking through a flower meadow hand in hand with a brown-haired boy. The other had a boy and a girl riding a two-wheeled vehicle together atop a lightning cloud.

"Wicked ride," Ryland chuckled.

"Is that me?" Martin asked. He was drawn braiding the hair of a blue-haired girl. Another blue-haired girl was depicted playing leapfrog with a ballcap-wearing boy. Next to that was a blonde girl and a chubby boy decked in superhero attire flying over a city. And the last picture had a redheaded beehive girl with a pussycat boy at a wedding.

"AH!" Chris cried, balling up the last picture, "That's not funny!"

Izzy laughed at Chris.

"Scaredy cat," She teased.

"I am not a scaredy cat!" Chris glared, "I just don't wanna get married."

Izzy didn't stop laughing.

"Whatever salts your fish, 'ladies' man'," She said. Justin came into the living room balancing eight cups on a tray.

"Who's up for some nice, cold, delicious powdered milk?" He asked.

"Milky!" The twins clapped. As the guests got a glass from the tray, James walked over to the TV and started browsing Netflix.

"How about a movie?" He scrolled through and picked out a movie, "Fish Bowl 3, a classic."

"And oldie but a goodie," Izzy said, lapping up her milk. One by one, the guests let off puffs of white dust as they sipped the glasses of powdered milk.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Martha was going through the fridge for fixings.

"It's so nice to have them home," She said.

"Hey, I'm doing the fish sticks!" James snapped, grabbing the box.

"And I'm on the squeeze-a-pod!" Justin grabbed the roll.

"HEY! Shut up, we got lunch to make!" Lily laid out ingredients for June, who was at the stove cooking five meat patties. June was standing on her brother's shoulder to reach the stove.

"The way to your love's heart..." June whisked the film off a tub of Ricotta cheese, "...is through their arteries."

She wedged a spatula into the tub and emptied the contents into the frying pan.

"And a little special family sauce..." Mary gave June a bottle of ketchup, "Ketchup!"

The rest of the cousins added their ingredients once the ketchup bath was complete.

"Dinner's ready!" The cousins announced to the waiting group.

The guests levitated toward a platter of five creamy Sloppy Joes and three plates of fish sticks, each taking one and returning to the couch to watch the movie. Izzy and the twins each took a plate of fish sticks.

"They're so dreamy," Justin whispered to James.

"I know, right?" James whispered back.

"Be back in a minute, everyone!" June said as she and her cousins headed upstairs. Lily nodded.

"Yeah, we're gonna go and freshen up," She said. As soon as the cousins were gone, the group on the couch started talking amongst themselves.

"They seem like nice kids, wouldn't you say, Izzy?" Ryland asked.

"I think one of them likes me," Izzy said. Martin strained to pull a leathery piece of meat from his sandwich before talking.

"I suppose they each have a special someone among us," He said.

"Except Victor and Jakob," Chris said. He plucked a small gear from his mouth before continuing to dig in. Nick stuck a straw in his burger.

"So, why do you think our parents didn't want us coming here?" He asked.

"I'm not sure," Kevin said. He didn't seem to be eating his burger, "They seem nice enough. Um, is there anything else to eat? I'm a vegetarian."

Izzy shrugged.

"We can ask when they come back downstairs," She said. Sounds from above drew Ryland's attention.

"I think they're coming down again," She said.

"We're back!" The cousins sung. The girls were all wearing dresses and skirts, while the boys wore the closest thing they would have to a suit. Izzy's ears perked up.

"Wow, that's some wardrobe you guys got there," She told them.

"You like it?" James smiled.

"Dressed real neat from your hats to your feet," Nick said. June giggled at Nick's rhyme.

"Notice anything new, Chris?" Mary asked, but there was no response. Martha whistled as she waved in front of Chris's face.

"The best products that we could buy," Lily said, "Only the best for you."

Kevin looked to Lily.

"Is this all you have here?" He asked her.

"Yeah, how about some more of that powdered milk stuff, huh?" Chris asked, holding out his empty cup. Justin spun his dog collar.

"So, what do you think of our Kanker burger, Diamond?" He asked Ryland.

"Wait, me?" Ryland asked, "Uh, it's ok."

Nick gave a greasy smile.

"It's good! Yum!" He agreed.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" June scolded. Mary and Martha were busy tucking pillows behind their crushes' heads. James was watching the movie with Izzy, and set his hand on her lap.

"Boi, do not _TOUCH_ me while I am _EATING_ ," Izzy said. James tapped his shoe on Izzy's.

"I'll touch you whenever I want, Kitty Cat," He said. Izzy hissed menacingly. James laughed nervously, "I'll, just, um, go over there."

He scooted away. Running to the kitchen, he returned with an unopened veggie dip platter, which he set into Kevin's lap before running upstairs.

"Thank you very much," Kevin said.

"Sure thing," James said. Martin looked to Izzy.

"Are you alright, Izzy?" Martha asked.

"Yeah, I'm ok," Izzy said, "Why?"

"You seemed a little tense about James sitting next to you," Mary said.

"No, I was just eating," Izzy said, "I like food more than people."

Justin gave off a small laugh.

"Pretty big statement there," He said.

"Hey, most of the time it's true," Izzy shrugged. Suddenly, the assembly saw playing cards drifting around the room. Phil and Lil's hands on the table was a sign that they had been trying to shuffle a deck of cards but let the cards go flying. The two laughed, causing the twins to giggle. Chris smiled at the sight.

"Well, that's one way to shuffle a deck of cards," He said. The girls seemed slightly annoyed. Izzy found a Joker in her lap. The face looked very much like James's face. Martin was the first to notice the girls.

"Is there a problem?" He asked them.

"Everything's fine!" They answered together. Izzy got up to look for James.

"Where are you going, Iz?" Ryland asked. The girls stepped in front of the TV.

"Hey hey hey!" Chris waved his hand back and forth, "Out of the way! This is the best part!"

"Out of the way?" Lily repeated.

"We work our butts off for you, and this is how you repay us?" June asked.

"You better start pulling your own weight around here!" Mary snapped.

"Or there'll be trouble!" Martha finished. Chris looked to Justin.

"What's with them?" Chris asked. Justin just shrugged with his hands in his pockets.

"Clean up this mess right now!" Mary pointed at the mess of food. Nick, Martin, and Chris got to their feet in time to hear Lily shouting.

"Hey! Over here!" She pointed at the cards scattered about the living room, "Clean up this mess!"

Nick held up the couch and Chris shoved everything underneath. Justin couldn't help but laugh.

"You call that clean?" He asked. Lily dragged Chris to the laundry.

"Get washing!" She snapped. Mary dragged Martin to the kitchen sink.

"And scrubbing!" She ordered. June dragged Nick to the bathroom.

"Come along, little man!" She said.

* * *

Nick was scrubbing the toilet from the inside when June checked on him.

"Make it shine!" She slammed the lid on Nick's head.

* * *

While all this was going on, Izzy had found James in the upstairs bedroom.

"Hello?" She said. James had taken off his coat and tie and stopped from undressing himself at the sound of Izzy's voice.

"Hey, doll," He greeted, "How's it going?"

"Why do you call me that?" Izzy asked.

"What, 'doll' or 'kitty cat'?" James patted the spot on the bed next to him.

"Doll," Izzy said, "I get the kitty cat cuz I am one."

"I used to have a Beanie Baby cat doll when I was two," James explained, "My brother Justin would constantly throw it up into trees and then try to get it down, even though I would keep telling him not to. One day, it landed in a bird nest, and when Justin found it, it had been ripped apart by a bird. I really started hating Justin after that. But what I'm saying is that the cat doll I had was the same color as your cat ears and tail. Your cat parts reminded me of the cat doll I used to have, so that's where the 'doll' nickname came from."

"Oh," Izzy said, "I like Beanie Boos."

"Yeah?" James noticed the Joker card in Izzy's hand.

"Oh hey, I think this is yours," Izzy handed him the card. James looked at the card and gave a small laugh.

"Thanks, doll," He said.

* * *

Downstairs...

Martin and Kevin were washing dishes. Nick popped out of the sink, breaking the dishes.

"Nick!" Martin cried out.

"You ruined our dishes!" Kevin scolded. Chris came in with a pile of clothes. Nick walked by.

"Headed outside, Chris," He said.

"Slacker," Chris mumbled. Ryland saw the boys on a collision course.

"Martin, look out!" She called out. Chris crashes into Martin, sending the both of them to the floor.

"I'm going to sanitize the living area," Martin said. Ryland could see smoke seeping from Chris's ears.

"Oh sure, I'll clean this," Chris said, stomping the clothes into the sink, "I'LL CLEAN EVERYTHING!"

* * *

Lily heard the commotion from the other room.

"That'd better be fighting over me I'm hearing in there!" She yelled. Martin and Kevin were scrubbing the wooden floor.

"Make it shine!" Martha ordered.

"They're such nerds," Justin said, more to himself than anyone else. Nick came back inside, and was quickly called out by Martha and Mary.

"Hey, mud tracker!" Martha said.

"You're tracking mud!" Mary scolded.

"Mud?!" Martin and Kevin cried. Justin looked at Lil.

"We don't like nerds," He said to her, "Nerds bad."

He filled up a bucket with water and tossed it to Martin and Kevin.

"You better not wreck Dad's bucket!" He told them. Nick walked forward, looking at his muddy footprints. This caused him to step in the bucket and slide across the room. Chris jumped out of the way of Nick, tossing his load of laundry to him as he did so.

"Hang these outside!" He instructed.

"Uh, ok ChriIIISSSSS!" Nick cried, crashing into Martin and Kevin, who were scrubbing the floor clean. Lily gave a snarky laugh.

"You should go back to diving for clams," She said.

"That's IT!" Chris yelled, "We're DONE!"

The girls stood there, shocked and hurt.

"Th-This is the th-thanks we get?" June sniveled.

"For all our hard work?" Lily sobbed. The girls ran away, crying. Justin glared at Chris and punched him before following his cousins upstairs. Ryland helped the pussycat to his feet.

"What was that for, Chris?" She asked.

"Girls are crying upstairs," Izzy said, coming down.

"Yeah, Chris scared them upstairs," Ryland explained, "Where's James?"

"He and Justin and Victor and Jakob are comforting the girls," Izzy explained. Martin approached Chris.

"You should go and apologize to them, Chris," Martin told him.

"Us girls have got to get it together," June sniffed. Justin heard the door open.

"Haven't you caused enough trouble, pussycat?" He glared.

"Get outta here!" James snapped.

"And don't come back!" June snapped, slamming the door. Izzy looked to her brother.

"Wait till I tell Mom about this," She said.

"Well, you heard her," Chris said, "Let's get the twins."

Martin looked to Kevin.

"This has been quite educational," He said. Kevin nodded.

"I would say so, yes," He agreed. The group headed downstairs, Izzy and Chris picking up Bellini and Bellino on the way out.

"Hello, freedom!" Ryland threw the front door open. The lot of them screamed, seeing the Kanker cousins standing outside. The girls were wearing cream on their faces with curlers in their hair. The guys had shaving cream all over their faces and sticky gel in their hair. Izzy looked back and forth between the stairs and the door.

"How did you all get here?" She asked. James thumbed over his shoulder.

"Out the bedroom window," He pulled a plush cat from his pocket, "We wanted to make sure you didn't forget Little Izzy."

"Or Chris Junior," Lily held out a Chris doll. Justin produced his own plush.

"What about Little Ryland?" He said. One by one, the rest of the cousins pulled out their own dolls. The McGees screamed like cats before plowing through the cousins.

"RUN FOR IT!" Chris screamed. The rest of the kids followed. Phil and Lil sat in front of the older cousins, waving.

"That's right! Run, you cowards!" Martha called after them.

"Get lost!" Lily shouted.

"And don't trip over your shoelaces!" Justin heckled.

"Look at them run," James laughed.

"Ain't they dreamy?" Mary sighed. June nodded with a smile.

"I think I'm in L-U-V, love!" She said. The cousins laughed evilly.

* * *

"Yeah, that's what happened alright," Izzy said.

"Wow, me and Bellino were so young-" Bellini began.

"We don't even remember it," Bellino finished. Chris nodded.

"Of course, if our route back home didn't take us back to the playground, our parents might never have found out about it," He said. Ryland remembered why.

"Oh, yeah, 'cuz Sierra and Eddward were playing soccer there, and they asked us why we were all wearing robes," She added.

"What ever happened to our clothes, though?" Kevin asked.


	2. Babysitting Blues

**Babysitting Blues**

Chris was walking over to Martin's house. He knocked on the door and Martin answered.

"Salutations Chris, what can I assist you with?" Martin asked.

"Hey, you seen Nick?" Chris asked.

"I can't say that I have," Martin said.

"I called and texted him, no answer," Chris said.

"Did you ask his parents about his disappearance?" Martin asked.

"I doubt he just disappeared, " Chris said, "Let's just go check his house."

"Ok," Martin said. They walked over to Nick's house and slid through the window into his room in the basement.

"Hey Nick!" Chris called. Martin listened closely. Suddenly, they heard a crash from upstairs. Martin jumped slightly.

"Let's check upstairs," Chris said. They walked upstairs into the kitchen and saw a broken cup on the floor. Sheldon and Oliva were sitting in two high chairs, laughing. Nick was cleaning up the cup.

"Oh hi guys!" Nick waved.

"What are you doing?" Martin asked.

"My mom said I'd get 10 dollars if I babysit Sheldon and Oliva for the day," Nick explained.

"Oh," Martin said, "Would you like some assistance?"

"Sure," Nick smiled. Chris frowned. Martin started sweeping up the glass and Nick picked up Sheldon and Oliva.

"They're so cute," Martin said.

"Yeah," Nick said, "And they're only three."

"And a half!" Oliva corrected. Martin smiled. Sheldon laughed and bopped Chris in the nose.

"Hey!" Chris said. Nick giggled.

"Kitty!" Sheldon laughed, reaching for Chris's tail.

"I don't think you should do that," Martin said.

"Hey hey hey, stay away from that!" Chris said, moving his tail away. Martin frowned.

"Dallies!" Oliva said. They went into the living room and Nick gave Oliva her doll. Martin and Chris sat on the couch.

"Who wants to play Prince and Princess?" Nick asked.

"Me!" Olivia said. Sheldon raised his hand.

"Oh oh oh, me!" He said. Chris rolled his eyes. Nick and Martin built two 'thrones' on the couch made out of pillows and blankets.

* * *

"Finished," Martin said. Nick lifted Sheldon and Oliva onto the 'thrones.'

"There!" Nick said. Sheldon looked around before digging into his pocket and pulling out a poker card.

"Where dis guy?" He asked, pointing at the joker card. Chris pushed Martin forward. Oliva pointed at Chris.

"Him," She said. Martin chuckled. Nick gave Chris a jester's hat. Chris frowned.

"Yay!" Oliva clapped.

"Not yay," Chris said.

"C'mon, Chris, you're the joker," Nick said.

"That's you, stupid,"Chris said.

"Dis, you," Sheldon said, first pointing at the card, then at Chris.

"See? He wants you," Nick said, pushing Chris forward.

"But I don't want to," Chris whined. Sheldon and Oliva frowned sadly.

"Aw, please Chris?" Nick asked, "If they're not happy I won't get paid!"

"Fine," Chris said. Oliva and Sheldon clapped happily.

"Yay!" They cheered. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Be funny!" Sheldon said. Chris crossed his eyes. Oliva giggled.

"Funny faces!" She said. Martin smiled.

"Another! Another!" Sheldon said. Chris gave Martin a noogie.

"Ow, hey!" Martin said. Oliva and Sheldon laughed. Chris poked Martin in the stomach.

"Here Chris, juggle this!" Nick said, throwing a bunch of stuff for Chris to juggle. Chris juggled. Oliva and Sheldon clapped and laughed. Martin laughed.

"Whee!" Oliva laughed. Nick threw in more things for Chris to juggle, including a recliner, the TV, Martin, and a cactus. Chris kept juggling until the cactus came around and he got pricked. He yelled loudly in pain. Sheldon giggled and jumped off the throne, helping Oliva down. They ran off, laughing.

"Sheldon! Oliva!" Nick yelled, running after them. Martin went with him.

"Where'd they go?" Nick asked, looking around the kitchen.

Sheldon and Oliva were hiding in the cupboard. Oliva giggled and Sheldon put his finger to his mouth. Martin looked for the two. Chris walked in.

"Try to get them to laugh," Martin said.

"How am I supposed to know where they are?" Chris asked.

Oliva giggled again, but quieter.

Chris's ears pricked up and he looked around. Martin shrugged.

"Did...did you guys hear that?" Chris asked.

"Hear what?" Martin asked. Oliva giggled again.

"That," Chris said.

"I don't hear anything," Nick said, then gasped, "My ears are broken!"  
"Your ears aren't broken, Nick," Martin said. Chris followed the sound and opened the cupboard where Sheldon and Oliva were hiding.

"Hey!" Chris said as the two ran past him, laughing. Martin went after them.

"Run run, as fast as you can!" Sheldon giggled.

"Come back!" Martin said. Oliva bumped into a small table and knocked over a pot. She fell backwards and rubbed her head before standing back up.

"Hey!" Nick frowned.

"You're in so much trouble," Chris said.

Sheldon and Oliva laughed and jumped onto the couch, making the 'thrones' of pillows and blankets fall down on them. Martin walked over to the 'thrones.' Sheldon and Oliva popped their heads out. Martin stood there, tapping his foot. Sheldon and Oliva ran off and ended up creating a huge mess.

"Ok, time out, now," Martin said, picking up Sheldon and Oliva and setting them on the couch.

"Aw," The two of them frowned.

"Oh no," Nick said, looking at the house, "My mom's gonna kill me."

"We can clean it up," Martin said.

"I got a better idea," Chris said.

* * *

Martin and Nick were painting on a big canvas. Martin fixed something that Nick had painted.

"How's it coming?" Chris asked.

"It's ready!" Nick said. The three boys put the canvas in front of the giant mess. It was a clean room with Nick, Martin, Chris, Sheldon, and Oliva in the middle.

"There," Chris said, "Your mom will never know."


	3. Tag Along

Nick, Martin, and Chris were in Martin's back yard, looking in the grass for something.

"It's gotta have four leaves," Chris was saying, "A four-leaf clover means good luck. And good luck means that we can trick people into doing anything."

"With good luck, the daily chore of applying detergent will be a thing of the past," Martin said.

"I found it! I found some luck!" Nick announced happily.

"Really?" Chris asked, excited. Nick rushed over with a flower, "What's with the weed?"

"It's actually a very rare flower," Martin corrected. Chris grabbed it by the root.

"Hmm, cute," Chris said.

"Chris, be careful!" Martin said. Chris threw it and Martin quickly caught it.

"Is a four leaf clover too much to ask for?" Chris said angrily. He then found one. "Bingo!" Chris smiled. "Feel the magic, boys!"

They heard a loud growl.

"It sounds like an escaped monster from the belly of Hades!" Nick cried, jumping on Chris.

"Get off me, Nick!" Chris said angrily, "That's your belly!"

"Oh," Nick said, lifting his shirt, "I'm hungry."

"Let's head to my place and make some pizza," Chris said.

"I'll make the sauce," Martin volunteered.

"I'll get in the way and make a mess," Nick said. The three boys walked to Chris's house.

* * *

Jason and Janet were playing hopscotch.

"Your turn, Janet," Jason said.

"Here I go! Whee!" Janet hopped. She got up to the five when Chris came by, dusting off the lines, "I'm stranded!"

Nick ran right past but Martin got stopped by Jason, who had gone to catch Janet before she fell.

"LOOK WHAT YOUR STUPID COUSIN CHRIS DID!" Jason screamed.

"M-my apologies," Martin said, rushing off, "Chris, say sorry!"

"Why should I?" Chris asked.

"Because it's polite," Martin said. He handed Chris the rare flower, "Go apologize to Janet."

"Fine," Chris grumbled, "Here, I'm sorry."

Chris gave the flower to Janet. She gasped happily.

"A rare Baby Blue Gym Sock!" She said, sniffing it.

"C'mon, Martin!" Chris said. The three boys walked off. Janet sniffed the flower again and sighed happily.

"Chris and me were meant to be," She smiled.

"Wait. What?! Janet!" Jason cried. Janet ignored her older brother and skipped off, "What? How?"

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were at Chris's house, making pizza.

"Big cheese!" Nick said, carrying a giant wheel of cheese.

"Hehe, talking to me, Nick?" Chris asked, taking a bunch of eggs from the fridge.

"Hmm, let's see," Martin said, mixing the sauce, "Now add a dash of oregano."

"And one egg," Chris said, cracking an egg into a bowl, "And FIVE eggs!"

He smashed five eggs into the bowl. Martin dropped the oregano.

"Chris please, I'm trying to cook!" Martin said, irritated.

"What?" Chris asked with like five eggs in his mouth instead of his teeth.

"Sometimes I wonder how we are cousins," Martin sighed.

"We're step cousins," Chris said.

"Whatever," Martin sighed.

"Nick, stop eating all the cheese!" Chris yelled, realizing that Nick was sitting in the corner eating all the cheese.

"Cheese, swiss?" Nick muttered.

"Pepperoni, Italian," Chris said, handing Nick a roll of pepperoni, "Like me."

"Slicer, aluminum. Like me!" Nick laughed, starting to slice the pepperoni. Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Martin, get that for me, will ya?" Chris asked, "I gotta finish kneading this dough! Nick, help me out!"

Martin went to the door.

"Oh, greetings, Janet," He said, a bit confused, "What are you doing here?"

"What are you guys doing?" Janet asked.

"Making pizza," Martin said.

"Is Chris home?" Janet asked.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure if-" Martin began.

"SEEYA!" Janet interrupted and she ran inside, "Hiya Chris."

"Um, hi?" He said, "What are you doing in my house?"

"Just wanna see you," Janet said.

"Uh, Nick? Your cousin?" Chris said.

"Janet, shouldn't you be with Jason?" Nick said.

"BACK OFF!" Janet screamed, then went back to being sweet on Chris.

"Uh, Chris? What's going on?" Martin asked.

"Um, Janet, Aunt Sarah is calling," Nick said, trying to set Janet outside. But instead he was thrown out. He was quickly followed by Martin.

"Nick, what is going on?" Martin asked him.

"I don't know," Nick said. The two went back inside to see Chris on top of his fridge and Janet trying to reach him.

"Hey, get this brat away from me!" Chris shouted.

"Come on down, boyfriend!" Janet giggled.

"Boyfriend?!" Nick and Martin said, shocked.

"She's been calling me that the whole time!" Chris cried. Janet suddenly noticed the magnet letters on the fridge and rearranged them.

"Hey don't touch my-" Chris began, then saw what the letters said. Janet and Chris?!

"Nick, your cousin has a crush on Chris!" Martin said.

"And she's a good speller!" Nick said, amazed.

"Forget her spelling, get her away from me!" Chris said. Janet was trying to jump up to reach him, "Let's get out of here!"

"You're my boyfriend," Janet giggled. Nick and Martin grabbed Chris and dragged him off.

"Come back boyfriend!" Janet yelled.

"She's got her mother's personality," Martin said.

* * *

Jason was at his house, looking at a picture of him and Janet.

"I'm an only island in the tempest sea," He sighed, "Wow, I got my dad's drama." Just then, the oven dinged, "Lunch time!"

He went over to the oven and pulled out what looked like a big muffin.

"Yes! Come to papa!" He said happily. Unfortunately, the pastry caved in, "Aw, man. "What rotten luck."

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were hiding in a bush.

"You think we lost her?" Nick asked.

"I believe so," Martin said.

"I think I'm sitting on a stick," Chris said.

"Let's go, guys!" Nick said. Martin got out of the bush and Nick crawled out like a bug. Chris tried to get out but the stick was stuck.

"Stupid stick!" Chris yelled. He pulled his leg out to see Janet on grabbing his leg.

"Come see my dollies, boyfriend," Janet giggled.

"That twig looks like Janet," Nick said stupidly.

"Personal space!" Chris yelled as Janet tried to hug him, "Help me out, guys!"

"Hurry!" Martin said. Nick grabbed Chris and the three ran until Janet popped out of Chris's shirt, causing him to scream.

"Hi honey!" Janet smiled.

"Honey?!"

"Ring around the boyfriend! Ring around the boyfriend!" Janet sung, skipping around Chris. Nick stepped up.

"Janet, could you pretty please leave Chris al-" He began.

"MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX, BUB!" Janet snapped.

"Uh, Janet?" Martin spoke softly, "Chris wrote you a poem."

"Really?" She took the paper, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd like to stick you to a tree with glue. Aw, that's the sweetest- HEY!"

Chris was gone and Janet fell to the ground.

* * *

Jason was walking and then saw something and ran for it. It was the Baby Blue Gym Sock Chris had given Janet, now planted in the dirt.

"If only Janet...Chris!" He grumbled. Jason started smashing the flower, "Stupid flower! I'm a lone wolf looking for trouble!"

"Hiya Jason," Jakob said, walking up with Woody, "Was that a bad flower?"

Jason tried to hit Jakob bit missed.

"Are we playing tag?" Jakob asked, "Tag, you're it!"

He ran off, laughing. Jason growled.

* * *

Chris was peaking out from a garage door.

"Alright, we're germ-free and back to work," He said.

"The paper mache is ready, Chris!" Martin announced, stirring up a batch of paper mache.

"And lumpy!" Nick said, his hands covered in the stuff.

"And quick drying!" Martin added. The paper mache quickly hardened on Nick's hands.

"Cool!" Nick said.

"This is the best scam yet!" Chris said proudly, "Kids will pay big bucks to see a full-sized dinosaur! We'll be swimming in gobstoppers in no time!"

"I am Nick-Zilla!" Nick played around.

"We need more top support if we're to get the head on today as planned," Martin said. Chris looked at the blueprints.

"Boyfriend!" Janet said, taking Chris's blueprints, "This is silly. Dinosaurs." She cut the blueprints into shapes of Chris painting her nails, "Can you do make-up?"

Chris ran into Nick's jacket.

"Keep her away!" Chris yelled. Nick laughed.

"You're fun, boyfriend," Janet laughed, accidentally knocking the ladder Martin was on.

"Hey, steady down there!" He yelled. The ladder got knocked over and Nick grabbed it.

"I gotcha, Martin!" Nick yelled. Nick grabbed the falling ladder and the two ended up spinning. The ladder then bended and Martin went flying. He knocked over the paper mache, which splashed and quickly hardened on Chris, stopping him.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Chris screamed.

"Hello trapped boyfriend," Janet smiled.

"Martin, look!" Nick said.

"Lots of hearts for you, boyfriend!" Janet giggled, painting red hearts all over Chris.

"This is so pathetic!" Chris groaned.

"Janet is strange when Jason isn't around," Nick said.

"Nick, that's it!" Chris said, "Guys! Go get Jason!"

"Oh, right," Martin realized, "Come, Nick!"

Janet put a flower necklace around Chris.

"Why couldn't she love Martin?" Chris asked himself.

* * *

Jason was on a teeter totter at the park.

"Jason! We need your help!" Martin yelled.

"What do you want, twerp?" Jason snapped, "You lookin' for trouble? Cuz I'll flip you like an omelet!"

"Jason, we have bad news," Martin said, "It appears that your sister is in love with Chris."

"Yeah, and how's that news?" Jason snapped.

"We need you to break those two up," Martin explained.

"I'm in," Jason said, "So what's the plan?"

* * *

"I love surprises," Janet giggled. Chris was walking her somewhere while she had a blindfold on.

"Hey, I can't see!" Jason said. Martin and Nick were leading him to where they would meet Chris and Janet. Chris and Nick took off the two's blindfolds.

"Jason?" Janet said.

"Janet!" Jason smiled, "Wanna go play a game?"

"Ok!" Janet said, walking off with her brother. The boys sighed with relieved.

"Thank Dio that's over," Chris said, "Good luck my tail!" He pulled out the four-leaf clover, "What a rotten day!"

He threw it and the three left.

"Hey look Woody, a four-leaf clover," Jakob said, walking past and picking up the clover, "WOW! Look Woody, a 20 dollar bill!"

"Wait! But..." Chris looked crushed, "That's our luck..."

"That's always our luck," Martin said. They then heard a growl. Nick pulled up his shirt and looked at his stomach.

"I'm hungry."


	4. Is There A Hypnotist In The House?

The cul-de-sac kids were waiting by a make shift bus stop labeled 'Candy Store.' Chris was 'driving' a cardboard bus that Nick was pulling like a sled. It was going really fast.

"Woah there!" Chris said, making Nick screech to a halt, "All aboard!"

The kids climbed aboard, giving Martin a dollar each.

"Little ones ride free," He whispered to Oliva and Sheldon.

"What about us?" Izzy asked, putting her arm around Ryland.

"Sorry sis, you gotta pay," Chris said.

"It's no biggie," Ryland shrugged. Izzy rolled her eyes and gave Martin two dollars.

"Next stop, the candy shop!" Chris rhymed.

"I got dragged into this," Ryland said.

"Aw come on Rye, it's the candy store," Izzy said.

"Sugar interferes with my playbooks," Ryland said.

"All work and no play makes Ryland a dull girl," Chris said from the top, "Though I guess it's too late for that."

Ryland threw a ball of paper at Chris.

"Hey, don't distract the driver!" Chris snapped.

"Riding the bus is fun, huh, Woody?" Jakob asked.

Ryland rolled her eyes. Suddenly, they started going up hill and Chris urged Nick to keep going. Nick easily made it over the hill, and at the other end they started speeding up downhill. Chris held on.

"Uh Nick, can you slow down a bit?" Martin asked, turning green.

"Uh, no," Nick said, stuck to the front of the bus because they were going so fast. Everyone held on. Nick slipped out of the holder. Chris rolled it up.

"Huh?" He looked at the rope then back at Nick, who was sitting in the road, "Huh?"

Martin looked nervous. The bus was picking up speed. Martin crawled up top.

"Women and children first!" Chris announced as he and Martin grabbed onto a passing tree branch.

"We're all children you idiot!" Izzy yelled at him. The bus sped down the hill and crashed.

"This isn't good," Martin said nervously.

"Hey guys, whatcha doing up there?" Nick asked.

"Baking cupcakes, you moron," Chris said. They dropped down.

"NICK, MARTIN AND CHRIS!" Eddward yelled angrily.

"Let's go hide in Martin's basement," Chris said.

* * *

They ran and hid. They ran to Martin's basement and Chris started looking around. Chris looked in some boxes.

"Chris, please respect my father's personal belongings," Martin frowned. Chris rolled his eyes and kept looking.

"Hey, what's this?" Chris asked, pulling out a hypno wheel. Martin explained what it was.

"I believe that is my father's old hypno wheel," He said, "I believe you know what hypnotizing is, correct?"

"Nope," Chris said, "Wait, oh yeah!" Chris remembered. He smirked, "Nick, you will become what you've always dreampt of being."

Nick was hypnotized into becoming a figure skater. Chris snickered. Even Martin couldn't help giggling. Chris looked at the hypno wheel.

"Hmm, imagine what we could do with this," He said with a smirk, "Alright, back to Nick."

He snapped his finger and Nick stopped 'figure skating', accidentally doing the splits.

"Uh, I think I need a new pair of pants," He said after a ripping sound. Chris snickered again.

"Chris, we can't just take it," Martin said.

"Sure we can," Chris waved it off.

* * *

They left with the wheel. The first one they met was Eddward.

"Hey Edd!" Chris called.

"What do you want?" Eddward asked. Chris showed Eddward the hypno-wheel.

"You will become what I've always wanted you to be," Chris said, spinning the wheel. After a minute, Eddward started acting like a monkey. Chris started laughing.

"Find the peanut, monkey," Chris said. Eddward bit Nick's butt, causing him to yell in pain. Chris laughed again.

"Get him off, get him off!" Nick shouted. Chris laughed louder.

"Edd monkey!" Chris called. Eddward looked at him and Chris fought a snicker. Eddward let go and came over to Chris.

* * *

Jason and Janet were planting flowers in their garden. Eddward showed up and attacked the garden.

"Ahhhh!" Janet cried.

"Eddward, get out of our garden!" Jason yelled. Chris came over.

"Eddward is a slave to my powers now," Chris said. He was wearing the hypno wheel in a turban on his head.

"What powers?" Jason asked.

"This," Chris said, spinning the wheel. Jason became hypnotized, "Jason, you will become what I've always seen you as."

Jason started acting like an eagle and Chris laughed. Janet cried out fearfully. Chris laughed more.

"What do you want to be, Janet?" Chris asked, preparing to spin the wheel. Janet said nothing.

"How about a fashion model?" Chris asked, spinning the wheel. Janet started acting like a fashion model. Chris laughed. Jason caught a fish from the pond.

"Chris, if Aunt Sarah sees Jason eating fish like that, I'll be in trouble," Nick frowned.

"Ah, it won't hurt him," Chris wave it off. Martin watched with worry.

"But Chris, didn't you say the bones made you throw up?" Nick asked, also worried.

"Alright, everyone back to themselves," Chris rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. Eddward looked around, confused. Jason spat the fish out of his mouth and into the pond. Chris snickered.

"What the heck?" Jason asked.

"Nothing," Chris said.

"What happened?" Janet asked.

"Mystery," Chris said. Nick, Martin, and Chris left.

* * *

Later...

They went to Victor's farm, where he was working.

"Hallo sons of Ed-boys," Victor greeted.

"Chris, can I try it?" Nick asked, "Can I? Pleeeaaaase?"

"No," Chris said.

"Aw, come on," Nick whined.

"Just let him try," Martin said.

"Fine," Chris said.

Nick set the turban on his head and looked at Victor.

"What is that, nobody-home Nick boy?" Victor asked.

"Look into the circley thing!" Nick said.

"What?" Victor asked, confused.

"It's not working, Chris!" Nick said.

"Not doin' it right," Chris said.

"You have to spin it," Martin explained.

"Oh, right," Nick spun the wheel and Victor became hypnotized, "You will become, uh...a man eating snake!"

Victor became a man-eating snake. He wrapped around a now-scared Chris.

"Now become a big scary eagle," Nick said. Victor became an eagle and took Chris into the air.

"AAHH!" Chris yelled.

"Oh oh, now become a living skeleton!" Nick said happily. Victor became a living skeleton.

"Ooh, now you are a giant fire-breathing butter-" Nick began as Victor lifted Chris above him.

"Enough already!" Chris said. Chris was dropped to the ground.

"Alright, back to normal," Nick said sadly, snapping his fingers. Chris sighed in relief. Victor went back to normal and looked confused.

"Gimmie that!" Chris snatched the turban back. He put it on and sighed, "Come on, let's go."

* * *

They walked to the park, where they spotted Jakob and Woody swinging. Chris used the hypno wheel.

"Hey, Chris, whatcha doing?" Jakob asked.

"You'll see," Chris said. He spun the wheel faster, but Jakob just laughed.

"I don't get it," He said, "What's Chris doing, Woody? Woody?" Apparently, there was no answer, "Woody, speak to me! What have you done?! Woody is a mindless zombie!"

Jakob started sobbing. Martin frowned. Jakob ran off and Chris looked just as confused as Jakob had.

"What happened?" He asked Martin.

"I'm not sure," Martin said, "It appears Jakob cannot be hypnotized."

Chris huffed.

* * *

The kids were hanging out in the cul-de-sac. Chris came over, carried by Nick and Martin. The set him in front of a projector (Martin was the only one who could figure out how to use it) and the kids looked over. It turned on and Chris appeared.

"Hello, fellow cul-de-sacians!" Chris announced.

Everyone in the cul-de-sac was there, including Mary and Martha, since they were at their dad's with Victor. Everyone looked at Chris. Chris didn't waste any time in hypnotizing everyone. It even worked on Jakob this time, for some reason. Chris laughed maniacally. All the kids shuffled forward like zombies to give Chris a dollar. That included Izzy and the twins.

"Look at all this cash," Chris said happily.

"Chris, this isn't right," Martin said, worried.

"Oh relax," Chris said.

"Hey guys, check this out!" They heard James shout. Nick, Martin and Chris turned around to see James, Justin, and Phil.

"I'm on TV!" Justin said, appearing on the screen.

"It's called a projector, stupid!" James said.

"Hey guys!" Phil said, popping up.

"Hey, get away from that," Chris said.

"Says who?" James asked.

"Says me," Chris said, spinning the wheel. Phil was the only one up on the stage right now, and since his short messy hair was in front of his eyes, he wasn't hypnotized. The three of them looked confused. Chris spun the hypno wheel faster.

"What's this?" James grabbed it from him.

"No, that's mine!" Chris said. The three of them laughed as James set the turban on his head and spun the wheel. Chris paled.

* * *

The Kanker's kids were in their trailer except for Victor, Mary, and Martha. James walked in with the thing on his head. He plopped down on the couch next to Lily and stretched out.

"Hey, be careful!" Lily snapped.

"Or what?" He said.

"Hey, that was my spot!" June whined.

"Times changed," James said smugly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked. Just then, barking and howling was heard from outside.

"Someone go tell those mutts to keep it down!" Lil snapped.

"You go do it," James said.

"Make Justin do it," Lil said.

"How about you do it?" James said.

"Phil!" Lil called.

"Make Lily do it," Phil said, "She has the loudest voice."

"Alright already!" Lily yelled, standing up, "I'll do it!"

"Finally," James said. Lily got up and walked to the door.

"Hey, pipe down!" She shouted.

She grumbled under her breath. Outside, Nick, Martin, and Chris (yes, even Chris) were acting like dogs. Martin howled loudly. Lily threw her shoe at them. Lily grumbled again and went back inside. The three boys stared at the shoe before beginning to fight over it.


	5. Give Me My Quarterback!

Ryland, Nick, and Chris were playing football. Martin was watching.

"Hike," Ryland said.

"Fore!" Nick yelled happily.

"Wrong sport, lump," Chris said. Ryland looked over at her brother.

"You wanna play? We could use another player," She said. Martin looked over.

"Um, I-I'm fine," He said, "I'm not quite sure how to play."

"Want me to teach ya?" Ryland asked.

"Um, well, I'm not sure," Martin said, "It seems very...physical."

"C'mon," Ryland said.

"Yeah, come on," Chris agreed, pulling Martin along.

* * *

In Ryland and Martin's backyard…

Ryland was putting a helmet on Martin.

"I don't know about this," Martin said nervously, "Sports aren't exactly my forte."

"Good thing we aren't building forts," Nick said. Ryland rolled her eyes.

"You'll be fine," She said.

"Well, what do I do?" Martin asked. Ryland showed him how to hike the ball. Martin tried but only threw it an inch. Ryland smiled.

"It's a good start," She said. Chris laughed loudly and, after a minute, Nick joined in. Ryland shot them a murderous glare. Martin blushed. Ryland smiled at her brother.

"Okay, next I'll teach you how to throw," She said.

"Oh, alright," Martin said. Ryland lined up the ball, turned sideways, and threw it twenty feet.

"Now you try," She said. Martin tried again, but still didn't do too well. Ryland picked up the ball and showed him where to put his fingers on the line.

"Now try," She said. Martin threw it a little farther.

"That was better," Ryland said, "Tomorrow, I'm gonna show you how to exercise the right way so you don't pull something."

"No time," Chris said, "Come on, I got an idea."

He pulled Martin along. Ryland raised her eyebrow.

* * *

They were in Chris's backyard. Nick was out front.

"Come watch the football game of the century!" Nick yelled, "Brother vs sister! Who will, um..." He looked at the note cards with his lines, "Win?!"

Martin frowned.

"Tickets are only one quarter!" Chris added, appearing next to Nick. Martin frowned even more. After a few minutes, a whole crowd gathered up. Martin tried to escape. Chris caught him, though, and pulled him back.

"We're making a killing here, Martin!" Chris said, holding up the jar of quarters.

"Oh I can promise you that," Martin mumbled.

"We're gonna be rich!" Chris said. He got another idea. Martin frowned. Chris quickly set up a stand.

"Place your bets!" He said, "Who do you think will win?!"

Martin hid behind a bush. After everyone had placed their bets, all on Ryland, Chris went to talk to Ryland and Martin.

"Ok, so I need you guys to make it look good, but Ryland, you have to give the game to Martin," Chris said, "We'll be rich!"

"No Chris," Ryland said sternly, "Shut this down."

"Uh, no," Chris said.

"Shut. It. Down," Ryland hissed.

"No, just go play," Chris said, "They're waiting for a game."

"Chris, even if I was gonna play Martin, we'd need more players anyway," Ryland said.

"Eddward and Victor play one on one," Chris said.

"Chris McGee, I said no," Ryland said.

"Too bad," Chris said.

"Let's just play, Ryland," Martin sighed. Ryland looked sadly at Martin.

"Sorry," She said. Martin sighed.

"It's...alright," He said, "I've been dragged into these for as long as I can remember."

Ryland hugged Martin. They walked out onto the 'field.' The kids were sitting in the stands made of cardboard, cheering. Ryland was chewing gum and putting Martin's equipment on.

"I'm beginning to question why you hang out with them in the first place if they only wanna take advantage of ya," She said.

"They are my friends, either way," Martin said, "I wouldn't trade them for anyone in the world."

"They don't act like friends should though," Ryland said, putting on Martin's helmet, "Then again, I could be wrong."

Ryland hugged Martin.

"They really do care about me though, I know they do," Martin said.

"Okay," Ryland smiled. She knelt down in front of Martin. "No matter what happens out there, know that I love you."

Martin smiled.

"I know," He said. Ryland hugged Martin again.

"I'm so proud to be your sister," She whispered.

"And I'm proud to be your brother," Martin smiled.

"Alright, enough with the sentimental stuff," Chris barged in, "Get out there and PLAY, already!"

Ryland sighed, spit her gum out, and put her helmet on. The two walked out. Ryland looked at Martin with a frown. Martin didn't notice.

"I bet 10 bucks on Ryland," Jason said, "There's no way she can lose!"

Ryland looked at Jason and raised her eyebrow.

"Start the game!" Chris announced.

"Down, ready?" Ryland said. "Hike."

They played.

* * *

At halftime, Ryland started complaining that her arm was hurting.

"Are you alright, Ryland?" Martin asked.

"I don't know, I can't really lift it or bend my fingers," Ryland said.

"Maybe we should stop," Martin said.

"I don't know, maybe," Ryland said.

"Let's go, grammas!" Chris said, "We ain't got all day!"

Ryland shot him a deadly glare.

"My arm is probably broken, thanks for your sympathy," She said.

"Well excuse me for not knowing cuz you never told me!" Chris snapped.

"You could at least not be a jerk whenever someone talks to you," Ryland hissed.

"Ryland, please, calm down," Martin frowned. Ryland frowned and leaned her head on Martin's shoulder.

"Well, what's the score?" Chris asked.

"17-38," Ryland said.

"Wow, 38?" Chris asked. Ryland nodded.

"Ok everyone, Ryland's hurt, so the game has to end!" Chris announced. Ryland smiled and hugged Martin.

"But that means Martin won!" Jakob said.

"Yeah," Ryland said. "Not bad, Martin."

"Aw, this sucks!" Janet groaned. Everyone handed Chris five dollars.

"We lost a bundle on you," Jason snapped at Ryland as they left.

"I thought she was GOOD at football," Phil said.

"You thought wrong," Lil said. Ryland glared after them.

"Haha, we're rich!" Chris cried happily, holding up all the money. Ryland rolled her eyes.

"Come on, boys, let's go buy some gobstoppers," Chris said.

"Flavor-changing gobstoppers!" Nick licked his lips.

"Okay," Martin said. The three boys left, running for the candy store.


	6. You Got A Friend In Me

The cul-de-sac kids were waiting outside Nicole's garage.

"Is it almost time?" Nick asked.

"Any moment now, Nick, be patient," Martin said.

"Don't worry guys, she'll be here soon," Chris assured.

"I hope she didn't forget," Janet said.

"I highly doubt it," Martin said.

"I don't think I can wait much longer either, buddy," Jakob said to Woody. Just then, the garage door opened, revealing piles of flavor-changing gobstoppers of all colors. The kids cheered.

"Hey dudes and dudettes," Nicole smiled, "Dad says the inventory's gotta go. Everyone help yourselves!"

Everyone got theirs. They all ran off, except for Chris.

"This is really sweet, babe," He said, smiling. Nicole smiled. Suddenly, they heard yelling.

"Hurry it up, June!" Lily snapped. They were running in from the lane.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" June snapped back.

"We better get there in time!" Mary shouted at her cousin.

"Oh no, Kankers!" Chris gulped.

"Oh no," Nicole sighed.

"Let's hide," Chris said.

"Hey Nicole, we're here for the jawbreakers!" Lily said.

"Sorry dudes, too late," Nicole said.

"Yeah," Chris said.

"Aw come on, there must be a few left!" Mary said.

"Well yeah, but I always save a few for a special occasion," Nicole said.

"And there's nothing special about you," Chris said.

"I have a sister that would disagree," Mary snapped.

"The whole cul-de-sac would say otherwise," Chris countered.

"My brother says everyone's special in their own way," June said.

"Your brother is anything but special," Chris said.

"He is so!" June snapped, "He's my older brother!"

"Whatever," Chris spat.

"Sorry girls," Nicole said, heading inside. Chris walked off. Lily frowned.

"Well now what do we do?" Mary asked.

"I have an idea," Lily said, "We'll become her friend, then we'll be 'special enough.'"

"Be Nicole's friend?" Mary asked, "We have a better chance of June hittin' puberty."

"Hey!" June snapped. Lily snickered.

"We can at least try, though," Lily said. Chris heard and hid behind a wall.

"Alright, but how do we do that?" Mary asked. Lily shrugged.

"Maybe we could just be nice," June suggested.

"That's stupid," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Oh," June said.

"I know, let's go ask Martin," Mary said, "He's smart."

Chris got out of there fast. The three of them left to find Martin. Chris found him first and ran up to him.

"Oh, hello Chris," Martin said. He was with Nick and they were both sucking on the gobstoppers.

"The Kankers are looking for you," Chris said.

"What?!" Martin paled.

"Better hide," Chris said.

"Oh dear, where should I-" Martin was cut off by Mary, Lily, and June appearing around him.

"Hiya Martin," They said.

"Crap," Chris mumbled.

"How can we become Nicole's friend?" Lily asked.

"A-ah, w-well," Martin started. "Y-you w-would h-have t-to b-be n-nicer."

"Same thing I told June, that's stupid," Lily rolled her eyes. Martin shrugged.

"So? How can we be her friend?" Mary asked. Martin shrugged again.

"I thought you said he was smart," Lily said to Mary.

"Try asking my father," Martin said.

"He is! See?" Mary said, "That's a great idea! Thanks love muffin."

"Anytime," Martin mumbled. The three cousins rushed off to find Martin's dad. Martin sighed and walked off.

* * *

Lily, Mary, and June exited Martin's house.

"Same exact thing," Lily grumbled, "'Be nice' and stuff."

"Hey, why not do stuff for her?" June asked, "Then she'll give us gobstoppers."

"Hey, yeah," Lily said.

"That's a better idea than being nice," Mary said.

"Yeah," Lily agreed.

"Alright then, let's go!" June said. The three went to find Nicole. Chris heard and went to Nicole's house. Nicole was in her backyard in her garden.

"Nicki, Kankers are looking for you," Chris said.

"Which ones?" Nicole asked, "All of them? Or just one of Justin, James, or Lil?"

"Lily, Mary, and June!" Chris said.

"None of them are Kankers," Nicole said.

"They're related to Kankers," Chris said.

"Ok," Nicole said, "What do they want?"

"Gobstoppers," Chris said.

"Oh," Nicole said, "I already told them they're just for special occasions."

"I know," Chris said. Nicole sighed.

"Well, thanks for the warning," She said. Chris nodded. As soon as he left, the three cousins appeared beside Nicole.

"Hey Nicole, whatcha doing?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, seems fun," Lily lied.

"Oh, just working on my garden," Nicole said.

"Let us do that for ya!" June said.

"Yeah, what are friends for?" Mary asked. Nicole raised her eyebrow.

"Yeah, I work in Victor's garden all the time," Mary said.

"I thought he called it a farm," June said.

"Farm, garden, same thing," Mary said. Nicole headed inside and June, Mary, and Lily started working on the garden.

"Forget what I said earlier, this is a stupid idea!" Mary snapped as she tugged out some weeds.

"Yeah," Lily said.

"Aw come on guys, we're really warming up to her," June said. Lily groaned.

"Hey, I have a way to make this go faster," Mary said. She pulled out a bottle of weed killer.

"Great idea, Mary!" June grinned.

"Yeah," Lily said.

* * *

Later...

Nicole came outside to see how the girls were doing and cried out in shock.

"You're using weed killer?!"

"Yeah, it's a lot more effective than pulling 'em out, don't you think?" Mary asked.

"I don't use chemicals in my garden!" Nicole said, "It's bad for the plants!"

"Oh," Lily said.

"Chill out, they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't good for the plants, right?" Mary asked.

"Even so, I was planning on entering my flowers in Peach Creek's annual Flower Power contest, and they don't allow chemicals!" Nicole said, clearly upset.

"We saved one," Lily shrugged.

"You can't-" Nicole sighed and massaged her temple with her forefinger and thumb, "Just, please leave."

"But Nicole," Lily whined.

"I'm sorry, dudettes," Nicole said. Lily sighed. The three of them left and Mary got an idea.

"Hey, if we can dig into her garage, we can easily take the gobstoppers," Mary said.

"Yeah," Lily said.

"Now that's a good idea," June said.

* * *

The three girls were digging underground.

"Alright, anyone know how to read blueprints?" June asked, looking at the blueprint of Nicole's house upside down.

"Turn it around, idiot," Lily snapped. June turned it around to face the back.

"But now it's blank," June said. Mary turned it the right way, "Oooooohhh. Ok, um, I think we dig up here."

They started digging up.

"Where are we?" Mary asked, looking at the bathroom.

"Maybe it's a built in car wash," June guessed.

"AAH! What the heck are you guys doing in here?!" Nicole cried, her top half covered with bubbles from the bubble bath.

"Shower," Lily said.

"Oh, whoops," June said, looking at the blueprints.

"June, you idiot!" Mary snapped. Lily groaned.

"So, I guess a gobstopper is out of the question?" Lily asked. Nicole had already gotten out and wrapped a towel around herself. She pulled the plug and all the water drained out, along with the three girls.


	7. Sick As A Cat

Chris was sitting in a large cardboard box cut to resemble a van. The box was moving forward toward the center of the bulb of the cul-de-sac. Nick and Martin were struggling to push the box. Chris leaned out the window.

"Come on, guys!" He said, "It's gotta look real! Push it smooth!"

"Can't we take a break?" Martin panted.

"Just a couple more feet," Chris rubbed his hands together, "We'll be rich!" He pointed out the windshield, "Onward!"

Nick and Martin collapsed, the box now at the center of the cul-de-sac.

"Perfect!" Chris started playing bell music through a radio from his phone, "ICE CREAM! BIG SCOOPS!" He turned to his friends, "Start making the ice cream."

The two boys set out a bucket of paint, baseballs, and some sandpaper.

"REAL CHEAP ICE CREAM! GET YOUR ICE CREAM HERE!" Chris shouted. Martin rolled up a piece of sandpaper. He poured glue inside and set a baseball on top. Nick painted a chocolate scoop.

"Drink, mister?" He said.

"One scoop, please," Martin said. Nick painted a strawberry scoop as Chris continued calling out.

"ICE CREAM! GET YOUR ICE CREAM HERE!" He yelled, "Grr, where is everyone?"

Martin walked over to the window.

"Maybe they're onto us?" He suggested. Chris shook his head.

"Na, this one's foolproof," He gave the box a good pat, and it fell apart. Chris sighed, "I'll look around."

He walked off, passing by Nick, who was eating a fake ice cream cone. Martin walked up to Nick.

"What are you doing?" Martin asked.

"Get your own!" Nick said when Martin reached for the fake ice cream. Chris took the deepest breath he could take.

" _ **WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!**_ " He screamed. The yell echoed around the cul-de-sac, "I don't get it!"

"It is simple, Chris," Nick paused as Martin and Chris directed their attention to him, "The kids entered a wormhole and were spewed into an alternate universe! ...Simple!"

"You're simple!" Chris said, knocking Nick's ice cream to the ground, "Let's check the houses." Martin and Chris walked up to a house. Chris turned around, "Nick!"

* * *

"We'll get to the bottom of this," Chris said. He, Nick, and Martin were standing in front of Jason and Janet's house. Chris rang the doorbell a few times. He couldn't hear anything inside, so he held the doorbell down until he heard movement in the house.

"Someone's coming!" He said. The door opened and all three boys looked grossed out. Standing inside was Oliva, clad in a bathrobe and riddled with tiny red sores.

"Hello, Mr. Postman. Are those eggs for me?" She asked. Janet was behind her, looking the same. The two girls started itching and scratching all over. Chris had to laugh.

"Look at their faces!" He said.

"They're so gross!" Nick said, moving forward, "Can I touch them?"

Martin grabbed Nick's jacket and pulled him back.

"Nick, no!" Martin warned, "They've got chickenpox; touch them, and you'll get it, too!"

The two sisters started walking towards the boys.

"Martin! Behind you!" Chris grabbed a sign in the grass and pushed the girls to the door, "Back, chicken girls! Back! Back! Back!"

"Oh dear, a quarantine," Martin said, looking at the sign. Nick looked at the sign.

"I've seen this before!" He shared.

"Where?" Chris asked.

"There," Nick pointed out into the street. The lawns were all covered in the signs.

"It's an epidemic!" Martin said.

"Yeah, everyone's sick," James said, leaning against the house. Chris scratched his head.

"All of my siblings looked fine this morning," He said. James started tossing a book in the air to himself.

"Well, all my cousins are down and dirty," He paused to contemplate his word choice, "...er."

"How are you the only one not sick?" Martin asked.

"Probably has something to do with me always in the woods by myself," James shrugged. Chris looked to the book being tossed up and down.

"Is that where you got that book from?" Chris asked. James caught it and gave it a glance.

"Yeah, I found it inside a tree stump," He answered.

"What is it?" Chris asked. James held the paperback out, displaying the cover for all to see.

" _Vasquez Private Eye_ ," He said.

"Oh," Chris said, "Well, I guess we're the only ones not sick."

Martin shrugged.

"So, it seems, Chris," He said. James tapped the book in his hands.

"Are you sure your brothers and sisters aren't sick, guys?" He asked.

"Sheldon's at Gramma's house," Nick said.

"I didn't see my sisters this morning," Martin said, "They were sleeping in."

"Same with mine," Chris said. James started flipping the book around in his hand.

"Anyone game for a little 'house call'?" He said.

"House call?" Martin questioned.

"Check up on your sisters to see if we really are the only ones not sick," James explained.

"There's signs in our lawns, too," Chris noticed. James twirled the book on one finger.

"Looks like it's just the four of us, then," He tucked the book under his arm, "So, what should we do?"

"The FOUR of us?" Chris said.

"Come on," James laughed, "You didn't think I was going to count five with the book, did you?"

"Who says you're hanging out with us?" Chris asked. James shrugged.

"I got nothing else to do, with my girlfriend being sick and all," He said. Chris growled.

"She's NOT your girlfriend," He snapped, "But fine."

"So what are we gonna do?" Nick said. The four boys started pondering ideas.

"Oh, I got an idea!" Nick announced.

* * *

The group soon found themselves in the Lane playing kick-the-can. Chris was standing to the side, watching the other three kick the can around. The can landed in front of Chris, but before he could kick it, James came by and punted it.

"Hey! It was my turn!" Chris shouted. James shrugged.

"You snooze, you lose, pussycat," He said. Chris stomped up to the can and smashed it flat. He kicked the can straight into James's frontside.

"Your turn," Chris said. Chris stalked off, the three boys watching after him.

"Is Chris ok?" Nick asked. Martin and James shrugged.

* * *

"Watch this, Nick!" Martin said. He quickly twisted some string around on his fingers. James looked to Chris.

"Not quite what you had in mind with 'cat's cradle', huh?" James said.

"Woah, cool!" Nick said. Martin had shaped the string into the Eiffel Tower, "My turn!"

Nick started working with the string in his hands. He held his hands apart, but the string was the same as before. James snickered as Nick examined his handiwork, and Nick set about his work more vigorously, this time getting his arms tangled around himself.

"You two ARE BORING ME!" Chris yelled.

"So, then, one of us is keeping you entertained, pussycat?" James asked.

"Don't get your boxers in a twist, Kanker," Chris said, "You anger me."

James saw Nick walk by.

"Where ya goin', Monobrow?" James asked.

"Yeah, that's right," Chris said, "You have one eyebrow!" He put his finger on his forehead like a unibrow, "And- and no chin!"

Nick examined his face, looking at the features pointed out by Chris.

"Oh, come on, Chris," Martin was surprised by Chris's behavior.

"And you!" Chris said, "What's with those glasses?" He snatched them from Martin's face and tried them on, "You know they make you look stupid!"

"He's got a point," James said, "Nerd plus glasses equals mega-nerd."

"I need them to see!" Martin said, suddenly unable to see. Chris struggled to keep his balance.

"How do you even see with these things?" He asked.

"Every lens is different to fit and enhance the eyesight of a certain person," Martin explained, "For someone with excellent eyesight, glasses for someone with poor eyesight wouldn't work for them."

"Nerd," James scoffed. Nick spoke up.

"Okay, I know!" He said, "Let's change a lightbulb!"

"BORING!" Chris yelled.

"Have to agree with McGee," James said, "I mean, seriously?"

Martin walked toward Chris' voice with his hands out.

"You could read that book you've been carrying with you, James," Martin suggested.

"Are you kidding?" James scoffed, "I don't read."

"Your ideas are boring!" Chris struggled to navigate wearing Martin's glasses, "Someone! Anyone! I need a sucker!"

Martin grabbed his glasses back and put them on. James shrugged.

"You might as well face the facts, pussycat," He said, "No kids..."

"No scams," Chris sighed. Suddenly, something inside him snapped.

"Let's go change that lightbulb!" Martin waved back toward the cul-de-sac.

"Hey guys, wait!" Chris called, "Wait! Watch this!"

"Aw, c'mon, Chris," James smirked. Chris pulled out his tail and wrapped it around his body, his arms folding upon completion and a cocky smile reaching his face.

"Naw, we've seen that before, Chris," Nick said, "Now you're boring us."

James followed Nick and Martin.

"See ya, pussycat," James said.

* * *

Chris was in the middle of the cul-de-sac, looking around.

"Victor!" He called, "Janet! Check this out!" He started making sounds with his armpit. He slowly stopped, realizing there was no one there to hear, "Come on, people! Eddward! Kevin! Jason!" Chris pounded on his door, "Oh no. I'm calling on Jason."

As he sprawled out on the grass, his brain started to expand like JiffyPop. Popcorn did indeed pop from his brain, and Chris went crazy. Chris started hopping around stiff-legged, bouncing on his head, vibrating like a cell phone, and finally running around laughing like a maniac.

"I'm afraid we don't have a choice, Nick," Martin was saying, "For Chris's sake, we have to capture him."

"If by 'capture', you mean on film, I'm already on it!" James laughed. He was recording Chris on his phone.

"As in we have to do something" Martin said, "Without kids to scam, he's gone crazy."

* * *

"I see you!" Chris said, peering into a mailbox. He crawled into the mailbox, "Oh, yeah!"

The mailbox post broke, sending Chris over face-first. He looked up to see three faces.

"Hi Woody!" Chris greeted, "Hi Jakob! Hi, Izzy! I'd invite you over, but I just shampooed the rugs!"

The Jakob mask fell off of Nick's face.

"Jakob! You dropped your face!" Chris laughed, "I'll get you a new one!"

"Is he for real?" James asked.

* * *

The trio followed Chris into the woods, where the pussycat was playing a shell game with a group of squirrels.

"Hey! Find the nut! Where's the nut? Here's the nut! Round you go!" He said quickly, "Where's the nut? Can't see, don't know. Whoops time's up, gotta go. C'mon! Pick! Pick! Pick! This one? This one? This one?" He rapidly pointed between the three cups, "Oops!" He picked up an empty cup, "Sorry, you lose!"

The squirrel chattered as Chris pocketed the nut.  
"Who's next?" Chris looked around at the crowd of squirrels.

"Chris!" Martin said, approaching him with Nick and James. Chris snatched up the nuts in front of him.

"Suckers! Hahahahaha!" He laughed. Chris stuffed the nuts in his mouth and ran off.

"After him!" James started to chase the rogue pussycat.

* * *

After losing the others in the woods, Chris was walking along the sidewalk. His quivering eyes caught sight of a fire hydrant.

"Gobstopper!" He said happily. The nuts in his mouth spilled all around him as it flew open to envelop the red piece of plumbing.

At the same time, James was tiptoeing down the sidewalk with a potato sack in hand. Nick and Martin were hiding around a street corner with an ambush ready.

"Now, James!" Martin announced. Chris released his mouth from the hydrant and turned around in time for everything to disappear into darkness as James slung the potato sack over his head. Chris clawed his way out of the bag and ran off, yelling.

"Oops, I guess the cat is out of the bag," James joked. Nick and Martin had a backup plan. Nick threw a plunger at Chris, and a length of rope was tied to its handle. The plunger landed on Chris' head, but that didn't stop him from running.

Mostly because no one was holding the rope.

Martin grabbed the rope and was swiftly swept off his feet. Nick and James ran after them, struggling to keep up. Martin, who was yelling while being pulled along, smacked head first into a light pole. Completely unhindered, Chris disappeared over the fence. James caught up to where Martin had fallen.

"You guys have all the fun," He said.

"I wanted a ride," Nick said. As Martin sat up, he caught sight of the book in James's hand and noticed the picture on the front.

"Idea!" He collapsed back on the sidewalk.

"What?" James asked.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Chris was on the fence overlooking the Lane.

"Ham and eggs with buttered toast!" He said. As he sunk his teeth into the wooden fence posts, a small airplane flew in front of him with a dollar bill dangling behind it like a banner, "Cash!"

* * *

James was nearby controlling the toy plane. He glanced toward Nick and Martin.

"You lead the way, and I'll follow," James said.

The three ran along behind Chris, who was chasing the plane with the money. James steered the plane to the Sheppards' meat shed, luring Chris inside. The shed was now emptied out. Martin and James followed Chris inside.

"Nick, quick, close the door!" Martin said. Nick slammed the door shut. Nick noticed his mistake and quickly opened the door to enter. He closed it once he got inside. Martin did a few locks. After locking the doorknob, he gave the key to Nick.

"Nick, hide this key discreetly," Martin ordered. James walked over.

"How about I hold onto it until we're done with the pussycat?" He said.

"Naw I got it," Nick assured. Chris approached James with Martin in one hand and the dollar bill from the plane in the other.

"Will you marry us?" Chris asked.

"Um, I don't think I'm allowed to do that," James said. Chris' smile didn't change.

"Then we'll elope!" He said. Nobody noticed Nick dropping the key in a bowl of cereal before eating it. They were too busy directing Chris to a far corner of the shed.

"Surprise, Chris! You're rich!" Martin gestured to a large pile of money, "Voilà!"

Chris' eyes widened before he jumped into the pile of money. He turned into a piggy bank and a cash register while freaking out happily.

"Me," James said. Chris jumped up and down on top of the money pile.

"We'll buy a truckload of gobstoppers!" He said happily. James looked up to Chris.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"What do you mean, what do I mean?" Chris asked, "With all this glorious-" He took a closer look at the bill, "What the- IT'S FAKE!"

"Yup, made it myself," Nick smiled. All the money had his face on it.

"YOU WHAT?!" Chris yelled.

"Chris is mad," Nick said. Martin nodded.

"Correct," He said, "He's back to normal."

Just then they heard the kids playing outside. Chris slid down the pile of fake money toward the door.

"C'mon boys!" He called, "The chickens are ripe for the plucking!"

He tried to open the door, but of course, it was locked. He turned his eyes to James.

"Where's the key?" Chris asked. James pointed to Nick.

"Ask your turkey friend," James said.

"I ate it," Nick said proudly, "Discreetly."

James gave a laugh at Nick's actions.

"All in favor of a battery ram to get out of here?" He suggested.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't rip you to shreds!" Chris yelled.

"Um..." Nick tried to think, "I make a good shovel?"

* * *

Chris was digging a hole using Nick to get out of the shed. James was texting the Sheppards.

 _Locked myself in the meat shed with June, Lily, and Mary's boyfriends. Could use some help getting out,_ He texted.

"I make a good shovel, huh?" Nick smiled stupidly.


	8. I'll Trade You!

Nick, Martin, and Chris were walking around the local flea market. Their families came here every weekend. Sheldon was with them, because it was Nick's job to watch him. They were each given five dollars. Martin was looking at the books. Nick and Sheldon were looking at the games, while Chris didn't know what to look at.

"I hate coming here," He said, "Everything here is old, broken, or useless."

"Not entirely," Martin said.

"Oh yeah?" Chris asked, "Find me one thing."

"Maybe you could find it yourself if you weren't so stubborn," Izzy said. She and Ryland were also looking around, "I always find the coolest things here. And everything's really cheap."

"Yeah, I found my sunglasses here," Ryland said.

"Yeah, you can find anything at flea markets," Izzy said, "I found half my stuffed animal collection at flea markets and garage sales."

"Why do they call it a flea market if they don't really sell fleas?" Nick asked.

"Great question, no idea," Izzy said.

"Probably because everything here is itchy," Ryland said. Izzy laughed. Ryland huffed and stood by Kevin. Martin suddenly gasped happily and rushed over to a stand.

"Is that a rare bejeweled ceramic egg?!" He cried.

"How much?" Martin asked.

"Twenty bucks," The man huffed. Martin frowned.

"I only have five," He said.

"Save up your allowance, then you can afford it," Sierra said.

"But it will be gone by next weekend," Martin said.

"Tell you what, if you can get me that ninja sword, I'll give you your egg," The man said, pointing to the ninja sword at another stand, "He don't want nothing I got."

"Uh, okay," Martin said. Martin walked over to the stand with his friends.

"So?" Ryland asked.

"Ryland, that egg will be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in a few years," Martin whispered to his sister. Chris only heard a little bit of the conversation. He did, however, hear the 'worth hundreds of thousands of dollars' part. Chris walked over.

"Soooo, what do we need for this egg that's gonna make us rich?" He asked. Ryland groaned.

"Jesus, Chris, not everything is meant for you to hear," Said the girl.

"If so then I shouldn't have been born with super ears," Chris said.

"We need the ninja sword," Martin explained.

"You shouldn't have been born a pest," Ryland said.

"Ryland, it's alright," Martin said. Ryland sighed.

"The sword?" Chris asked, "Easy."

"Not really," Sierra said, looking at the price. Martin's eyes widened.

"Um, excuse me sir, is there anyway you could lower the price a bit?" He asked the man.

"35 is the final price," the man said. Martin sighed.

"May we interest you in a trade?" He asked.

"I'll trade you for an item," The man said.

"What kind of item?" Martin asked.

"That ninja sword," The man said. Martin looked at a different ninja sword.

"That's a katana," He said.

"Yeah, and?" The man asked.

"Nevermind," Edd shook his head, "We'll get it."

"Okay," The man said. They walked over to the other stand.

"Excuse me sir, could I interest you in a trade for your katana?" Martin asked.

"Get me a My Little Pony doll," The man said.

"Oh, there's an MLP stand over this way," Izzy said. Martin went with her.

"Ugh, this is gonna take forever," Chris complained. Ryland rolled her eyes. The girl with the MLP doll said she wanted a giant teddy bear.

"Where the Heck are we gonna find a giant teddy bear?!" Chris said. Just then, something fell on Chris's head. It was an arrow sign pointing to a stuffed animal stand in the next lane. Martin looked over.

"Woah, It's like the arrow is psycho or something," Nick said in awe.

"It's psychic, idiot," Chris snapped. Martin snickered.

"Come on, let's go," Izzy said.

"Coming," Martin said. They walked over to the stuffed animal stand.

"There," Martin pointed to a bear high up, "How do we get it down?"

"Ask the owner," Izzy said, "Who doesn't seem to be here..."

"I got it," Ryland said, "I'm taller than all of you."

"Ryland, you can't just steal it!" Martin said.

"I'm not," Ryland said, "We give it to the girl, either she or her parents would pay for it, we're just playing a wild goose chase."

"No, she's thinking that we'd pay for it," Martin said. Ryland huffed and leaned up against the shelf. The woman running the stand returned.

"Hello, how may I help you?" She asked. Martin told her.

"Hmm, well, I'm trading it for something," The woman said, "I'm looking for a gift for my three year old nephew. Find me something of that caliber, and you can have the bear."

"Oh boy, good thing we have Sheldon, huh guys?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, I guess," Martin said.

"Ooh ooh, fire trucks are cool!" Sheldon said happily.

"Good thinking," Martin said.

They walked around, trying to find a stand that sold a toy fire truck. They heard a little boy yelling, "Mommy, Mommy! Looks at the fire f*cks!" Everyone turned their heads and started laughing. Even Martin giggled. Ryland laughed at the mom's facial expression. She pulled him away from the stand.

"But mommy, I want a fire f*ck!" The boy whined. Ryland laughed harder.

"Well, let's go get a fire f*ck," Chris laughed. Ryland punched Chris's arm.

"No swearing!" she said.

"Ow!" Chris glared. Ryland glared coldly, "What?"

"You're twelve, no cussing," Martin said. Chris rolled his eyes.

"That kid was three," He said.

"He didn't know any better," Martin said. Chris grumbled.

"Okay, focus," Ryland said.

"Right, the fire fu- I mean, fire truck," Chris said.

"Fire f*ck!" Sheldon said happily. Everyone stared.

"Sheldon, you don't say that word, alright?" Izzy said, kneeling down in front of him.

"Which word?" Sheldon asked.

"The 'F' word," Ryland said. Sheldon frowned.

"But they both start with f," He said.

"The second one," Ryland simplified.

"Oh," Sheldon said. He counted two fingers on his hand, "Ok."

"Thank you," Ryland said.

Sheldon smiled proudly and they continued their chase. The guy at the fire truck stand wanted a small bag of hotwheels. The guy with hotwheels wanted something to eat.

"I can't leave my stand," He said. Martin sighed.

"Very well," He said. They went to a hotdog stand in the next lane and spent two dollars on a hotdog.

"Now let's get this shi- I mean, stuff done," Ryland said. Chris smirked at Ryland, "I said stuff!"

"Whatever you say," Chris said innocently and Ryland glared.

They went back to the hot wheels stand and gave the man the hotdog. The rest is as you'd expect. They finally got the ninja sword and walked over to the man with the egg. Martin was excited.

"Well, one rare bejeweled egg coming up," The man said. Martin smiled big. The man handed Martin the egg, "All yours."

"Whoo hoo!" Martin said happily.

"Can I see?" Nick asked.

"My apologies Nick, but this egg is very fragile," Martin said.

"Awwww," Nick said sadly, "Please? I'll be careful."

"Um, n-no, sorry," Martin said.

"Well, congratulations Martin, you got your egg," Chris said, thumping him on the back, making Martin accidentally drop the egg. He watched in horror as it broke into pieces. Ryland glared at Chris.

"Oops," Chris laughed nervously.


	9. Boy Scouts

Martin was getting out of the shower. He saw a note on his bed with some clothes.

" _Dear Martin, Grandma bought you some new clothes_ ," He read the note, "Oh, happy day!"

He picked up the flat pants and they unfolded. He then picked up the triangular shirt. He flicked it and it shook, making him shake.

* * *

Martin walked outside to see Chris and Nick wearing similar flat clothes. Nick still had the hanger on his.

"There must have been a sale," Martin noticed.

"I hate it when Gramma buys me clothes," Chris complained.

"I like canoes!" Nick laughed.

"Come on, let's go break in these new clothes," Chris said. He then fell. Nick waddled off and Martin scurried after him.

"Nick!" Martin called.

"Hey, wait up!" Chris yelled, crawling after his two friends.

* * *

Once they got to a little pond in the woods, Chris jumped out of his clothes. Nick opened his clothes like a door, stepped out, and closed them again.

"Okay Martin, cough 'em up!" Chris told his cousin.

"I'm fine. I like my new clothes," Martin lied.

"Ya-hoo!" Nick yelled as he jumped into the water.

"Yeah right," Chris said, "Ready Nick?"

"I've been practicing!" Nick said happily before starting to swish back and forth, "Swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh."

"I had a hamster like him once," Chris chuckled.

"Why is he acting like a washing machine?" Martin asked.

"Give it up, Martin," Chris said, setting Martin in the water.

"Chris! Oh dear, I'm mixing my colors with my whites!" Martin worried.

"Think of all the mullah we can make washing everyone's clothes!" Chris said.

"I'd rather not," Martin said.

"Bing!" Chris said suddenly.

"Spin cycle!" Nick cried before spinning super quickly.

"YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Martin yelled.

"Bing!" Chris said again.

"Washer off!" Nick said and struck a silly pose.

"There, they should be much more comfortable now," Chris said, pulling out his clothes as they crumbled into dust.

"Look! Stains gone!" Nick said proudly as he pulled Martin out of the water. Martin's clothes also crumbled, revealing his underwear.

"Nick!" Martin blushed, "Oh dear, I lost my glasses."

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were now in a tree, back in their normal clothes. Chris picked an apple from the tree and took a bite.

"Whatever," He said, "Our old clothes are way better."

"No Chris, that's much better. Our old clothes are much better," Martin corrected.

"What are ya, the grammar police?" Chris asked, annoyed. Nick got down an apple and ate it. But he winced when he let his tongue out a squirrel covered in saliva popped out. It chattered something angrily at Nick, bopped him in the head, and scurried off. Chris and Martin laughed before Chris was suddenly swooped up in a net.

"And that is how you save the helpless kitty from the tree! Easy 1, 2, 3! Thank you, spoiled Chris," Victor said, dumping Chris out of the net. Victor, Jason, and Jakob were wearing matching uniforms.

"Hey, I'm not helpless!" Chris snapped, "I can get down by myself!"

Nick and Martin fell out the tree.

"Hey Victor, didn't you say we could use some new members?" Jakob piped up.

"Yes he did," Victor nodded, "Sons-of-Ed-boys, we, the Urban Rangers, are looking for new members and were wondering if you would like to join."

"But I like being me," Nick frowned.

"Sure, why not?" Chris shrugged, "Not like we have anything else to do. Tell us what to do, Vicky-boy!"

* * *

The boys were all in Jason's yard. Nick, Martin, and Chris were tying the scarves around their necks.

"Oh dear, this is so embarrassing!" Martin said.

"What's so bad about it?" Jason asked.

"Wearing scarves," Martin told him.

"Dude, get over it, it's not like it's a necklace or anything," Jason rolled his eyes.

"Are we having fun yet?" Nick had a scarf on his eyes. Martin chuckled.

"What are these things for, babies?" Chris asked.

"That scarf makes you a Wee Roach," Jakob said, "Just like Woody!"

He held out Woody, who was wearing a similar scarf.

"We were Wee Roaches till we collected our badges. See?" Jason said, showing them his sash covered in badges, "There's the dog-petter badge, tennis ball finder badge, egg hider badge, and even a laundry sorting badge."

"Intriguing," Martin said.

"Line up and present yourselves, Urban Rangers, so you may earn a new badge," Victor said. The boys lined up and did the Urban Ranger sign- a backwards L on their forehead, "Look Wee Roaches! The Don't Bug Me I Am In A Hammock badge! Yes, go now!"

"This one is in the bag," Chris said, snapping his fingers. The three of them set up a little system with Nick lowering Martin and Chris into a hammock with rope.

"Careful, Nick," Martin cautioned.

"I am Nick! King of the trees!" Nick said happily.

"Oh king, I got a banana for you," Chris joked as he was lowered into the hammock.

"Banana? Me want banana!" Nick said. He jumped down into the hammock.

"Not good!" Martin cried.

* * *

Victor was looking at Jason relaxing in his hammock.

"Outstanding, Jason! "Here is your new badge," Victor handed it to him. He then looked at Jakob and Woodt, "Very good over-under job."

"Okay! Our turn!" Chris called. Victor looked at Nick, Martin, and Chris. They were behind a painted fence but were at the wrong positions, except for Martin.

"There is no badge for sneaky-sons-of-Eds-boys," Victor said.

"Hey we're in the hammock!" Chris defended, "C'mon!"

The sign fell down to reveal them standing in the ruined hammock.

"Next badge!" Victor said.

* * *

They were now standing in front of three bushes.

"The 'Trimming Of The Hedge' badge is important, yes?" Victor said, "It says 'Look! I am a hotshot!' Each of you must clip a hedge for the badge!"

Victor held up a pair of shears.

"That looks like the head of the giant ant from 'Giant Ant Invades The City'!" Nick noticed.

"No shears for you, son-of-Ed-boy," Victor smiled. They all got to work trimming the bushes.

"Mine's gonna be the best," Jason chuckled. He was using a comb to help trim the bush. Chris was clipping like crazy.

"Chris, could you try to be more precise with your snips?" Martin asked, then sighed, "Messy messy messy."

"My turn! My turn!" Nick said.

"Please start on the other side, Nick," Martin said.

"Now I know how dad feels," Nick said to himself. Victor was checking over the bushes.

"Oh ho. Ha ha! Very good, Jason," Victor said.

"Thanks Vick!" Jason said.

"Yes, Woody, very good," Victor said.

"It's in the bag, boys!" Chris said. Nick looked down and saw a root poking out of the ground.

"What's this?" He asked himself, pulling on it.

"Wait, Nick!" Chris cried. But it was too late, as Nick pulled on the root and pulled the bush through the ground.

"All done!" Nick said proudly.

"Sons-of-Ed-boys!" Victor cried, "You are trying my patience, and that is not good, as I am a son of a Sheppard."

* * *

"Next badge: Escorting The Elderly Across The Street," Victor said. They were all by the street now.

"Lame!" Chris rolled his eyes.

"But simple, Chris," Martin said to him, "We should be able to get this one."

"Whatever. So where's the old bag?" Chris asked.

"Victor's Nana was too busy frying weeds to be here, but trendy-Nicole-girl agreed to take her place," Victor explained as Nicole appeared.

"Hi guys!" She said. Nick, Martin, and even Chris became nervously.

"Um- Ni-Ni-Nickelodeon, you're up, p-pal," Chris said nervously.

"Martin wants to," Nick said, pushing the boy forward. Martin smiled goofily.

"Ay-ay-ay-ay-Caramba!" He fainted.

"Wee Roach Chris, finish this task before nightfall," Victor instructed, "Come forward and take your turn."

Chris chuckled goofily. Jason and Jakob carried Martin off on a stretcher.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Chris chuckled nervously.

"Aren't you gonna hold my hand?" Nicole asked.

"Right," Chris said. He took her hand and walked across the street, "There ya go, Nicole."

"Boy Chris, your hand sure is sweaty," Nick said, "But you did good."

"What the-?! Where's Nicole!?" Chris cried.

"Very good," Victor walked over, "But Wee Roach Nick is not Nana. No badge."

* * *

Victor, Nick, Martin, and Chris were now in Victor's kitchen.

"Next badge: The Microwave Mac n' Cheese," Victor said, "Microwaved properly will earn you Urban Rangerhood."

"Here Marty, this is all yours," Chris said.

"Step one: Fill with water up to line," Martin read. He prepared the whole thing and set it in the microwave, "Microwave for 3:30 on high."

"What's taking so long?" Chris asked, "Put in high gear!"

Chris turned up the heat.

"Is it done yet?" Victor asked. Suddenly, the food exploded.

"BLLLLEEEARRRRGGGGGG! Have you roaches been drinking milk from a rusty bucket?!" Victor yelled, "You have spoiled the wonderful food product! And Mary's lunch! Such waste and disrespect to fast-food stockers is not allowed in the Urban Rangers!" He sighed, "But seeing you covered in filth reminds me of my childhood. Next badge."

"Mm, cheesy!" Nick said.

"Um, Victor, I really need to wash," Martin said.

"Hey Victor, got any chips for this cheese?" Nick asked.

* * *

The four of them were now in the bathroom.

"Okay, this is an easy-peasy task," Victor told them, "Replace the toilet paper."

"I got this, boys!" Chris said.

"Um, Chris, are you sure?" Martin asked.

"Of course I am," Chris said, "You just lift this thing, slide off the tube, and replace."

"Wait Chris, that's not-" Martin tried to warn. Suddenly, the spring role thingy flew off, bouncing around the bathroom.

"Run away paper holder!" Chris cried. Martin and Chris tried to catch it. Then it dropped into the toilet.

"CHRISTOPHER MCGEE! NO BADGE! EVER!" Victor yelled. He stormed out of the bathroom.

"Wait Victor hold-" Chris walked after him but Victor slammed the door and Chris's head broke through, "It!"

* * *

"Papa was right. That son of Ed boy is crazy. Ah, candied beets to calm my nerves," Victor said, getting said vegetable.

"Victor, Chris didn't mean to mess things up," Martin said.

"Yeah, give us another chance!" Chris begged. Victor sighed.

"Fine. He gets one last chance to redeem himself," Victor said, "Now let me finish my beets."

Nick, Martin, and Chris cheered.

* * *

The four of them were now in the backyard. There was a fake cardboard house and Chris was holding a pie.

"This is very easy, wise-guy Chris," Victor said.

"I got it, Victor," Chris said, "All I have to do is be a good neighbor. Easy as pie."

"Remember, this is your LAST chance," Victor said, "Or you will not join the son-of-Ed-boys badge ceremony."

"I got it," Chris said. He walked up to the door and knocked, "Hello neighbor. I baked you a pie and-"

Suddenly, a hand reached out and flipped the pie in Chris's face.

"Hello, anyone home?" James asked meanly, knocking on the pie tin. Chris grumbled and wiped the pie of his face.

"Remember, Chris, manners!" Martin reminded him, "It's your last chance!"

"So what's the matter, can't cha talk?" James asked, "Are you a kitten?"

"I baked you a pie and-" Chris said through his teeth.

"My name is Chris and I go in a little box," James mocked.

"Chris! Don't roar like a tiger!" Nick yelled. Chris was getting angry.

"Hello neighbor. I just thought-" He began.

"Goo goo meow," James taunted.

 _Jeez, this is the best_ , he thought, _I'm getting paid to be mean to Chris!_

"Excuse me, neighbor-" Chris tried again.

"Aw, is kitty gonna cry?" James smirked, "Does Kitty want some milky?"

Chris snapped.

"SHUT UP JAMES!" He screamed.

"Chris! No badge! EVER!" Victor yelled angrily.

"Oh Chris," Martin face palmed.

"Uh, one more chance?" Chris tried. Victor growled.

* * *

Chris was standing.

"Sorry Chris," Nick said. Jason was slowly lowering the Urban Ranger flag. Jakob played a drum. Victor was walking with two urban ranger uniforms.

"Congratulations Martin and Nick," Victor said.

"Thanks Victor!" Nick smiled.

"Yes, thank you," Martin said. Victor walked over to Chris and snatched the scarf from his neck.

"Christopher McGee, you have showed a great mockery to the Urban Rangers!" Victor said angrily, "Jakob, bring me my lard!"

"Here ya go, V!" Jakob said, bringing a big barrel of lard.

"And here is your Lard-Bringing badge," Victor said, handing it to him. Chris growled. Victor poured the lard onto the sidewalk and Chris slid down it.

"What the- WHAAAAAA!" Chris yelled out. Nick laughed.

"Catch ya later, Chris!" He called after his friend.


	10. Do You Have A Frog In Your Throat?

Martin was in the kitchen decking himself in rubber clothes, even though rain wasn't expected for at least the next week. Though, given their experience with delivering newspapers, he and his friends knew it only took seven words to change the weather.

"I'm starving," Martin said. He sat down at the kitchen table in front of half a grapefruit. He laid out a calculator and several mathematical tools before setting out on a series of complex calculations. Finally, he took out a spoon and dug it into the fruit. It squirted him in the face. Chris stepped through the front door.

"I smell breakfast," He said. The screen door closed behind him and Nick tore through it.

"I smell friends," He said. Martin tugged off his goggles in shock.

"Nick! The screen door!" He said.

"Let's watch it," Nick said dumbly. Martin retrieved his glasses from the table and slid them on his face.

"Do you realize you've opened a door for all winged insects to invade my home?!" Martin cried. Chris and Nick stood, and Chris looked bored.

"You just had to get him started, didn't you, Nick?" Chris deadpanned. Martin scrambled to get the wooden door closed.

"Their annoying buzzing and their insatiable urge to bite is enough to make your skin crawl!" He said. Suddenly, there was a loud buzzing noise. Realizing he was too late in shutting the second door, Martin fell back to Plan B.

"Do you hear it?" Martin asked. He started searching through a kitchen drawer. It took him two seconds to produce a flyswatter.

"Okay, we're safe. Everyone stay calm; I've got it under control," Martin said.

"It's on Nick!" Chris said. Nick froze with fear.

"Get it off, Chris!" Nick yelled, "Get it off!"

"Hold on, I got this!" Chris said, swatting at him. His cat-like reflexes took over. Martin followed him with the flyswatter, Nick followed with a newspaper.

"Gahh, this guy's quick!" Chris said, having missed and slapped Martin on the back. The hit sent the flyswatter out of Martin's hands and into Chris's. Chris tried to hit the fly using the flyswatter, "I got it! I got it!"

He didn't bring the flyswatter down before Nick whack-a-moled his head into his shirt with the newspaper.

"I see it! I got it!" Chris repeated when suddenly there was a gulp and Chris's throat hurt.

"What?" Nick approached Chris, "I can't hear you, Chris."

"I- ow," Chris's voice was hoarse. Nick gasped.

"My ears are broken!" Nick cried.

"You're ears aren't broken, Nick," Martin said, "It seems the insect has lodged itself in Chris's throat."

"Does that mean he can't talk?" Nick tugged Chris's tail, prompting him to screech like a cat.

"Nick, how many- ow- times have I- ow- told you to not- ow- pull my tail?" Chris tried to yell, but it hurt to even talk.

"I don't think you should talk until your throat feels better, Chris," Martin returned the flyswatter to the drawer. Chris nodded painfully. Martin returned with something from the drawer, "I know of a temporary solution." He produced a red ribbon with a cat bell on it and tied it to Chris's shirt collar, "Just ring this bell when you need to communicate."

Chris glared slightly at him and did look a little embarrassed, but rang the bell anyway. He had to wear one of these devil devices as a kitten, and he still hated them. Nick gave a smile and a wave.

"Hello!" He said.

"Chris is trying to say something, Nick," Martin said. Chris opened his mouth and pointed inside.

"Chris wants an umbrella," Nick said.

"The latest in Chemistry Theories magazine?" Martin tried. Chris shook his head.

"Buttered toast?" Nice tried once more.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Ryland came downstairs, "Hey! It's Chris's old kitten bell!"

Nick greeted Ryland.

"Chris forgot his voice.," He said. Martin nodded.

"And talks to us by ringing this bell," Martin added.

"Really? I thought it was so that he didn't get in trouble," Ryland joked. Chris drew his cat nails but stayed where he was. He tried ringing the bell again. He opened his mouth to try and say something but a moo came from outside. The group of four stepped outside to see where the moo came from, stopping only when Ryland noticed the screen door.

"Tell me you didn't break the screen door, Nick," She said.

"Ok, I didn't," Nick said.

"Hallo eldest-sons-of-Ed-boys," Victor greeted, standing next to a cow. His attention was drawn to the hollow brass ball around Chris's neck, "Why is Chris wearing the discipline-cat-bell of his troubled youth?"

He gave a hearty laugh.

"Chris hurt his voice," Nick said.

"And talks to us by using this bell," Martin explained. Chris rang the bell with increasing force until the sound couldn't be ignored.

"Hey, it's Chris!" Nick said.

"What is it, Chris?" Martin asked.

"Chris needs...to water the Christmas tree because it's dry!" Nick said. Ryland couldn't restrain her laughter. Chris looked to Martin and rang the bell.

"Chris would like a dictionary," Martin said. Chris rang the bell again, "An atlas?"

"Chris is hungry," Victor said. The kids looked to Victor with surprise, the three non-mutes talking together.

"Chris is hungry?"

"Oh, I'm gonna be late for my game!" Ryland said, taking off.

"Yes, can you not hear it?" Victor asked. Nick and Martin looked to Chris, who nodded at Victor's guess. Victor waved the boys to him, "Come, you are invited to Victor's for food and merriment."

"Mary and Martha aren't home, are they?" Martin asked, worried.

"No, they are out paint spraying," Victor said. The four headed off to Victor's house.

* * *

Nick, Martin, Chris, and Victor were sitting at a table covered with strange foods.

"Victor's father taught Victor well in the ways of the reading of the bells," Victor explained, "He even helped your father when he fell without voice and had to use a bell. But enough about Victor; please, let us fill our faces."

He chortled eagerly as he swept his eyes across the grand display of food laid across the table. Nick spotted the squid and placed it on his head. The only thing that looked remotely editable to Chris was the fish tails on a stick. Victor dropped his fork at the sight of the edible hat on Nick's head.

"Nick, you are disgracing yourself!" He shifted focus to the other two boys, "Tell Victor how good his fish sticks are, please."

He motioned toward his mouth. Martin looked towards Chris, who took a big bite out of the fish and licked his lips happily. Somewhat more at ease, Martin sunk his teeth into the fish's scales, the strong taste of salt bringing tears to his eyes. He made every effort not to show for it.

"A gastronomic coup, Victor..." He said weakly. Chris ate a few more of the fish sticks. As he reached for another fish stick, his bell brushed his drink glass.

"Victor, what does Chris want?" Martin asked.

"Chris wishes to work off the fish with outdoor activity," Victor said.

* * *

The next thing Chris knew, they were at the swimming hole.

"Synchronized swimming," Martin said, astonished, "Swimming, sure, but the synchronized part I never knew, Chris."

The boys were in the water and spread out. Then they came back up the surface with their legs. Nick lifted Chris out of the water.

"Dunk Chris," Nick said, "Dunk Chris."

Chris started to ring the bell. However, Nick and Martin were underwater, so they didn't hear. After a few more poses, they heard the bell rang.

* * *

Chris was on a unicycle in a huge slingshot. Nick was holding him back and Chris looked absolutely terrified.

"I am surprised," Victor said, "The Unicycle of Doom is a very brave request for a coward."

Chris tried to scream but that only hurt his throat, and no sound came out. Nick then let go of Chris. Chris went barreling across the cul-de-sac, bursting into Janet and Jason's house and going out the back with Janet, who was screaming. He threw Janet off him and continued to try and scream. He hit a fence board, which spun him around and tossed him at the park. He then flew into a light pole and flew off.

"What now, Victor?" Martin asked.

* * *

Chris was in his room. He was sulked in his chair and the fridge was blocking the outside door.

"Chris, where's the fridge?!" Izzy yelled and came in his room, "Look, I don't even want to know, but just give me the milk."

Izzy grabbed the milk from the fridge and left, closing the door behind her. Nick slammed into the fridge, knocking off the door.

"Chris is hot and would like to cool off for a moment," Victor said.

Martin twisted the temperature control knob as low as it would go, and the fridge started belching freezing air into Chris's room. A snowflake fell down onto Chris. Then another. And another. Soon, it started snowing indoors. It quickly became clear that the snow was coming from the fridge in the door, and Nick and Martin waving from beyond the frosted window was a sign of who turned the temperature so cold. Chris started shivering and rushed over, trying to move the fridge. It was no use; the plummeting temperatures were sapping away his strength, and the snow had frozen the other door in the room shut. He wrapped himself up in his blanket. He walked through the snow-filled room and looked out the window.

"Boy, is it hot," Martin said from outside. He was drinking some lemonade and Nick was stuffing his face with a watermelon, and it was all over his face. They saw Chris at the window.

"Hey, it's Chris!" Nick noticed. Chris was beating on the door.

"What does he want, Victor?" Martin asked.

"Chris is thanking us," Victor said, "Or he would like his fifth toenail clipped...Ok yes, he is thanking us."

The window started to freeze up. Martin laughed.

"It's nice to help out a friend," He said. The last thing visible before the window became opaque was the desperately rung bell in Chris's hand.

* * *

Chris was sneaking around the outside of his house. At the same time, Izzy was talking with the boys.

"Have you guys seen Chris?" She asked. They heard Chris's bell ring. Izzy turned toward the sound, "There's Chris!"

Chris looked panicked. Martin turned to Nick.

"How did Chris get out of his room?" He asked him.

"Cartoon logic," Nick said. Victor cornered Chris against the fence.

"Yes, Chris? What is it?" Victor asked, "Ring your bell, please."

Izzy, Martin, and Nick followed after Victor. Chris stood there. Izzy looked to the boys.

"What have you guys been doing?" She asked.

"Chris's throat is sore so he's using this bell to communicate," Martin explained. Izzy looked back and forth between Chris and the boys.

"Are you sure you know what he's saying?" She asked them, "Because he's got that scaredy-cat look in his eyes."

Chris glared slightly at his older sister.

"What?" Izzy shrugged. Chris heaved a silent sigh and brought his friends' attention to him. He moved his hands as if he were flipping through a book, then pretended to tear out a page before outlining a square shape around where it would've been. Izzy turned to the boys.

"I think he's asking for a piece of paper," She said. Chris nodded happily. Victor fished around in his pocket before pulling out a piece of paper.

"Paper for Chris?" He said, holding it out. Chris took it and acted like he was writing on it.

"Yes Chris, sure," Victor said. He handed Chris an ear of corn. Izzy was stupefied. "He asked for a pen!"

Victor shook his head.

"He asked for corn," He said, "Do you have mustard in your ears, Elder Kitten?"

Izzy took a step forward.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked angrily. Chris threw the corn to the ground and mimed yelling at Nick and Martin. Izzy shook her head in bemusement.

"Maybe I should do the talking for Chris," She voiced.

"No Izzy-she-cat, Victor has got this," Victor said. Chris screamed silently in frustration before kicking the fence. He started crying silently and holding his foot. Izzy nudged the fallen corncob into Chris's path as he jumped backward. He tripped and fell over, his bell ringing.

"Chris would like to face his greatest fear," Victor said. Izzy's eyes lit up.

"Oh, this I have to see," She chuckled. Chris, meanwhile, couldn't believe what he heard.

* * *

"Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and watch Chris McGee face off against the great beast!" Izzy was announcing. He was in Victor's front yard, "Just one dollar! Will he survive, or will he turn tail and flee? Come and see, come and see!"

Among those in the audience were Eddward, Nicole, and some of Victor's cousins. Martin and Nick were giving Chris the classic 'boxing warm-up' for his faceoff with The Beast. Chris looked absolutely terrified.

"Ten whole dollars!" Izzy said happily, sitting down next to Ryland, "We should do this more often!"

Nick patted Chris on the back as he escorted him into position for the match.

"We getcha, Chris," He said.

"Chris is prepared to face the great beast," Victor said.

There was a door by the pen. Nobody but Victor could see the animal behind. As he moved to unlatch the gate, The Great Beast started drawing him down into its pen. Chris covered his eyes, braced for a full-fledged assault. Only when Victor succeeded in opening the gate did he dare to peek at The Great Beast. What he saw left him in shock and awe. Standing there was a chicken. It looked peaceful enough. Chris started mime laughing at it. The chicken bawked angrily and Chris saw that he was standing in front of a nest with chicken eggs inside of it. Chris put on a display of mock fear before waving his red cape like a matador. Nick watched with excitement.

"¡Olé!" He said.

"Chris, do not taunt the mother doodle," Victor warned. Justin called out from the sidelines.

"What's the matter, Chris? Cat got your tongue?" He shared a high-five with James as the two laughed. The distraction provided an opportunity for the hen to strike at Chris. Chris silently screamed and ran around the pen. June noticed that her brother had vanished from the seat next to her.

"Jakob?" She questioned. Nick was cheering Chris on as he ran.

"Go, Chris!" He cheered. Chris tried to climb out of the pen but Nick lifted him back in, "Whoops, you almost fell out!"

Sweat rolled down Chris's face as the hen made a move on him. Martin called from the fence.

"Use the cape, Chris!" He instructed, "The cape!"

Chris looked at the cape and held it out. The hen let out a deafening squawk as it charged at Chris. Chris quickly moved the cape, revealing Woody planted in the dirt. The hen's beak stuck into where Woody's nose would be.

"Ya-hoo, we rescued another one!" Jakob cheered. The hen's nest was roosted on his head. The audience erupted with laughter as Victor confronted his cousin.

"Jakob! Return with Victor's hen!" Victor yelled, running after the Afro-haired-boy. Chris sighed with relief as Victor chased Jakob out of the arena and plucked the bell from his neck.

"Uh, Victor's not here, Chris, but I have a good idea of what-" Nick was cut off as Chris threw the bell at him. The uproar of laughter was punctuated by Chris storming out of the arena. Nick and Martin went after him.

* * *

The two boys were searching around the lane for Chris, but he couldn't be found. Chris had climbed a tree and was hiding from the boys in it. They walked by without seeing him, and he made some faces at them before jumping out.

Unfortunately, his shirt had other ideas.

Chris sighed.

"Why do cats always get stuck in trees?!" He yelled angrily. Then he realized, "Hey, I can talk!"

He started shouting at the top of his newfound voice.

"Nick! I can talk! Martin, get back here! Izzy, get me down! Ryland! ANYBODY!"

* * *

"The brain is a miraculous organ, Nick," Martin said. The two of them were sitting at Nick's door, "Why, it's actually fooling me into thinking that Chris is calling out to us."

* * *

Chris kept yelling when a noise went off from his pocket and he pulled out his phone with a text from Nicole. His brain raced with one thought and one thought only.

"WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT?!"


	11. Reach For The Sky

Nick, Martin, and Chris were running through the junkyard. Martin found a tuba. He tried blowing through it to make a whale noise.

"Boy Marty, you stink!" Chris laughed, "Let me show you how a pro does it."

"Sure thing, Chris," Martin nodded. Chris tried it.

"Hang on. I'm getting warmed up," Chris chuckled nervously. Chris tried again but was suddenly blown full of air. It was Nick blowing on the big part. Chris panted as all the air let out.

"I am a whale, an endangered mammal!" Nick said, "Hug me!"

"Well you can't be a whale without a spout!" Chris said. Chris slammed the tuba on Nick's head. He laughed and climbed up a mountain of trash.

"I'm the king of the castle," Chris sung, "You're a dirty-"

"DOGPILE!" Martin and Nick pounced on Chris and they tumbled down the hill.

"It's mine!" Martin yelled, jumping back up on the hill. Nick jumped up and shoved Martin over.

"Gimmie!" Nick laughed. Chris and Martin both attacked Nick and they all fell down.

"Whoaaa!" They yelled. They rolled right down into a box of turkey basters.

"Let's do that again! Hey, what are those?" Nick asked, looking at the turkey basters.

"These?" Martin asked, picking one up, "They look like turkey basters."

"Turkey basters?" Nick repeated.

"Yeah right!" Chris said.

"And what are they to you?" Martin questioned.

"Squirt guns, doi!" Chris said like it was obvious.

"What?" Martin said.

"Yeah!" Chris said, "Japanese squirt guns!"

"Japanese? Ha!" Martin laughed.

Japan is weird," Nick said. He had four turkey basters stuck to his face.

"Come now, do you actually believe these are fr-" Martin began. Suddenly, Martin was squirt in the mouth with the 'water gun.'

"Me next! Me next!" Nick said excitedly. Chris shot Nick with the squirt gun, "This is fun!"

"Small things amuse small minds, I suppose," Martin sighed.

"Hang on, I got it!" Chris yelled, "We'll sell them to the cul-de-sac!"

"Why would the kids want these?" Martin asked.

"Cuz they're fun!" Chris rolled his eyes, "Come on, that was obvious. Alright boys, here's the plan."

Chris whispered to them the plan.

* * *

The kids were hanging out in the lane. The kids clapped.

"My nano would ridicule Victor for the rolling of the sphere," Victor said.

"I wanna go next!" June said.

"It's Janet's turn!" Jason snapped.

"Hey, June's been waiting all day, Jason!" Jakob said. Jason punched Jakob quiet. Janet went to bowl. Janet dropped the ball and fell down with it, making her braces break and get tangled in the ball.

"Uh-oh. Hey, I'm stuck!" Janet cried.

"My turn," Eddward said, not hearing. He picked up the ball- and Janet with it- and bowled.

"Ow. Oh. Ek!" Janet said.

"Janet!" Jason cried.

"A, E, I, O, U AND SOMETIMES..." Janet was saying as she bounced.

STRIKE!

"Oops," Eddward said.

"Why (Y) me?" Janet asked in pain. There was a sound like a horse neighing.

"What was that?" Someone asked. The kids looked to see Chris.

"Howdy," He greeted, "Ready fer some action, city slick'rs?"

He saw Nick pop up like a shooting standee. Chris jumped around and started shooting him with water.

"Quack!" Nick said, turning around. Chris shot him a few times and each time, Nick said "Quack!" The kids seemed amazed.

"Is it hard?" Janet asked.

"This is easy as one, two, three," Chris said. He shot it into a pan where it bounced from there to the tree then through the kids' ears and hit Nick.

"Quack!"

The kids started chatting and became excited.

"Wow! I want one!"

"You can buy one only at Martin's Western Saloon!" Chris said.

"Hurry! Hurry! Step right up!" Martin announced, "Get yourself a squirtgun. And a sock holder, only just one quarter. In total that would be 75 cents!"

"That's a good deal!" Izzy said.

"Better hurry up, folks! Stocks are going down!" Martin said. The kids all rushed to buy a shooter and a sock holder. Martin saw everything was gone. Even the moose.

"Thank you! Come again!" Martin said, slightly dazed. The sign fell down on him, "Ow!"

Nick walked up with the moose head on his head.

"Like my moose head?" Nick asked. Ryland squirted him, "Hey!"

The kids left and Chris sat down with the jar full of money.

"Haha! Fifteen dollars!" Chris cheered, "Let's go boys, we gotta western town to look after."

* * *

Janet and Jason were playing.

"You're a slippery rattlesnake, Janet," Jason laughed.

"I am?" Janet asked. She was riding on a stick horse, "Let's go, Applejack!"

She screamed when she was squirted.

"You're defiantly slippery now!" Eddward laughed, riding off on his bike, "Twerp!"

"Jerk," Jason said. Jakob ran past as a horse, pulling a wagon with Woody inside.

"Man, am I pooped," Jakob panted, "Woody?"

Jakob listened to the piece of wood.

"Gold?" He asked, "Let's stake our claim, buddy!"

The whip cracked. Eddward was chaining his bike to a nearby tree.

"I'm going for a soda," He said.

"Hold it right there, partner!"

"Huh?" Eddward said. Chris and the boys were right in front of him

"Yer hitchin' your steed in a no-hitchin' zone," Chris said.

"You're a twerp!" Eddward insulted.

"That's MARSHAL Twerp," Chris corrected, showing off his badge, "Pal. Deputy Martin?"

Martin started writing a note.

"Sorry Eddward," He said, handing the note to Eddward.

"Hey, Marshal Drip," Eddward flipped him a coin.

"Oh!" Chris grabbed it, "Haha, this is so easy!"

He looked at it. And bit it.

"SPLINTERS!" Chris screamed painfully. Chris growled, "Your wooden money ain't good here, Pecos Edd!"

A rock bonked him the head.

"OW!"

Victor was washing dishes in the river.

"Hey, that's a fifty cent prospecting fine!" Chris said, rubbing his head.

"But I was just cleansing the dishes," Victor said.

"Fifty cents, or fifty days in the pokey," Chris said sternly.

"Wrong cartoon, Chris," Martin said.

"Oh, right," Chris said. Chris then spotted Jason and Janet. Jason was wrapping up Janet's arm.

"I told you to be careful, Janet," Jason said.

"Sorry Jason," Janet said, ashamed.

"Hold it right there!" Chris said, "Bandages costs a whole lot more, Janey."

He flicked her braces.

"Ow!" Janet said, holding her mouth.

"Hey, knock it off!" Jason snapped loudly.

"Deputy...De...De Marty," Chris said, dazed by Jason's loud voice. Martin nervously handed Jason a ticket.

"Disturbing the peace?" Jason read, "We ain't payin!"

"You have gone crazy, fast-paced-Chris-boy," Victor said.

"Man, tough town," Chris said. Suddenly, the wagon Jakob had been pulling came through and crashed into a tree.

"EWW!" The kids said. Jakob was covered in an odd smell.

"What the heck happened, Jakob?" Chris asked.

"Oh, it was terrible," Jakob groaned, "Look what those outlaws did to him!"

Jakob held out Woody, who had lipsticks and was doused in perfume.

"That pungent perfume is familiar to Victor," Victor said.

"Woody reminds me of fresh-cut spring flowers strewn across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon," Nick said.

"Nick, stop hanging with your mom," Chris said.

"Huh?" Nick asked.

"Nothing," Chris shook his head.

"They're headed this way!" Jakob warned.

"What are we gonna do?!"

"Who needs the marshal now?" Chris asked, "Too bad you didn't pay your fines."

"I have 50 cents!" Janet said. Everyone gave Chris a bunch of quarters. A hand grabbed it.

"Hey!" Chris said. Lily, Mary, and June appeared.

"Thanks for the lunch money, hon!" Lily laughed.

"Not them!"

"Give back my- huh?" Chris went to take out his squirt guns, but they were replaced by fish skeletons, "What the-?!"

"My guns! They're gone!" Martin cried.

"They were never there," Ryland joked to Izzy.

"Oh boys! Looking for these?" Lily said. The girls pulled out the guns and laughed.

"Knock it off, you three! Marshall Eddy is the best marshall there is!" Janet said. There was silence and weird looks from the others, "What? He is."

"And who's gonna help him?" Lily asked.

"That's what we thought," Mary said.

"Um, we were just going to go get our...harmonicas," Chris said nervously, "Yeah, um...SEE YA!"

The three boys ran off.

"I love when they do this," Mary said, taking out a rope.

"Jump for it!" Chris said. They jumped and the rope missed. Mary swung again and caught them.

"Nick, grab that shovel!" Chris instructed. Nick grabbed a big tree instead of a shovel, "I said shovel!"

"Aw, look," June snorted, "They brought us flowers!"

"What should we do this time, girls?" Mary asked, "Eau de Woodrot or Krankshaft Number Five?"

"Krankshaft!" Lily and June said together.

"Squirt guns ready?" The three girls said, "Pick a boyfriend!"

They squirted them with the perfume.

"I'm feeling pretty ripe right now," Chris said, slightly dazed. He quickly snapped out of it, "Hey! Where do you think you losers going with my money?!"

"I smell like fresh-cut flowers spewn across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon," Nick repeated.

"Wait! How about a deal?!" Chris cried. The three girls were already gone, "I'm not gonna let this slip." He slipped out of the ropes, "Let's go, guys."

* * *

Janet was standing near a bush.

"Jason look, a parade!" She said.

"Janet, no!" Jason pulled her into the bush and they watched through the bushes. Nick, Martin, and Chris were walking past in their cowboy gear.

"Why do we have to go with you?" Martin whined.

"Because without that money we can't get gobstoppers," Chris said, "Also you're my cousin and you're stuck with me."

"Aw man!" Martin said. They passed by what looked like three graves.

"It seems like someone doesn't have much confidence in us," Martin gulped.

"C'mon," Chris said. They walked off. Victor led three pigs to the holes.

"Victor has broken his back and dug you new mud pits," He said to the pigs, "Thank you very much!"

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were in the junkyard.

"Do you see them?" Chris asked.

"Chris, we shouldn't be doing this, Chris," Martin worried, "Chris, what if they capture us and force us to clean their gutters?!"

"I got this, guys!" Chris assured.

"But I don't know what a gutter is, Chris!" Nick said.

"Hush!"

Chris jumped out from behind the trash.

"Ok Kank-" He realized he was alone. He grabbed the other two, "Ok Kankers, your time has come!"

"Actually, it's-" Martin began.

"Baxter," Lily said.

"Sheppard," Mary said.

"And 2x4," June finished.

"Stay on your toes, guys," Chris warned. Chris was once again alone as Martin and Nick were fearfully clinging to each other behind him, "Guys!"

"IT'S YOUR MONEY! YOU FIGHT FOR IT!" Martin yelled. Chris pulled them back over, "I hate this fanfiction!"

"Ready girls?" Lily asked.

"Ready boys?" Chris asked. Nick, Martin, and Chris started shooting at the three girls.

"You like that?! How about this?!" Chris was yelling.

They were missing every shot. Nick was stepping on a lot of blasters. He tripped on one and fell down. Martin was using some kind of machine. He spun it once and stopped, as if it was going to hit him.

"Hey, I like this thing," Martin said. He started spinning it faster, "I CAN FEEL THE ADRENALINE, BABY!"

"Martin, Martin calm down!" Chris said, "It's a toy. From Japan. Jeez."

Martin blushed in embarrassment. Chris get back to squirting the girls but he was all out of water.

"Uh oh, I'm out of ammo," Chris said.

"Me too," Nick said.

"Martin, how about your machine?" Chris asked.

"It's all gone," Martin said.

"Are you through?" Lily asked.

"We missed every shot," Martin said. The girls were on a spot and water was around them.

"We won't!" Lily, Mary, and June said, taking out their squirt guns.

"Dance boys, dance!" The girls said, squirting the boys' feet.

"You girls are dumber than Nick," Chris laughed, "You only got our feet wet."

"Check again, dead eyes," Lily said.

"It's our Kanker rubber cement, from our parents," Mary said. They looked down and saw that they were stuck.

"It feels as though I'm in Nick's basement," Martin gagged.

"We're trapped!" Chris panicked.

"Time for some home cookin'," Lily said, applying lipstick.

"Not home! Not home!" Nick cried as the girls advanced on them.


	12. Phantom of The Telethon

"JASON, HELP!"

Janet was being dragged across the yard by her braces. She reached the fence and crashed into it. The braces came undone a little and poked through the fence boards.

"Do Victor's eyes deceive him?" Victor asked. He was standing in the lane with Eddward.

"The heck was- huh?" Eddward said. Suddenly, a wrench rose out of Eddward's pocket. It was followed by a tire pump and a portable radio.

"It is the tree Papa told Victor about! The Curse of The Sirens in The Hungry Tree!" Victor recalled.

"The what?" Eddward asked, confused.

* * *

"Where's the cash?" Chris asked from the tree.

"Strange," Martin said, messing with a remote, "My machine seems to be adversed to certain metal alloys."

"Let's hear some tunes!" Nick said, messing with the radio. Nick pressed the buttons on the radio, which started playing music.

"Quiet! They'll hear us!" Chris hissed.

"Nick please, not now!" Martin begged.

* * *

"The sirens call upon us!" Victor said. The gold horse-shoe necklace he was wearing started floating up, "We must do the belly bust, as it is the only way to please the tree!"

"Dude, this thing is messing up my phone!" Eddward cried, "All my pictures are gone!"

The radio fell on Eddward's head.

"I am Victor, son of a Sheppard," Victor said, kneeling in front of the tree.

* * *

"Look guys, a donut," Nick said, holding the CD that had been in the radio.

"Nick, that's a CD," Chris said.

"Needs sprinkles," Nick said. Suddenly, the branch broke, causing the magnet, then Chris, then Nick, and lastly Martin to fall on Victor's head.

"Sons-of...Ed-boys?" Victor said, dazed.

"Let's pound 'em, Vick!" Eddward said angrily, punching his fist into his palm. The two of them stood over the pile of Nick, Martin, and Chris.

"Victor is not amused you, how do you say, twerks?" Victor asked Eddward, who laughed.

"Twerps, Victor," He laughed, "That's a totally different term."

"That is what Victor said," Victor said.

"No, you said-" Eddward began.

"Twerks! See? Twerks!" Victor said. The boys stood up. Eddward laughed.

"Dude, that's a way different term!" He said.

"Uh, Victor, Eddward," Chris said nervously, "Hate to interrupt. So...BYE!"

The three ran off.

"Hey!" Eddward yelled.

"SPLIT UP!" Chris cried out. Nick, Martin, and Chris split up in the junkyard.

"I call Twerpy's legs and head," Eddward called, "Who and what are you gettin'?"

"I am partial to feet, Eddward," Victor answered.

* * *

Martin didn't know what to do. He ran by a tire, which Chris pulled him into.

"Where did you-" Martin tried to ask.

"Shh!" Chris said.

"I think I saw the twerks run here," Victor said, running past with Eddward.

"Twerps dude, twerps," Eddward corrected again.

"Twerps cannot dance, Eddward," Victor said.

"Whatever," Eddward said. They left.

"Suckers," Chris said.

"Come on Rye, there has to be something around here," The two heard Izzy say.

"What are they talking about?" Martin asked Chris.

"Like what?" Ryland asked, "What here would help us raise money for my soccer team?"

"Did she just say...money!" Chris's eyes turned to dollar signs.

"Aw, here it goes," Martin groaned.

"We could host a telethon!" Izzy sparked an idea. Chris popped out of the tire.

"COUNT ME IN!" He yelled suddenly. The two girls jumped.

"Chris Prato McGee!" Ryland yelled.

"Why would YOU want to help US?" Izzy asked.

"Cuz I care for my sister!" Chris said.

 _And I want that cash!_ He thought in his mind.

"You can't get ANY of the money we take in," Izzy said, "It's all going to Rye Rye's soccer team. And don't deny it, I know you only want to help for the cash."

"That is...I mean it's...well...aw, forget it!" Chris stomped off.

"We'll help you, Ryland and Izzy," Martin said, standing with Nick.

"Yeah, we don't want green paper like Chris!" Nick said.

"Heh, green paper," Izzy chuckled, "Well thanks guys. That'll help."

They walked off and Chris glared at them.

* * *

The kids were hanging out in the lane. Nick, Ryland, Izzy, and Martin were handing out flyers.

"Telethon?" Nicole questioned.

"Yeah," Izzy said, "It'll be fun. And we also need auditions."

"Sounds coo-" Nicole began.

"Is that loser brother of yours gonna try and take our money?" Eddward asked.

"No, Chris will not be present at the telethon," Martin answered, "It's a non-profit activity, all proceeds go to Ryland's soccer team."

"Neat!"

"Cool!"

"All right! I'll be there!"

"Thank you everyone!" Izzy said, "Auditions are in half an hour at my garage."

Chris was watching them silently and being angry.

* * *

At Izzy's garage...

Izzy's and Ryland were sitting in two fold out chairs while Nick and Martin stood.

"Alrighty then, everybody ready?" Ryland asked.

"Yes," Martin said, "Currently auditioning Jakob 2x4 and Woody."

Jakob walked in.

"Woody tells jokes," Jakob said, "Knock 'em dead, pal." There was silence as Woody 'told his joke'. Jakob burst out laughing, "OH-HO-HO, THAT'S A GOOD ONE!"

Nick laughed loudly.

"I don't get it," He said.

"Um, I'm sorry, but I don't think we have a place for you," Izzy said, "I'm sorry."

"Next, please!" Martin announced.

"Hey guys!" Nicole greeted. Nick and Martin's eyes widened.

"Hey Nikki!" Izzy beamed.

"What's your talent?" Ryland asked.

"Well, I can play the tuba," Nicole said.

"May we hear it?" Martin asked. Nicole pulled out a tuba and blew into it very loudly. Izzy held down her ears.

"Jesus Christ," Ryland said, shocked.

"Um, how about you sing instead?" Izzy asked, "I've heard you sing. You're super awesome."

"Please," Nicole begged. Izzy bit her lip.

"Listen girl, you know you're my BFF, but I don't think playing the tuba in the telethon is a really good idea," She said, "You need a bit of practice."

"Practice. Gotcha," Nicole nodded.

"But you're still welcome to sing," Ryland said, "Your performance would probably get a lot of money, and we need all of it we can get."

"Sure thing," Nicole smiled, "Can I have another go soon?"

"What do you mean?" Martin asked.

"Can I have a re-audition?" Nicole clarified.

"Maybe later," Izzy said, "Next!"

"I would like to perform my family's traditional Dance Of The Hairless Otter," Victor said.

"Dance?" Martin questioned, "This should be intriguing."

"And to assist Victor in this performance will be Eddward," Victor said and Eddward came in.

"Eddward can dance like Victor?" Martin asked.

"It's less of a dance and more of a play thingy," Eddward said. They performed the skit.

"Awesome!" Ryland said, "You're in!"

"Thank you, boy-like-Ryland!" Victor said happily.

* * *

The last audition was Janet and Jason.

"Alright you two, show us what you got!" Izzy instructed. Janet did a magic card trick with Jason.

"Pick a card, any card," Janet said to her older brother. Jason picked a card. Janet put it back in the deck, shuffled the deck around, and pulled out the same card.

"Is this your card?" She asked.

"Yeah, it is!" Jason said.

"Woah, cool!" Nick said amazed.

"Very good!" Izzy smiled, "I think we can get a spot for you, Janet."

"Hooray!" Janet cheered, "I'm going to be a star!"

"See? I knew you were gonna make it, sis," Jason smiled.

"Ok, auditions are closed!" Ryland announced, "Everyone rehearse and get ready for the show!"

* * *

At the telethon...

The kids who weren't in the show were sitting in Izzy's yard, in front of a little stage Izzy, Ryland, Martin, and Nick had set up.

"Is everyone ready?" Martin asked. Everyone nodded and said yes.

"Hello everyone and welcome to the Telethon!" Izzy announced. She was on stage, speaking into a microphone, "Please help us reach our goal of $30 so Ryland's team can get new supplies and uniforms."

* * *

Chris, who was hiding, gasped.

 _Thirty Freakin Dollars!_ He thought.

* * *

"So without further ado, our very own singing sensation, Nicole Dorn!" Izzy announced to cheers and claps.

"Alright Nicole!" The crowd cheered. Nicole came up on stage and took the microphone, smiling.

* * *

"As much as I hate sabotaging my own girlfriend," Chris said quietly. As soon as Nicole started to sing, he played over her with a video of a girl singing horribly.

* * *

"Huh?" Nicole frowned, confused. The crowd started booing.

"B-but," Nicole teared up and ran off the stage. Izzy frowned.

"Uh, Ryland, take over," She said, handing the microphone to Ryland and running after Nicole.

"What was that about?" Eddward asked from the crowd.

"Uh, and now everyone, Miss Magic herself, Janet the Amazing!" Ryland announced. Janet didn't come up on stage.

"Janet, come on, you're up!" Martin said.

"My feather, it's broken!" Janet cried, showing him the fake feather. It had been split near the bottom so it wouldn't stay up.

* * *

Chris snickered while hidden. He was holding a pair of scissors.

* * *

"Just forget about the feather," Martin said.

"But I can't!" Janet cried, "My whole outfit would be ruined!"

"What's taking so long?" Ryland hissed.

"A plume predicament," Martin sighed.

"Janet! Janet! Janet! Janet!" The crowd chanted. Janet finally got another feather and stepped out on stage.

"Thank you! Thank you all! Now, for my first trick, I will make flowers bloom from this pot of soil," Janet announced. The crowd cheered.

"Say the magic words! Coloiavera!" Janet said, but the flowers bloomed from her shirt instead of the pot. Some of the audience laughed.

* * *

Chris, who was behind a curtain, chuckled silently.

"It's a good thing I switched the flowers," He said quietly to himself.

* * *

"Uh oh," Izzy frowned.

"Um, can I get a volunteer from the audience?" Janet asked nervously. What happened? She had practiced that trick all day!

"Me! Me! Me!"

"Um, how about-" Janet was going to pick Jason, since they had practiced this trick too, but Victor came up.

"Prove to Victor your powers are true," He said.

"Alright V!" Eddward cheered.

"I will now saw this man in half!" Janet said. Victor was in a box with his head sticking out of one end and his feet out of the other. Suddenly, the two feet at the other end popped out and we're replaced by Victor's feet. The box then broke in half and fell down, "Uh oh."

The crowd boo'd. Janet teared up and ran off stage.

"Um, we will be taking a short intermission," Martin said as he closed the curtains, "What on Earth is going on here?!"

"I don't know," Janet sniffed, "I practiced that flower trick all morning!"

"And I don't sound like that!" Nicole protested, "That wasn't even me singing!"

"You know, I think someone is sabotaging us," Ryland said, upset.

"But like, who would do that?" Nicole asked. Martin smelled something.

"Hey, do you guys smell..." He sniffed again, "Hair gel?"

"Not just any hair gel," Izzy growled.

* * *

 _Oh fudge!_ Chris said in his mind.

* * *

"We can't afford not doing the telethon," Ryland said, "We only have around five dollars, and that's just for tickets!"

"I may have an idea to who had done this predicament," Martin said.

"Well find them and stop them, we have a show to do!" Izzy said, "Eddward, Victor, you guys are up!"

"You got it," Eddward said. Victor and Eddward walked out on stage. Victor had his shirt pulled over his head and Eddward had a pillow up his shirt. He was also holding a broom.

"Awwwo!" Victor howled, "I am a hairless otter! And I must feed on chickens!"

"Not the chickens!" Nick cried from backstage.

"Nick, shush!" Ryland hissed.

"Not on my watch, Mr. Otter!" Eddward said, pretending the broom was a gun, "You're otter here! KERPOW!"

"Owwwwww, oh, my otter heart!" Victor cried, "Ah-ha! You missed!"

"Stupid broom!" Eddward complained.

"Now prepare to die!" Victor said as he clamped his mouth and Eddward was almost swallowed.

"Ah! I'm otter bait!" Eddward cried. The crowd cheered and started throwing money onto the stage.

"Yes, they're loving it!" Ryland beamed, "At this rate, we should make enough money in the next two acts!"

"Thank you! Don't forget to tip your waitresses! Good night!" Nick said, coming on stage to collect the money.

"Nick, we don't have waitresses," Ryland said, "And that's not the end of the telethon."

"Next up, all the way from the trailer park, Mary!" Izzy announced. The blue-haired girl come up on stage.

"Hiya muffin," She greeted Martin before pulling out a bag of spray paints.

"Oh boy," Martin sighed. Mary started spray painting the back wall. It was a very good picture. It was her name surrounded by intricate colors and patterns.

"Whoa!"

"Awsome!"

"Girl's got skills!"

The audience cheered. Mary bowed and smiled. The crowd threw more money on stage. Mary collected in and handed it over to Martin.

"That was for you, honeybun," She said, kissing him.

"Oh- I- um-"Martin stuttered while blushing.

"Ok, next up is...groan, James and Justin," Izzy announced.

"What?!" Ryland yelled, "Why are THEY here?!"

"Aw come on!" Chris quickly covered his mouth. Martin then snapped back to reality.

"That yell..." He pondered.

"They're doing some kind of sports game," Izzy said. The two brothers went up on stage.

"Ladies and losers! Prepare to be amazed!" Justin said.

"Bro, where's the ball?" James asked.

"I thought you had it," Justin said.

"I don't have it, I thought you grabbed it," James said.

* * *

Chris had stolen and hidden the ball.

* * *

Martin realized something. He went and grabbed the microphone.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" James snapped.

"We're trying to do a performance here!" Justin glared.

"Hush!" Martin shushed them, "Everyone! Your attention, please!"

"Hey, those are my big brothers!" Lil said, "I wanted to see their show!"

"Yeah, what's with you?" Lily said.

"Will you all shut up!" Ryland yelled, "Go ahead, Martin."

"Thank you, Ryland," Martin said, "I have found out what has been going on here!"

"What do you mean?" Kevin asked.

"I think I know who played that video, messed up Janet's feather, and stole James and Justin's ball," Martin explained.

"Who?" Justin asked.

"First, smell," Martin instructed, "What does the air smell like?"

They all smelled the air.

"It smells like…" Then they all said it at the same time, "Hair gel!"

"Correct!" Martin said, "And who do we all know who wears hair gel all the time?"

"Chris!" Izzy yelled angrily.

"Nick! Sniff out Chris!" Ryland told the boy. Nick started acting like a dog and sniffing around, "Nick is like a bloodhound."

"He's like a bunch of different animals," Izzy said. Nick then pointed at the top of the stage, barking.

"ARF! ARF! ARF!" He barked. Martin, Izzy, and Ryland looked up at Chris.

"Oh great going, ya traiter!" Chris yelled.

"Chris!" Izzy yelled.

"We're trying to earn money for my team!" Ryland yelled, "I'm going to kill you after this!"

"Martin! Do something!" Chris said.

"I'm sorry Chris, but I must side with Ryland and Izzy this time around," Martin said, "That was a very wrong thing to do."

"You guys are trait- AHHH!" Chris slipped and held onto one of the stage lights.

"Uh oh," Izzy said, "Guys, we have to do something!"

"Quick, grab that rope!" Martin instructed.

"Why should we try to help him?" Ryland asked, crossing her arms, "He tried to ruin the telethon."

"He's still my brother!" Izzy said. They grabbed the rope and threw the other part to Chris.

"Chris, grab this!" Nick said. Chris grabbed at it.

"Whoa!" He swung down and his phone, (turned to YouTube playing the video) the scissors, and the ball came from his pocket.

"My basketball!" James cried, snatching it. Chris face planted into the fence.

"Owww," Chris groaned. Everyone glared at him.

"You ok?" Izzy rushed over and helped him up.

"Uh, y-yeah," Chris said.

"You are in SO much trouble!" Izzy said angrily.

"Hold on, Izzy. I have an idea," Martin said with a grin. He called everyone over and they all huddled and whispered something. Chris watched, confused. They all chuckled and smiled evilly at Chris.

"Uh oh," Chris backed up.

* * *

"I look so stupid!" Chris said, off stage.

"Hey! You do this or we tell your parents," Ryland threatened. Chris walked on stage in a ballerina dress. All the kids watching laughed. He growled and looked at the others.

"Dance!" Izzy smiled while recording with her phone. Chris started to dance and everyone laughed, throwing lots and lots of money onto the stage.

"It's working!" Ryland said happily.

* * *

Afterwards...

Izzy was counting up all the money.

"Well?" Nick, Martin, and Ryland asked.

"We've made twenty five dollars and...ten extra!" Izzy announced. They cheered, "See Chris? If you hadn't tried to ruin the telethon, you may have gotten some of the extra money."

Chris's eye twitched.

"Excuse me," He said. He grabbed a pot, pulled off the lid, and screamed, "Better now."

Izzy snorted.

"So what should we do with the extra money?" Ryland asked.

"We could split it up evenly between ourselves," Martin said.

"Or...gobstoppers for everyone!" Izzy said, "I mean, splitting it up is just less than two dollars anyway."

"Chris sister's the best!" Nick said happily. Chris huffed and sat down as everyone started to leave.

"Hey Chris, you coming?"

Chris looked up.

"Really?" He asked.

"Listen, I know you were a jerk and everything, but you're my brother," Izzy said, "Plus you _did_ help us get money for the soccer team in the end."

"Oh yeah, I did," Chris said, "Wow, uh, thanks."

"Just don't try to screw stuff up next time, alright?" Izzy said.

"Yeah, ok," Chris said.


	13. Vacation

Victor was speeding through the cul-de-sac on his tractor, which was covered in mud. A large sign on a garage door caught his attention, and he pulled into the driveway, rolling over a garden hose as he did so.

"Customer!" Chris announced, opening the garage door.

"Hallo Chris-boy, I must use your restroom," Victor scrambled down the tractor.

"The restroom's for paying customers only, Vicky," Chris gestured to the tractor, "Your tractor could use some work, yeah?"

"Yes, Chris-boy, go," Victor said, tossing a handful of coins to the tomcat.

"Key's in the garage," Chris said. Martin removed his glasses in shock.

"Is that coagulation of dirt and clay, Victor?" He swiftly approached the pussycat, "Did you give him permission to go into my house?" There was no reaction from Chris, "He'll track mud!"

"Don't worry, he'll never make it inside," Chris said. A cry of "May the fleas from your cow inflame your rhubarb!" highlighted the engine weighing down the key in Victor's hand.

"Let's bring her inside, boys," Chris said, climbing aboard the tractor. Chris fumbled with the controls before sending the tractor out of control in reverse into the neighborhood. He crashed into his garage, wrecking the tree and Eddward's fence on the way. Martin watched in surprise before turning to Nick.

"That's something I'd expect from you, Nick," Martin said. Nick nodded solemnly.

"It's really something I wanted to do, Martin," He sighed sadly.

"Whoo-hoo!" Chris cheered, sitting up with the steering wheel in his hand, "Demolition derby, boys!"

As soon as Nick looked at the carnage, he shook his head in disapproval.

"I've seen better, Chris," He said.

"Say what?" Chris asked, shocked.

"Look," Nick walked along the tire treads leading to the tractor embedded in the house, "The tractor is still intact." There were supposed to be dozens of fragments scattered all about. He walked over to the side of the lawn, "You could've done a lot more to the tree." There was a large gash in it, but it wasn't about to fall over in the next hour. Pointing behind the tree, he noted that "You hardly wrecked Eddward's fence." Only eight or ten boards were damaged, only two of them had actually buckled. Concluding his rant, he plucked the steering wheel from Chris's hand, "And the steering wheel should be rammed over your head like so."

He thrust the wheel over his own head and wore it like a necklace.

"Oh excuse me, I'm such a hack," Chris said sarcastically, "I'll be in my trailer."

He walked away, indeed smacking right into a trailer parked on his lawn.

"Chris got a trailer!" Nick said happily.

"CHRIS!" Izzy screamed, appearing outside with the twins, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"Hey, I didn't put this trailer here!" Chris snapped at Izzy.

"No, the garage, you bozo!" Izzy snapped, then looked at the trailer, "Hey, where'd this thing come from?"

Kevin walked in from behind Eddward's fence.

"Seems some misinformed out-of-towners lost their way," Kevin said.

"Well I'm sending 'em back!" Chris said, trying to ouch the trailer, "Nick, give me a hand!"

Nick appeared with Ryland in hand.

"Found one," Nick laughed.

"This joke is older than our dad's Mesozoic Era fossil collection, Nick," Martin said.

"Whoops, there it goes..." Nick paused for a moment, "Yep, my brain stopped."

"Nick, what are you doing?" Ryland snapped, "Let go of me!" She snatched her hand back, "Hey Iz, you got a trailer?"

Kevin approached the scene.

"No, this isn't her trailer," He explained. The group heard some laughing.

"Ssh!" Chris shushed the assembly, "Did you hear that?"

"Kankers!" Bellini gulped.

"And we're in the open!" Bellino squeaked.

"Hurry, in here!" Nick shoved them all into the trailer. The Sheppard girls appeared in the door, each with their camera phones rolling.

"Wait'll the folks at home see this," Martha smiled. Mary took a selfie.

"We sure wish you were here," She said, posting the picture on her Instagram.

"Move over, Mary-and-Martha-sister-siblings," Victor said, "Victor must get inside, as it is hotter than Mama's oven-foods."

June showed off her bags to the cameras.

"I'm a movie star!" She smiled. Justin and James shoved her back outside.

"Move it June, we're beat!" Lily snapped.

"Martha, get that phone outta our face!" Phil said, shoving her away.

"Hey!" Lil barged into the trailer with June behind her, "I thought this place was supposed to be cleaned up by the time we got back."

Justin kicked his shoes at the foot of the flat-screen TV.

"Who did these people hire for housekeepers?" He asked. James took out his cell phone.

"I'm calling the manager," He said.

"Oh boy, my feet are killing me," Jakob said, plopping down on the couch, "What about you, Woody?" He noticed his hands were empty, "Woody?"

"What's on TV?" June asked, snatching up the remote. Jakob found Woody wedged between the couch cushions.

"Phew," Jakob sighed, relieved, "Thought I lost you there for a second."

James took the remote from June.

"You always pick something stupid," He said. Justin sat down in front of the TV.

"Let's watch monster trucks," He suggested.

"Move over," Lily shoved her cousins over and snatched the remote, "We're watching infomercials."

Justin sat on one of the armrests.

"Alright, alright," He grumbled. James sat on the other armrest, "But next time, I get to pick."

The television came on to present eight people assembled on a rather compact stage.

"Uh..." Chris thought quickly, "We use new Stench-Away deodorant." Chris rubbed Nick's head on Martin's armpit, "Keeps me dry and fresh!"

"That junk wrecked my clothes," Lily sneered.

"Gimme that thing," Phil plucked the remote from his sister's hand, "Let's see if there are any good cop shows on."

He pressed a button and Kevin started making a siren noise.

"Requesting back up, we're in hot pursuit!" Bellino said. Bellini put a hand to her mouth like a bullhorn.

"Pull over now! We have you surrounded!" She yelled.

"It's my turn to drive!" Nick said, pressing his face to the screen, "Beep! Transfer, please!"

The TV fell to the floor to reveal eight uninvited- but welcome- guests.

"It's our crushes!" The cousins chorused together.

"They're in trouble," Jakob and Victor said together. Justin helped Ryland to her feet.

"We've been looking for you," He said. James helped up Izzy.

"Yeah, we need tour guides," He smiled.

"Forget tour guides!" Chris said angrily, "Just get your stupid trailer off our lawn!"

Lily, James, Phil, and Lil smiled innocently.

"But we're on holiday!" The chorused.

"Uh oh," Bellino said, "Tourists."

Bellini nodded.

"The worst ones yet," She said.

"Sun," June smiled.

"Sweat," Justin stretched out.

"Sightseeing," Lily scrolled through pictures on her phone.

"And souvenirs!" The Sheppard girls chimed together. They dumped out a sack of items.

"These souvenirs look strangely familiar," Martin said, then realized, "GAH! GIRLS THAT AREN'T MY SISTERS WERE IN MY ROOM, CHRIS!"

Ryland examined the items.

"At least they're not broken or damaged," She said.

"Why don't you Kankers get lost!" Chris snapped. Nick gave an aggressive nod.

"And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!" He said.

"Lovey dovey!" The cousins sung. Chris was in shock.

"Nick, you dolt!" He said. The twins ran for the door.

"Run away!" They screamed together. The rest of the kids followed them.

"Flounder!" Nick cried, slamming the door in June's face.

* * *

The group of eight took cover in Chris's house, barricading the door to keep the cousins out.

"Nick, hurry, help me barricade the door!" Chris said.

"Stools for blocking!" He plucked the stools out from under Justin and James. Nobody noticed them, though. Martin was waking trying to push the TV in front of the door. Nick arrived with a... "Couch for blocking!" ...which had been swiped from under Martha, Mary, June, and Lily. Again, nobody noticed them. The rest of the cousins were sitting on the floor. Finally, Martin noticed them.

"Chri-is-s-s-s," Martin stuttered.

"This ain't the time to be a snake, Martin," Chris looked over to Ryland, "Your brother thinks he's a snake."

Nick appeared with a... "Rug for blocking!" ...which he pulled out from under Jakob, Victor, Phil, and Lil.

"I hate snakes," Izzy said. Nick saw the Kanker cousins.

"Ka-Ka-" He stuttered.

"And that was the call of the Yellow-Bellied Boyfriend," Lily said. The pussycat was stunned.

"How'd you get in my house?" He asked. All ten cousins pointed to the gaping hole made by Victor's tractor.

"Thanks bro," Mary said.

"Remind Victor to repair his tractor when we return from holiday," Victor said.

"Sure thing," Martha said.

"Time for a close up, holiday boyfriend!" Mary giggled, pulling Martin over and forcing a hat onto him so it looked like a tutu, "He's so cute." Mary whipped out her camera phone, "How about a little hula-hula?"

"This isn't happening!" Martin cried, trying to get out of the hat. At the same time, Martha had slicked up Kevin's shoes and was filming him 'ice-skating'.

"Help me!" Kevin cried, trying to not fall over. James was dangling a cat fishing pole in front of Izzy.

"Smile for the camera, kitty-cat!" He chuckled. Izzy hissed at him. Lily grabbed a hold of Chris.

"Hey, Justin! Get me with Chris!" She ordered. Justin ignored his cousin, "JUSTIN! FILM ME!"

Justin got his picture of Ryland balancing a flower vase on her head.

"Film what, you just standing there?!" He snapped.

"I was gonna hang Chris from the rear view mirror like a troll," Lily said.

"Big whoop," Justin took a selfie with Lily and Chris in the background.

"Guys, quit your fighting!" June said, "We're supposed to be having fun! Holidays, remember?"

"Yeah, you're right, June," Justin rounded up everyone to the fish tank, "Group photo!"

Jakob gave Martin his phone.

"Here, Martin. You take it!" He smiled.

"And make it good, yes?" Victor nodded. James waved the group over.

"Over by the pool, guys!" He instructed.

"Get away from our fish!" Izzy yelled. The cousins ignored her as Phil and Lil waved at the camera.

"Hi, Grandma!" The two said together.

"Nick, do this!" Chris yelled, "Get rid of-" He turned to the cousins, only to see that they, and the fish, we're gone, "-our fish?"

Nick didn't realize the fish were gone.

"Should I put them in a plastic bag?" He asked. Izzy and the twins panicked over the fish. Suddenly, there was a loud crash from Chris's room.

* * *

"Get outta my room!" Chris yelled, seeing the cousins messing it up. Oliver was helping them, and he was the one to have made the loud crash by knocking over the lamp. James gave a hard stare.

"Who's going to make us?" He sneered.

"Hey Chris, are these real leopard skin undies?" Mary asked, holding them out. Bellino gave a condescending laugh.

"That's quite a statement, bro," He chuckled.

"Well there's an image I'll never get out of my head," Izzy said. Bellini nodded.

"I know, right?" She agreed. Chris folded his arms.

"So what?" He asked, "They're Uncle Danny's."

Justin peered inside.

"It says Chris on the tag," He revealed.

"That's it, get out of my room!" Chris pounced on Mary. Bellini looked to Bellino.

"I feel like we should help Chris," She said. Bellino nodded.

"Yeah, we should. Popcorn?" He offered to his sisters.

"Get him to put them on, Mary!" Phil laughed.

"I can't, he won't let go!" Mary said.

"Please," Bellini took a handful of popcorn, followed by Izzy.

"Heh-heh-heh..." Chris laughed weakly, "Give 'em up, Mary. You don't stand a chance."

Mary wrapped Chris up in the underwear.

"How's he look?" Martha asked.

"Hubba hubba," Lily chuckled. Mary started playing with Chris like a yoyo.

"Hi, Chris!" Jakob waved to the pussycat, "Bye, Chris!"

Chris broke loose and landed on Kevin, who fearfully stammered "Guys, I fear they're becoming amorous!"

"What's that mean?" The twins asked together. Martin whispered to them.

* * *

Eight blurs flew through the tractor hole.

"LAST ONE OUT IS A ROTTEN EGG!" Chris screamed, terrified.

"NOPE, NOT TODAY!" Izzy yelled. James bade the fleeing group goodbye.

"Later, guys!" He called, "You'll have to come home sometime!"

"Well, four of 'em do, anyway," Justin said. Jakob waved the brothers inside.

"Woody's got an idea, guys!" Jakob announced.

* * *

The kids watched Chris's house from the other side of the fence. The cousins came sliding out the front door in their swimsuits.

"This water park idea stinks," Mary remarked.

"It's not my fault the water pressure's low!" June protested. Justin brought everyone back inside.

"Everything's your fault, June," He argued. The others laughed.

"GAH!" Chris moaned in frustration, "They're wrecking our house!"

"What are you twerps doing on my lawn?" Eddward asked.

"We heard yours was greener," Chris answered sarcastically. Eddward's eyes quickly fell on Kevin.

"I've been looking for you!" Eddward yelled, "You got chores to do!"

"Hey guys, here's our unmentionables!" Lily said, appearing with the other cousins. She dropped a bag into Chris's hands, and James dropped a bag into Izzy's.

"Press 'em!" Martha shouted.

"Fold 'em!" Justin called out.

"Don't skimp on the starch!" ordered Jakob. Izzy turned bright red and quickly dropped the bag. Eddward turned a teasing eye to Kevin.

"Having some girl problems, are we?" Eddward taunted.

"A cootchie cootchie cruise," Victor popped up. Eddward brofisted Victor before turning back to Kevin.

"A romantic getaway, huh?" He gave a hard laugh, "I guess you dweebs will be holding hands all summer!"

He continued laughing. Eddward let off a final laugh before dragging Kevin away.

"Alright, nerd, you got chores to do," Eddward said.

"Take us with you!" The twins cried. Martin sighed with resignation.

"Eddward is right, Chris," He said, "This weather ensures them a long vacation."

"Weather, huh?" Chris got an idea, "Summer's about to call it a day, folks. Heh-heh-heh..."

* * *

The Kanker cousin were sprawled across the lawn outside their trailer sunbathing. A boom box was playing Brown Sugar by the Rolling Stones, and Justin and James were singing a duet with the music.

"Hey Mary, can you flip me over?!" June shouted over the music, "I'm getting crispy!"

There was no response from Mary.

"Mary! Flip me over!" June yelled louder. Still no response from Mary.

"MARY!" June screamed. Lily, tired of the yelling, removed her sunglasses.

"Shut up, June," Lily said, flipping the table over. Victor sat down on top of Mary.

"Did you not hear your blonde cousin calling your name?" He asked. Mary glared at her brother.

"Nope, must be this vacation air, I guess," She said, plucking one of his armpit hairs.

"OUCH!" He yelled and glared at Mary.

"Sucker!" She teased and Victor chased her. The other cousins watched.

"Come back here you little-" Victor growled, but water fell on their heads. They ran back to where everyone else was gathered.

"It's raining!" Mary yelled. Phil looked up from his magazine.

"Rain?" He questioned. Lily used June as an umbrella.

"Does my hair look ok?" She asked. There was no rain; Martin was using a colander to disperse water from a garden hose into a rain-like mist from Chris's roof.

"Summer rains. You can never predict them," He said, "Commence thunder, Chris."

The pussycat banged two cooking pots against a garbage can, complete with a bullhorn aimed at the Kanker camp.

"It's a thunderstorm!" June cried, clutching her brother and cousins.

"So what?" Justin shouted.

"We're not gonna let a little rain ruin our vacation, are we?" James stood by his brother. The wind (made by a giant fan) quickly picked up.

"Got the debris, Chris!" Nick said, picking up a bush, "I wanted to do this!"

"Hang on, guys!" Justin, James, and Lil were too busy holding onto their cousins for dear life to notice Nick or the fan or the bush. Martha was blown back to the door, quickly followed by June. They were quickly followed by Phil, Jakob, Mary, and Victor in that order.

"I can't see!" Lily was slammed by a bush, along with the rest of her cousins. A tree came pelting down into the trailer. Janet was blown back on her trike, exclaiming, "My thighs! They're burning!"

"Woo-hoo! Nice ad-lib, Nick!" Chris grappled down the drainpipe to the ground, "Now, get 'em off my lawn!"

"Okey-dokey, Smokey!" Nick gave a thumbs up and switched off the fan, "Haha, that rhymed."

Martin followed Chris to the ground.

"I must say, this worked out quite well," Martin smiled. Nick hoisted the trailer above his head.

"Cheerio, Kanker cousinerios!" Nick rhymed. Justin and James sat up in the trailer, coughing up pine cones.

"Now what?" James asked. Nick flung the trailer away.

"Don't even think about it, think about it!" He yelled after them.

"Please, Nick. No more rhymes," Martin moaned. Chris got his furniture collected for cleaning.

* * *

While he was doing that, the Kanker's trailer landed deep in the woods, on a tree. The tree bent back.

"What's going on?" Jakob asked, "Look Woody, it's Uncle Oak!"

The tree they were on- Uncle Oak- sprung back, launching the trailer back to Chris's yard.

* * *

Izzy and the twins had joined their brother in cleaning up the cousins' mess, as did Ryland. Kevin was still doing Eddward's chores, and was unable to help. Chris started scrubbing down his sofa.

"Filthy, filthy, filthy..." He mumbled.

"That's something I'd expect from Martin, Chris," Nick said, looking at the boy who was happily scrubbing a table.

"Don't remind me," Chris grumbled. Chris sighed and slumped down on the couch. No sooner had he let off a sigh of relief, the sounds of screams could be heard approaching.

"Does anyone else hear that?" Ryland asked. Chris could hear it.

"Oh, dog..." He began. The trailer crashed down on them, bouncing up to land on the fence between Chris and Eddward's houses. Eddward caught sight of it as he and Kevin were preparing to mow the lawn.

"What's a trailer doing on the f-" Eddward was cut off by Kevin.

"TRAILER?!" Kevin ran to where he heard the other crushes shouting to push the trailer over the fence.

"Stay off of my lawn!" Eddward snapped, pushing the trailer back. Nick appeared on the fence.

"Hey, Eddward! There's a-" Nick saw the boy pushing the trailer, "Oh, I guess you already know."

He helped Kevin over the fence as Ryland, Martin, and Chris tried to push it, Izzy and the twins watching from the sidelines. This time, Kevin wasn't scared to stand up for himself.

"How do you plan to do that if I'm over here and you're pushing a trailer?" He asked.

"I'LL KICK IT LATER!"

"Nick! Help!" Chris called. Nick's only response was to quip "One plus one equals one on a bun." His statement was met by one from Izzy.

"Two plus two equals two in a shoe."

Then Bellino.

"Three plus three equals three in a tree."

And Bellini.

"Four plus four equals four at the store."

Nick restarted the cycle.

"Five plus five equals five in a hive."

Chris grew frustrated.

"Six plus six equals six hit with bricks!"

Eddward yelled at Kevin.

"Seven plus seven equals seven in heaven!"

Bellino didn't break the beat.

"Eight plus eight equals eight on a date."

Nor did Bellini.

"Nine plus nine equals nine in a line."

Izzy finished off with "Ten plus ten equals ten in a den."


	14. Let's Drive To The City!

Jakob was playing chess with Woody in the cul-de-sac. He noticed something on the board and moved his queen.

"Checkmate!" Jakob said, "Boy Woody, you sure have lost your finish."

Suddenly, a trash can lid was slammed on top of the chess board.

"Come on Jakob, hurry!" Chris rushed.

"Wha-?" Jakob said, confused.

"Here's the banana!" Chris said, shoving the fruit into Jakob's hand, "Now go, run!"

"Okay!" Jakob yelled, "Where to?!"

As soon as he said it, Jakob ran into a tree with a target painted on it. He shot and it and the banana hit the center.

"Bull's-eye!" Jakob cheered.

"What are you waiting for?!" Chris said. He shoved a bunch of peas and a straw into Jakob's mouth, "Here's the peas, and here's the straw!"

"Choot whar!?" Jakob asked, his voice muffled.

"Shoot the balloons!" Chris ordered. The three kittens were suspended by balloons, "Shoot the balloons! Don't look at me, shoot the balloons!"

Jakob shot all three of them.

"I got-" He began.

"Ok, great!" Chris rushed, "Now here's the marshmallows!"

Chris gave an armful of marshmallows to Jakob.

"Ooh, marshmallows!" Jakob said.

"Now feed Martin!" Chris said. Said boy was on a tricycle and had a tuba.

"This is so embarrassing," Martin said silently. Jakob tried to throw the marshmallows into the tuba. They all missed but hit Martin.

"That-a-boy, Jakob!" Chris said, making Jakob cheer, "Now run for home plate!"

Jakob saw the garbage can lid. Jakob ran for it but tripped half a foot away.

"Go Jacob, go!" Nick, Martin, and Chris yelled. The boy crawled towards home plate.

"I got it!" He said.

"Quick Jakob, put a dollar in the jar!" Chris said, setting a jar in front of the boy. Nick, Martin, and Chris cheered him on. Jakob got up and walked away.

"Nice try, Chris," Jakob said.

"I was just trying to get some money for our trip to the city!" Chris said, "My mom won't give me any money!"

"Really?" Jakob asked, "Aw, that's a shame." He pulled two bills out of his pocket, "Cuz my parents gave me and June each fifteen bucks!"

"And my mother and father gave me 40 dollars," Martin said.

"What about you, Nick?" Chris asked.

"I got ten," Nick said.

"Oh come on! Why am I unlucky?!" Chris cried.

* * *

The next morning...

Chris and Izzy were getting ready for school.

"Hey Chris," Izzy said.

"Sup, sis?" He asked.

"Here," Izzy handed him twenty dollars, "Mom didn't want to give it to you before now because she knew you would spend it all before the trip."

"Hey! That's...true," Chris sighed.

"Ok, let's go," Izzy said, "Twins, you two be good!"

"We will!" Bellini said.

"Hey, can you bring me back a soft pretzel?" Bellino asked.

"We're going to the city, not the fair!" Chris said.

"They have pretzel carts there!" Bellino said.

"Maybe," Izzy said. The two older kids left and got on the bus.

"Hey guys!" Chris said.

"Hello Chris, Izzy," Martin greeted.

"I can't wait for this trip!" Izzy said, excited. Chris sat down behind Nick and Martin, and Izzy sat next to Ryland.

"So what are you guys gonna do?" Nick asked Izzy and Ryland.

"Well, Ryland wanted to look around for a sports shop, but I'm gonna seek out the video game store," Izzy said.

"Oh! Do they have the new Mario Maker game?" Nick asked.

"I think they do," Izzy nodded.

"I'm gettin' that," Chris said, "It can help me think of scams!"

* * *

The bus soon arrived at the school.

"Let's get this over with and get to that city," Ryland said.

"Ok everyone, get with your field trip partners," Kevin ordered.

"I hate being pared with you," Eddward huffed. Everyone paired up with their field trip partners.

"This is gonna be awesome!"

The kids headed outside and got on the bus. They sat down in seats with their partners. Nick and Martin sat in front of Chris and Nicole.

"Hey Nicole, what are you gonna do?" Chris asked.

"I'm gonna get my nails done," Nicole said, looking at her nails. The pink nail paint was chipping away slightly.

"Well I don't know what I'm gonna do," Chris said. The kids talked about what they were going to do the whole way there.

"Victor is going to the shop of the butcher," Victor said.

"I can't wait to see all the libraries!" Martin said happily.

"Nick is going to Comic-con!" Nick smiled.

"Nick, Comic-con isn't in the city," Martin said.

"Aw," Nick said sadly.

* * *

The bus pulled up to the city and the kids got off.

"Ok everyone, stick with your partners," Kevin said, "We'll all meet back at this bus stop at 2:30."

"Yes, Kevin!" They all said.

"Oh, and one more thing," Kevin said, "Stay out of the bad part of the city! All of you!"

The kids all went to split up.

"Wait!" Jakob said, "The city is a bad place! Just ask Woody. It's big and cold and people will walk right past you, without even so much as a howdy do!"

Jakob opened his eyes to see that everyone had already wandered off except for June.

"Wow Woody, feel like you might as well be talking to a piece of wood?" Jakob asked. He looked down to see that the piece of wood had gone missing, "Woody?!"

"Come on, Jakob, I wanna see a movie!" June pulled her brother along.

"Wait! What about Woody?!" Jakob asked.

* * *

"I've never been to the city!" Janet said, excited.

"What should we do first?" Jason asked his little sister.

"Oh! How about-" Janet began.

HONK!

Jason quickly pulled Janet onto the sidewalk.

* * *

"Good day Mrs. Lady," Victor was saying to people passing, "Hello Mr. Fancypants. Greetings city stranger."

"Come on Victor, let's get going," Lily snapped.

"We must greet the newcomers, Lily," Victor said.

"They're not newcomers, they've live here their whole life!" Lily snapped, pulling her cousin along.

* * *

"I'm so excited!" Janet was skipping through the city crowd, "Jason, where should we go?"

There was no reply.

"Jason?"

Jason was gone.

"Um, e-excuse me," Janet said timidly. She kept trying to get people's attention but they walked past, talking and laughing, "Hello? Anyone?!"

Janet started panicking.

"Oh look, a shoe store!" She said happily and skipped off.

* * *

Victor and Lily were walking through the city when a car zoomed past. The two of them coughed and choked on the gas.

"The city air is thick, like great nano's toenail," Victor coughed.

"Gross," Lily said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jakob and June were wandering the bad side of town, looking for Woody.

"Woody! Oh Woody!" Jakob yelled out.

"Jakob, we're not supposed to be here," June said, scared.

"I got to find Woody!" Jakob said.

"Hey, kids," Someone said from the shadows, "Psst, over here."

"Who said that?" June asked.

"Whatcha doin' out here?" A teenager- maybe 16-17, appeared.

"Um...nothin-" June began.

"We're looking for my friend!" Jakob interrupted her.

"Friend, huh?" The teen asked.

"Yeah, he's about yay big, and smiles a lot," Jakob said, holding his hands about as tall as Woody was, "Have you seen him?"

"Hmm. I don't know, but I might remember," The teen said as he held out his hands, meaning he wanted money. Jakob grabbed the front of his shirt.

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY FRIEND OR NOT?!" He screamed. The teen actually looked frightened.

"Listen kid, I haven't seen him," He said, "But don't go doin' that to others, they might not take it so well."

Jakob let go.

"Let's go, sis," He grumbled. The two kids walked off.

* * *

Eddward was looking at a magazine while leaning against a newspaper stand.

"Aw, here we go."

"Come on, Edd," Kevin urged, "I would like to go see the book store."

"Shine your shoes, mister?"

"Uh, yeah sure," Eddward said. The man shined Eddward's shoes.

"Great day today, huh?" The man asked.

"Yes, I suppose," Kevin agreed.

"Enough small talk, what's the damage?" Eddward asked.

"Just a dollar," The man smiled. Eddward put something in the man's hand.

"Um, sir, this is a candy wrapper," The man frowned.

"Life in the big city, pal," Eddward laughed and walked off.

"I hate kids," The man grumbled.

"My sincere apologies, sir," Kevin said, handing the man a dollar and quickly following Eddward, "Eddwar-"

Kevin saw something fall down. He quickly dodged the bird poop.

* * *

Chris and Nicole were walking through the city. Chris was carrying all of the bags containing the stuff Nicole had bought.

"Why do I got to carry the bags?" Chris asked.

"Cuz they're too heavy for me," Nicole said with big eyes and a pouty voice, "And you're so strong."

"Not the kitty eyes," Chris groaned.

"Aw, come on, hon," Nicole said.

"Grr, alright!" Chris said.

* * *

Jakob and June were still wandering around town looking for Woody.

"Woody! Oh Woody!" Jakob called. He stepped in some fresh bird poop, "For crying out loud!"

"Gross!" June yelled. Suddenly, a taxi zoomed past. The two siblings saw that inside was Woody.

"Wait, Woody?! Pal! Oh Woody, look what the city's done to you," Jakob sobbed. June comforted him.

* * *

"Hey look, a tattoo shop!" Chris said.

"Wow!" Eddward, Kevin, Victor, Lily, Janet and Jason all stopped at it.

"Coolio!" Jason said.

"Neato!" Victor said.

"I'm gonna get a money sign!" Chris said.

"Victor is wanting a farming hoe," Victor said.

"I think a snake on my face would be cool," Jason said thoughtfully.

"What about a skull on my back?" Eddward asked.

"Yeah! Hey, anyone seen Brainiac?" Chris asked, looking around for Kevin.

"I'd hate to break it to you, gentlemen, but you can't legally get a tattoo until you're of age," Kevin said.

"Aw what?!" The guys groaned.

"Hey look, a temporary tattoo store!" Janet noticed, "We're old enough there."

"All right!" They all yelled.

"Well, better than nothing," Chris shrugged. They went inside. The girls and Kevin sat down while the others got their tattoos done. They were being done with some type of markers. Martin and Nick walked in and saw the girls.

"What's going on here?" Martin asked.

"Tattoos," Nicole answered simply.

"Oh yeah? Well what's two plus two?" Eddward was asking the man that was doing his tattoo.

"Hang on, kid," The man said. Eddward chuckled.

"Hey Victor, you're cutting in line!" Chris accused.

"I am not! Victor was here in the first place!" Victor defended himself.

"No, you cut!" Chris snapped.

"Prove it!" Victor dared. Chris went to punch him.

"Oh, you wish to tussle with Victor, do you?!" Victor yelled.

"Hey hey hey!" Jason appeared with a snake on his face, "Dudes, chill out!"

"STAY OUTTA IT!" Chris yelled at him. Some other people got out their phones yelling, "Worldstar!" repeatedly.

"Hon, calm down!" Nicole tried. Jakob slammed the door open, "Hey Jakob."

"Hey kid, you're gonna have to wait your turn," Someone said.

"Has anyone seen Woody?" June asked, worried, "Jakob's worried sick."

"Nope haven't se-"

"I BLAME YOU STUPID CITY FOLKS!" Jakob shouted.

"Who's this kid?"

"Jakob, think, how could it be their fault?" Martin tried to convince.

"Woody got sucked into the city's atmosphere and now...THEY! WILL! PAY!" Jakob screamed.

"Jakob, wait!" Kevin said, "We'll find him, we will."

And with that, Jakob was gone, but he tripped over something.

"What was that?" He asked. He looked down to see Woody! "Woody!" He hugged him, "Where have you been?"

"See? He's fine," Martin said. Everyone came out with their tattoos, "Nice tattoos."

"Check it out!" Chris showed him the money symbol on his forearm.

"Guys! I got a chicken tattoo!" Nick said, "Dad will be so proud!"

"Good for you," Chris said.

"The lady in the store told Victor that these will last for six months," Victor said.

"Aw, I wanna keep this forever," Nick pouted sadly.

"Sorry Nickolas, but we're not yet old enough to have permanent tattoos," Kevin said.

"Hey, guys, what time is it?" Jason asked.

"It's nearly 2:00," Martin said, "We should head back to the bus stop."

They all agreed. The class was waiting by the bus stop, except for Jakob and June.

"Where are those two?" Lily asked. Just then, the same taxi from earlier sped past with Jakob, June, and Woody inside.

"How come they're allowed to be in a taxi?" Janet asked.

"They're not," Martin frowned.

"I missed you Woody," Jakob was saying, "I'm glad you had fun. But do that again and I'll glue you to a rock."


	15. Rule-Breakers

Nick was standing under a large contraption trying to play MLP songs on a rubber band stretched along a staff dangling from above. Martin was on top of the contraption.

"Nick, please stop!" He begged, "The vibration from the rubber band could interfere with the gyros of our gobstopper surveillance satellite!"

"I have no idea what you just said Martin!" Nick said. Martin sighed.

"Moving rubber band might break gobstopper finder," He translated so Nick could understand. Nick slouched against the propeller fixed to the staff before asking "Can I wind it up now? Please? Can I? Huh? Aw, come on!"

"Keep your neck on, Nick!" Chris snapped, "Martin, tell me again. I'm drooling!"

"Well, Chris," Martin looked through his notes, "With the proper atmospheric conditions, our satellite will be able to pinpoint every gobstopper within a four-block radius of the cul-de-sac."

"Really?" Chris looked super happy. A shout of "Contact!" from below was a signal of major misfortune to come.

"Nick, let go of that propeller!" Chris yelled. Said boy was winding up the rubber bands.

"Roger, Chris!" Nick complied with Chris's order, and the propeller started spinning.

"Nick, no, reverse that!" Martin cried, the machine starting to shake, "Grab hold of the propeller!"

"In your glasses, Martin!" Nick clamped his teeth on the propeller, stopping it cold. The rest of the machine started spinning instead, causing Martin and Chris to yell out. Nick let go of the propeller, and the machine went flying.

"Look at it go!" He said. Martin and Chris had fallen to the ground.

"Oh dear, oh dear," Martin worried, using Nick to help himself up, "Oh well."

Chris was sprawled out in the street.

"Just once, I'd like something to go right!" He said, slowly getting up. The machine ran him over, causing his face to stretch out, "HELLO!"

Martin pulled up a tracker app on his phone.

"Lucky for us, I can track its every whereabouts," He said. He and Nick ran off, leaving Chris by himself to stumble standing up.

"Wait up!" He said, dazed, "That's my pancake!"

* * *

While this was happening, Janet and Jason were playing in the Lane. Janet was crouched over on the ground in front of Jason.

"Your turn, Jason!" she called to her brother.

"Leap frog!" Jason cheered, leaping over his younger sister.

"You're so nimble, Jason," Janet smiled, "My turn!"

She made her leap over her brother. She was about to jump when the gobstopper satellite whooshed over and ran her over. She clung to the machine as it flew around.

"Of all the darn luck. Space junk attack!" The cardboard started to tear under her fingers, "Darn, my perfectly manicured nails!"

Soon enough she fell off, crashing to the ground. Martin was still tracking the satellite and trying to figure out where it was headed.

"If my calculations are correct, it should land-" He was stopped mid-sentence at the sound of a loud crash, "In that tree...Damaged, fractured, and out of order."

Chris gave Nick a swift smack to the back.

"Smooth move, Log!" He snapped.

"Last one there is a rotten egg!" Nick announced, rushing for the tree.

"No, wait!" Martin grabbed the back of Nick's jacket, "Please, Nick! Send an impulse to your brain and stop!" He pulled Nick on top of himself, his toes barely reaching the grass beside the sidewalk, "Nick, are you standing on my shirt with your filthy shoes?"

"CATPILE!" Chris jumped on top of Nick.

"Oh for Pete's sake," Martin sighed, "We're not allowed on the grass!"

Chris got down to the ground.

"Says who?" He asked.

"Please read the sign," Martin sighed, pointing. Chris saw a sign.

"Keep Off the Grass? So what?" He said.

"Chris, you must observe and obey the sign," Martin said, "Signs are in place so that order is maintained in an otherwise uncultivated society. And I, for one, uphold these silkscreen policies!"

He render a salute with his other hand over his heart.

"Donit you know that adults put those there just to bug us?" Chris asked, "Besides, signs like these never apply to animals."

He stepped onto the grass.

"Then why do dog walkers strive to keep their pets off the grass when they take them for a walk?" Martin pulled Chris back to the sidewalk.

"Cuz they're dogs," Chris said.

"I'm smarter than a sign!" Nick said, lifting up the grass, "Look at me!"

Chris tried to shove Martin onto the grass.

"Go on! Touch it!" Chris urged. Martin grabbed the sign for support, and Chris jumped on top of him.

"I can't, Chris!" Martin cried, "It's not in me! Think of the melee!" He suddenly felt Chris jumping on his back, "Excuse me, but has my shirt become a doormat for everyone's filthy shoes?"

Nick popped up from under the grass. Martin was stunned.

"While I suppose technically that's not on the grass-" He was interrupted by a patch of grass smothering him and Chris. Nick was repeatedly smacking his face into the dirt patch.

"Im a dirtpecker!" Nick said. Chris got out from under the discarded grass.

"Let's go find some more signs!" He laughed.

* * *

Meanwhile, the kids were struggling to get a basketball out of a puddle of wet cement.

"Woody says he's almost got it!" Jakob struggled to reach, but only succeeded in knocking the ball further into the patch of wet cement.

"Drat," Eddward groaned.

"That could've been us!" Jakob worried, "Good thing Woody read the sign!"

"You've got to be the first kids in history to not write your names in wet cement," Chris said. He balanced himself on a sign with one foot over the wet cement. Martin raced over.

"Don't do it, Chris!" He cried. Chris fell into the cement with both feet. Martin let off a heavy sigh.

"You are so dogmatic," He said.

"What are you doing, twerp?" Eddward asked as Chris proceeded to write his name in the cement with his tail.

"I'm following my own rules, Edd," Chris picked up the basketball in the cement and tossed it to the kids, "If you want the ball, just get it."

Nick dove into the cement like a dolphin.

"Auntie Autumn's gonna be so mad, Nick!" Jason yelled. Chris waved his hand in dismissal.

"Nah, rules are for losers," He said.

"I'm an angel, Jason!" Nick said, making a snow angel but in the cement. Eddward turned to Kevin.

"What a couple of screwballs," He rolled his eyes.

"Try to talk some sense into them!" Martin begged, clinging to Eddward's shirt, "They're loose cannons ready to blow!"

"I'll give you three to let go of me," Eddward threatened. Martin let go of him.

"Let's have dessert before dinner!" Chris produced a thing of tiramisu, "Eat it with our hands!" He did so before saying "Ernd terk werf fer merf ferr! Then talk with our mouth full!"

Nick ate the rest of it in one bite.

"You're in trouble, Nick!" Jason snapped.

"You kids still listen to Mommy and Daddy?" Chris dragged his feet through the cement to craft cement shoes, "If you listen to Godfather Chris, you can join us for an after-dinner swim! It's an offer you can't refuse!"

"You can't do that, Chris!" Jakob said.

"Al contrario," Chris said, "We can do whatever we want, Jakey-boy!"

"But you'll get a cramp!" Janet worried.

"Actually, that's not true," Izzy said, "Getting cramps from swimming after eating isn't a real thing."

"That's right, sis," Chris nodded.

"Ok, this has gone too far!" Martin said. Jakob looked up from Woody.

"Can we go to bed without brushing our teeth?" Jakob asked.

"Let 'em rot!" Chris said.

"Can I stay up late?" Jason asked.

"Can I wear shoulder pads?" Janet asked.

"Knock yourselves out," Chris smiled. Eddward grabbed Chris by the tail.

"You're just trying to get us in trouble, aren't ya, pussycat?" He accused.

"HELP HELP, EDDWARD'S BEATING ME UP!" Chris screamed. Eddward dropped Chris and jumped back. A Cheshire cat grin reached Chris's face.

"Is the fuzz on its way?" He looked around, "I think not." He stood up and walked over to Eddward, "See, you live by the rules, just like Martin and Kevin."

"But rules are a joy to uphold," Kevin said.

"NERD ALERT!" Eddward announced, "Rules are for losers!"

Chris smirked and snickered. Suddenly, a ball of wet cement hit Eddward in the face. Collapsing from the hit, he recovered to see Nick laughing.

"What do I win?" Nick asked.

"A four-finger sandwich, you-" Eddward threatened, but Nick started tickling him.

"Cootchie cootchie cootchie!" Nick sang. Eddward couldn't stop laughing as Nick tickled him to the ground.

* * *

Meanwhile, Victor was out and about doing chores. He was hauling hay and Wilbur was beside him.

"Come Wilbur, we have much to do," Victor said. Chris hitched a ride on the hay bale.

"Hey, Vicky!" He called, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

"Who is this Jack?" Victor asked, "I know no Jack. Victor knows a Jakob, but no Jack."

"Jack was a prototype name for one of Bella's OCs," Izzy chimed in, breaking the fourth wall. Martin and Kevin ran up to Victor.

"Don't listen to him, Victor!" Kevin pleaded. Martin nodded.

"Chris only wishes to eviscerate social order as we know it!" He explained.

"Nick on a pig!" Nick laughed, running past on Wilbur. Kevin ran after him.

"Nick, you can't do that!" He said.

"Take a break, will ya?" Chris said, "Relax!" Chris shoved the hay bale off Victor's back, "Wouldn't you rather be sloshing around in some wet cement?"

"Why do you hinder Victor's drudgery, pussycat Chris-boy?" Victor picked up Chris by the tail, "If my chores are not complete, I will be banished to the-" He took a hard gulp, "-cupboard!"

"Who's gonna know?" Chris asked, "Come on, there's a clot for your name!"

Victor watched as the kids played around in the wet cement, building snowmen, throwing wet cement, or just leaving footprints all over it.

"Victor is humbled by the wet cement," He murmured. Nick was waving straw in Wilbur's face.

"What a pig," He laughed.

"Give it up for Victor, everybody!" Victor bounded towards the cement. Martin watched as his sisters had fun in the wet cement pit.

"Well it seems you've convinced all but two, Chris, that rules need not apply in this cul-de-sac," He said. He was joined by Kevin.

"Well, Chris, we remain an anchored ship to those rules," Kevin said. Martin gave a hard head nod.

"Terra firma, baby," He agreed. Chris smirked slightly with an idea. Kevin gulped nervously.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked. Martin stood behind him.

"NOT GOOD!" They both cried as Chris slammed a giant box over them.

"No rules RULE!" Chris set to pushing the box down the sidewalk. Nick rode after them atop Wilbur barking like a dog.

* * *

While the rest of the kids were out having their fun, Nick and Chris were torturing Martin and Kevin.

"Chris, stop!" Martin cried. He was glued to his bed by his pants. Chris was currently messing up Martin's bookshelves. Kevin was tied to a corner of the room by a hockey mask on his face with elastic cords.

"What in Sam Hill are you doing?!" He cried.

"I precisely organized those books for immediate reference!" Martin cried.

"Alphabets are for soup," Chris reached the end of the shelf, and his foot found a fallen book, "What's this?" He examined the cover, "Joys of Rules?" He got a fish from his person, "Man, get a life, Martin."

Eating the fish, Chris closed the skeleton inside the pages of the book.

"Alright, that's it!" Kevin threw the mask off his face.

"We're going to give you such a thrashing!" Martin yelled. As Martin stood up, his pants ripped, revealing My Little Pony underwear at the exact moment Chris snapped a picture of both him and Kevin, who was wearing very feminine makeup. Chris and Nick were mesmerized by Martin's boxers.

"Geez louise!" Chris whispered.

"Cool!" Nick gasped. Martin, turning all red, grabbed at his bed sheets.

"I-if you ever tell anyone, I'll never speak to you again!" He nearly shrieked. Kevin got back into his mask.

"Or if you show that picture to anyone!" He said.

"I'll just save them and use 'em for ammo when I need them," Chris said. He bellyflopped onto the bed and quickly became aware of a certain piece of paper.

"Ooh, what's this?" He started reading the mattress tag, "Under penalty of law, this tag is not to be removed by anyone except by the..."

He didn't know how to pronounce the last word.

"No Chris, you can't!" Martin gasped. He was able to reach Chris from where he was, but in his efforts to stop Chris, he only assisted his actions in tearing off the tag.

"Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha!" Chris taunted, waving the tag in his hand, "You're such a bad boy, Martin!"

A look passed between Martin and Kevin.

"You've broken us, Chris," Kevin said. Chris sat up on the bed.

"Hm?" He said.

"You've convinced us," Martin said, "Set us free and we'll aid you in destroying everything that separates us from the primates."

Chris jumped off the bed with a clap.

"Now we're making progress!" He smiled.

"Yum, like cheese?" Nick said, walking over and carrying Martin's ant farm.

"No, Nick. Progress, not-" Martin saw what Nick had in his hands, "PROCESS?! PUT THEM DOWN, NICK! YOU LEAVE MY ANTS ALONE!"

Startled by Martin's outburst, Nick's hands proved too sweaty to firmly grasp the ant farm. Martin gasped loudly as the ant farm dropped to the floor.

"6340 ANTS, NICK!" He screamed, "PICK THEM UP, PICK THEM UP!"

Grabbing Nick by his jacket collar, he thrust him face-first into the bedspread and held his throat against the edge of the mattress.

"Slow down, Martin," Chris said, shocked.

"I'm sorry!" Nick choked out. Chris grabbed Nick and pulled him out the door.

"6340 ANTS, NICK!" Martin held onto him, "GET BACK IN HERE!"

Chris pulled Nick all the way to the front door of Martin's house. Finally Martin let go and was flung back into his house. Chris and Nick, who were pulling against Martin, slingshotted backwards. The boys recovered and looked around to see how the kids were abusing their alone time from the adults. Justin, James, Mary, and Lily were playing music from a stage in the bulb of the cul-de-sac. Eddward had a pile of dishes on a petal trashcan and a slingshot.

"Say goodbye to dirty dishes!" He slammed his foot on the petal, and the dishes went flying, upon which he fired a slingshot at them, shattering them into pieces. He laughed as the fragments came down,"Awesome, eh, Sierra?"

"Pretty cool," Sierra said. Nicole was gulping down a Coca Cola and burped loudly. Izzy burst out laughing as Eddward smiled.

"Good on ya!" He said. Nicole smiled.

"No rules RULE!" She giggled. Chris spotted Victor, lain out in a chair, his animals running wild. Victor took a sip of lemonade and sighed happily. Martha was nearby, juggling a pomegranate, a grapefruit, and a coconut.

"Hi, Chris!" Martha greeted.

"Hi guys," Chris said, "What's up?"

Victor wiggled his toes.

"No more chores for Victor," He sighed happily, "I am a lazy good for nothing."

"Hey, Chris, watch this!" Martha threw the coconut up in the air, caught the grapefruit and pomegranate in her hands, and with a front flip, pelted the coconut down the street.

"Feel the wind, Woody!" The coconut barely missed Jakob, who ran past his cousins performing wearing only his footwear and Woody over his front parts. The coconut flew into a mountain of ice cream sitting in an inflatable pool. Jason and Janet were standing on top. Jason was tingling with excitement.

"Banana chocolate fudge!" He said happily, "Race you to the bottom!"

He and Janet slid down on their bellies, scooping up ice cream with their mouths. By the time they reached the bottom, they had reached the size of beanbag chairs.

"I love ice cream, Jason!" Janet giggled.

"Hey, Chris!" The pussycat looked to see Eddward walking over, "Check out what I found in Kevin's garage." A hoverboard landed at Chris's feet, "Try it!"

"Sweet!" Chris said, stepping on, "The dude never said he owned a hoverboard!"

He took off toward the stage where the Kanker brothers, Mary, and Lily were performing, squeezing between them and the ice cream slide as he headed out over the woods.

"Um, excuse me, everyone!"

Nobody could hear Martin or Kevin over the Kankers' music.

"Excuse me!" Kevin yelled loudly. Izzy and Ryland were the only ones who heard them. Ryland walked over to the fire hydrant where Martin was.

"Aren't those my yoga pants, Martin?" She asked. Izzy was not far behind her.

"Why's Kevin wearing a paper bag over his face?" She had her own question.

"Never mind that," Martin said, "Izzy, do you mind-?"

"I got this," Izzy said, "HEY EVERYONE!"

The Kankers' music was still too loud, but James could see his girlfriend waving and jumping. He got the microphone in his hand.

"Hey, Doll! What's a girl like you doing way back there?" He asked. Izzy growled and stomped up on stage, grabbing a microphone.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LET MARTIN AND KEVIN SPEAK FOR ONCE!" She screamed. Mary caught sight of Martin.

"I got a mic right here, Cutie Pie!" She said.

"Yes, um, well, I wanted to announce that Kevin and I have taken the liberty of phoning all your parents!" Martin said. The audience reacted with a stunned "What?!" Justin and James looked to the two nerds.

"All the parents?" They asked together.

"Yes, all the parents," Kevin nodded.

"They flipped!" Chris cried. Justin and James hoisted their guitars over their shoulders and Pete Townshend'd the nerds off the stage.

"Wait, would Dad even be mad?" James asked his brother. Justin shrugged.

"I know a lot of these guys' dads will be mad, so we might as well do them a favor," He said.

"More likely their moms," James said. Justin nodded.

"Yeah, probably. So," He cracked his knuckles, "How 'bout it, bro? Save these kids the trouble?"

"You guys broke the number one rule!" Eddward yelled, "Don't squeal!"

James got on the microphone.

"Everyone do what you need to do before your folks get back. We'll handle the squealers," He announced. Justin got on after his brother.

"Vic, Jake, and Martha, give us a hand here," He instructed, "Phil, Lil, and June, get all our crushes to the stage."

"Wilbur is a very quiet pig, yes?" Victor ran around, gathering his animals. Martha grabbed her brother.

"Hold up, Vic," She said, "Justin and James want us on stage."

Victor saw Nick, Ryland, the twins, Izzy, and Chris on stage.

"Yes, the closet can wait," Victor said. Chris dragged Martin and Kevin back onto the stage.

"Now we have to do what grown-ups tell us to again!" Chris complained. The two looked at the angry crowd below. Jakob climbed up to the stage with Woody covering his parts.

"I've got goosebumps!" He said angrily, as if that wasn't his own fault. His cousins were quick to follow him up.

"Uh, see guys, Martin and Kevin just...broke a rule! Like us," Chris defended.

"No, we didn't," They both protested. The twins quickly covered their mouths.

"They're delusional," Bellini gulped, "The yoga pants are too tight."

Bellino nodded.

"Yeah, so's the paper bag on Kevin's head," He said.

"Guys, I think it's time for a little order," Justin said. James tied up the crushes with all the cords on the stage and looked to his cousins.

"To the trailer?" He said.

"Wait, hey, we didn't do anything!" Bellini yelled.

"Yeah, we didn't do anything!" Bellino repeated. Izzy smelled the twins' breath.

"Wasn't that salmon supposed to be for dinner tonight?" She asked.

"No, that's our salmon cat treats," Bellini said.

"Yeah, that's our salmon cat treats," Bellino repeated. An eyebrow rose on Izzy's face.

"I don't remember Mom or Dad buying salmon cat treats," She said.

"We earn allowance!" The twins protested. Izzy shrugged.

"Well, once we get home, we can check," She said.

* * *

Minutes later, the group of eighteen was at the Kankers' trailer, with the crushes in ankle locks as the cousins doodled on the undersides of their feet.

"This is all your faults," Chris whispered to Kevin and Martin. Ryland looked to her brother.

"Was that even necessary?" She asked. "They were going to find out one way or another."

"W-We're sorry," Martin said.

"The blatant disregard for rules must have caused us to go, uh," Kevin wasn't sure how to say it.

"Temporarily insane," Martin finished. Izzy looked to the nerds.

"It was kinda hard not to notice the Kanker concert outside," She said. Ryland nodded.

"Surely, you could've known that these guys would do something if you blew the whistle on anyone," Ryland said. Nick nodded.

"Now Jason's going to tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad, and Dad will say 'Where's my gravy?'!" He worried.

"Honestly, Dad's probably gonna be proud," Chris said to his siblings.

"Heh, ours too," Justin chuckled. Ryland looked to her brother.

"Our dad will definitely fry us when we get home," She said.

"Well I didn't do anything wrong," Martin said.

"Neither did I," Kevin responded.

"Ah, that tickles!" Izzy squirmed. James held Izzy feet still.

"Just a few more touches..." He said.

"We're back!" Jakob announced, entering the trailer with Woody and a bucket of clams, "Listen to the clams gurgle in the bucket."

Chris looked over to Jakob.

"Hey, Jake! Over here!" He called.

"Oh, hi guys," Jakob passed right by them and headed upstairs.

"Get us out of here!" Chris called after him.

"Please assist!" Martin cried.

"Ketchup!" Nick laughed. June was happy to comply with her boyfriend's request.

"Here comes the spaceship!" She said, holding a ketchup bottle.

"Yum!" Nick smiled. Izzy called up the stairs.

"What are ya, deaf?" She said.


	16. I Do

Nick was staring at an old abandoned house. The front yard was filled with dandelion puffs. The house hadn't been lived in since…

Nick couldn't remember. But he was sent to find grass, so grass he must find. He was shaking as he grabbed a handful of dandelions from the yard. He ran back the way he came.

"I found some grass, Chris!" He announced. Chris was grating yellow and orange crayons.

"Whoop-de-doo, Nick," He said.

Nick, Martin, and Chris were putting together a taco stand called "Nice Mexican Cuisine." The tacos were made from paper plates serving as taco shells and filled with shredded or chopped crayons; orange and yellow for cheese, green for lettuce (mixed with grass), red for tomatoes, black for olives, and brown for the meat (marinated in a secret ingredient). The blue and purple crayons were used to make the sign.

"Cheese, grated and waiting!" Chris announced with a smile, "Ready to roll, Martin?"

"Don't rush, me, Chris." Martin couldn't believe what they were doing, "There's an art to folding tacos from paper plates."

"Ole!" Nick said, dropping the dandelions in the plate. Martin set the taco shell down with the others.

"Everyone's a critic," He sighed. Chris started shaking a can of shaving cream, which he planned to use for sour cream.

"Art shmart," He said, "Everyone will buy our tacos! It's a cinch!"

Martin covered the bowls of crayons.

"Grass, paper plates, crayons, and shaving cream a taco does not make, Chris!" He said.

"Cheddar!" Nick yelled happily, gobbling up the shredded orange crayons.

"For goodness sake, Nick!" Martin pulled the bowl away from Nick's face, "Did that really taste like cheese?!"

"It's orange like cheese," Nick answered simply.

"Really?" Martin was skeptical, "So, if what you're saying is true," He produced a blue crayon, "This blue crayon must be a blueberry pie."

Nick ate the whole thing in one bite.

"Hard yet crusty," He said, crayon crumbs spewing from his mouth. Chris checked to see that there was enough cheese left for the scam.

"Would you guys quit fooling around?" He went over to the brown crayons, a bottle in his hand, "I still gotta add Uncle Danny's-"

"Pomegranate," Martin held a purple crayon in his hand, "Purple is for pomegranate." He stared intently at the crayon, "You are a pomegranate!"

He bit off the top and nearly threw up. Chris struggled not to laugh as Martin cried out "Water! Water!"

"Don't just stand there!" Martin yelled. He grabbed the hot sauce and gulped it down. Chris poured what was left into the brown crayons and put together a taco: meat, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, sour cream, and olives.

"That's the first time I've seen someone guzzle Uncle Danny's Armenian Secret Hot Sauce," He said. Nick was eating a taco.

"It certainly rid me of that horrible non-toxic waxy aftertaste," Martin smiled.

"My mom says not to pick my bellybutton," Nick said with his mouth full.

"I don't believe it!" Chris looked at the empty bottle in his hands, "It's not working!" He ran a finger along the base of the bottle, "This sauce is supposed to be a real gut burner!"

He licked the remained sauce off his finger before seeing Martin go all red. Steam gushed out his ears, nose, and even his eyes, rendering his glasses opaque. Chris turned to see Nick, who's head was all shriveled up.

"Hi Chris," Nick waved.

No sooner had Chris heard the words from the spent match head of his friend, Chris's tail started to burn down like a fuse. He ended up exploding. The three boys rushed to the nearest sprinkler and clamped their mouths on. The fireball was visible from the trailer park, and Izzy, Ryland, Kevin, and the twins quickly found them being tossed back and forth by the sprinkler. Suddenly there was a loud scream.

"Oh dear, a shriek of terror," Martin said. The three of them stood up, Chris spitting out water.

"Grandpa's visiting!" Nick said happily. The other kids had set out to see where the fireball had come from, but were stopped by a scream from Janet, who had passed out in front of the house with the dandelion field.

"What's up with Fluffy?" Eddward asked.

"There! In the window!" Janet pointed, her face quaking with fear, "A dark figure cast a shadow! It cries in torment with a hideous hairdo! Hold me!"

She wrapped her arms around her brother.

"Stay back!" Nick cried, hiding the two in his shirt, "Protect yourselves! Who knows what evil lurks behind the hallowed halls, in the house of the haunted?"

Janet screamed.

"Not all ghosts are evil, Nick," Chris said.

"Wait! This house is owned by the provoked opera singer, who lures little boys and girls with her enchanted aria!" Victor said. Janet screamed again.

"No!" Jakob cried, "It's the house of the mad logger who chopped down trees and hacked them into coffee tables!"

"How exactly is that bad?" Izzy asked. Janet screamed once again. But she couldn't be heard, as Chris had put a glass jug over her head.

"Grow up," He told everyone, "Not all ghosts are bad."

"It's just an old house that hasn't been occupied for some time," Kevin asserted.

"Go check it out, then," Eddward approached Kevin, "I dare ya!"

"Um, m-maybe some other time," Kevin gulped.

"Hey, we'll go!" Izzy said.

"Yeah, it looks cool," Bellino said.

"Yeah, it looks fun," Bellini said. Chris looked to Martin and Ryland.

"You guys coming?" He asked. Nick jumped and waved.

"Oh! Oh! Me me! Me!" He called out.

"If Izzy's going, I'm going," Ryland shrugged.

"I'll give you a gobstopper," Eddward said to Kevin, "If you go inside the house."

Martin was concerned about his sister.

"I'm going with you so you don't get hurt," He said. Kevin wasn't game for the gobstopper.

"I'm...uh...trying to eat healthier," He said.

"Alright," Eddward pondered for a bit, "If you go in there, you won't have to do my chores for a week."

"I'll take the gobstopper!" Chris beamed. Eddward whisked the gobstopper away from Chris.

"You were going in there anyway, pussycat," He rolled his eyes. Chris growled and dragged Kevin away.

"Take that gobstopper or you'll get this in your gut," He threatened, holding up a fist. Kevin tried to reason with the pussycat as he dragged him up the walkway.

"Chris, don't you see through Eddward's attempt to make us go into that structurally unsound house?" Kevin said. Chris shoved Kevin in front of Eddward.

"Oh, um, a-alright, Eddward," Kevin gulped, "I'll, uh, I-I'll take t-the gobs-stopper."

"Alright," Eddward tucked it into his jacket pocket, "You'll get it once you're done in there."

Chris picked up Kevin and ran to catch up with the others.

"You hear that?" Chris asked, "All you have to do is stick your foot in the door, and Boom-Shaka-Laka, gobstopper for Chris!"

The others followed behind them.

"Dandelions," Nick laughed. Suddenly he sneezed, clearing the lawn of dandelions. Ryland looked to Izzy, whose face was propped against the door window.

"See anything, Izzy?" She asked.

"Yeah. Dark. Lots and lots of dark," Izzy responded, "Not even any ghosts."

Nick was waving back at the kids when he sneezed again, propelling him and Izzy into the house.

"Nick, can you get off my face?" Izzy groaned from under Nick. The rest of the group entered the house behind them.

"This house isn't even haunted!" Chris said.

"I can't see any ghosts," Bellino agreed.

"I can't see any ghosts, either," Bellini looked around.

"Alright, we're inside now, Chris," Kevin walked back to the door, "Can we please leave now?"

"This house looks like the house from I Was A Cotter Swap In Madame Tongue-Itch's Earwax Museum: The Mini Series!" Nick said in awe. A witch-y voice sounded from behind a candle rack.

"Kevin! Martin! Let me poke your brains! Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha!" The cat lisp in the laugh gave the voice away as Izzy's. Martin and Kevin nearly fainted.

"You scared Martin and Kevin, Izzy," Nick said.

"I did, didn't I?" Izzy laughed.

"Is that even an accomplishment?" Bellini asked.

"She killed two birds with one stone, I guess," Bellino shrugged. Izzy waved her brother to the fallen door.

"Hey, Chris! Help me put this door up. I got an idea," She chuckled.

* * *

"Do you think they're ok?" Nicole asked. The front door sealed itself ominously. Suddenly there was a loud crash. A witch-y voiced cackled from within, the laughs tainted with cat lisps.

"I have you now, my pretties!"

The rest of the kids (except Martin and Kevin) cried out for help.

"Help! No! Help! Ghosts!" Bellino cried.

"Whoa!" Eddward gasped.

"Get it away from me! OH NO!" Bellini screamed.

"Oh the inhumanity!" Janet fainted. Victor grabbed his face in fear.

"The crushes of Victor's cousins are goners!" He gasped. Sheldon tried to run for the house, but was held back by Oliva.

"Someone save my brother!" He begged. Nick was in the window, apparently being strangled by the throat. Eddward struggled not to watch.

"I take back everything I said about those twerps!" He said. With new determination, Sheldon dragged Oliva to the house.

"Come, cousin! We must rescue Nick!" He said bravely, "These demons wouldn't dare harm three-year-olds!"

"Huh?" Eddward saw Nick move in front of the window, which revealed that he was strangling himself. As soon as Sheldon came to a stop upon seeing this, Oliva yanked her arm out of Sheldon's hand and shouted "I'm three and a half!"

"Of all the lousy-!" Jakob said angrily.

* * *

Nick, Chris, Izzy, and the twins cooled down from their scare prank.

"Alright," Izzy panted, "That's enough torture."

Chris strolled over to the door.

"Yeah. C'mon, everybody! Let's let 'em off easily and collect our gobs-What the-?" A crawling sensation grabbed his finger. There was a spider on the doorknob.

"Hit the road," Chris said, flicking the spider. Chris grabbed the knob again, but it came away in his hand. Taken completely off guard, he fell on his backside, and the loose doorknob flew out of his hand, sailed across the aging wood floor, and slipped through a gap in the boards into the darkness below. Martin and Kevin covered their eyes.

"Tell me that didn't happen!" They cried out together. They were answered by Nick and Izzy.

"That didn't happen!" The two said. Izzy giggled.

"Nothing a little Chris magic can't fix," Chris said, picking at the hole where the knob had been. The doorknob on the other side of the door fell out, and Chris's finger got stuck in the turning mechanism, "Hey, my finger's stuck!"

"Cool trick, Chris!" Nick smiled, "My turn!" He held his hands up with fingers arched before bellowing in a bad Romanian accent, "I am ze cotton svab! Release ze vax, ear pahson!"

"You're scaring me more than usual, Nick," Martin said, grabbing Nick's wrists, "Please pull Chris loose so we can leave!"

As Nick grabbed his friend's ankles, Chris said to him "Careful, Nick. I bruise like a banana."

"Really?" Izzy asked, "You would think with daily beatings, you wouldn't bruise so easily."

Ryland stood next to the door.

"If I remember correctly from my brother taking apart my bedroom doorknob, it should be possible to just twist your finger counterclockwise, and the door should be able to open," She said. Before Chris could do so, Nick stepped on a board, which sunk on one end and lifted up on the other, setting into play a music box.

"It's the Phantom of The Earwax," Nick said in amazement.

"Phantom?!" Martin tried to twist Chris's arm to get the door to open, "That's it! Let me out! Let me out!"

He was shocked when Chris's finger suddenly came loose, sending the lot of them flying backwards into another room and down to the basement.

* * *

Their screams could be heard outside, but none of the kids reacted.

"Quit milking it, Polternerds!" Eddward yelled, the gobstopper in his mouth.

"Your bamboozle has soured like Great Nano's denture water!" Victor heckled.

"Bamboozle?" Eddward laughed, "Good one, Victor!"

* * *

As the kids left the street, the basement of the house got an unscheduled delivery.

"Oh, my aching head," Chris groaned. Martin sat up.

"That was quite an experience," He said, rubbing his head. Kevin looked around.

"Is it me or do our heads look like yams?" He asked, looking in the mirrors.

"Big butt, so what?" Nick laughed. Bellino suddenly realized.

"It's a mirror!" He said. Bellini smiled.

"It's a room full of mirrors!" She added.

"Yams. What was I thinking?" Kevin asked himself. Martin brought his attention to a spiral staircase with a book laying on it.

"Look at that!" He said to Kevin. Martin nodded as they walked to the staircase, "A poor defenseless book, abandoned and tossed aside like some cheap comic!" He picked up the fallen book, "Who would do-"

"Look!" Kevin interrupted, "There seems to be-"

Martin saw it.

"Yes, another one!" He said. They started following a trail of books up the stairs. Chris was looking in a mirror that made him look very strong.

"Check this out, guys!" He flexed, "Take a load off your eyes!"

Izzy laughing at Chris's narcissistic dance distracted them from the twins, who caught of something disappearing into a boiler. They went to investigate as a dumbwaiter opened up. Nick saw a box of Chunky Puffs inside.

"CHUNKY PUFFS!" Nick ran for the dumbwaiter, "Yum yum yum!"

Ryland tried to stop him, but only succeeding in getting stuck in the dumbwaiter with Nick, which started up away from the basement.

"What the-?" Izzy watched the two, but was distracted by a ball rolling across the floor. Chris turned around.

"Hey, Izzy, where ya going?" He asked, "Hey, where'd everybody else go?"

Chris scratched his head, but the doorknob holder was still on his finger.

* * *

At the same time, Martin and Kevin had slowly made their way to the library.

"Can someone so well-read be so illiterate?" Martin wondered.

"Oh, another one!" Kevin noticed. Their stack of book amounted to about 20. The boys' faces lit up at the sight of where they ended up.

"Rapture!" They gasped together.

* * *

Chris was trying to pry the doorknob holder off of his finger when he started moving.

"Where's the room going?" He instantly realized that that was a stupid question, "Where am I going?" He let out a cat screech as his feet got stuck under a staircase, "HELP! THE STAIRCASE IS EATING ME! Huh?"

He saw a piggy bank at the top of the stairs.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kevin was dancing around the library with glee.

"Books upon shelves upon walls of literature!" He beamed. Martin spotted a turned over book.

"Bohemian! Someone's really trying my patience," He sighed. Kevin brought a sliding ladder over to the book in question, and Martin climbed up it. Kevin saw another book in the same position and brought the second sliding ladder over to it. The two boys straightened the crooked books, which opened trapdoors under them. The two didn't even notice as they climbed down the ladders.

* * *

While this was going on, Chris was pulling himself up the stairs trying to reach the piggy bank at the top.

"Piggy bank! Money! Come to Papa!" He smiled.

* * *

"Professor Martin Vincent, book archivist," Martin said to himself, "I like the timbre of that!"

* * *

"Chris, filthy rich gobstopper tycoon," Chris was saying, "Oh yeah."

He finally managed to get his paws on the piggy bank, which was attached to a lever.

"Boom-Shaka-Laka!"

The lever had lifted the bottom stair, releasing Chris and making him fly across the house. Chris didn't notice his flying through the air.

"Ha-ha-ha! Okay, cough up the dough, you little porker," The doorknob holder kept his finger out, "For crying out loud!"

Chris slammed into the wall, dropping the piggy bank. He fell headfirst into a barrel. Izzy was in another barrel, and she turned her brother upright as two ladders appeared above another barrel.

"Nobel Prize winner Kevin Anderson. Nice." Kevin was saying to himself. Kevin and Martin fell into two trash cans. Nick was also in a trash can and the twins were in two boxes. Ryland looked down the line of boxes, barrels, and cans.

"Okay. This is getting weird," She voiced. The barrels started moving, and they could hear an organ playing the theme song to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Izzy looked to Ryland.

"You can say that again," She agreed.

"Tsk tsk tsk, do you know how long we have been waiting?" Nick asked. The barrels rounded a corner, and it soon dawned on them that they were on a ride.

"I'm not sure I'm the right height for this ride," Bellino whispered.

"Me neither," Bellini whispered back.

"Choo choo!" Nick laughed. The train passed through a set of doors, sealing the group in darkness.

"Creepy!" Izzy cooed. The track started on what seemed like a roller coaster.

"Enterprising." Kevin held onto his hat as the train went through large drops, sharp curves, even loop-de-loops. They went through another set of doors and they all came out naked except for their underwear and, in the girls' cases, bras.

"My clothes!" Martin squeaked.

"They're gone!" Kevin cried.

"I'M NAKED!" Izzy screamed, ducking inside her barrel. Ryland noticed the hat on her head.

"Where'd this come from?" She asked. The twins looked around.

"Chris!" They accused. Chris crossed his arms.

"Hey, it wasn't me!" He defended. Nick rendered a salute.

"Barnacle!" He smiled dumbly. Kevin blushed looking at Ryland.

"Um, t-that's mine," He said. The train took them past a display of ponies surrounded by neon hearts. Martin was shaking in his barrel.

"It's a nightmare, I tell you!" He said.

"My Little Pony!" Izzy, Bellini, and Nick said happily.

"Is that me?" Chris saw a toy of him, "Ironing clothes?"

The group had to duck under the display, but Nick smashed right through it. The next display was a pair of cats moving furniture.

"Is that us?" The twins asked each other. Martin and Ryland were focused on the other side of the track, where a boy was washing dishes and a girl was mopping a floor.

"Oh my!" Martin gasped, "Look at the soap film on those dishes!"

"Water, water everywhere," Ryland marveled. Around the corner, a blonde catgirl was holding a frying pan over a stove.

"Yum yum, bacon," Izzy licked her lips. Across from that was a boy in a cap administering foot massages. Kevin shuddered uncomfortably.

"Who's that good looking guy?" Nick asked, seeing a boy watching TV in a recliner. Chris hardly glanced at the display dead ahead.

"Get some glasses, Nick," He scoffed.

The ride dipped nearly straight down. Bursting through the next door, there was no track, and the barrels fell over and crashed through an array of folding chairs, scattering them every which way. Eight masked figured walked down the swathes made by the barrels barreling through the rows of chairs.

"Is it over?" Chris asked. The masked figures pulled the barrels upright. Martin gulped.

"I fear it has just begun," He trembled.

"Here come the brides!" The Kanker cousins sung.

"KANKERS!" Chris ducked down into his barrel.

"Of all the rotten luck!" Ryland hid in her barrel.

"It's a wedding, Chris!" Martin got down in his barrel.

"This is your fault, Chris!" Kevin curled up in his barrel.

"We're too young!" The twins switched barrels.

"We're dog meat!" Izzy tucked herself away.

"But I can't dance!" Nick's barrel fell over.

"Aw, flowers for your bride?" June asked, taking the dandelions from Nick's trash can, "How sweet."

The crushes were sorted out into a two by four configuration in front of the wrecked chairs, and the cousins formed a meshed array of two by three. A phone book landed on the podium at the foot of the makeshift cathedral, and Justin and James took the stand.

"The wedding ceremony is about to start," Justin began.

"Now, pick up your sweeties and spit out your gum," James instructed. All the cousins spit out gum and Martin and Kevin were disgusted when Mary and Martha stuck their gum behind their ears. Justin cleared his throat.

"We are gathered here today to join in marriage: the Kankers, Baxters, Sheppards, and June 2x4 to the Vincents, McGees, Nick Hunter, and Kevin Anderson," He announced. James picked up.

"They promise to love, honor, and obey, or we pound them," He said.

"Bla bla bla," Mary said.

"Quit showin' off, guys!" Martha snapped.

"Phil! Lil!" Justin snapped his fingers. James passed out the orders.

"Get the rings," He said.

"What you got, pianos tied to your legs?" Phil asked. June was opening a can of soda. She plucked the tab off the top.

"Hold still, Mr. June," She took a hold of Nick's hand, "With this ring, I doody wed."

"Doody?" Nick asked. Phil and Lil had a small piece of plastic piping between them.

"Here's for my sweet kitty," Phil slid one end onto Bellini's finger.

"And here's for my sweet kitty," Lil slid the other end onto Bellino's finger.

"And mine," James said, sliding a twist tie onto Izzy's finger. She was terrified but suddenly looked angry.

"Is this a twist tie?" She asked, "The LEAST you could have done is a RING POP! Could you REALLY not even do THAT?!"

Justin looked up from Ryland.

"Diamond got the Ring Pop, Kitty Cat," He said. Ryland decided to make the most of it.

"Who's laughing now?" She chuckled.

"Gimme that!" Izzy snatched the Ring Pop and started sucking on it.

"Oh, Kevin!" Martha sang, "Here's a little something for you."

She wrapped a rubber band around his finger as tightly as she could twist it.

"And you!" Mary slid a nut onto Martin's finger.

"Breathtaking," Martin and Kevin sighed.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Chris hid his hand in the barrel, "No ring for me!"

"Don't be silly," Lily said, "You had your ring all along."

She held up his hand, which had the doorknob holder. Chris's hand went limp.

"Gah, they're good!" HE frowned. Justin and James had returned to the podium.

"We now pronounce us..." They both slammed the phone book shut, "HUSBANDS AND WIVES!"

Phil and Lil set to playing Love is in Bloom on the organ.

"Can you NOT?" Justin snapped. They couldn't hear him over the music.

"Do you think there will be a reception?" Nick asked.

* * *

Twenty minutes passed, and the cousins were riding down the street in a wagon being pulled by their newlywed crushes. Nick was at the front, laughing. Chris was struggling to keep up.

"Slow down, Nick!" He cried.

"I hear wedding bells!" Janet said. Nicole followed her.

"Cool! Where?" She asked. Eddward laughed when he saw the scene.

"Check it out! It's the Dweebbusters!" He called out to Kevin, "Hate to see your kids, nerd!"

"Hey!" Nicole cried out, "Chris!"

Chris looked up.

"Hey, Nicole!" He called back.

"Good luck rice for the newly weds!" Janet announced, throwing rice at the Kanker cousins. Justin hid his face and held his hands out.

"They're throwing stuff at us!" He hissed. James handed him a dandelion bouquet.

"Hit 'em with these," He ordered.

"The bouquet! It's all mine!" Janet said happily, jumping up to catch the flowers. She caught them with her face and stumbled to the ground.

"Janet, are you ok?" Jason asked. Janet's smile didn't change.

"Isn't love a many-splendored thing, Jason?" She sighed happily. The 'newlyweds' rode off, a sign saying 'Just Maryd' being the last thing we see.


	17. Rainbows And Lollipops

Martin and Chris were riding a boat through the sewer. Martin was disgusted.

"This scam will work perfectly!" Chris said.

"In a sewer?" Martin said.

"It's a swamp ride," Chris said.

"It's highly disgusting," Martin said.

"So what?" Chris asked. Suddenly, Nick jumped over the boat, dressed as an octopus and Martin jumped. Nick jumped again, grabbing Chris. Martin frowned.

"Nick! Cut it out!" Chris yelled as Nick held him upside down by his feet.

"I am Nick-apus cuz I'm Nick!" Nick said. Chris struggled.

"Save it for the customers, Nick!" He snapped. Nick dropped Chris into the water.

* * *

Meanwhile...

Izzy, Bellini, Ryland, Nicole, and Janet were walking up in the cul-de-sac. Sheldon and Oliva were with them.

"I can't wait! He's my favourite basketball player!" Ryland said happily.

"Whatever you say," Nicole said.

"Oh God, what's this?" Izzy asked. They saw the sign at the sewer hole that read 'Swamp Ride!'

"Ew, gross!" Ryland said.

"Who would wanna ride a swamp?" Nicole asked.

"Yucky!" Oliva said.

"Yeah, yucky!" Sheldon agreed.

"Yeah, and swamp's are scary," Janet said. They walked past the sewer hole and they didn't notice Janet fall in.

"AAHHH! HELP!" Janet cried. Janet fell onto the boat.

"Hey there Janet!" Chris said, and Janet looked up. Izzy, Nicole, and Ryland peered into the hole.

"Don't worry Janet, we'll help!" Izzy called.

"Oh joy, your brother," Ryland said sarcastically. Bellini pulled out a long rope and tossed it down. Janet climbed up. Bellini yanked her the rest of the way up.

"Jeez Janet, you stick," She said, holding her nose.

"You need a shower," Ryland said.

"Hey, let the girl have some fun!" Chris yelled.

"Hon, you're in a sewer," Nicole said, also holding her nose. Ryland shuddered.

"Yeah, it's dirty, and smelly," Izzy said.

"It's a swamp ride, duh!" Chris said, then added quietly, "And I don't hear you complaining about Nick."

"Shut up you jerk! You weren't supposed to know that!" Izzy yelled, flushing red.

"What?" Ryland asked Izzy.

"No one's gonna want to ride that," Bellini said.

"Says you," Chris said, "I'm sure Jason, Jakob, Bellino, Justin and James, even Victor will-"

"They went skateboarding," Izzy said.

"Skateboarding?" Chris asked, popping up.

"And they won't be back till dinner," Janet added.

"Yeah," Ryland said.

"Bye bye," Izzy said, flipping the sewer cover onto the sewer and knocking Chris down. Ryland snickered and Chris growled.

"Just great!" He said, "We're stuck here with five girls, a Sheldon, and an Izzy."

"Izzy is a girl, Chris," Martin said. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Well, what do we do now?" Chris asked.

"I say we study them, find our sensitive side," Martin said.

"Yeah," Chris said.

"I found my sensitive side cuz it has a rash!" Nick said. Chris rolled his eyes and Martin looked disgusted.

* * *

The girls and Sheldon were hanging out at the park. Ryland was tossing a football in the air. Izzy, Bellini, and Janet were running around.

"Last one to the swings is my brother!" Izzy said.

"Ew, no way!" Bellini said. Ryland rolled her eyes. Martin was taped to the underside of the slide, taking notes on a notepad. Nicole did a flip off of the hanging bar and landed in a pile of leaves.

"Whee!" She laughed. Ryland smiled. Janet jumped in next to her.

"Gee Nicole, doesn't that hurt?" Janet asked.

"Not when you land softly, Janet!" Nicole said, tossing leaves up.

"Can I try?" Janet asked.

"It might be a lil hard for you," Nicole said, "Start small. Try the spinner."

"Okay," Janet said. She ran off towards the spinner and Nicole got up.

"Soft? She nearly broke my back," Chris said, appearing in the leaf pile with Nick. Janet jumped on the spinner and started spinning. Nick popped up from under the spinner, raising it on his head. Janet didn't seem to notice.

"Oh oh, discovery, discovery!" Chris announced, hiding in the tree. Martin walked over.

"What?" Martin asked. He spotted Nick, "No, Nick! Down!"

Nick fell back down underground, causing the spinner to dig into the dirt. Martin sighed.

"Help!" Janet cried. Bellini ran over and helped her out.

"You okay?" Ryland asked her.

"Yeah, I-I'm good," Janet said, "Oh, my shirt's ruined."

"It's ok, just use a little club soda," Bellini said.

"Yeah," Ryland said.

"Ok," Janet said, running off.

"Meet me and Izzy in the flowers when you come back!" Bellini called.

"Bye guys," Ryland said. Bellini and Izzy headed to the flower field.

"I love it when the flowers are in bloom," Izzy said, "They smell beautiful."

"Yeah," Bellini said. They smelled a group of flowers and teared up.

"Ew, smells like Chris's shampoo!" They said together.

Bellini shuddered. They both giggled and walked off. Chris appeared in the flowers. He rolled his eyes as Nick and Martin also appeared. Martin sighed.

"Well, from what I've gathered, girls are into three things-" He began, "Soft, reference Nicole, clean, Ala Janet, and fresh fragrance, from Izzy and Bellini."

"That's stupid," Chris said. He thought for a minute, "I got it!" A light bulb appeared above his head. It went out but turned back on when he flicked it, "It's the pants!"

"The pants?" Martin questioned.

"Chicks dig pants!" Chris said, "Janet wears pants, Nicole wears pants-"

"You wear pants," Martin pointed out.

"I wear pants," Chris said, then became confused.

"Face it Chris," Martin said, "Soft, clean, and fresh it is."

"Fine," Chris huffed.

* * *

The girls were playing badminton in the lane. Ryland was a sweaty mess.

"Break!" Izzy announced. Ryland sighed.

"Now's our chance!" Chris said quietly.

"Okay," Martin said. Nick, Martin, and Chris stepped out of the nearby bush. Nick was covered in something. Martin looked at him.

"Hey, no guys allowed!" Izzy said.

"Hey, hold up!" Chris said, "For the first time, specially designed for you tender types, and priced to delight, our Snuggle-Me-Nick!" He patted Nick's cheek, "He's soft, clean, and fresh."

Ryland wrinkled her nose.

"Is that dryer lint?" Izzy asked, "If you wanted soft, clean, and fresh, why not just use stuffed animals?"

"Ooh yeah, like beanie boos!" Janet said, "They're soooooo cute!"

"I don't have any," Ryland said.

"That's cuz you're a tomboy," Izzy said.

"Yup," Ryland said. Chris rolled his eyes.

"But wouldn't you pay a dollar to hug the Nick?" Chris asked.

"BUG?!" Nick panicked, "GET IT OFF, CHRIS, GET IT OFF!"

"Nope," Ryland said. Nick crashed into the fence, making it fall down on the girls.

"Nick!" Ryland growled. Izzy growled and broke through the fence.

"CHRIS I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Izzy shouted before she noticed something, "My earring!"

"Oh crap," Ryland said.

"I don't think they went for it," Chris said. Izzy started bawling.

"I LOVED THOSE EARRINGS!" Izzy cried. Ryland patted Izzy's back.

"Ow- Izzy look I'm- ow- trendy," Janet said, breaking through the fence, "Fashion can be so painful."

Ryland looked at her. Janet had Izzy's missing earring on her nose.

"Janet, you found my earring!" Izzy cried happily. She took it back, "OMG thank you thank you thank you!"

Janet smiled.

"Did you see that?" Chris asked, "All those emotions over stupid jewelry?"

"Yes," Martin said.

"It's a gold mine, Martin!" Chris said. Martin sighed.

* * *

The girls were hanging out in the lane. Chris tried again. He pushed Martin and Nick out, who stood nervously next to a rolling table of jewelry.

"Retreat," Martin whispered. Chris rolled his eyes.

"They're just girls. It's not like they bite," Chris said, pushing them back out, "Actually, I'm not too sure about Izzy."

"Hey, what's going on over here?" Janet asked. Martin looked at her.

"You're just in time!" Chris said, "We're having a jewelry sale, and-"

"Jewelry sale?" Nicole asked.

"Neat!" Bellini said.

"Bobble and bangles?" Janet said happily.

"Yup," Chris said. The girls started looking and Izzy tried on a pair of golden glasses.

"You look like Nick when he tried on Sierra's glasses," Ryland remarked.

"I dunno, I think they look cool," Izzy said, "What do you guys think?"

"They do certainly fit you," Martin said.

"You look like a million bucks," Chris said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Can I see?" Izzy asked. Chris pulled out a mirror. Martin smiled.

"Hey Chris?" Nicole said, "I'm looking for something different, but also alike, without it being too...similar."

"Like?" Chris asked. Nicole shrugged.

"I got it!" Nick said. He stepped on the other side of the fence and revealed a can of gold paint under his police hat. Nick dipped a spatula into the can.

"Tada!" Nick said, appearing again with his hat on. He handed the spatula to Nicole.

"Thanks Nick," She said. Chris smiled. Janet was looking at a gold painted Slinkie.

"Why is everything gold?" Ryland asked.

"Isn't gold what girls like?" Chris asked.

"It is pretty, but it's the weakest metal in Minecraft," Izzy said.

"Blue is more my thing," Ryland said.

"I like these glasses," Izzy said.

"You can have them," Chris said.

"Have?" Izzy asked, "Or buy?"

"It's the same thing," Chris said. Izzy rolled her eyes.

"How much?" She asked.

"Only one dollar," Chris said. Izzy handed her brother the bill.

"This stuff stinks," Bellini said.

"They're not liking it, Chris," Martin whispered. Chris waved it off.

"Give them what they want!" Nick said, pulling out a can opener, "My mom loves can openers!" Nick jumped behind the fence, "Are moms girls?"

"Uh, not sure," Chris said.

"I mean, technically," Martin said.

"Beats me," Chris shrugged. Martin sighed. Nick plunged the can opener into the bucket, cutting a hole in the bottom.

"This ain't a library," Chris said, "Buy, or get lost."

Martin looked at them.

"Guys!" Nick cried, "I spilled paint all over my good pants!"

"Nick!" Chris said angrily, "Why you-"

"Awesome pants!" Nicole said.

"Really?" Chris asked.

"Are they for sale?" Janet asked.

"Shiny!" Oliva giggled.

"Uh, yeah!" Chris said. Chris took Nick's pants and held them up, "Step right up, ladies! How much will you pay for the golden pantaloons?"

"Nothing," Ryland said.

"A dollar!" Nicole offered. Chris smiled smugly. They girls started bickering over who would get the pants.

"Ten dollars!" Janet said, "For the golden pants!"

"Sold!" Chris said happily. Martin frowned. Janet walked off in the large pants.

"I feel just like Taylor Swift," She said, "Jealous?"

Chris sighed. Suddenly, the paint started to chip. It broke off and Janet down.

"That wasn't real gold, fakers!" Nicole said angrily.

"Well obviously," Izzy rolled her eyes, "Like they'd be able to afford real gold."

Chris chuckled nervously. Nicole grabbed the money back.

"Hey! No refunds!" Chris said. Nicole glared and handed the money to an ashamed Janet. Chris huffed and the girls left.

"Well that was a bust," Chris said.

"Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally exhausting and physically confusing," Nick said suddenly. Chris stared at him.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Nick's trouser-less state seems to have jogged an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain," Martin said.

"That's crazy," Chris said.

"Nick, are you there?" Martin asked.

"Hug me!" Nick said stupidly. Chris scoffed and Nick gave him a big hug.

"Get off of me!" Chris snapped. Chris wiggled out of Nick's grasp and ran off. Martin watched after him. Nick looked at Martin and held his arms open.

"Uh, no thank you," Martin said.

"Hug me!" Nick said happily, walking towards Martin.

"No, honestly," Martin said. Nick didn't stop coming, so Martin ran off.

"Nick, you're in your underwear!" Martin cried.

"Ok, I feel loved now," Nick said.


	18. Christmas In July

Chris and Nick were upstairs at Martin's house. No one else was home but the three boys. The two snuck into a room.

"Chris? Nick?" Martin called, "We're not allowed up here!" Martin looked around, "I repeat, upstairs is off limits!"

Nick and Chris snuck into Martin's parents' room. Martin sighed. He saw the two enter the room out of the corner of his eye. He opened the door and had his eyes covered.

"Chris, Nick, we're not allowed in my parents' room!" Martin cried.

The whole room was neat and orderly, and everything was labeled. There was one bed against the center of the back wall, and a nightstand next to it with a drawer labeled 'DO NOT OPEN.' Martin frowned. Chris and Nick were laying in the bed. Nick was wearing one of Edd's hats and Chris was wearing Andie's reading glasses.

"Nick!" Martin cried.

"Martin, how many times have we told you to do your homework?" Chris said, pretending to be Andie.

"That's right son, a mind is a terrible organ to shovel," Nick said. Martin frowned. Chris and Nick laughed.

"Ooh, what's this?" Chris said, seeing the labeled drawer, "Do not open, huh?"

"No please!" Martin cried.

"Why not?" Chris smirked, setting his hand on the handle.

"We're not allowed!" Martin said.

"So?" Chris said, opening the drawer. He looked inside and burst out laughing. Martin frowned. Chris closed the drawer and laughed again.

"What?" Martin asked.

"N-nothing," Chris tried to stop laughing. Nick grew bored and entered the walk in closet. Martin frowned.

"Woah, way cool!" Nick cried and a loud pop was heard.

"BUBBLE WRAP!" Chris yelled happily and zoomed in.

"Chris!" Martin cried. Martin entered the closet, where both Chris and Nick were popping the bubble wrap. Nick pulled out another layer and a heavy block of fruitcake fell on Martin's head, "Ow!"

"Are you ok, Martin?" Nick asked.

"What's that?" Chris asked, pointing at the fruitcake.

"It...is called a fruitcake," Martin said, rubbing his head. He picked it up, "The ancestral fruitcake, to be precise. For decades, my family has paraded the cake every Christmas-"

Nick perked up and pressed down on Martin's head, 'rewinding' him.

"For decades, my family has paraded the cake every Christmas-" Martin repeated before Nick rewinded him again, "Every Christmas-"

Chris rolled his eyes.

"Christmas, guys!" Nick said happily, "I want a new comic book, and the new video game about zombies, and buttered toast, and a chicken."

"You can't get a chicken for Christmas," Chris said.

"Says you," Nick said, "Dad has been hinting I might get a pet chicken for Christmas!"

Chris rolled his eyes.

"Yeah well, I'm going for more normal stuff," Chris said, "Like the new Xbox, or money, or gobstoppers!"

Martin smiled.

"Well maybe if you're a good boy, Santa will bring it to you!" Nick said.

"You know, my mom used to be one of Santa's elves," Chris said.

"Really?" Martin asked.

"Yeah," Chris smiled, "Izzy says she's one too, but I don't believe her."

"Oh," Martin said. The three boys exited the closet and walked over to the window. It was sunny out. Janet and Jason were down on the sidewalk, holding their piggy banks. Chris noticed and poked his head out the window.

"Hey guys, where are you going with those piggy banks?" Chris asked. Janet told him.

"It's national Piggy Bank day!" She said, "The day where everyone breaks open their piggy banks and spends all their money. We're going to the party!"

Chris smirked.

"Piggy Bank day, huh?" He said.

"Why don't you tell him your shoe size, Janet?" Jason snapped, pulling his sister along.

"What for?" Janet asked, confused.

"This is a gold mine!" Chris said, "Come on guys, let's go!"

"Look Chris, mistletoe," Nick said, holding the said plant above him.

"Uh," Chris stood there for a second before pushing Martin over. Martin sighed.

"Come on, boys, I have a plan," Chris said, walking off.

"Nick, please!" Martin said, pushing Nick, who was trying to kiss him, away, "Someone may be watching!"

* * *

At the party...

Everyone was wearing pig snouts, and Janet even had a full-body pig suit. Eddward didn't have his pig snout on his nose, though. His was pulled up to his forehead.

"Come on Edd, pig in!" Nicole said.

"I refuse," Eddward said.

"But it's fun!" Jason said, "Come on, dude!"

Eddward shook his head.

"Killjoy," Jakob said.

"Speaking of killjoys," Izzy said, seeing her brother approaching. He was walking next to a giant metal pig that Martin was driving. Eddward groaned.

"Hey everyone!" Chris said, "Tired of having to smash your piggy bank open? Well no more! This machine will remove all cash from your piggy bank, free of smash!"

They lit up.

"Oh, oh, me first Chris!" Janet said. Chris let her go first. He set her piggy bank on a pillow attached to a stick. Two brooms reached out and took the bank.

"The machine will carefully extract all your money without harming the bank, and when it's done, your hard earned Christmas stocking will come out here!" Chris said, then became confused.

"Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!" Nick said happily, pinning stockings to the side of the pig. Martin smiled.

"Nick, it's not Christmas yet!" Chris snapped.

"Christmas in July!" Janet cried happily.

"Whatever," Chris said, "You don't get presents on Christmas in July."

Nick looked in the coin slot at the top of the giant pig.

"Santa, please forgive him!" Nick cried. He ripped the side of the pig off to reveal Martin about to smash Janet's piggy bank with a hammer, "Naughty boy, Martin!"

"Ooh, I'm sorry!" Martin cried, "I know I shouldn't, but really, what choice did I ha-ave?!"

"There there, Santa forgives," Nick patted Martin's back. All of the kids were glaring at Chris.

"Um, uh..." Chris thought quickly, "Martin! How could you?!"

"Santa sees all! A lump of coal for naughty Chris!" Nick scolded.

"My piggy!" Janet cried, snatching it back.

"Sorry about that, kiddies!" Nick said, "Here, happy Christmas in July!"

Nick started handing out Christmas-themed objects, like candy canes.

"Awesome!" Izzy smiled.

"Sweet," Ryland said, taking one.

"Thanks Nick!" Nicole smiled.

"Oh boy!" The heard Victor say before Wilbur waddled over, "Victor must feast his eyes on the sow of Christmas past!"

"Hey, it ain't Christmas," Mary said. She and Martha were with their brother.

"It's July!" Chris snapped.

"Christmas in July, doi!" Izzy said to her brother.

"You don't get presents on Christmas in July," Chris said. Wilbur started squealing Jingle Bells.

"Nice job, Wilbur," Martha smiled slightly.

"The scrolls proclaim that whenever a pig squeals, an angel gets its-" Victor was cut off by Jakob.

"I'm a pig too, Wilbur," He said, "See my snout?" Suddenly, Wilbur attacked Jakob, "Ahh! Uncle! Uncle!"

Chris started laughing.

"Oh dear, I hope he's alright," Kevin frowned.

"Come, gather 'round Victor, as I cannot contain the Christmas mirth crawling off my back hair!" Victor said happily. He then gave out presents, which were mainly his clothes, but also consisted of a yo-yo to Jakob with a "Merry Christmas, Jakob-the-wood-boy-junior" and a unicycle to Eddward. He then handed out his clothes down to his underwear to everyone else.

"Wow, thanks, just what I've always wanted!" Janet said happily when Victor gave her his shoe.

"Merry Christmas Victor!" Nick said to an underwear wearing Victor.

"Grr, IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS!" Chris yelled.

"Who's up for eggnog?" Nick asked.

"Ooh, me!" Nicole called after him as everyone else but Martin and Chris followed.

"Chestnuts! I must have chestnuts!" Victor said happily.

"Hey Martin?"

He looked to see Janet.

"Merry- er, happy Christmas in July," She said, handing him her piggy bank.

"Janet, I-I can't," Martin denied.

"But it's Christmas in July!" Janet said.

"Are you sure you want me to have it?" Martin asked.

"Of course I d-"

"Wait! I'll take it!" Chris rushed over and held out his hands happily.

"Hit the road, Scrooge! Later Martin," Jason said, pulling his sister away. Chris looked a little shocked.

"I don't get it!" He cried.

"Don't you see, Chris? Christmas isn't about getting presents," Martin said.

"Then what is it about?" Chris asked.

"It's about giving joy, good will, and peace on Earth!" Martin said, smiling.

"That's it!" Chris shouted excitedly, "What are we waiting for?" Chris grabbed Martin, "I know the gift that keeps on giving!"

"Sounds like Grandmother's brussel sprouts, heh," Martin said nervously.

* * *

Chris knocked on a door. Sierra and Eddward answered.

"Do you hear that, Edd?" Sierra asked. They looked up to see Nick scratching his head to make dandruff fall like snow.

"Fa-laky!" Nick laughed.

"Get off the roof, ya-"

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!" Chris and Martin sang, cutting off Eddward. Nick fell off the roof to join them, making Sierra laugh, "We made you laugh, so give up your cash, and good cheer will come your way!"

Sierra held her piggy bank upside down over the jar Chris held out and three quarters fell out.

"Bingo!" Chris said, looking at the jar.

* * *

They were now at Janet and Jason's house, singing. Janet was clapping lightly and smiling, but Jason just had his arms folded.

"Deck the halls with bowels of holly! Fa la la la la la la la la!" Nick, Martin, and Chris sang. Janet hugged her brother, "Give us cash or we'll never stop singing! Fa la la la la la la la la!"

Jason quickly shook two quarters out of his piggy bank.

* * *

They arrived at Victor's house.

"We wish you a merry Christmas," The three of them were singing, "We wish you a merry Christmas."

Victor opened the door and Martin and Chris saw that the house was full of meat.

"We wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash!" Nick was the only one left singing.

"No cash. A warm strip of bacon, yes?" Victor set a piece of bacon in the jar.

"Victor, what's with the meat?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, you usually only fill the house with meat during that weird holiday in Winter that you and dad celebrate," Martha said.

"Well, who's gonna complain about free bacon?" Chris asked Martin and Nick before swallowing the piece.

"Christopher!" Martin scolded him.

"Got any more?" Nick asked.

"Hiya cutie," Mary said, noticing Martin for the first time.

"Oh, hello," Martin gulped.

"Two more bacon strips for not-so-bright-Nick-boy and bright-as-the-sun-Martin-boy, yes?" Victor said, holding out two more pieces of bacon.

"Thanks!" Nick licked his lips.

"Yes, thank you Victor," Martin smiled.

* * *

Martin and Nick were in the Lane. Nick was still dressed as an elf and was decorating a Christmas tree.

"Am I a nice elf, Martin?" Nick asked his friend.

"Very, Nick," Martin smiled, "Santa would be proud. You did a wonderful job of bringing the spirit of Christmas to the cul-de-sac."

"That's because I am an Elf," Nick smiled.

"I'm back!" Chris yelled while holding a giant sack.

"What's that?" Martin asked. Chris opened the bag to reveal a ton of gobstoppers!

"I love Christmas!" Chris beamed.

"Oh boy!" Nick said happily.

"Gobstoppers?!" Martin cried happily, "Oh Chris, you shouldn't have."

"Flavor-changing gobstoppers, too," Chris added.

"Pardon me, miss!" Nick took the gobstopper Martin had grabbed.

"Nick, that was my gobstopper!" Martin complained.

"Don't worry Martin, I got plenty more where that-" Chris looked over at where the bag was supposed to be, "WHERE'D THEY GO?!"

"And what would you like for Christmas, young lady?" Nick asked Janet. He was sitting in a big chair as Santa. Janet was on his lap.

"A flavor-changing gobstopper," Janet said wistfully, "Oh, and a kiss from my crush."

"Here you go!" Nick said, shoving a gobstopper into her mouth.

"Yummy!" Janet licked her lips.

"Nick!" Chris screamed, "He gave them out to everybody!"

"At least he shares," Izzy said, "You're a great elf, Nick. I'll make sure to tell Santa about you."

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, NICK!" Chris yelled at him.

"And one left for the elf," Nick said to himself, reaching into the bag. He leaned over and Chris pounced over him, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"


	19. Off Limits!

Chris was trying to chew Martin's new experimental gum. It was very sticky though, so it was hard to chew. Martin watched closely.

"I'm in my happy place, Martin!" Nick said happily, grabbing the gum stuck between Chris's teeth with his own. Martin chuckled.

"Nick! Gross!" Chris gagged. Nick easily started chewing the gum. Nick started chewing the gum and blowing a bubble.

"Nick, are you blowing a bubble?!" Martin asked, worried, "Goodness, I don't have data for this!"

The bubble started floating, bringing Nick with it.

"Hey, Nick, get down here!" Chris ordered.

"Wow Chris, is that a hot air balloon?" Jakob asked, appearing with Woody.

"No," Chris said. An idea hit him, "Actually, yeah. One seat left for the ride of a lifetime, Jakob!" He pulled out Nick's pocket and set Jakob inside, "Only a dollar."

Martin sighed. Nick started floating off.

"Hey, get back here you freeloader!" Chris shouted.

Martin went after them. Chris reached up to grab Nick, who in turn pulled Chris up and stuck him into the bubble. Martin frowned.

"Nick, come down from there!" He said.

"I can't, Martin!" Nick said, the bubble still in his mouth.

"Oh dear," Martin said, "Alright, no sudden movements now!"

"What'd he say?" Jakob asked, "Race you to the top, Woody!"

Jakob scrambled up to the top of the bubble, Woody in his hand.

"No!" Martin cried, "Jakob, stay in your seat!"

* * *

Ryland was playing baseball with Izzy in her yard and hit a homerun. However, the ball popped the gum bubble, sending Chris, Nick, and Jakob plummeting to the ground over Janet and Jason's house. Chris and Nick fell through the roof into Janet's room, but Jakob fell to the ground, popping out in China.

"Wow Woody, China!" Jakob said with a smile, then worried, "Just like in the cartoons!"

* * *

Chris looked around and rubbed his head. Martin rushed up the stairs to Janet's room to see the mess.

"Oh my," Martin said, "Nick! Do you realize you've broken, nay, DESTROYED Janet's bedroom?!"

Nick shot up and started panicking.

"Oh no oh no!" Nick panicked, "This is bad! Janet will tell Jason, and Jason will tell Uncle Jimmy, and Uncle Jimmy will tell Aunt Sarah, and Aunt Sarah will tell Dad, and Dad will say 'Not now I'm reading my new comic book'!"

"Relax, Nick," Martin said.

Chris sat up with a book in his face labeled 'Janet's Diary.' Chris smirked and started reading it. However, the diary was locked. The three of them heard Janet and Jason approaching.

"Tai chi, Jason," Janet was saying, "Daddy told me about it. It's really relaxing."

Nick panicked and ran out the window with Chris and Martin. Janet and Jason arrived in Janet's room and she gasped.

"What happened to my room?" She nearly sobbed. Jason frowned, "It's destroyed!"

Janet began crying and Jason comforted her.

"It's ok, Janet," Jason said, "We'll find whoever did this."

"Oh Jason, this is a full pager for my diary," Janet sobbed, then realized something was missing, "MY DIARY!"

* * *

Outside, the three boys were trying to find the diary.

"Hurry, we have to find it!" Martin panicked. Chris snickered and turned around to face the other two, his hands behind his back.

"Uh, alright, enough looking," He said. Martin turned towards Chris.

"But what about-" Martin began.

"Let's go!" Chris said, dragging the two along. Janet screamed in frustration when she couldn't find her diary.

"Jeez Janet, could you yell any louder?" Nicole asked from the window. Chris snickered. Nicole was with Izzy.

"My diary's missing!" Janet said.

"Oh no, that's awful!" Nicole frowned.

"We'll help you find it," Izzy said, "I would hate it if I lost my diary."

"Izzy has a diary?" Chris asked himself, smiling evilly.

"Isn't your diary on your phone?" Nicole asked.

"My point has been made," Izzy folded her arms. Chris smirked.

'I'll do that later,' He thought.

* * *

The three boys were now in the Lane, and Chris was giggling as he looked at the diary.

"Chris?" Martin asked. Chris showed the book to the two.

"Chris!" Martin cried.

"That's Janet's, Chris!" Nick said.

"Finders, keepers," Chris said.

"You found it in her room!" Martin said.

"So? I still found it," Chris said, "Besides, it's just a diary. I don't see why they're so special. But they are fun to read."

"You can't just read someone's private thoughts," Martin scolded.

"I can if they write 'em down," Chris said. He opened the book up to a random page.

"Chris, no!" Martin cried. Chris ignored Martin and began reading aloud.

"'Dear diary, I can't stop thinking about him. He's so unique and cute,'" He said, "Ooooh, sounds like Janet likes someone."

"Chris, put that down!" Martin cried. Chris read on.

"'He's smart, stubborn like I am sometimes, persistent, and-" Chris's eyes widened, "'I love how he has a tail'?"

Martin raised his eyebrow.

"She likes...me?" Chris asked. Martin snickered.

* * *

Meanwhile, the cul-de-sac kids were looking for Janet's diary. Sierra had Eddward look in all the trash cans.

"Don't let my mom find you in there. It'll only prove her point," Sierra remarked.

"What point?" Eddward asked.

"That you're a piece of trash," Sierra said quietly. Eddward rolled his eyes.

"Not in here," He announced.

"I want my diary!" Janet sobbed. Ryland knelt down in front of Janet.

"If it'll make ya feel better, I'll give the thief a concussion," She said. Janet gave a watery smile.

"Ok," She said. Ryland smiled and continued looking.

* * *

Chris and Nick were laughing.

"Good thing that problem got cleaned up, huh?" Chris laughed.

"Yeah," Nick said dumbly.

"Chris, enough! My mind is muddled with unpleasant images!" Martin said, his face red.

Chris snickered.

"What? It was just a little blood," He mocked, "This diary is awesome!"

"Aha! So YOU took it!" Eddward said, appearing in the Lane. Martin and Chris paled.

Chris had tied Eddward to the tree.

"This is a new low, even for you," Eddward said.

"Arrividarti!" Chris said as he and Nick ran off.

"My apologies for the abrupt commendations, Eddward," Martin said, "Au revoir."

Martin followed his friends.

"This show needs subtitles," Eddward grumbled.

"Chris, we need to return that diary!" Martin said, "Now!"

"Alright, alright," Chris rolled his eyes.

"Thank you," Martin said.

* * *

"Hey Janet, we found your diary," Chris said, tossing the book to Janet.

"Oh, thank you thank you thank-" Janet stopped when she opened it, "The pages are covered in sweat! You looked at my diary!"

"No I didn't," Chris said.

"Yes you did!" Janet said angrily. He may be cute, but that didn't mean anything right now, "RYLAND!"

"What?" Ryland said.

"They looked at my diary!" Janet tattled.

"They what?!" Jason yelled, "DAD!"

He ran off to find his dad and tell him.

"Oh no, now Jason will tell Uncle Jimmy, and Uncle Jimmy will tell Aunt Sarah, and-" Nick was cut off by Chris.

"Shut up, stupid!" Chris hissed. Ryland stood there, glaring at the boys.

"Remember you said you'd beat them up?" Janet asked. Ryland looked at Chris and shook her head.

"He ain't worth it," She said. Chris sighed, relieved.

"But he READ MY DIARY!" Janet whined.

"I'm sure he did, but I know someone who would beat him worse than me," Ryland smirked.

"Oh yeah," Janet realized, "IZZY!"

"Oh no," Chris paled.

"No, someone far worse," Ryland smirked evilly, "Oh Aunt Bella!"

"I got this," Izzy said, grabbing Chris's ear and dragging him home.

"OW, OW! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, alright?!" Chris cried fearfully, "OWW!"

Ryland watched with a smirk before turning to Martin.

"Anything you have to say for yourself?" She asked.

"I tried to stop him," Martin said.

"Please don't tell mom!" Nick begged.

"I won't, just don't do something like this ever again," Ryland said.

"We promise," Martin said, "Though I can't say anything about Chris reading Izzy's diary if he ever gets her phone."

"Oh, he's fricken dead," Ryland said.


	20. Curses!

Nick was in his basement, reading an Evil Tim comic book.

"The Curse Of Evil Tim! Dad's comics are amazing!" Nick said, looking into the book.

* * *

Just outside Nick's window, the kids were assembling under a tree to watch Chris's latest project.

"I can't wait either, Woody!" Jakob said excitedly.

"Places, people!" Chris was busy getting everything set up, "The show's about to start!"

"This better not bite, twerp," Eddward said. Chris helped Martin into his suit on the other side of the house.

"Everyone's waiting, Martin," He said.

"I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this, Chris," Martin said, "Nick is sure to catch on to this charade!"

"Yeah yeah yeah!" Chris said while pushing Martin away, "Just stick to the script!"

He went to Nick's window. He started pounding desperately on the window.

"HELP, NICK! SAVE US! HEELLP!" He cried. Nick jumped and looked fearfully at his comic book.

"Evil Tim's got Chris!" He said.

"Over here, Sherlock!" Chris said and Nick turned around.

"Chris!" Nick faceplant into the window, "I got my dad's comic book!"

"Who cares?" Chris asked rudely, pulling Nick outside, "We're being attacked!"

He turned to the crowd.

"Everyone don't panic! We're all gonna be okay! Cause Nick's here to save us!" Chris announced.

"Yup, it's me alright!" Nick smiled and waved. Chris gave a nervous gulp.

"It's been terrorizing the cul-de-sac all morning!" He looked past Nick and gasped, "There it is!"

Nick looked at the shadow figure then at his comic.

"It's Evil Tim!" Nick cried. A giant shadow formed upon them. Eddward gave a laugh.

"What a rube," He said. Jakob and Victor laughed with him.

"Greenhorn Nick-boy has fallen harder than Nano's arches, yes? No?" Victor said. Chris clamped their mouths shut.

"Ssh!"

Nick's voice shook with fear.

"It has come to dissect our internal organs, and feed them to the minions of Hades!" He cried.

"Jeepers, Jason, Nick's scaring me," Janet shook on her tricycle. Chris patted Janet on the back.

"Don't worry, Janet. You're in good hands," He assured. He gently pushed her toward the 'monster' on her trike. The move brought him a black eye courtesy of Jason.

"Runaway trike!" Janet screamed. Chris shimmied back to the fence and raised a finger.

"Oh, no! Evil Tim is sucking Janet in!" He cried.

"Crush the monster!" Nick yelled, picking up a large tree.

"Look at the size of that Northern Dutch Elm!" Martin cried. He tried to hop away, but Nick slammed the tree down on him and Janet. Nick turned to address the attendees.

"The curse has passed!" He said, "You are safe!"

"So like, where's Janet, dude?" Nicole asked. Jason ran toward Nick.

"JANET!" He cried.

"Janet?" Nick questioned.

"You gotta love him," Chris laughed. Nick plucked Janet from under the tree.

"Janet, speak to me!" He begged.

"Some things are best left unsaid," Janet murmured. Nick laid Janet on the grass.

"First aid for Janet!" He said. He started blowing into her mouth like CPR, causing her to unroll then roll up again many times. Everyone laughed at the spectacle of Nick blowing on Janet like a party whistle.

"NICK, STOP IT!" Jason roared, snatching up Janet.

"I've got prune lips, Jason," Janet shook in his arms. Jason left with Janet.

"Nick, you slobbermouth baboon!" He yelled. Martin pulling himself out from under the tree.

"Is this what we've been reduced to?" He asked, "Humiliating each other?!"

Nick pulled him out.

"Martin, not you too!" He cried. Nick tried to perform CPR on Martin.

"NO FIRST AID, NICK, NO FIRST AID!" Martin screamed. Eddward laughed at what he was seeing.

"That was pretty awesome, huh, Victor?" He chuckled.

"Thanks Edd," Chris smiled.

"What I meant was, it's awesome," Eddward said, "For a one-year-old!"

He and the rest of the kids walked away laughing. As soon as they were out of sight, Nick put a hand to his frontside.

"I feel funny, guys," He informed his friends.

"Funny?" Chris repeated, "You're a laugh and a half, Nick!"

Nick plucked a dandelion from the ground, taking a chunk of dirt with it, and held it over his head.

"Boink! It's a lightbulb! Boink!" He said cheerfully.

"I don't get it," Chris said to Martin, the two watching as Nick continued his charade. Martin sighed.

"I believe Nick has an idea," He explained. Nick nodded eagerly.

"For a scam!" He clarified. Chris started laughing.

"Yeah right, log," He said, "I come up with the scam ideas around here."

Nick pointed at the dirt ball in his hand.

"Boink!" He whined.

"What do you know about scamming?" Chris snapped, snatching the dirt, "Forget it."

Nick broke down in tears, Martin comforting him as he fell to his knees.

"There there, Nick," Martin soothed.

"What's he blubbering about now?" Chris asked. The grass grew where Nick's tears were spreading.

"Boink, Chris!" He sobbed. Martin glared at the pussycat.

"First you make him the brunt of your joke, now you deny him freedom of concept!" He helped Nick to his feet, "He may have thought of something truly unique!"

Nick kept sobbing.

"Alright! We'll do the stupid scam," Chris grumbled. Nick's smile quite literally spun upside-down.

"I am the man! My scam, my scam, my scam. My scam!" He leaned toward Martin, "I learned that trick from my aunt."

Nick was off, saying "My scam." Chris walked over to Martin.

"If I regret this, it's on your non-existent shoulders," Chris said to his younger cousin. Nick interrupted Martin before he could speak.

"Okay, first we need..." He checked his comic book, "...a bunch of rocks."

Martin was confused.

"Rocks?" He questioned.

* * *

Nick was painting something with red paint, splashing the paint everywhere. He stood up as Marin walked over to examine the handiwork.

"I marked the spot with an X, Martin," He waved toward the paint scrawl, "Let's move 'em out!"

"Nick, these rocks are quite large in mass and will require significant force in order...to...transport," Martin trailed off as Nick looked confused. There was a small silence between the two. Nick held out his hands.

"Right on the X, Martin," He instructed. He dropped a rock into Martin's arms. He then ran to a portable potty, "Ready or not, here I come!"

"Go away!" Chris yelled. Nick plucked Chris from the port-o-potty, the latter painted to resemble a skeleton, "Why am I dressed like this?"

Nick responded by hanging a pentagram'd scrubbing board around Chris's neck.

"It's all part of the big plan!" He said, tapping his head, "Now paint this like an Aztec temple."

He dropped a cement mixer on Chris. Martin came to a stop when he saw what Nick painted.

"Q?" He turned around, "Nick, where's the X?"

"Uh, G," Nick said, "Don't you know your alphabet, Martin?"

Martin looked back to the Q.

"But I don't understand," He said, "You said X marks the spot, but all I see is a-"

"Boink!" Nick interrupted, "Lunch break!"

Nick set up a table and handed out sandwiches. Martin and Chris sat down at the makeshift table, each of them taking a sandwich.

"Well, Nick, this is very nice of you," Martin smiled. Chris looked to Martin.

"What the heck does an Aztec temple look like?" He asked. Martin let off a breath.

"I'm more occupied with how a Q is supposed to denote an X," He said.

"It's Nick, to him it's an X," Chris said. He took out his phone and spoke into Google, "What does an Aztec temple look like?"

Martin saw the pictures that came up.

"Now the question is how to translate the shape onto a cement drum," He polished his glasses, "But wouldn't it make more sense to have an O mark the spot rather than a Q if he were to eschew from using an X?"

"Break over!" Nick announced, flipping the table, "Back to work!"

Another rock landed in Martin's hands.

"Right on the X," Nick said, then grabbed a hold of Chris by the tail, "C'mon, Chris! We have to find rotten spaghetti noodles!"

"Nick, wait!" Martin cried, "I can't find an X!"

* * *

His words echoed all around the area, which was covered with painted Q's.

"Let go of my ball, Jakob!" Eddward yelled. Jakob had his football in his mouth, and Eddward was trying to yank it out.

"Urf trrurf turf urf gurf!" Jakob's words were muffled by the ball in his mouth.

"Everyone, everyone, come and see!" Janet said, "Look what my dad got me!"

She held out a stuffed bunny with a bow on its ears.

"Introducing, Mrs. Yum Yum!" Jason said. The kids applauded while Eddward gave a scoff.

"Better keep it away from Jakob, or he might try to eat it," He warned.

"He wouldn't dare," Janet said, "Mrs. Yum Yum hates saliva."

Eddward leaned toward Victor.

"I think I'm gonna hurl," He mumbled. Victor shrugged.

"Janet's foolish affection for a stuffed handcloth touches Victor," He said, "As I too have a childhood companion." He plucked something from his pocket, "Meet my clam, Bobo Junior. To this day, Victor seeks comfort from Bobo Junior when he is frightened." He opened the clam and set his head inside, "Hello, Bobo Junior."

"Is that a giant clam?" Eddward asked.

"Victor's papa had an even bigger clam than Bobo Junior," Victor said. A piece of fence walked up the lane. Nick peered out from behind.

"Our suckers await unsuspectingly," Nick whispered. Chris, who was next to him, perked up in excitment.

"Suckers?" He asked, "I thought we'd never get to this part!" He took a peek over the fence before looking back to Nick, "So, how do we fleece 'em?"

Nick broke into a sweat.

"We need Martin for this part," He said, shaking Chris. He rushed off and returned with Martin, who was wearing a thick coat and an astronaut helmet.

"There wasn't an X to be found, Nick," Martin was saying. Nick shoved a plate of pancakes into Martin's hands.

"Now, Martin, it's very important that you give Eddy these pancakes," He explained.

"Alright," Martin said, confused, "Here you go, Chris."

Chris took the pancakes from Martin.

"Dad says pancakes give him gas," He said.

"Now what?" Martin asked Nick. A rock landed in Martin's hands.

"X marks the spot, Martin!" Nick instructed, "Off you go."

"There is no X, Nick!" Martin cried. Nick leaned back in a limbo pose and put a teapot on his chest.

"Wait for my signal, Chris," He said. Nick walked over to the kids. Sheldon caught sight of his brother.

"Nick? Isn't that Aunt Sarah's teapot?" He asked. Nick stood up, dropping the teapot and smashing it.

"Maybe," He said.

"Nick, you're scaring me," Jason said. As the kids surrounded him, Nick suddenly snatched Mrs. YumYum from Janet and ran off.

"MRS. YUM YUM!" Janet screamed. Jason chased Nick with the rest of the kids following him.

"Get back here!" He yelled. Nick ran past Chris.

"Now, Chris! Now!" He cried.

"Now what?" Chris asked, irritated. Ten shadows loomed over Chris.

"Where's Mrs. Yum Yum?" Eddward asked menacingly. The twins looked at the pancakes.

"Are you going to eat those, Chris?" Bellino asked. Jason angrily pushed to the front of the crowd.

"I think Nick has her," Chris answered. He saw the furious looks on everyone's faces and held the plate in front of him, "Pancake?"

* * *

Nick and Martin were at the junkyard.

"Good job, Martin," Nick said, "It looks just like a Q."

Martin could only stare in disbelief.

"Excuse me?" He said, "Nick, I think somewhere along the line you lost your train of thought. Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential."

Nick started snacking on a bag of cat treats.

"Are those Chris's cat treats?" Martin asked in shock. Nick talked with his mouth full.

"What's with the rock, Martin?" He asked. The rock slipped out of Martin's hands.

"MY FOOT!" He cried painfully. Chris appeared on the scene.

"MY HEAD!" He screamed. Nick picked up Mrs. YumYum.

"MY SCAM!" He turned to Chris, "You're late, Chris."

"Why'd you take the rabbit?" Chris asked, pouncing on Nick, "GIVE BACK JANET'S MRS. YUM YUM!" He spotted the bag, "And give me back my treats!"

Martin pulled his foot loose.

"Mrs. Yum Yum?" He questioned. Chris hissed like a cat at Martin.

"You know I'm going to get you for this," He threatened. The boys suddenly noticed that Nick had vanished.

"HEY!" Jason yelled. Martin and Chris whipped around to see Janet, Jason, Eddward, Victor, Izzy, Ryland, the twins, Nicole, and Jakob marching toward them. Jason hollered out from the front.

"Give Janet back her bunny!" He screamed.

"Mr. Yum Yum is but a mere shell of a rabbit without his wife," Janet said, holding out the stuff bunny. Jakob cracked his knuckles.

"Let's tickle them 'til they wet their pants!" He said. Izzy was right behind him.

"I'd like to see that," She chuckled.

"Now, let's not jump to rash decisions," Martin said, "It's simply a breakdown in communication."

"FOOLS!" Nick's voice bellowed from above. He was standing on a pile of trash with Mrs. Yum Yum, "Evil Tim has beckoned you all! And you all will pay with your brains!"'

"Brains?" Ryland folded her arms, "What are you going to do with brains?"

"Well, they could use some extra ones," Izzy joked. Nick threw his head back and sank his teeth into Mrs. Yum Yum. Janet screamed and nearly fainted. Chris's voice shriveled to cat meows.

"What's he doing?" He asked. Martin pushed his glasses to his forehead and covered his eyes.

"Embarrassing me to no end," He sighed. Izzy was recording Nick with her camera phone.

"Nick-Boy has bitten the belly of a stuffed hand cloth!" Victor cried, "Quickly, we must seek comfort in the bosom of Bobo Junior!"

Nicole watched Victor pry it open.

"If you think I'm getting in that thing-"She began. Victor shoved them all into the clam.

"Wait, I'm allergic!" Nicole was heard.

"Listen to it gurgle, Woody," Jakob laughed. The clam slammed shut and Victor carried it away, leaving Nick, Martin, and Chris with Izzy, Ryland, and the twins.

"Great, they bailed!" Chris complained, "So where's the cash?!"

Nick stopped in front of Chris.

"Cash?" He said, confused.

"It's your fault!" Chris yelled at Martin, "WHY DID YOU ENCOURAGE HIM?!"

Ryland looked at her brother.

"What was with all that, Martin?" She asked.

"Aw shucks, sorry guys," Nick said, sliding down the trash hill, "My curse didn't work. But I did everything it said in the comic book!"

Martin put his glasses back on.

"Nick, curses are nothing more than myth and superstition, based only on one's own personal fears," He said. Ryland saw a crow land on her shoulder.

"Bird!" Izzy jumped backwards. Ryland saw two more land on Nick and Martin.

"Strange. The crows' migration pattern is nowhere near this location," She frowned. Martin nodded as more crows appeared in the junkyard.

"It's as though they were summoned to gather here," He said.

"But why?" Ryland asked.

"Man I hate birds," Chris said fearfully.

"Evil Tim has beckoned them!" Nick cried happily as the crows swarmed them. The voices of Martin, Chris, Izzy, Ryland, and the twins consumed the air.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"


	21. It's Nothing More Than A Pimple

The McGees were lounging in an empty inflatable pool, which was floating in a pond in the Hunters' backyard. Bellini and Bellino had nets dangling in the water, Izzy was reading a book, and Chris had his head in the clouds.

"This is the life, huh guys?" Chris asked.

"Yeah," Izzy flipped a page in her book, "We catch some fish, start up the grill, lay 'em down, and Boom-Shaka-Laka- we got ourselves lunch."

Nick and Sheldon had invited Martin and Ryland over for lunch, and they were putting together some sandwiches.

"Oh please, you'll never catch something in Nick's backyard pond," Martin scoffed. Suddenly, the twins started chanting "FISH! FISH!" They both started reeling in a fishing rod.

"It's mine!" Chris jumped to help the twins reel it in, "Reel it in, twins!"

"It's a fighter, Chris!" Bellino yelled. Ryland walked to the water's edge.

"Oh, please. No creature could survive in this pond," She said. Bellini strained to pull harder.

"If it's not of this world, it's mine!" Nick hurried over. Chris stepped back in the boat when he saw what the twins had caught.

"WHAT IS THAT?!" Everyone but Nick yelled.

"Oh goodie goodie!" Nick danced and clapped, "It's my freezer experiment! I had wondered where my mom hid it." As the gigantic fish-shaped meat sculpture swayed back and forth, Nick charged at it hoping to rope swing on it, "Welp, that's a keeper!"

"NICK, NO, WAIT!" Izzy screamed, but too late. Nick ended up tipping the boat over, knocking them all to land. Nick climbed out of the water and shook himself like a dog.

"Who brought the tartar sauce?" He asked.

"NICK!" Chris yelled, jumping on Nick and knocking him to the ground, "How are we supposed to get ahead in life IF YOU KEEP WRECKING EVERYTHING?!"

A hard smack to Nick's face did nothing to break his sudden gaze.

"What're you staring at?" Chris asked. Nick pressed a finger between Chris's eyebrows, "Get your finger off my forehead, Nick!"

Nick complied.

"I spy with my little eye something that is red," He said. He carried Chris over to the pond, and he saw his reflection in the water. Right in the middle of his forehead was something red. Chris looked to Izzy.

"What is this?" He asked her. Izzy didn't have time to see it before Sheldon ran up to Chris.

"I've seen this before! But I forget where," Sheldon licked his hand and started rubbing Chris's forehead as vigorously as possible. All it did was stretch Chris's forehead into a long gray smudge.

"Sheldon, please!" Martin said, "That's highly unsanitary." He cleaned up Chris's forehead with a cloth, "May I have a look?" He used his glasses as a makeshift magnifying glass to examine the item of interest, "Why, it appeared to be nothing more than a pimple." He put his glasses back on, "Congratulations! It seems puberty has opened your door to adulthood."

Chris's face had slid from anger to terror in seconds.

"I'm too handsome to have zits, Martin!" Chris cried, holding Martin upside down on his head, "What if somebody sees me?"

Ryland walked over to him.

"Come on, Chris," She rolled her eyes, "Pimples are a natural phase of growing up, as natural as Grandma's charcoal filter shoe inserts."

Nick bounced over.

"Sheldon made a game out of mine, Chris," He smiled. Sheldon nodded.

"Because I'm productive!" He said proudly, "You can play connect-the-dots!" He showed off the piece of work on Nick's back, "See? It's a train."

"Ok, I'm watching, Woody!" Came Jakob's voice from off screen. Sheldon ran over to Jakob.

"Hey, Jakob, come and look at Chris!" He called. Chris quickly hid in a nearby bush.

"Sheldon!" Ryland called out. Martin stood by his sister.

"Don't you think you should respect Chris's sensitivity to this matter?" He said.

"Oh sure," Nick nodded. He pushed Chris out of the bush with his head, "Do not look at Chris, Jakob!"

Chris started clawing at Nick.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Chris asked, "Stop that!"

"Hey Chris!" Jakob called, "What's that?"

Chris held his hands up as if shielding his eyes from the sun.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," He lied.

"Is that a zit?" Jakob asked, moving Chris's hands. Chris's hands snapped back into place.

"Um, no," He smiled nervously. Jakob looked confused then started laughing.

"You look like a lighthouse, Chris!" Jakob laughed.

"Or even a three-eyed cat," Sheldon suggested.

"Chris should join the circus!" Jakob chuckled.

"Yeah," Nick smiled, "Chris already pitched the tent on his face."

Ryland stepped in.

"Stop it, you guys!" She said.

"Can't you see Chris is clearly upset?" Martin scolded. They soon noticed that Chris was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Chris was in his house, searching through the bathroom drawer. He took a bandage from the drawer and placed it over his zit to hide it. As he looked in the mirror, he saw the zit move above his left eye. Taking the bandage off, he placed it over the zit, which migrated to over his right eye. He smacked it down, and the zit moved back to the middle of his forehead, slightly bigger than before. Frustrated, he took the bandage and threw it away.

"Chris?" Martin said from outside, "Chris, are you in there?"

"Uh, just a minute!" He started digging through the towel rack. He appeared at the door moments later, drawing surprised faces from his friends.

"Uh, hey guys," Chris greeted. He was wearing a pink bandana around his forehead, "Whatcha think? Mom's bandana really does the trick, right?"

"ATTACK THE BANANA!" Nick lunged forward, teeth aimed at the headcloth.

"NICK!" Martin cried, "You're violating an accessory!"

"Bananas scare me, Martin," Nick whimpered with the garment in his teeth.

"Chris, we're wasting time," Martin said. He propped a chair in front of the kitchen sink and gestured for Chris to sit down, "I have a cosmetic remedy that's sure to hide your papule problem."

Izzy and the twins arrived to see what Martin had in store for their brother.

"Oh great, now I gotta wear makeup?" Chris grumbled. Izzy produced a small plastic tray.

"No, this is makeup," She corrected. Martin tied a curtain around Chris's head over his face below the eyebrows.

"And a special bib in case of spillage," Martin said.

"I can't see," Chris said, the bib covering his eyes. Izzy shrugged.

"Well, we don't want anything dripping down into your eyes, now do we?" She said. Martin cleaned up the zit with some water.

"Nice. Let us begin, shall we?" He put on a rubber glove and used it to rub Chris's zit with the concoction, "This foundation should conceal your small inflammatory swelling."

"I feel like a sissy," Chris said. Martin took off his glove.

"Well, would you look at that? It's hardly noticeable, isn't it, Izzy?" He asked. From where Martin was standing, the spot where Chris's zit was was its normal color. But Izzy could still see the prominent peak formed by the pimple. The foundation hid the color of the zit just fine, but not its size.

"Um, what's hardly noticeable?" Izzy asked. Nick peered at Chris.

"Well?" Chris snapped. Nick plopped a plunger on top of Chris's zit.

"I claim this planet in the name of Nick!" He announced, "Bringer of hamburgers."

"Lemme see!" Chris shoved Nick and Martin to the sides and pulled the plunger off his face. The zit had expanded to match the inside of the plunger. Chris shook before becoming angry.

"It grew!" He yelled, "The zit's getting bigger, Martin!"

He had turned around to face his cousin, but was, instead, face-to-face with Eddward.

"Yeah, check it out!" Eddward laughed, "I don't know which head to look at!"

Outside the bathroom, Jakob had set up a stand to see Chris's zit. Justin read the sign.

" _Zitty Kitty Display, $1.00_ ," He read aloud. James whisked a greenback from his pocket.

"This I have to see," He said. Victor was right behind him.

"Victor must see this blemished outcast, yes?" Victor agreed.

"Knock yourselves out, cousins," Jakob said, "Whoo, we're making a killing here, Woody!"

Victor's face lit up at the sight of Chris.

"Hoho!" He chuckled, "Papa has told Victor about these many times in the Old Country."

Mary rolled her eyes the best she could without taking them off of Chris.

"When is he not talking about his childhood?" She asked.

"I think it sounds cool," Martha said.

"Hon, you don't look too good," Nicole frowned. Chris collapsed to the floor, and the zit sprouted out.

"I think I saw it move!" June shrieked. Justin loomed over Chris.

"This is where I'm gonna bust a gut!" He laughed. James pulled his brother back.

"Don't get too close! It might pop!" He warned jokingly.

"All of this attention seems to be irritating Chris's blemish," Martin noticed. Ryland scoffed.

"That's a huge understatement," She said.

"Gee Woody, I'm not sure if we can take Chris on the road," Jakob said.

"Chris's zit sure is getting big," Nick commented.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Chris burst out of the bathroom. Justin watched him run away.

"There goes the ugly PUSsycat!" He said. The sound of laughter dominated all other sounds until Martin, Ryland, and Izzy all shouted together "ARE WE JUST ABOUT DONE?!", after which the only sound to be heard was Izzy's tail brushing along the floor.

"Please leave in an orderly manner!" Martin yelled, opening the front door. James was the first to leave.

"Squeeze ya later, nerd!" He said. The kids all left, with Eddward being the last.

"Man, Chris's got a real honker, huh dweeb?" He snickered. Nick followed after Eddward.

"Toodaloo, guys," He said sadly. Martin, Izzy, Ryland, and the twins all responded with "Not you, Nick!" Nick smiled happily. Victor had stayed behind with hopes of helping the pussycat.

"Four-eyed Martin-boy!" Victor called, "Victor has great sympathy for the two-headed ogre. Escort the pussycat to Victor's in one hour. You shall not be disappointed!" As he turned to leave, he made sure to tell them, "Papa will be sending Mary and Martha to the market during that time, so you need not fret yourself, Martin-boy."

"Ok," Martin said, "Thank you, Victor."

Izzy walked out of the empty bathroom and went looking for Chris. She found his bedroom door locked and knew he was inside.

"Chris?" Martin knocked on his door, "Victor's going to help, Chris."

"Allow me, Martin." Nick nudged his friend to the side, "Nick's going fishing!"

He slid his hand under the door. He pulled out Chris's CD player, his TV, and his bed, before pulling out Chris himself. He dangled Chris by his tail in front of the others.

"Who brought the tartar sauce?" He said again.

"Victor scares me," Chris said. Martin helped Chris to his feet.

"You can count on us for support, Chris," He said.

* * *

An hour later, the group was making final preparations for the journey to Victor's house. Chris had a towel over his body and face. Suddenly, there was a bunch of flashes. All the other kids and the Kanker cousins (minus the Sheppards) were pointing camera phones at them and snapping away like there was no tomorrow. Martin and Chris looked shocked, but Nick just smiled and waved. Izzy and Ryland surrounded Chris to ward off the kids as they tried to uncloak Chris's face. Jason had grabbed at the towel and pulled it off. The girls kept their bodies over Chris's face as Nick and Martin shoved them to Victor's door. When he opened the door, Victor shoved everyone away. Victor promptly shoved the door closed and locked the handle and deadbolt. He leaned against the door to catch his breath.

"Vultures!" He complained. Izzy walked over to the window to scare everyone off the lawn. As she set about doing that, Victor walked over to her brother, "Come, my pustuled friend. We must begin. Please, marinate in the lard."

Victor sat Chris down in a barrel of lard.

"Um..." Ryland looked from Chris to Victor, "What?"

Victor disappeared into the seafood stash.

"Don't go away now!" He called.

"I wish I had a zit," Nick said in awe.

"Nick," Izzy had returned from the window, "You have a train on your back."

"Victor requires your assistance!" Victor said, "Smart-Martin-boy, massage the squid." Victor handed Martin a squid, "Half-wit-Nick-boy, grate the turnip."

Victor gave Nick and turnip and a cheese grater. He made his way to a brick oven with a wooden cask inside.

"Today, Victor will be showing you how to prepare Carbuncle of the Flesh Stew, an ancestral recipe handed down through many pimply-faced elders!" Producing a fish head, he turned around to see Martin, who was grading the turnip into a dish, "Where is the squid?"

"Right here, Victor!" Nick spun the squid atop his finger.

"Stop!" Victor shouted, causing Nick to drop the squid. Izzy caught the fallen squid and handed it to Victor.

"Thank you," Victor said, taking it and dropping it in the barrel, "Now add one softened squid and stir. Be sure not to bruise the fish entrails." Martin added the graded turnip while Victor fetched a jar of brine, "Lastly we add the Pickled Towel of Mirth and let simmer for 14 days and 14 nights."

Izzy, Ryland, Chris, and the twins all looked to Victor in shock.

"Fourteen days?!" They all shouted.

"Not to worry, as Victor has thought ahead," Victor said, dragging over another barrel, "And premade this stuff."

Nick applauded the presentation. Izzy gave a small laugh.

"I suppose having cousins like yours would justify batches made for day-to-day use," She roasted. Ryland snickered. Victor ignored Ryland's offer of cold water for the burn.

"Are you ready for the anointment of the stew, pussycat?" Victor asked Chris.

"Would you hurry up?" Chris snapped, "My arms are falling asleep!"

"Okey-dokey! Be very still." Victor gingerly laid the cloth atop Chris's pimple and took a step back. Five full seconds of silence passed, "AWAY WITH YOU, PROTUBERANCE OF THE FLESH!"

A foot to the barrel sent the pussycat out the back door. Chris got up with the towel still on his face.

"What happened?" He asked. Victor slammed a wooden box over Chris's head.

"Silence! We must be quick!" Shoving a chicken inside, Victor shut the top and left Chris to his own devices. Chris started panicking as the chicken began to attack him from inside the box.

"Chris is so lucky," Nick said, walking over with Izzy, "Do you think I can have a chicken peck at my head, Izzy?"

"Goodbye, as you may not see your friend for 24 hours," Victor said, shooing them off, "Victor waits now."

As soon as Victor was alone spare for Chris, he sat down at a stump, plucked a pocketknife from his pocket, and set about to carving the stump.

* * *

Two hours later, Mary and Martha got back from the store.

"Hey, what's going on?" Mary asked. Martha looked at the wobbly figure stumbling toward the tomato patch.

"Is that Chris?" She asked her brother.

"Yes, sister-siblings," Victor answered, "Do not bother him, as he is going through the anointment of the stew."

Mary laughed as she watched, her laughter stopped by a text from Justin.

"Hey, Vic, Justin says he needs some of that stuff for himself," She told him.

"Again?" Victor asked.

"Yeah," Mary nodded, "I did tell him to wait at least two weeks before the next request, but he didn't listen."

* * *

The next day...

Victor was carving a shoe from the stump. Nick, Martin, Izzy, Ryland, and the twins were there at the appointed hour.

"Hello Victor, we're here to pick up Chris," Martin said. Victor folded up his knife and returned it to his pocket, a confused look in his eye.

"Chris?" Bellino tried to jog his memory.

"You helped him with his pimple problem?" Bellini tried.

"Remember?" Ryland asked.

"Ah, yes," Victor remembered. He walked over to a giant tomato, Chris's head stuck inside.

"Hiya cutie," Mary appeared behind Martin. Victor seated Chris upright and pulled the tomato from his head.

"You shall see the miracle of the stew," Victor announced.

"O-oh dear," Martin gulped. Mary blocked his view from what was happening. Martha handed Victor a mirror. Victor took a glance in it before turning to Chris.

"You have healed well, pussycat," Victor said, "Your head resembles what it once was."

What Chris saw in the mirror drew a cat screech from him.

"What happened to my head?!" His voice was squeaky and his head was tiny.

"It's so puny!" Nick said.

"Oh yeah, that," Martha said.

"Just give it a day or two, it'll go back to normal," Mary said. Izzy took a picture on her camera phone.

"This is worthy for Instagram!" She laughed. Chris glared at the son of a Sheppard.

"What the heck did you do to me, you quack?!" He yelled.

"Quack?" Victor questioned, "I am Victor."

"You're a quack!" Chris's voice was garbled with cat sounds, "Quack! Quack! Quack!"

"I am not a duck, I am Victor," Victor said. Martin was beyond words.

"How did you know what ingredients would react in such a way as to come to this conclusion?" He asked excitedly. The Sheppards all responded with a confused "What?"

"My turn for shrinkage, Victor!" Nick said happily.

"Fix me!" Chris hissed.

"Tell me!" Martin had a document app pulled up on his phone.

"Shrink me!" Nick smiled widely.

"Stay back!" Victor cried, running around.

"Get him!" Chris quickly gave chase.

"Wait'll I get my hands on you!" Chris yelled, "Fix my head, ya quack!"

Chris's siblings were watching from the sidelines with the other girls.

"Popcorn?" The twins held a bag of popcorn to their sister.

"Please," Izzy took a handful of popcorn.


	22. The Magazines

**The Magazines**

Nick and Martin were in the Lane, kneeling in front of a tank of water. Martin had some red food coloring and blue food coloring.

"Now see here, Nick," Martin was saying. Nick looked bored, "When I put this food coloring into the water, the blue food coloring, or cold water, will sink and the red food coloring, or hot water, will rise." Martin put the red food coloring at the bottom and the blue food coloring at the top, "See how they mix?"

"Pretty colors!" Nick laughed. Suddenly, the two heard a crash from Chris's house. They hopped over the fence into his back yard. He was dragging a trashcan full of stuff outside.

"Mom, c'mon! That's the coolest part!" Chris complained.

"What's going on?" Martin asked.

"My mom's making me get rid of my stuff," Chris said.

"Woah, that sucks," Nick frowned. Chris shoved his box of magazines into Nick's hands.

"You gotta hide 'em," He said.

"Hide them?" Nick questioned, "Where?"

"Anywhere stupid," Chris said.

"Oh, ok!" Nick said, running off.

"What were those?" Martin asked.

"My magazines," Chris said. Martin turned red.

"Your what?" Izzy asked, leaning in the doorway.

"Nothin'," Chris said. Izzy eyed him.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah, Iz," Chris said. Izzy gave him a look that plainly said 'You're lying.'

"Martin?" Izzy said, turning to him. Martin whispered to Izzy what they were.

"What?!" Izzy yelled, "Chris, you're in trouble."

"Oh, please don't tell!" Chris begged, "I'll give you five dollars!"

Izzy smirked.

"Make it 20 and you got a deal," She said.

"What?! No!" Chris said. Izzy shrugged.

"Fine by me," She said, "Oh Mom!"

"Wait wait!" Chris cried, "Alright! Fine, 20 dollars." He handed her them money.

"Pleasure doing blackmail with you," She snickered and walked inside. Martin held up his hands in a mocking surrender. Nick came back.

"All hidden, Chris!" He said proudly. Chris sighed in relief.

"Good, where are they?" He asked.

"Well they're..." Nick thought for a minute, "Uh...I forget."

Chris frowned.

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"Oopsies," Nick laughed nervously. Chris groaned.

"Just try to remember where you put them," He said. Nick thought some more.

"Nope, drawing a blank, Chris," He said, "Sorry."

"Try retracing your steps," Martin said.

"Oh, I can do this that, Martin!" Nick smiled.

* * *

"So, I was walking along here," Nick said. He was pretending to hold a box while Chris and Martin followed him, "Then I saw a pretty butterfly. So I began to chase it, but I smacked into this here tree." He did so, "Then I watched the birdies." He watched the birds flying around his head.

"Get to the point!" Chris said.

"Chris, please, be patient," Martin said. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Oh, then I saw June, so I started running!" Nick said, reenacting it, "And I tripped and fell, sliding in front of this sewer!"

He fell down in front of a sewer hole. Ryland was on her way to practice when she stopped to watch what the three were doing.

"The sewer?!" Chris cried, running over and kneeling beside it, "They're in the sewer?! Nick, you idiot!"

Ryland watched with sudden amusement.

"Seems appropriate," Martin said, "You do realize, Chris, that they'll now be illegible? The words will be smeared by the water, soaked."

"Who cares about the words? I'm worried about the pictures," Chris said. Ryland cleared her throat, figuring out what Chris was talking about. Martin turned red.

"Uh, R-Ryland," He gulped. Ryland was red with anger.

"Care to explain what you're doing, Martin Vincent?" She asked.

"I'm not doing anything," He said, "Chris is."

"Tattle-tail," Chris glared.

"I wish I had a tail," Nick said.

"Trust me, Nick, it's not all it's cracked up to be," Chris said.

"Chris, do I need to tell your mom?" Ryland threatened.

"No," Chris snapped, "Izzy already blackmailed me and I'm broke, so beat it!"

Izzy walked up.

"Hey Rye, I got 20 bucks, let's go get some candy," She said.

"Whoops, sorry," Ryland said, "I have practice."

"Oh, ok," Izzy shrugged. The two walked off. Chris saw no sign of his magazines.

"Maybe if we examine Nick, we'll find traces of something to help us," Martin said, "We might find some clue or hint."

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Chris said.

"Come, follow me, Nick," Martin said, leading him to his garage. Chris followed.

* * *

Nick and Chris were sitting on the table in the garage while Martin was in his house.

"Thank you, Father," He said, coming out, "Father said that we indeed may use his old microscope." Martin pulled it out and blew all the dust off, making Chris sneeze.

"My, I've always wanted to use this amazing piece of scientific equipment," Martin said, staring at it in amazement. Chris rolled his eyes. Martin set it up and set a big piece of glass on Nick's lap. He pulled out a brownie.

"Now, you see this brownie, Nick?" Martin asked.

"Yeah, I see the brownie," Chris grumbled.

"Brownie, yummy yum yum!" Nick cried happily, "Is that one of Aunt Bella's brownies?"

"Yes indeed," Martin nodded. He set it on the glass and Nick smacked his face on the glass to eat it. Martin set another piece of glass on top of Nick's now squished head.

"See anything?" Chris asked. Martin zoomed in with the microscope.

"Good lord, Nick, have your ever even heard of soap?" He asked.

"Soap scares me, Martin," Nick said, his voice muffled. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Ah, here we are," Martin said, zooming in on Nick's ear, "It looks like...sand?"

"Sand?" Chris asked.

"Oh yeah, the sand box!" Nick said.

"The sandbox?" Chris said., "Like the one in the park?"

"Yes, I believe so, Chris," Martin said, "Nick must have buried your magazines there."

"Hurry up, then," Chris said.

"All we need is some shovels," Martin said.

"Oh oh oh, my dad has one of those!" Nick said, jumping up and bursting through the garage door.

"NICK!" Martin cried, "Please! Father is still upset from the last time you did that!"

Chris rolled his eyes again.

"Sorry Martin!" Nick yelled as he returned with two shovels, "See? Shovels."

"Now let's go," Chris said. They ran off to the park. Janet was digging in the sandbox, pretending to be a pirate.

"Wow, look at this treasure!" She said, imagining that there was gold in the hole she had dug.

"What you find, huh?" Chris asked accusingly, trying to take the shovel from her hands, "What?"

"Hey, let go!" She growled angrily and ripped the shovel from his hand, hitting him in the face, "Go away, I'm playing pirates!"

Martin chuckled silently. Janet stuck her tongue out. Chris moved Janet aside and started digging.

"Hey!" Janet growled, "I found the X! The treasure's mine!"

She pounced on Chris and started beating him up.

* * *

After that…

Nick, Martin, and Chris were walking along, Chris with a black eye. Chris was grumbling to himself.

"You did kinda bring it on yourself, Chris," Martin said, "You know how rough Janet can be."

"Zip it," Chris snapped. Nick literally zipped his mouth shut. Chris rolled his eyes. Nick mumbled thoughtfully like he was trying to say something, but his mouth stayed zipped shut.

"What?" Chris asked.

"You may unzip your mouth, Nick," Martin said. Nick did so.

"I said maybe I hid them in the woods somewhere," Nick said, "I remember going there."

"Then let's go!" Chris said. The started running to the woods but ended up passing by Jakob 2x4. He was holding a box, along with Plank's 'son' Woody.

"Wow, look what I found, guys!" Jakob said, "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Whatcha got there?" Chris asked suspiciously.

"I found it!" Jakob said, "In the bushes in the park."

Chris jumped on Jakob and took the box.

"Hey!" Jakob said. Chris ignored him as he opened the box.

"What?" Chris stared at the empty box.

"Cool box, huh Chris?" Jakob asked. Chris looked at Jakob.

"Just a box?" He said.

"Yup," Jakob said, "What else would be in there?"

"Uh, nuthin'" Chris said. Jakob stood up and walked off with the box on his head.

"Our dads didn't understand their dads either, Woody," Jakob said.

"You hid the magazines in a different spot?!" Chris yelled at Nick.

"Yup, pretty smart, huh?" Nick smiled proudly. Chris growled.

"Why you little-" He said, grabbing Nick's collar.

"Chris, please, calm down," Martin said, "We'll find them."

* * *

Nick was once again retracing his steps.

"So, I was walking along here," Nick said, "Then I saw a pretty butterfly. So I began to chase it, but I smacked into this here tree. Then I watched the birdies."


	23. Errands

Martin was playing his pedal steel guitar. It sounded like Hawaii music.

"Martin! That's sounds so real!" Chris said happily, "Your dad should've gave you lessons years ago!"

"Don't rub salt in the wound, Chris," Martin groaned, "You know how I detest this instrument. The only reason I play is because Mother wanted me to."

"Come on, man!" Chris said, "The scam is perfect! The music, the setup, the log!"

Nick was wearing a grass skirt and a coconut bra and was swaying back and forth.

"One, two, three, four, stick it up right out the door!" Nick sung.

"It's a gold mine!" Chris said happily, "Hula lessons are huge!"

"In Hawaii, maybe," Martin mumbled. Jason and Janet appeared.

"There he is!" Janet said.

"Tell him Janet, tell him!" Jason said.

"Nick, stop your wiggling around!" Janet giggled.

"Stick it underneath the ground!" Nick danced. Jason kicked him.

"PAY ATTENTION!" He yelled.

"Now we want you to-" Janet began.

"BEAT IT LOSERS! Nick's busy!" Chris yelled in a megaphone. Jason turned the megaphone around and yelled in Chris's face.

"BUZZ OFF, CHRIS!" Jason screamed. Chris landed in the ground.

"Moron!" Jason yelled.

"Why you..." Chris growled, stomping towards the two siblings. Martin played every move Chris made.

"Give it a break, will ya?!" Chris snapped. Martin giggled.

"Ok, Nick, could you pretty please go down and buy me and Jason some fudge?" Janet asked sweetly.

"Yeah! Rich and thick with tons of nuts!" Jason added. The two siblings licked their lips in hunger.

"Here's my allowance money," Janet said, handing five dollars to Nick.

"Don't lose it, or you're dog meat!" Jason warned.

"I can do this- that Jason," Nick said. Chris was staring at the money.

"OK!" Janet smiled, "Go, bye bye, see you!"

"You can count on me, dear cousins of mine!" Nick said proudly, "I will not fail or my name's not...um..."

"Nick!" Chris said happily, appearing next to him and looking at the money.

"Maybe!" Nick smiled stupidly.

"Gee Nick, that loot looks pretty gross, my friend," Chris said, "I mean, it's all stained and wrinkled like, pal. Why don't I just clean and press that cash for ya, bosom buddy?"

"Stained and wrinkled?" Martin asked. Nick looked at the bill and nearly inhaled it.

"See? What I tell ya? Makes you wanna throw up," Chris said, "Let me take that for you so it doesn't contaminate those badly-imagined fingers."

Chris went to take the bill.

"No can do, Chris! Little cousin o' mine has trusted me with her allowance," Nick said, shoving Chris's face in his armpit, "So fudge I will buy with it."

He was off. Chris landed on the ground on his head.

"Despite Nick's deplorable sentence structure, I'm proud of his devotion to his younger cousin," Martin smiled, "Aren't you, Chris?" Martin notice Chris, "Chris! Please, have some decency!"

Martin pushed Chris's legs back together.

"Don't touch me!" Chris snapped.

* * *

Nick was outside the candy store when Chris ran up.

"Nick! Wait up!" Chris said, "Where're you going?"

"To buy my cousins fudge with lots of nuts!" Nick said.

"You mean gobstoppers, Nick," Chris said.

"Gobstoppers?" Nick questioned.

"What are you, a parrot?" Chris asked, "You have enough money there for three flavor-changing gobstoppers, Nick."

"Hold it right there!"

Chris groaned.

"It's Janet's money," Martin said, "And if fudge Janet wants, fudge Janet gets."

"The guy's cracked, Nick!" Chris tried to convince Nick, "I know that you know that gobstoppers are the way to go."

"Don't listen to him Nick!" Martin said, "Janet is depending on you!"

"Forget Janet!" Chris snapped, "Gobstoppers, Nick!"

"Nick, you gave Janet your word," Martin said.

"And?" Chris argued, "Janet gave him money! Gobstoppers, Nick!"

Martin was an angel. He floated up to Nick's shoulder.

"Stand firm and deliver, Nick," Martin said, "Let integrity be your guide."

Chris was the devil. His cat ears and cat tail had been replaced by devil horns and a devil tail.

"Martin's right, Nick," Chris said, "Integrity means 'buy gobstoppers' in Italian. Get the picture?"

"Yes," Nick said, starting to sweat.

"No, Nick!" Martin cried.

"No?!"

"That money doesn't belong to you, and you are obligated and responsible for its expenditure. Fudge is the honorable path," Martin said.

"That's stupid!" Chris said. He dove into Nick's ear, "C'mon Nick, who's gonna know?"

"Who?" Nick repeated.

"You'll know, Nick," Martin said, "And the guilt will smother you like so many wet blankets!"

"Psst. Twinkle Toes. Let's chit chat," Chris said. He pulled Angle Martin into Nick's head and they started fighting.

"Gobstoppers, Nick!" Chris yelled as he appeared from Nick's mouth.

"No Nick, fudge!" Martin shouted. Nick pushed them back in his mouth. Chris and Martin argued back and forth between "Gobstoppers" and "Fudge". Nick ran in the store.

The real Chris was grabbing the real Martin by the hair while Martin was holding Chris by the leg.

"He went in," Chris realized. Nick was in between two candies. He looked between the gobstoppers and the fudge. Chris was praying he chose the right candy. Nick looked at the gobstoppers and bit his lip. He then looked at the fudge. He looked back at the gobstoppers.

* * *

Chris and Nick were sucking on two gobstoppers while Nick held a third one. Martin had his head down.

"You made the right choice, my fine friend," Chris said.

"How can you two be so selfish?!" Martin cried, "How can you just sit there, drooling over your ill-gotten gains?!"

"Nick, give Martin his cut," Chris instructed.

"Oh no! Count me out!" Martin said angrily.

"Open wide and say Bob, Martin!" Nick said, walking over with the gobstopper.

"Not if it was the last editable substance on our planet, Nick," Martin said sternly. Nick stepped on his foot and Martin instantly opened his mouth. Nick put the Gobstopper in it and closed it. Martin's legs started shaking and he sat down.

"Ooh, how can something so bad taste SO GOOD?" He sighed happily. He sat down with rest of his pals.

* * *

Later...

The three boys were walking home. Chris was licking off his fingers and Nick had a big bulge in his stomach.

"You were supposed to let the gobstopper melt in your mouth, Nick," Chris said, "Not swallow it."

"Aw, it's kicking, the little whatchamacallit," Nick cooed, holding his belly. Martin was walking slowly behind his friends.

"I can't believe it," Martin spoke softly, "What have I done? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!"

He hit his head on a pole.

"You should write your name on your underwear," Nick said, "See?" He pulled out the front of his underwear to look, "I'm 'Hand Wash Only.'"

"What's with you?" Chris asked.

"What's with ME?" Martin asked, "Self-abomination, Chris! Nick was entrusted with a task and I became embroiled in the breach of that trust! My hands are contaminated by the filth of jacadery! Oh, what dastardly deed have we sown?!"

Nick and Chris stared at him for a minute.

"Who plays you in this RP?" Chris asked, breaking the fourth wall. He got some mud threw it at Nick, "Here Nick. Give this to Jason and Janet and tell 'em it's fudge."

"Fudge?" Nick questioned, then realized, "JANET AND JASON! DOG MEAT!"

He then cried and whimpered.

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Chris yelled, "As long as we side-step the little twerps, and keep our big mouths shut, they'll forget all about us."

"The fudge is here!" Janet and Jason said over and over, skipping around Nick. They started searching around in Nick's jacket, not finding the fudge.

"Where the fudge is our fudge, Nick?" Jason asked angrily. Nick looked at Chris and Chris shushed him.

"Well?" Jason asked again. Nick bit his lip.

"I SPENT THE MONEY ON FLAVOR-CHANGING GOBSTOPPERS!" Nick cried, "HAVE PITY FOR I CAN NOT CONTROL MY BRAIN!"

"You did what?!" Jason was angry. He prepared to pounce. Nick screamed, "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR-"

"Wait!", Martin stopped. Nick was still screaming so Martin zipped his mouth shut.

"Jason, Nick is really sorry for spending your money and is willing to pay you back every cent. Plus...interest," Martin added.

"Interest?" Jason asked.

"We can buy even more fudge, Jason!" Janet said happily.

"Deal," Jason said in a bored tone. Nick, Martin, and Chris huddled.

"How are we gonna pay her back?" Chris asked angrily, "We're broke!"

"It's all your fault!You get us out of this!" Martin said. Chris looked thoughtful then smirked evilly. He then ran and got a sign that said 'WeGees, $1.00' on it and stuck it in the ground.

"Wedgies? You're kidding right?" Martin asked.

"Step right up folks, your dream come true!" Chris announced, "Give a wedgie, just one dollar!"

"Wedgies?!" Eddward said happily. He was eating a sandwich.

"Hike 'em high, while they're still dry!" Chris said. Eddward came over to wedgie him, but Chris got away, "Oh-ho-ho, valued customer! Not me, them."

He pointed to Nick and Martin.

"Wait, what?!", Martin asked.

"Gladly," Eddward said, hanging Chris a five dollar bill.

"Hold on a dang minute!" Martin yelled.

"Me first, Eddward!" Nick clapped. Eddward wedgied the two of them and tied their underwear together, hanging them from the tree. Chris looked at the money.

"Lemme see it!" Jason yelled. He looked at the five dollars.

"You're short!" He snapped.

"You don't have to rub it in!" Chris yelled. Jason then bit his hand.

"YEEEEEEEEOOOOWWW!" Chris screamed. Jakob grabbed the money from Chris.

"I want my money or else!" He screamed.

"Um, it's actually MY allowance money," Janet said.

"Oh right. Sorry," Jason told his sister.

"How mortifying," Martin murmured.

"Well you squirts are bent," Eddward said, "I'm out!"

"Wait, Edd!" Chris said, "Let me set the boys up for another round!"

"I'm spent," Eddward said, "Later, twerps."

"Oh come on!" Chris cried.

"Janet's money, NOW!" Jason yelled. Chris held up a finger to show them they'll have to wait. He left and came back while pushing Jakob.

"You know you wanna! It's a smorgasbord of fun!" Chris was saying, "A cassaroll of laughs!"

"Dear God, what's he doing now?" Martin asked worryingly. Jakob looked suspicious.

"What's the catch?" He asked.

"Catch?" Chris thought quickly, "Catch! Whatever's on the ground. After all that's what piñatas are for."

"Piñatas?!" Martin cried.

"Cough up a dollar," Chris said to Jakob.

"Right on! Here you go, Chris." Jakob flicked a dollar bill into Chris's face and grabbed a hockey stick from the ground.

"I'll take that." Jason plucked the bill from the grass before Chris could reach it and gave it to Janet. Martin saw Jakob approaching, hockey stick in hand.

"Jakob, please! Open your eyes!" Martin begged, "Do we really look like piñatas?"

Jakob answered with several swings into Martin. His efforts were met with a not-so-exciting prize.

"A pair of glasses? Boring!" He turned the stick to Nick. He hardly glazed Nick with the stick before a thick as a brick mess monsooned him. Jakob reappeared with a much better prize, "Look what I got, Woody! Coconut earmuffs!"

Chris watched Jakob leave with his prize before turning to Martin.

"Now...about that interest..." He said slyly.

"I see what you're trying to do, Chris," Martin said sternly, "And if you think this will withhold our giving Janet her money back, you've got another thing coming, mister. Now hand me back my glasses."

Chris didn't have the chance to pick up the fallen spectacles before Nick's underwear exceeded its strength and pulled apart. The two boys fell to the ground, Nick's filthy year-old underwear falling right on Martin's face.

"NICK'S UNDERWEAR!" Martin made a mad dash toward his home, "Soap! I need soap!"

Hold it right there!" Chris said, pulling Martin back and shoving his glasses back onto his face, "We owe Janet money with interest!"

Martin started untying his garments from Nick's.

"I've had just about enough for one day, thank you very much," He said.

"What about paying Janet back, Mr. Interest?" Chris asked. Martin got the pieces of fabric separated as his eyes narrowed.

"Oh, we'll pay back, Chris," He said. Martin and Nick huddled together and whispered up a plan. Chris wasn't close enough to reach them before they broke apart, a mischievous laugh escaping Nick. But at the same time, he wasn't far enough to get away from them as they marched forward.

"What's going on?" Chris asked. He was answered by Nick and Martin grabbing his arms.

* * *

Chris was hanging from the tree by his underwear. He went flying up into the air and came back down.

"Nice one, Izzy!" Ryland said. Izzy was holding a hammer and was standing next to a little ramp-lever thingy.

"That was fun," Izzy laughed. It had only been an hour since Martin and Nick had seized Chris, but in that time, they had had Chris hung up in a tree branch by his undergarments and set up a test-your-strength catapult under his chin. The rest of the kids had gotten wind of the 10-cent per hit fare and were quick to form a line for the little game.

"Who's up next?" Izzy asked.

"It's mine and Woody's go!" Jakob said. Izzy held out the hammer for Jakob, who simply jumped on her head and did a somersaulting jump directly onto the catapult, sending Chris up into the tree. Nick was on his hands and knees as a table, with a jar full of dimes on his back.

"Would you like a go, Victor?" Martin asked the farmer boy, "It's only ten cents."

Victor resisted the urge to crack a cat-stuck-in-a-tree joke.

"You must be pulling Victor's finger," He said, shocked, "Victor shall return!"

"I'll just take your turn until you get back," Eddward smirked, walking forward. Martin watched Eddward charge toward Chris, swinging the hammer like a ninja's staff, before turning to Jason.

"At a dime a turn, it may take a while to pay Janet back, Jason," Martin said.

"DON'T DO IT, EDDWARD!" Chris screamed. Janet and Jason were in two lawn chairs with glasses of lemonade.

"That's ok, Martin," Jason said, watching Eddward slam the hammer onto the board and hit Chris, "We've got all the time in the world."

Janet and Jason clinked their glasses together. Eddward panted with exhaustion as he handed the hammer to the newly present Victor.

"And I got a jar on my buttocks," Nick said stupidly.

"Victor would like this many goes at the Chris-boy," Victor said, dropping a huge bag of dimes on Nick's bag.

"YOU'RE KIDDING!" Chris shouted, "Wait, that's enough to pay Janet back, right?"

None of the kids knew if Chris's tears were from fear or from the smell of sauerkraut, ketchup, pollock, and Ricotta cheese on Victor's breath.

"Stand back, as Victor has eaten Mama's family burger and Papa's pickled cabbage!" He hoisted the hammer over his head with a jump, "BEGONE, CAT-STUCK-IN-A-TREE CHRIS-BOY!"

Chris flew into the air.

"MOOOMMMMMMYYYY!" He cried.


	24. Monster Mash

Nick, Martin, and Chris had build a little carnival. Right now, Martin had a few rings around his arm and was playing the Ring Toss game. He looked bored. He threw a ring and it missed.

"Hey useless!" Chris called jokingly. He was standing in a standee of a girl in her bikini at the beach, "Post those rings down and take a load off your eyes!"

"Ha ha ha," Martin said, unamused, "Very funny Chris, but in order to attract a crowd, one must play these childish arcade games."

"Oh, is THAT what you're trying to do?" Chris asked, "Step aside and let a pro show you how it's done."

He pressed the button on the 'Whack A Nick' game.

"Hit me! Too slow! Whack me! You stink!" Nick laughed as he went in and out of the holes.

"Shut up and let me hit you, ya log!" Chris snapped.

"Bravo. Well done, Chris," Martin said. Chris looked at him, "You convinced me. Your skill and expertise at mundane, misleading and moth-ridden carnival games makes me want to throw caution to the wind and give you all my money."

"You're making fun of me ar-" Chris began. Nick was no longer paying attention, as he was looking at the standee of a monster holding a girl.

"Monster!" Nick cried happily, running over, "I wanna be a monster! Look at me! I am a monster! BLAAAAHHHH! GRAAHH! RAAAAAAHHHH! I'm just a monster in a boy's body."

"Nick!" Chris yelled. The cardboard cut out part of the guy was on his chest, "Why do you always have to WRECK EVERYTHING?!"

Chris pounced on him, trying to strangle him.

"But Chris, I just wanna be a monster!" Nick cried.

"I was quite interested in Nick's play acting," Martin said.

"What are you flapping your gums about now?" Chris snapped.

"Think about it, Chris," Martin said, "Nick's overactive imagination could attract customers."

That is the most stupid-" Chris began. He stopped and thought for a minute, "Customers are practically suckers! I love it!"

"Monster for me! Good I will be!" Nick rhymed happily.

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were in Nick's attic, digging around.

"My mom said it was here somewhere," Nick said.

"What are we looking for?" Chris asked.

"Remember that story Father, Uncle Eddy, Uncle Ed, and Aunt Bella told us about?" Martin asked him, "About when Uncle Ed had that monster costume?"

"Oh yeah!" Chris remembered.

"My mom said they hid it up here so my dad can't find it again," Nick explained.

"Well let's find the thing," Chris said, growing bored. Martin found a box labeled 'KEEP AWAY FROM ED.'

"Hey guys!" Martin called, "I think I found it!"

They opened the box. Inside were quite a few things, including the 'The Curse of Evil Tim' comic book, the jug that Martin's father had used to play 'That's My Horse', the mole mutant comic book, and the monster costume.

"Here it is!" Martin said.

"What is all of this?" Chris asked.

"Oh oh, I know this one!" Nick said, raising his hand, "My mom said she hid it to keep them away from my dad because they made him dangerous."

"Oh dear," Martin frowned.

"Yeah," Nick said, "Come on, let's go! I wanna wear the costume!"

* * *

They were in Martin's garage.

"You better not mess this up, Nick," Chris said sternly.

"I will be the best monster I can be, Chris!" Nick said proudly.

"I know you will, Nick," Martin said, "Now try this on for me."

Martin set the monster head on Nick's head.

"Wow, I feel transformed guys!" Nick said.

"You certainly look different," Martin smiled, "Wait right here, Nick. I'll get a mirror. You look very convincing."

Chris waited in the garage with Nick.

"Wow Nick, your dad must've been a real nut when he tried the costume on," Chris said. Nick didn't listen to him. He felt different and then started breathing heavily.

"Jeez. Hey Marty, what's taking so long?!" Chris yelled. Nick started growling, "Nick...?"

"I AM NICKZILLA!" Nick shouted. He attacked Chris, who screamed.

"Hey guys I found a- HOLY GUACAMOLE!" Martin cried, "FATHER'S GARAGE!"

The whole place was a mess.

"Oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear," Martin panicked.

"Ooooh, Nick is crazy," Chris groaned.

"Wait, Nick did this?" Martin asked.

"Who else?" Chris snapped, "That lunatic attacked me and busted through the garage!"

"I knew this would happen!" Martin groaned.

"You had the idea!" Chris yelled.

"RAAAAAAHHHH!"

The two jumped.

"AH! HELP ME!"

"That sounded like Janet," Martin said.

* * *

They ran off to the park, which was completely destroyed. Everything was broken and bent out of shape. The swing set was missing the swings and was bent into the shape of a chicken. Chris laughed.

"This is worse than I thought," Martin said while examining the wreckage, "Nick isn't simply pretending or play acting, Chris. He really believes he's become a monster!"

"Janet!" Ryland yelled out.

"Hey, Fluffy!" Eddward called out.

"Fluffy? Is it not Janet? Who is Fluffy?" Victor asked.

* * *

"We have to warn the others!" Martin cried.

"Are you nuts?!" Chris grinned.

"HELP!"

"I'm gonna make a buck off of this if it kills me!" Chris said. He slapped a band-aid over Martin's mouth.

 _It probably will,_ Martin thought.

* * *

"Are you sure you heard something over here, Jacob?" Izzy asked.

"Yeah, Woody said he did!" Jakob told them.

"Yeah right, and I'm the king of England," Eddward said sarcastically.

"Ha! And Victor is the king of horse radish!"

They laughed.

"Fluffy, where'd you go?!" Eddward called out. They were now in the construction zone.

"Janet! Oh Janet!" Jason cried out, "Oh man, mom's gonna kill me!"

"Victor is confused! Is it Janet or this Fluffy that is lost?!" Victor asked. Jakob wandered over to a pile of dirt with a box of Chunky Puffs.

"Well, well, well. Today's my lucky day!" Jakob said happily. He started munching on the cereal. A tail started to crawl around him. Martin peeled the band-aid off of his mouth.

"Ouch," He said, "JAKOB, LOOK OUT!"

"Wha-? AAAAAAHHHHH!" Jakob yelled, and like that, he was gone. Woody was left behind.

"Oh, I wish I had my phone!" Chris laughed.

"What have I done?" Martin asked himself, "I've actually created a monster!"

"BLLLLAAAAGGGHHH!"

* * *

Victor jumped onto Eddward.

"What is this sound that makes Victor soil his trousers?!" Victor cried fearfully.

"I don't man, so GET OFF ME!" Eddward yelled. Nicole, Izzy and Ryland were freaked out. Nicole tripped over something. She looked at the something and picked it up.

"Guys, I just found Woody without a Jakob," Nicole frowned.

"RAAAAAAHHHH!"

A shadow was casted upon them. They turned around.

"SWEET MOTHER OF AUNT MARIE!" Eddward cried.

"But Victor's nana is not your nana, Eddward," Victor said.

"JUST SHUT UP AND RUN!" Eddward yelled. They all ran off and Chris laughed.

"This is too much!" He said, "Nick's scaring the pants off of 'em!"

* * *

The kids all ran to Eddward's house. They started piling furniture in front of the door.

"Think that's enough?" Nicole asked.

* * *

Chris and Martin approached the house. Chris cleared his throat and started pounding on the door and screaming for help.

"No need to be alarmed!" Martin tried to say, "He's just playing! He wouldn't hurt a fly! Why, they're actually attracted to him!"

"Take a hike, twerp!" Eddward snapped, "IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

"They didn't listen to anything I said," Martin said.

"Come on, let's find a way in," Chris said, "I wanna see their faces!"

It all started to go quiet.

"Think it's gone?" Jason asked.

"I don't know," Nicole whispered. Suddenly, the monster's arm burst through the door and grabbed Eddward and Jason.

"It took Edd!" Sierra cried.

* * *

"What's with these stupid windows?!" Chris said angrily, trying to pry the back windows open. Martin opened the door.

"I hate it when you do that," Chris glared.

"RUN AWAY!" The kids all ran into the two boys.

"Why is it always my back?" Martin groaned. Nick's monster shadow loomed over them and everyone but Chris and Martin screamed.

"Nice entrance!" Chris smiled.

"Quick, to the tree house!" Martin said, pointing to the tree house in the field behind Eddward's house. They all ran over. Victor pushed Martin out the way.

"Out of the way, fool!" He screamed and climbed up the ladder. Martin rubbed his head and helped Nicole up, who was followed by Izzy and Ryland. Sierra had disappeared.

"You didn't had to be violent Victor," Martin sighed. Chris, who was still laughing and watching Nick, climbed up the latter with Martin on his head. Nick roared.

"Everyone remain calm, we'll be safe here," Martin assured.

"Are you sure, Martin?" Nicole said.

"Of course I'm sure," He opened the hatch to see Nick running around the tree, "He's just in his own little world right now. The best thing to do is just ignore him."

Victor peered down the hatch.

"The beast circles with hunger!" He cried, "We must appease it with a sacrifice!"

Victor held up Nicole.

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU IDIOT!" She shouted.

"Hey, that's my girlfriend!" Chris yelled.

"HOLD IT!" Martin yelled. Everyone looked at him, "You can't do that. You'll only make him worse!"

"So what?" Chris asked, "It's funny!" Nicole pummeled Victor in the head, "See?! Ha ha ha!"

He held his chest. Nicole slapped the back of Chris's head.

"Ow! What was that for?!" He whined while rubbing the spot. Nicole crossed her arms. Suddenly, the tree house started shaking. Martin looked down to see Nick banging his head on the tree.

"Alright that is enough!" Martin said sternly, "Someone is going to go down there to give that man a time-out! And that someone...is me."

"Oh Martin, that's like, so brave!" Nicole said, hugging him, "I'll never forgive you."

Before Martin could go down, the tree house fell apart in a pile.

"Oh cr-"

CRASH!

Is everyone alright?" Martin asked.

"Yes, thank you, Martin-boy," Victor said, "All is well."

Out of the pile of rubble, Nick's head burst through and ate Victor.

"Please ask Victor's family and livestock to remember the son of a Sheppard," Victor said weakly. Nick roared.

"AAAHH, HELP!" Nicole cried as Nick carried her off, "IT'S WRECKING MY HAIR!"

"THAT SHOULD BE THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES!" Izzy yelled at her.

"MY APOLOGIES NICOLE, HE JUST WANTED TO BE THE BEST MONSTER HE CAN-" Martin began.

"Hey, if you see any teeth lying around, they're mine," Chris said, dazed.

* * *

"Where are you taking me?!" Nicole cried. Nick was dragging Nicole back to his basement room. He opened his enormous mouth.

"Please, don't eat me!" Nicole cried. Nick chewed up a mouthful of Chunky Puffs and spat it all over Nicole, "This is now one of the 100 things that are so gross!"

He stuck her to a wall. On the wall were the other kids.

"Nick captured every last one of them," Martin said, dumbfounded.

"WAIT! You're telling me that that thing is Nick?!" Izzy cried. Martin shushed her. The basement window creaked open.

"He's coming! He can't see us!" Martin whispered. They hid in a nearby bush. Nick looked around before slithering off.

"Martin, start talking," Ryland ordered, "How is that Nick?"

"We found Uncle Ed's old monster costume and dressed up Nick," Martin explained, "He got carried away."

"Why?!" Izzy asked angrily. Chris bit his lip.

"It doesn't matter right now," Martin defended him, "We have to get everyone down."

They went into the room and everyone started talking loudly.

"Yes, okay, I'm sorry!" Martin said, "We'll get you down!"

"What?!" Chris said.

"Come on, Chris," Martin said, "Just look at them!"

"Fine, we'll get them down," Chris groaned, "For 50 cents each!"

"You idiot!" Izzy glared.

"What?" Chris asked, holding out a jar, "No fur off my tail. Who's first?"

Drool came in the jar.

"Um...bro?" Izzy's eyes widened. Chris looked up at Nick, who was looming over him. Chris screamed and the four of them ran over to the corner, holding each other.

"He wants the fur off my tail, guys!" Chris cried. Nich roared.

"THAT'S ENOUGH, MISTER!" Martin announced.

"Check it out, Martin's yelling at it," Eddward said.

"It seems that son-of-sock-head has grown hair," Victor said.

"It's all fun and games until someone gets stuck to a wall," Martin scolded. Nick roared once more. Just then, Sheldon entered the room.

"Hiya big bro!" Sheldon greeted and pulled the head off of the costume.

"Hiya Sheldon!" Nick smiled.

"It's just Nick?" Jason asked.

"The beast was none other than foolhardy Nick-boy?" Victor asked the same question.

"Now that that is all settled, let's get the kids down," Izzy said to Ryland.

"Nick's twisted, I swear," Eddward grumbled. Izzy and Ryland tried to get the kids down but their hands stuck to the cereal.

"Hey, I'm stuck!" Ryland realized.

"Me too!" Izzy frowned.

"Let me help you!" Martin said.

"Uh oh," Chris saw the signs of trouble, "Come on, you two!"

He dragged Martin and Nick out.

"CHRIS PRATO MCGEE! YOU GET BACK HERE AND PEEL US OFF!"

* * *

Martin and Chris were under Chris's bed, hiding. Under his bed was lots of food, some magazines, and a few tissues. Martin seemed nervous but Chris was just looking at one of his magazines.

"Chris, I have a bad feeling about this," Martin said, worried, "Eventually the kids will flake off of Nick's wall and then we'll be in big trouble!"

"Don't worry," Chris said, closing his magazine, "I have plenty of food and entertainment to last us until they forget all about it. Hey, you seen a can opener?"

Suddenly, Nick popped out of the can Chris was holding.

"I am Can Opener Man!" Nick cried, "Fear me!"

"What the-?!" Chris cried, shocked.

"Nick, please, calm down!" Martin begged quietly.

"No wait!" Nick said, grabbing the box of tissues, "I am Tissue Man! I will blow your nose!"

"NICK, STOP!" Martin begged.

"Wait wait wait!" Nick said. He burst through the top of the bed, "I am Bed Bunny! Sleep with me!"

"NICK!" Martin and Chris cried.

* * *

The End.

"Wait wait wait! I'm Porky Pig! Eh-Beh-De-eh-be-That's all Folks!" Nick said, popping out of the screen.


	25. When I'm Gone

Eddward charged down the smoothed pavement of the Lane on his skateboard, his mind calm and calculated as he approached the homemade ramp where the rest of the kids were watching. In a second, he was up in the sky with the others basking in his athletic glory. He did a bunch of cool tricks, including scratching his back with the skateboard.

"Don't try this at home, folks." Eddward prepared for the drop back down to Earth.

"This would be impossible, as Victor would hit the ceiling," Victor said.

"He makes it look so easy!" Sierra said. Eddward rebounded on the slingshot that had launched him up the ramp and made another pass up the ramp. This time, Victor joined him in the air.

"Eddward, assist Victor," Victor said, "Tell Victor the secrets of this prostrate board."

"Oh boy, he's clueless!" Jakob said. Eddward waited until they started back down to the ground before responding.

"Don't sweat it, Victor," He removed his helmet. "What you don't know...WON'T HURT YA!"

He slammed the helmet onto Victor's head, sending him through the ramp.

"Nice one, Victor!" Jakob said happily.

"Descent, to say the least," Eddward said, pulling out his bike. He made a decent landing back on the ramp, avoiding the hole made by Victor, and came to a stop just short of the slingshot. The kids cheered.

"Let's boogie, Woody!" Jakob said, grabbing the board.

"Get in line, Jakob!" Jason plucked the skateboard out from under Jakob, "It's Janet's turn. Here you go, sis."

Janet was covered with pillows and padding.

"Do you think I'll kick butt, Jason?" Janet had never ridden a skateboard before.

"Whatever you do, you better do it fast," Eddward said, sipping a Coca Cola, "Cuz the twerps might be here soon."

"Nick, Martin, and Chris?" Jakob's head was stuck in the hole made by Victor. "I wouldn't count on it. This morning me and Woody were at the creek at there was no Nick, Martin, or Chris around. Not at the creek, not at the junkyard, not in the sewer, not in the-"

"Victor has also been blessed with the absence of eldest-Ed-boy-sons," Victor said, popping out of the hole.

"Huh, weird," Ryland said, "It's not like Martin to just disappear."

"Ryland, Izzy, you seen your brothers?" Eddward asked. They both answered together.

"No."

Sheldon spoke up.

"I haven't seen mine either, Edd," He said.

"I feel as fresh as a spring flower!" Janet said happily, "Come on, people, it's a brand new day! No Nick, Martin, or Chris! Hallelujah! Let's go to my house and party! The cookies and milk are on me!"

Jason reached the ground and waited for Janet. When she couldn't find the next ladder rung, he gave a good hard kick to the ramp, sending Janet down.

"Jason, I got an owie!" Janet sobbed. Jason picked her up.

"It's okay, Janet; you're used to it," He said softly.

* * *

"Do it, Nicole!"

"Come on, you can do it!"

The kids were in Jason and Janet's backyard playing Pin The Tail on The Chris. Izzy was bouncing excitedly.

"Higher, higher!" She said. Ryland shushed her as Nicole went in for the kill. Nicole pinned the fake cat tail right on the target. Kevin cheered.

"Bullseye!" He said. Sheldon clapped.

"Right where the sun don't shine!"He giggled.

"That was fun," Nicole giggled. Jakob skipped past Victor and Eddward.

"These cookies sure are stale, huh, Woody?" Jakob said to the piece of wood. Victor was sitting next to a big pile of cookies and a bucket. He was picking all of the raisins off of the cookies and tossing them into the bucket.

"What know-nothing would dimple a cookie biscuit with the doohickeys of a rabbit?" He asked, irritated.

"Those are raisins, dude," Eddward corrected.

"Same thing," Victor father was never fond of them, and his mother and sisters never bothered in them either.

"They're up to something," Eddward said, "You know that?"

Victor glanced into the bucket, confused.

"The doohickeys?" He asked.

"No man!" Eddward said, "Nick, Martin, and Chris."

The statement silenced the assembly until Victor stood up.

"Poppycock! There are no elder-sons-of-Ed-boys today, Eddward!" He brought out a bottle of beef broth, "A celebration I say!"

"I'm with you," Jason agreed. Jakob was sitting on the cooler.

"I know how you feel, buddy," He said to Woody, "I wouldn't feed these cookies to a dog. Want a soda?" He flipped open the lid and reached inside, but paused, "How the heck did that get in there?"

Jakob was running around the yard with a monkey mask.

"I'm a monkey! Feed me a peanut! Feed me a peanut!" He jumped on Jason's head. "You got a monkey on your head! Feed me a peanut!"

"Jakob, I'm gonna kill you!" Jason yelled angrily. Eddward watched the spectacle unfolding as Jakob ran toward him.

"No peanut?" Jakob asked, "Feed me a banana, cuz I'm a monkey!"

Jason tackled him to the ground, attracting the attention of the rest of the partygoers.

"I'll feed you a fist!" Jason shouted.

"Hey, where'd you get this?" Eddward asked, taking the mask. Jakob stood up.

"I found it in the drink cooler," He said simply.

"What's a mask doing in a cooler?" Eddward asked.

"I don't know," Sheldon looked at the mask, "Looks like something my brother would draw."

"People please, you're giving me a migraine!" Janet said, "Let's not forget the party! Cookie anyone?"

Upon withdrawing her hand from the box, she was met with a pink glove with cotton glued on it.

"MONKEY HAND!" She cried, "GET IT OFF, MONKEYS SMELL THEIR FINGERS!"

Victor grabbed Janet's gloved hand and plucked the glove off.

"Why has someone glued fluff to this rubber glove?" Victor asked, "Has the world come to an end?"

"What'd I tell ya?" Eddward snatched the glove from Victor, "Those guys are moving in. Izzy, you and the twins come with me and Nicole; we're gonna find Chris."

"Me, Janet, and Sheldon will go look for Nick," Jason said, "Come on, Sheldon."

Victor turned to Jakob.

"So, that leaves us to aid the sisters of four-eyed Martin-boy to search for him," Victor said.

"Hoo-boy!" Jakob said, "Come on, let's go!"

* * *

Eddward and his entourage reached Chris's house and began to survey his room through the window. The only thing they could see moving was a CD player on with the 'Replay' button glowing green.. So, Chris had been gone for longer than the CD's duration, and whatever led him to go missing didn't leave him any opportunity to stop the music before leaving. Izzy saw the kittens snuggled up on Chris's bed, a sure sign that he wasn't home. Chris didn't usually let Snowball or Midnight sleep on his bed, and he never let Oliver in his room if he wasn't in it.

* * *

At the same time, Janet, Jason, and Sheldon were investigating Nick's room. There was a movie playing on the TV inside, and Sheldon was able to identify how far into the movie it was from when he watched it with Nick. While Sheldon tried to figure out where Nick could've gone in 100 minutes since leaving the room, Jason was plucking cooked turkeys from the armchair and examining the fungi-infested bed for clues. Janet was pushing a pair of old underwear up the wall with a pencil, looking like she was about to throw up. She moved the pencil and the underwear stuck to the wall.

* * *

The Martin search group had formed a tower so that Sierra could see in the window. She saw everything was neat and in order except for a single packet of paper, which was flipped toward the door, suggesting an interruption to Martin's work that was never resumed.

"That's not like Martin," Sierra noticed about her older brother.

* * *

By 3:15 that afternoon, the kids had put together all the information they had gathered, but couldn't figure out where Nick, Martin, or Chris could possibly be. Eddward was pacing around a fire hydrant outside his house.

"I've got a bad feeling in my gut about this, Victor," He voiced to his friend.

"Shall Victor rub Eddward's belly with the oils of fermented figs?" Victor asked, trying to help. Eddward stopped on the sidewalk.

"What?" He asked, confused. Nicole closed the notebook she'd been using to compile all the collected evidence.

"I hope they're okay," She frowned. It had been fun to be free of her boyfriend's constant scamming for a day, but now she was worried.

"I have a confession," Janet said, "I've wished this every birthday. Could it have come true?"

"Victor is riddled with guilt over the missing sons of Ed-boys," Victor gulped. Eddward sneered.

"Gimme a break. This is all part of some stupid scam," He said, "They're around here somewhere."

He looked down and saw a banana. Nicole walked up to Eddward.

"Is that a banana?" She asked. Victor wasn't far behind.

"A turnip for your thoughts, Eddward?" He said.

"First, a monkey mask," Eddward began, "Then, a monkey glove, and now-"

The Lane was covered from start to finish with one fruit.

"Monkey food!" Jakob pranced through the banana-laden path, "See, what'd I tell ya?"

"I've never seen so much fruit in one place!" Janet said.

"You've obviously never been to a grocery store," Izzy remarked.

"Follow the yellow-rind road!" the twins chanted together.

The kids ventured through the Lane. Izzy and Ryland were examining the bananas for any clues about how long they were there. The skateboarding had taken place at the other end of the Lane, so it wasn't a huge surprise that no one saw any bananas in that part of the Lane.

A total of 10 bananas had some trace of green, and the empty peels were all in one piece, a sign that the eaten bananas had reached peak ripeness before being eaten.

By mapping out the progression of ripeness in the bananas, they deduced that the bananas at the foot of the Lane were laid down last, i.e. the kids were following the bananas in the reverse order in which they were laid down.

The kids couldn't avoid stepping on a few bananas (unopened bananas, so no one was slipping), so the lack of footprints in front of the kids meant that whoever put the bananas here (who were almost certainly Nick, Martin, n Chris) didn't return to whatever was beyond the yellow-rind road.

"Those twerps are watching our every move!" Eddward worried, "Hello."

Nicole paused at Eddwrd's back as she read the sign over the entrance to the banana-infested woods.

"Chimp Wurld?" She read aloud.

"What I tell ya?" Eddward asked, "Monkey see, monkey gets ripped off."

Jakob ran toward the makeshift playground.

"I'm a monkey, huh, Woody?" He laughed.

"Don't go in there, Jakob!" Eddward warned. Jakob didn't hear Eddward and hopped onto a tire swing.

"WOOHOO! Too much fun!" He cheered.

"Hang on, squirt!" Eddward said. Victor moved Eddward's arm from blocking Janet, Jason, and Sheldon.

"Eat and be merry, Eddward, for today we are free of sons of Ed-boys!" Victor beamed. In the end, Izzy and Ryland were the only ones to heed Eddward's advice.

"Get real guys! It's a scam?" Eddward kicked the ticket booth, "Victor?!"

He was met with a Tarzan cry from Nicole as she rope swung between the treetops. Victor and Janet were in the box of bananas.

"Crybaby Janet," Victor plucked a banana from Janet's hand, "Careful, as the mighty banana is like glue to the path of least resistance."

"Want to tussle, huh?" Janet asked, pouncing on Victor. The twins watched the banana battle through a hole in the roof, catching and eating the stray bananas and chanting "Go!" as they fought.

"Suckers! They'll be here any moment to take your cash!" Eddward yelled. Suddenly, he slipped on a stray banana peel thrown by Bellino, "Man, that joke is older than our parents' show."

"C'mon Edd, you need to relax!" Jakob said.

"Come on out Chris, so I can pound ya!" Eddward yelled, ignoring Jakob.

"There's no one here but us bananas, Eddward," Victor said.

"I know you're here, twerps!" Eddward yelled, "Show yourselves!"

Sierra then swooped down on a rope and grabbed him.

"Dude, relax," She said.

"Let go of me!" Eddward pushed her and fell down, He passed by Jakob as he fell down, "What're you looking at?" He pulled his bike out, "Ah ha!"

But it was too late and he fell on the ground.

"Hey Edd, relax!" Jakob said, swinging on a rope, "Go with the flow!"

"Jakob, wait!" Eddward cried. Suddenly, the rope tore and Jakob fell, getting caught by the feet on another rope.

"AH! Help!" Jakob yelled.

"Oh here we go," Eddward gulped. Izzy watched alongside him.

"Yeah, Chris isn't exactly the best builder around," She said.

"Fear not, as Victor will save your head!" Victor said.

"Jeepers!" Jakob yelled.

"Oh man, they're moving in," Eddward backed against a tree. Victor tried to rope swing toward Jakob, but the rope wasn't long enough. Worse still, the backswing opened a trapdoor to the banana fort, burying Victor and sending the twins falling out and getting caught in a pair of tree branches.

"HELP!" Bellini and Bellino yelled, holding onto the tree branches.

"Help me!" Jakob cried.

"Those twerps are out of control!" Eddward cried, now freaked out.

"Hey Edd, check out this cool slide!" Sierra said.

"Sierra, don't!" Ryland yelled, but she was too late as Sierra jumped onto the slide.

As Izzy expected, the slide collapsed layer by layer as soon as Sierra hit the slide. What she didn't expect was for there to be a bridge in the slide's path, much less the one holding Janet and Jason. Janet and Jason ran past on the bridge before Sierra crashed through and broke it. The bridge fell, causing Janet and Jason to slide down. Jason held on to the bridge and Jason held on to her ankles. Nicole had been next in line to go down the slide after Sierra, and watched helplessly as Sierra was falling. This put her in a bad spot when the slide sprang back into shape; Sierra slammed into Nicole, sending both girls over the treetops.

"Help Jason, help!" Janet cried.

"Janet!" Jason yelled.

"Those twerps are out of control!" Eddward cried.

"Guys, help!" Sierra yelled. Nicole's pants and Sierra's shirt were both stuck on loose nails. Both of their articles of clothing were slowly tearing.

"Edd, Ryland, help!" Sierra cried fearfully. Eddward was entranced.

"Awesome..." He murmured, and was met with a double slap to the face from Izzy and Ryland.

"This is so not cool," Nicole said as the two girls fell out of their pants and shirt. Nicole's head got stuck in the rubber tire while Sierra's foot got caught in the rope holding the tire. Ryland folded her arms.

"Wait'll I get my hands on Chris," She said angrily. Izzy had her camera phone out.

"I'm having fun right now," She chuckled.

"Our friends are in trouble!" Ryland said, snatching Izzy's phone, "And you're just recording? Izzy, you b-"

"Ah ah ah, we're rated K+," Izzy warned her cousin. Eddward looked around at the trapped kids crying out for help.

"I gotta be next; I'm the only one left," He ran off for the woods, "You ain't scamming me, twerps! I'm on to ya! Later."

Eddward ran off while Izzy and Ryland stayed behind to help their friends. Eddward ran past the end of the Lane, where Nick, Martin, and Chris were. Eddward didn't see them, but they heard him. Eddward let out a scream as he fell off a tree-covered cliff.

* * *

"Ssh shh ssh," Martin said, listening, "This is becoming too risky, Chris. If we don't find Nick's mask soon, our Chimp World will be all for naught."

Chris grabbed Nick by the collar.

"Nick, we've been looking all day!" Chris said "Where'd you put it?"

"Put what?" Nick asked.

"The mask, Nick," Martin answered, "The mask you drew this morning, remember?"

"Did you check your costume?" Chris asked, peeking in.

"Whoops, lost my glove! See?" Nick said, showing them. Chris shoved him into the fence.

"You bonehead!" He snapped at Nick.

"I hate to say I told you so, but if I had been in charge, I-" Martin began. Chris had Nick's costume in his hands, but not Nick. Chris searched through it, "Well, we can clearly see it's not on Nick's person."

"It was the greatest scam in the world!" Chris moaned, "I gotta find the mask!"

With that, he whisked off all of Martin's clothes. Shirt, pants, socks, underwear, the works.

"CHRIS, PLEASE!" Martin cried, hiding behind Nick. The only article of clothing he had left was his glasses, "Control yourself! Excuse me, Nick."

"Table for two!" Nick smiled. Chris had undressed himself by now, his cat features maintaining a small degree of decency on his part. He also still had his underwear on.

"Quit your griping! Keep looking!" Chris ordered.

"Banana?" Nick offered. Chris smacked the fruit out of Nick's hand.

"Cut it out, Nick!" He climbed over the fence, "I'm looking over here."

Nick climbed after him with two bananas in his nose.

"Buy one, get one free!" He laughed. Martin called after Chris.

"Chris, I can't find my underwear!" Martin panicked.


	26. All Grown Up!

Victor was sniffing along the sidewalk, very concentrated. He sniffed over Jakob, who looked at him.

"Hey Victor, whatcha doin'?" Jakob asked, confused. Victor looked up.

"Silence, Victor must brood!" Victor said. He sniffed something and looked up at Nick's basement room window.

Inside, Nick had about four to five chickens in a bathtub filled with water. He was holding a hula hoop slightly above the water.

"Alright ladies, upsie-dasie!" Nick tried to coax the chickens, "Come on, you can do it!"

"Nick, this is so wrong!" Martin said, "Victor is sure to discover his chickens are missing!"

Right on cue, Victor fell down the basement stairs.

"Excuse Victor, Mrs. Hunter, for he must see your elder offspring," Victor called, "NICK-BOY!"

Martin looked at Nick.

"Why have you stolen Victor's livestock?" Victor asked angrily.

"It was their idea, Victor," Nick said, "They wanted to be the best chickens they could be."

"Uh, now Victor," Martin said nervously, "It's just a misunderstanding."

Victor began yelling at the two, but Nick saw Chris pushing a big box past his window and didn't listen. Chris pushed the box down the stairs, knocking Victor out the window at the end of the wall

"Hey Mrs. Hunter, just here to see Nick," Chris said. The chickens followed Victor out the window.

"Tata, same time tomorrow, ladies!" Nick waved.

"Bye bye chickens!" Sheldon said, also waving. He had been watching from the bed.

"What's that, Chris?" Martin asked.

"Check out what my uncle sent me, that big lug!" Chris said.

"Your uncle sent you this?" Martin asked.

"I think his uncle sent it to him, Martin," Nick said. Martin looked at the address.

"This seems to be address to a 'Kitten', Chris," Martin giggled, "A 'pet' name for his little nephew, I assume?"

"Haha, very funny," Chris rolled his eyes, "'Pet' name, like I haven't heard that before."

Martin snickered.

"Besides, he knows I'm not a kitten anymore," Chris said, opening the box, "Why else would he send me the keys to a new car?"

Chris pulled out a baby cat toy. Nick and Martin burst out laughing. Martin fell to the floor laughing.

"What the-?" Chris pulled out more kitten toys, including a fishing rod toy, "What's he think I am, a two year old?"

"Cool," Nick said, looking at the fishing rod. Chris then pulled out a catnip cat toy and looked confused.

"Ok, I don't think Uncle Danny understands that catnip is like a drug for cats," Chris said, tossing the toy back into the box. Martin laughed and Chris glared at him.

"I'm sorry Chris, but don't you think it's funny how Uncle Danny still sees you as a 'little kitten'?" Martin asked.

"No!" Chris shouted, "I HATE being the little kitten!"

"At least you're not the baby brother," Martin said.

"Being the 'little kitten' is worse than being a baby brother," Chris said, "I should know, I've been both at once."

Martin sighed.

"I wish I could show him how big I've gotten," Chris mumbled. A light bulb appeared above his head, "That's it! Nick, take me to the mail box!"

Chris climbed in the box and closed it up.

"Gotcha, Chris," Nick said, picking the box up and walking up the stairs. However, he fell down backwards, causing Chris to fall out. Martin sighed and walked over.

"Wouldn't it be easier to mail a letter describing yourself, Chris?" Martin asked, "Why, if I were you, I'd write a whole book. A biology of sorts."

Chris rolled his eyes.

"If you were me you wouldn't want to do that," Chris said.

"If I were me I'd make a whole movie," Nick said.

"That's genius!" Chris realized, "We'll make a movie! Martin can be cameraman, and I'll be everything else! And of course the star."

"Can I be in it?" Sheldon asked.

"Sorry kid, it's about me, not you," Chris said.

"Don't be rude," Martin scolded.

"It's ok," Sheldon said, "It's snack time anyway."

He rushed upstairs and Nick gasped happily.

"Snack time! Yummy yum yum!" He cried.

"Nick, stay here! We need you," Chris said. He tossed Martin his phone, "Here, record with this. And don't break it. That thing's expensive, and my mom will kill me if I break it."

Martin raised his eyebrow.

"What?" Chris asked. Martin shook his head.

"Chris, you can't take a video from a phone and put it on a tape to send to your uncle Danny," Martin said.

"I know that," Chris rolled his eyes, "But instead of wasting money on mail, I'll just text it to him."

"Okay?" Martin said.

"Chris is the man!" Nick said.

* * *

"And...action!" Martin said, now recording with Chris's phone.

"Hey Uncle Danny, what's up?" Chris asked. He was sitting in his chair outside next to a pile of bags with a money symbol on them. Martin rolled his eyes.

"As you can see, I've raked up quite the big amount of money," Chris said, "Been investing for a while. Might even buy me a couple more planets. Yup, already own Mercury and Venus. And Dad says I'll inherit Saturn and Pluto from him."

Martin panned the camera to Nick, who was sticking money symbol stickers onto bags of trash.

"Boy, being rich really stinks," He said.

"Yeah," Martin said.

"What the heck are you doin'?!" Chris snapped, taking the phone so the camera was now looking at a close up of his shirt, "Don't record that!"

Martin deleted the video and started it over.

* * *

They were now walking down the sidewalk, Martin recording Chris and Nick.

"Unlike me, the ol' cul-de-sac is still the same since you last visited," Chris said, "Hey, did I tell you? I've been elected the king now."

Martin raised his eyebrow. They saw Eddward ride past on his bike.

"That's Edd, he's the neighborhood twerp," Chris said, not knowing Eddward heard him, "I have to slap him around every once in awhile just to teach him who's boss."

Eddward glared.

"Neighborhood twerp, huh?" Eddward asked. He wedgied Chris (which was made worse by his tail) and stretched the underwear over the back of his bike, "Hey nerd, you gettin' this?!"

Eddward rode off, Chris's underwear still attached. Chris clung to the fire hydrant.

"He collects underwear and gives it to the needy," Chris lied, under extreme pain, "Pretty stupid, huh Uncle Danny?"

Martin rolled his eyes. Chris lost his grip and was dragged along by the bike until his underwear broke in the middle of the cul-de-sac. Martin covered his eyes.

"Oh dear, Chris, are you alright?!" Martin called.

"Look at Chris bounce, Mr. Danny!" Nick said in slight awe. Martin ran after Chris. Nick quickly followed.

"Boy Chris, you deserve a shake for that!" He said, shaking the cat fishing toy in front of Chris. Chris angrily swatted at the toy, getting caught and yanked forward when Nick shook it. Martin frowned. Martin deleted that video, too.

* * *

Nick had started recording another video, recording him.

"Hello, my name is Nick," Nick said.

"I'm running out of ideas, Martin," Chris said, sitting on the sidewalk with Martin in the background, "NICK BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!"

Martin looked over. Nick wasn't paying attention to Chris.

"Man the helms! Dive! Dive!" Nick shouted before SWALLOWING the phone!

"NICK! YOU SWALLOWED MY PHONE?!"

"Oh dear," Martin said. The screen was black now.

"Oops," Nick said. The screen was lit up as Martin reached into Nick's mouth with gloves on, grabbing the phone from his stomach.

"You're lucky it's waterproof!" Chris snapped, "Otherwise I'd kill you!"

Martin frowned.

"Sorry Chris," Nick apologized.

"Whatever," Chris said. Chris paused the video and wiped his phone off before restarting the video.

"I can't wait to see that part!" Nick said. Martin shuddered in disgust.

"Yeah, sure," Chris rolled his eyes. Nick laughed.

"Hey guys, what's that?" Jakob asked, "Are you making a movie?"

"Beat it, Jakob!" Chris snapped, "We're busy!"

"Don't be rude," Martin scolded again. Jakob grabbed the phone, recording himself and Woody.

"Hi there!" He laughed.

"GIMMIE MY PHONE!" Chris yelled, pouncing on Jakob, who accidentally paused the video.

* * *

Jakob was now buried in the nearby lawn with his head popping out. Chris was leaning on a shovel next to him while Martin recorded him.

"What can I tell ya? He scares the birds away," Chris covered up. The three boys heard humming and looked to see Nicole painting her nails across the street. Martin blushed. Chris smiled.

"Hey look, it's my girlfriend," He said. Nicole looked over across the street.

"Hey," She waved. Chris walked over and sat down next to her.

"Hey babe," He said, glad something was going right for once. Nicole smiled at him.

"Y'know, you should let me paint your nails," She said, "I've never painted cat nails before."

Chris had been the only one to inherit cat nail from his mom. Martin snickered.

"I think it could be really cute," Nicole said.

"Later," Chris said quietly.

"Aw, come on," Nicole whined.

"No," Chris said.

"Pleeaaase, honey?" Nicole asked, making Puss in Boots eyes.

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were in the junkyard. Martin was recording, and you could clearly see Chris's cat nails were painted pink and black. Chris was so mad. He was trying hard not to call attention to it, though.

"Hey Uncle Danny!" He said, "See this? It's the junkyard! Dad told me how you used to rule the junkyard. Now I'm the one who does."

Chris smiled proudly. This time he KNEW nothing could go wrong. He came here by himself all the time. He walked over to an orange car.

"Yup, I come here a lot," He said, "Right now I'm fixing up my car. It's not quite ready yet. I'm still missing a few pieces."

Chris leaned up against the car. He went to walk around the nearby junk pile but bumped into Mary. They both fell down on their butts.

"Hey, what are YOU doin' here?!" Chris snapped. Martin stepped back a bit.

"None of yer beeswax!" Mary snapped. Chris saw her holding a car part.

"Hey, I need that!" He said.

"I had it first," Mary said.

"Well I need it more," Chris argued.

"No, I do!" Mary said.

"Excuse me, but are you the one rebuilding an entire car?" Chris snapped.

"Yes," Mary said.

"Really?" Chris asked, shocked.

"Yeah," Mary said.

"Where?" Chris asked. He motioned to Martin to stop the recording.

* * *

The three boys were back in Chris's room. Cardboard cutouts of all the cul-de-sac kids were somehow moving around the room.

"So, I'm all nice and cozy back in my room," Chris said, sitting on the back, "Where all the kids come just for my autograph."

Martin sighed. Chris got up and signed Eddward's forehead.

"The usual spot there, twerp?" Chris asked. He then leaned off screen, "Sweat Chris, you're cool man!"

"This is not right," Martin said. Chris dragged the cutout of Jakob over.

"Sign your shirt there, curly?" Chris asked, signing 'Jakob's' shirt.

"They're hungry again Chris!" Nick said, appearing with a box of cereal.

"So feed them over there!" Chris said through his teeth, shoving Nick aside. Chris smiled half-heartedly. He didn't realize it, but Victor was sniffing the ground and walked in through the door.

"Chris, Victor!" Martin tried to warn.

"Victor? Did I forget to sign Victor?" Chris said as the real Victor appeared next to him. Chris wrote his name on Victor's face, where a mustache would be, "There you go, stretch."

"Oh dear," Martin said. Chris realized his mistake a second too late.

"YOU VANDALIZED VICTOR'S FACE, AND YOU HAVE-" The cardboard cutout of Victor walked over. Victor looked confused but then picked it up, revealing a chicken to the camera, "AND YOU HAVE STOLEN VICTOR'S CHICKENS YET AGAIN!" He spotted the phone, "Are you stealing Victor's soul with your film plate?"

Martin walked back.

"Why of course not," Martin said, turning the phone away to record Nick feeding the chickens.

"Return Victor's livestock!" Victor yelled. The chickens started running, knocking over Martin. The phone landed again the bed stand, recording the whole scene. Martin looked at it.

"I think your uncle's got the picture, Chris," Martin said simply before the phone died.


	27. Musically Talented(dotdotdot)Not!

Chris was snickering at his latest plan.

"Hurry up, Martin!" Chris said. He wasn't wearing a shirt and Martin was cutting out squares of black carpet.

"I'm hurrying," Martin said. Chris squirted glue on his armpits.

"What are we doing again?" Martin asked. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Everyone knows hairy pits are a sign of manliness," He explained, "So that's what we're getting."

Martin put the carpet squares on the glue.

"Now you have to let the glue dry," Martin said.

"It's quick dry glue," Chris said.

"It still has to dry," Martin said.

"It's already dried," Chris said, "Come on, your turn."

"N-no thank you," Martin said.

"Aw, come on Martin," Chris said, "Tell you what, you can still put your shirt on afterwards."

"No, I'd rather not," Martin said.

Chris rolled his eyes. The two of them walked outside and found Jakob and June playing a game of checkers while Woody watched.

"Hey Jakob," Chris greeted. Jakob and June looked at him.

"Wow Chris, is that a carpet?" Jakob asked. June burst out laughing. Martin looked at Chris.

"That's hilarious!" June laughed with her brother.

"Ah, shut up," Chris said. Chris stomped off and Martin followed.

Eddward was on his porch, flipping cards into a hat in the middle of the yard. Chris appeared over the fence.

"Hey Edd, who's more mature now?" Chris asked mockingly. Edd looked up with a glare. At the sight of Chris with carpet armpits, the glare was replaced with trying not to laugh.

"The twerp's faking puberty!" Eddward laughed, heading inside.

"Jealous?!" Chris yelled angrily, "He wishes he had fur like this."

Martin chuckled.

"Is that carpet?" Nicole said as she walked past, "Honey, that's so...kindergarten."

Chris blushed. Martin looked at Chris. Nicole giggled and walked off.

"I hate it when they catch on," Chris said. Martin snickered.

"What do we do now?" Chris asked.

"Oh, we could call on Nick," Martin suggested.

"Don't bother, Martin, he is not home," Nick said as he walked up with a violin and a music stand.

"Hey Nick, check out these pits!" Chris said, hoping to fool him.

"Nice carpet, Chris!" Nick said. Martin chuckled.

"Position and pose starts by fanning your toes, and placing your left foot, right," Nick said, doing so.

"What's Nick doing with a ukulele?" Chris asked.

"It's called a violin, Chris," Martin said.

"My gramma said I should practice the violin," Nick said, "She's visiting."

"Ah, what does she know?" Chris said, annoyed.

"She said she made my dad practice it too," Nick said, "And now I have to practice."

Nick started playing. Very. Badly. Martin covered his ears. Chris covered and folded his ears back.

"Wow, that's a real toe-tapper, Nick!" Jakob said happily, dancing along to Nick's 'music' and holding Woody, "What do you mean I got my dad's love of music?"

"That sounds like nails on a chalkboard," Chris said.

"Now Chris, we have to support Nick," Martin said.

"I am supporting him," Chris said.

"How?" Martin said. Chris grumbled. He left and went inside to his room. He slammed the door and pulled on a shirt. Soon after, Nick stopped playing and Chris sighed happily.

"Chris, keep it down!" Bellino yelled, "Me and Bellini are playing Minecraft!"

"Ah, shut up," Chris said.

"Chris, be nice to the twins!" Izzy yelled from her room, "Yeah sorry Ryland, Chris's being a jerk."

Chris huffed and sat down. He spotted the top of Martin's head over the top of his chair.

"Martin?" Chris called. Martin jumped and turned around, "Aha! I was right! Nick stinks!"

Martin sighed.

"Yes," He said, "But we need to support him in this. This is a good thing!"

"It sounds like a straw in one of those cups from fast food places," Chris snapped.

"Now Chris, I'm sure when Nick's grandmother leaves, he'll stop," Martin said.

"How do you know?" Chris asked, "What if his mom has him practice too?"

"Well, I'm sure Mrs. Hunter does not like violin music," Martin said.

"How do you know?" Chris asked again.

"Just a guess," Martin said. Nick entered the room and set the music stand down.

"Position and pose starts by fanning your toes," He recited before playing again.

* * *

"GAAH!" The twins cried, holding their ears.

* * *

"AAHH!" Izzy cried, holding her ears.

* * *

"Nick!" Chris yelled, holding his ears.

"Nick!" Martin said. Chris yanked the violin from Nick's hand and threw it out the door.

"Chris!" Martin scolded. Martin ran out to get it, but Sheldon and Oliva ran past, carrying the violin above them.

"It's like an elephant's off your back, huh, Log?" Chris asked, patting Nick's cheek.

"Tell me a story, Nick," Nick said.

"In your dreams," Chris said.

"Nick!" Sheldon said as he and Oliva carried the violin in, "Gramma says you have to practice!"

Chris groaned.

"I am so confused," Nick said, coming to get the violin.

Chris grumbled under his breath. They went outside and Nick started playing again. Sheldon and Oliva flinched.

"That sounds awful," Oliva complained.

"Why'd you give it back?!" Chris exclaimed.

"Because Gramma said to," Sheldon said. Him and Oliva went behind the fence and Sheldon whispered something to Oliva.

"Okey-dokie-lokie!" Oliva grinned. Chris huffed. Sheldon walked off.

"Call me if anything happens," He said. Chris stared after him. He let it go and grabbed the violin to smash it.

"Chris, wait!" Martin cried.

"It's history!" Chris snapped.

"We seem to have company, Chris," Martin whispered, "A direct line to Sheldon should anything go amiss."

Oliva picked a nearby flower behind the fence. Chris stopped and huffed. He quickly got an idea and smirked.

"Come on Nick, let's find a quiet spot and 'tune' than violin," Chris said.

"Oh no," Martin said.

* * *

They walked to the woods and Chris was smirking.

"Ok Nick, give it to me," Chris said, grabbing a rock. Nick just started playing, "Man he's bad!"

Martin looked around and spotted Oliva dressed as a squirrel.

"Chris, wait," Martin said, pointing out Oliva. Chris put the rock down. They then left and walked to the Lane.

"Alright, I'm smashing that thing once and for all!" Chris snapped.

"Chris, no!" Martin cried.

"Why not?" Chris asked.

"Try looking up the tree," Martin said. Oliva was in the nearby tree dressed as an orange cat.

"Crap!" Chris said.

"Aw, look at the cute kitty!" Nick said loudly, startling Oliva. She fell out of the tree. Chris snickered.

"Serves her right," he said.

"Chris, she's only three," Martin hissed.

"She doesn't need to be spying," Chris said.

"What if an accident were to befall Nick's violin?" Martin asked, "And what if this 'accident' were to happened for Sheldon et. all to see?"

"Good thinking," Chris said. The three of them left.

* * *

In the middle of the cul-de-sac was a giant statue with Chris's face on it. The gathered kids looked up at it.

"Why is the Lady of Liberty looming over the cul-de-sac?" Victor asked. He was walking Wilbur on a rope.

"What an eyesore!" Eddward complained.

"Aw come on, guys, I think it's cute," Nicole giggled.

"Of course you do, it's your boyfriend," Eddward said. Sierra shoved Eddward playfully. Martin was tracing out footprints.

"Whatcha doin'?" Ryland asked.

"You'll see," Martin said. He took out a stick of gum and chewed it, setting the sticky wad on the ground. He gave Chris a thumbs up.

"What are you guys up to?" Ryland asked suspiciously.

Nick started playing his violin, causing everyone to cover their ears. Victor stumbled into every single foot outline Martin traced, stepping on the gum. Martin stepped back.

"Whoo-hoo, Nick, you're givin' me goosebumps!" Jakob said happily, dancing. Gwen, the dog, bowed her head and whined.

"Hey Jakob, I want you to meet my friend," Chris said, pulling out an axe, "Axing Alex."

"I'll save you, Woody!" Jakob said fearfully. He ran off, right into the rope of gum from Victor trying to crawl away, "Get back Axing Alex, you bully!"

Chris smirked. The gum stretched and Jakob bounced back to inside the statue, where lots of stuff happened. Chris and Martin were inside, along with Wilbur.

"What's with the pig, Martin?" Chris asked. Martin chuckled nervously.

"It's a surprise, Chris," Martin said.

"Oh, ok," Chris said. He ran out to watch the bowling ball drop on the violin.

"I made a special treat for you, Wilbur," Martin said, holding up a magnet covered in...something, "It's very yummy."

Chris watched in amusement. Just as the bowling ball was about to crash, Martin sent Wilbur out.

"Now head on home, Wilbur," He said. The magnet in Wilbur's stomach pulled the music stand along, making Nick move out of the way of the bowling ball, "Success."

"It missed!" Chris cried, "Martin! What was that for?!"

"What? I didn't do anything," Martin lied, "I'm standing right here."

Chris glared at him.

"That's it, I'm smashing it myself!" Chris said, finally fed up. He ran after Nick and Martin followed, getting there first and grabbing the violin.

"Alright I did it!" He said, "Don't you see? I had to! How could I simply let to destroy this wonderful piece of work?"

"Traitor!" Chris began chasing Martin, you ended up tripping and falling on the violin.

"Oh my," Martin gulped, looking at the pieces. Ryland cheered.

"Wowie!" Oliva said, appearing in the nearby bush dressed as a bunny, "I'm telling Sheldon!" She skipped off singing, "I know what you did, you're in big trouble!"

Martin frowned.

"No, don't tell, little bunny!" Nick cried fearfully.

"Let her go," Chris said. Oliva returned with Sheldon, who was holding his gramma's hand.

"No Gramma, I promise, I'm practicing!" Nick said, "Look!"

He knocked Chris down and started using his three hairs as a violin.

"Ow, Nick!" Chris yelled.


	28. Twin-Napped

"Make me pretty, guys, like one of those famous fashion models!" Lil said. She was about to be pretty-fied by her brothers. They crossed their fingers behind their back.

"You got it, Lil," Justin said.

"We'll do our best," James added. Lil grinned. The two added a bunch of food. Then they used an egg beater.

"Voila!" James said.

"A quick blowdry!" Justin used a fan.

"Are you guys sure?" Lil asked.

"Yup. Ready or not, you're hot to trot!" James and Justin chuckled. Lil looked at her reflection and screamed. The boys came flying out of the room.

"I'M UGLY!" Lil shouted.

"Yeah, what else is new?" Justin asked, rubbing his head. A glass came their way. They quickly dodged it.

"You two are big, fat JERKS!" Lil screamed, coming at them.

"Jeez, can't she take a dang joke?!" Justin asked.

"It's not a joke!" Lil yelled. She was about to throw a stuffed toy, but looked at it. It was a Bellino doll. She teared up and started bawling, hugging the doll close to her chest.

"Go see what's wrong with her," James said. Justin peered over the back of the couch.

"She's just crying. We made the wittle baby cwy!" Justin teased, and got whacked by a mallet from Lil for it.

"Now my kitty is gonna think I'm yucky!" Lil sobbed.

"Grandmammy?" Justin said, dazed.

"So what, you got a great personality," James said, "Besides, who needs him when you got us?"

Meanwhile...

Nick, Martin, Chris, Izzy, and the twins were in Chris' and Izzy's driveway. There were tables set up with different activities and a sign that said 'Izzy's Arts and Crafts Fair.' Nick was making macaroni art while the twins worked with pipe cleaners.

"Oh look, guys!" Nick said, "I call this To Noodle or Not To Noodle, and I call this one No More For Me, Thanks, For I Am A Russian!"

"Um, it seems noodle art has brought out your creative side, Nick," Martin said.

"Yeah, like how it brought out all these paying customers that will just flip for 'Izzy's Arts and Crafts Fair'!" Chris said sarcastically, "Two words Iz: lame and oh!"

"One, that's only one word, idiot," Izzy snapped, "And two, you're just mad cuz you're not creative like I am."

She held up a butterfly made from paper and fluff.

"Sheesh, and I thought Martin had to get out more," Chris muttered.

"Nick, what are you doing?!" Martin cried.

"Oops, um, guys! I think I glew your brother's hand to the table!" Nick said.

"What the-?" Bellino realized this, "Nick!"

Bellini and Izzy giggled. Chris chuckled.

"Oh, Nick how did you ever-" Martin began.

"What's up, Bellino?" The Kanker brothers said.

"Uh oh," Bellino gulped. Izzy pulled Bellini over to her.

"You're coming with us!" James and Justin said together, lifting the table above their heads. Bellino hung by his hand.

"Oh nice job Nick, you signed my funeral!" Chris cried, "Tell Mom and Dad I love 'em!"

"Oh no, Bellino!" Izzy cried, "Chris, we have to help him!"

"Chris who? I didn't see him. Kankers?! What Kankers?" Chris chuckled nervously.

"Chris!" Bellini said angrily, "We have to get him back!"

"Just deny everything, guys, you'll live longer," Chris said.

"Chris!" Bellini scolded.

"Well what are we gonna do?!" Chris yelled.

"Martin, what about you, Nick, and the...uh, what's its?" Izzy asked.

"Oh yeah! Martin!" Nick also realized.

"Oh yes! Of course!" Martin realized too.

"What?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, let's go!" Bellini agreed.

"Go where?!" Chris asked, "Hey!"

The group rushed over to Victor's farm.

"Victor, we have a mission for the Urban Rangers!" Martin told him.

"What is wrong, son-of-sockhead Ed-boy?" Victor asked.

"The Kanker brothers kidnapped Bellino!" Izzy said.

"One minute!" Victor said and jumped into a barrel. Martin and Nick jumped into two other barrels and they all emerged in their Urban Ranger uniforms.

"Whoa!" Bellini yelled, shocked.

"Aw, not the Urban Rangers!" Chris groaned. Victor patted a cow on the back and it started mooing like an alarm. Jakob and Jason appeared and ran over Chris.

"Urban Rangers!" Victor said, "Today we must kill the calf, take the bulls by the horn, spear the lion in his den, march up to the lion's mouth, go through the fire and water, and face the music. But, there is no badge."

"No badge?!" Jakob cried.

"Come on, man!" Jason said, upset.

"It's not my fault," Victor said, pulling out the Urban Rangers manual, "For the Urban Rangers will only reward this deed with the Feeling Of The Fool pewter Medallion!"

"Ooooh!" Jason and Jakob said.

"Oh come on! I can't believe I almost joined you nerds of Nerdingham!" Chris yelled, "You're so full of yourselves!"

"Pot calling the kettle black," Bellini snapped at her older brother.

"Urban Rangers," Victor said. They walked off and Chris was following him but got hit in the face by the book, "So sorry Christopher, but this mission is for Urban Rangers only!"

"But Victor, you have to let us come along!" Izzy said.

"Yeah, he's our brother!" Bellini sniffed.

"Rangers, retreat!" Victor ordered. The group came back, "In order for a muckworm to join the Urban Rangers, they must be deputized into Rangerhood! Ranger Jakob!"

Jakob brought forward the Urban Ranger book.

"Do you, Chris, Izzy, and Bellini swear to uphold the Urban Rangers code of secrecy or face 100 smacks with a wet noodle?" Jakob asked, "Hold your left hand out and swear!"

"I swear!" Bellini said, standing on tippy-toes to reach the book.

"So do I," Izzy said. Chris was about to walk off but Izzy grabbed his wrist, "Do it for Bellino, Chris."

"I'd swear but the ratings won't let me," Chris said angrily. The book slammed and they all screamed.

"Oh please, let me go!" Bellino begged. James and Justin were tying him upside down to a tree and he wasn't wearing a shirt, "I don't like being upside down!"

"Well too bad, so sad!" James smirked.

"Oh Lil!" Justin called, "We have a surprise for you!"

"I'm still not talking to you two," Lil said, walking out.

"You just did," Justin said, pulling the bag Lil was wearing off of her head. She gasped.

"It's my boyfriend!" She yelled happily.

"Mama Mia!" Bellino cried. Lil started kissing the restrained Bellino.

Meanwhile, the Urban Rangers, Chris, Izzy, and Bellini had just arrived, and were hiding behind the bushes.

"Poor Bellino!" Izzy frowned.

"Should I bonk him on the head?" Bellini asked.

"Please do," Izzy said. Bellini hit Chris on the head.

"Ow," Chris said quietly.

"Rangers Nick and Martin, stay low. Victor, Ranger Jakob, and Ranger Jason will distract them while you save your friend," Victor said.

"Uh, Victor?" Jakob spoke.

"Yes? What does your flab have to say to Victor, Ranger Jakob?" Victor asked.

"Um, well, it's just that, you and me are related to them, remember?" Jakob asked, "They're our cousins. If WE go out are try to distract them, they'll KNOW something is up."

"You are correct," Victor said thoughtfully, "Okay, Victor will distract them while you two get the part-cat-son-of-Ed-boy-and-Bella-girl."

Jakob listened to Woody.

"Woody said that Jason should distract them, because they don't really know him," Jakob said.

"What?!" Jason cried.

"He's got a point," Izzy spoke up, "If Chris goes out there, James'll beat him up, if Bellini goes out there, Lil will beat her up, if I go out there, James will kiss attack me, if Martin or Nick go out there, James and Justin will chase them off, and like Jakob said, they know him and Victor. It has to be you, Jason."

"Grr. Fine!" Jason huffed.

"Here," Jakob handed Jason a sports magazine, "They love these things. Act like you're selling subscriptions."

"The things I do for love..." Jason muttered. Jason walked out into the open. He cleared his throat. Lil was drawing on Bellino with different lipsticks.

"Hey, cut that out!" Bellino yelled.

"You're my little kitty cat forever," Lil purred.

"Is your brain on vacation?!" Bellino asked, "I'm never gonna be your kitty cat!"

"Um, excuse me," Jason said nervously. They all looked to see Jason.

"Hey, it's Jason," Justin said.

"Uh, yeah," Jason said. Crap, how did they know him? "Um, well, I'm selling subscriptions to, uh... 'Sports Monthly' and I thought of you guys..."

"Cool," James said, coming over with Justin.

"Sweet!" Justin agreed, "Hey Lil! You gotta check this out!"

"Can't it wait?" Lil whined, "I'm kinda busy."

"You can make out with your boy later!" Justin said and carried Lil over his shoulder.

"Hey, let go!" Lil said angrily. Bellino sighed, relieved. Victor and Jakob appeared on either side of him.

"Victor, Jacob, please help me!" Bellino begged.

"We will if you quiet down!" Jakob hissed.

"Thank Dio," Bellino sighed, "When I'm free, I'm gonna call the cops and get a restraining order."

Suddenly, Jakob sneezed and Lil turned to see him.

"Hey!" She charged. She beat up and tied the two boys together.

"Jacob, you idiota!" Bellino yelled.

"What the-? Jacob? Victor?" Justin said, "What the heck is going on here?!"

"Uh...Urban Rangers mission?" Victor said.

"Victor, what should we do?" Jakob asked.

"Rangers. Implement evasive maneuvers. Code yellow," Victor whispered to Jakob and Jason. The three of them feel over and played dead, "Stay still. They can smell fear."

"Guys, we need the shovel again!" Lil said.

"Hang on a minute. I think they're faking!" James said.

"Let's test it," Justin said.

"Grandma says you have to stare at 'em!" Lil said. Chris laughed.

"Busted!" He said.

"Come on, we can get Bellino!" Izzy whispered as the three Kankers started staring at the Urban Rangers. They used a bush to get past them, then untied Bellino and they all snuck away.

"Thank Dio you're alright, Bellino," Izzy said. Bellino was sitting on the slide at the park without a shirt as Izzy scrubbed away all the pen marks.

"Remind me to call the authorities," Bellino said.

"You know you can't do that," Izzy said, "They're twelve, and you're only ten. They're going to believe their lies more than your truths."

"Well, why not tell your parents?" Martin asked.

"We don't really wanna bother them with it," Bellini said.

"Is that everything?" Izzy asked.

"I think," Bellino said.

"I bet those Urban Dweebs got their 'I'm A Big Pigeon' badge!" Chris laughed.

"At least we TRIED, Chris!" Martin said angrily. A shad casted upon Nick.

"Quack!" Nick said stupidly. It then loomed over Bellino.

"Oh, not again," He groaned.

"And to think we left them with those Kankers!" Martin said.

"You mean, their cousins who they have to live with anyway?" Izzy said.

"Guys, help!" Bellino cried as Jakob and Victor carried him off.

"Guys, wait!" Izzy cried.

"Take Chris instead!" Bellini yelled.

"Wait, why me?!" Chris cried.

"Because you deserve it," Izzy said.


	29. Reverse Psychology

Martin was in the backyard with Ryland putting the finishing touches on his latest woodworking project.

"Nice," Martin smiled, "Putting one's shoulder to the wheel certainly has its rewards."

"Very nice work, if I do say so myself," Ryland smiled.

"There," Martin said, "Refurbished, rejuvenated, and reusable."

Martin spotted something and went to pick it up.

"Strange," He said, looking at the red lipstick, "Ryland, is this yours?"

"No, I don't wear lipstick," Ryland shook her head, "It doesn't look like Sierra or Maya's, either."

Martin made another peculiar discovery.

"Strange. I don't remember using this brand of breath spray," He said to himself.

"Let me see," Ryland said. She sniffed it and her eyes widened, "Oh no."

A masculine and feminine voice sounded together in the distance.

"Yoohoo!"

Mary pounced on Martin and Justin got Ryland.

"Hiya, Dreamboat!" Mary picked up her black cherry lipstick.

"Hey, Diamond!" Justin grabbed his bottle of breath spray.

"Sheppard!" Martin cried fearfully.

"Kanker!" Ryland yelled. The cousins cornered the siblings against a tree.

"Pucker up, Oven Mitt!"

"Time for some fun, Diamond!"

* * *

Nick was at his house, pouring some cereal. Sheldon brought the milk to the table.

"Save some cereal for me, Nick," He said.

"Ok," Nick said. He tried eating the cereal with his tongue and his hands before thinking for a second, "Spoon please!"

The boys tussled for a second over who would get the spoons. Ultimately, Nick won. Nick dug through the drawers, throwing out several items, including the 2x4 sister June, but didn't notice. Nick finally found what he was looking for.

"Thank you, Spoon!" He smiled. Sheldon saw the blonde girl sitting up on the floor.

"Um, Nick...?"

The young boy quickly hid under the table.

"Big hug for my honey!" June said, hugging Nick from behind. The spoon clattered to the floor, the reflection providing Sheldon a clear view of his brother's fate, "Put those lips together and make like a fish!"

"GIRL GERMS!" Nick screamed.

* * *

Chris was sleeping in when his alarm woke his up. Izzy yanked the covers off of Chris's bed.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" She said. The twins stood on either side of their sister.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" They repeated. Chris screamed and jumped out of bed, clinging to the ceiling. Izzy opened the windows blinds.

"It's a beautiful day," She said. She snickered as Chris blocked his eyes from the sun, causing him to fall onto his bed.

"Alright, everyone out of my room!" He yelled. Izzy and the twins quickly left, laughing. Chris grumbled and entered his personal bathroom, "Sheesh, what's a guy gotta do to get a little privacy?"

He started the shower water running and stepped in when it was hot enough. He still had the pajama shorts he had slept in. The shower filled up with water and he started floating. He pulled the clog from the drain in time to hear Izzy and the twins leaving the house. The plug had happened to be Lily's curly hair. She had on a swimming mask and her swimsuit. Chris was jolted from his morning tiredness.

"BAXTER!" He cried. Lily laughed slightly evilly. From the outside of the steamed shower we see a hand on the glass slide down.

* * *

Izzy was reading in the woods. It was really quite peaceful, but her cat ears snapped up and the sound of a twig breaking. She turned toward the direction of the sound. She saw nothing.

"Who's there?" She spoke, but there was no response. Izzy shrugged and went back to her book. Suddenly, a hand reached down, folded the corner of the page over, and snapped it shut. Izzy let out a gulp before turning to face her unwanted company.

"Hiya kitty."

"Kanker!" Izzy cried, pushing against the tree trunk. James let a cloud of cologne settle on his body.

"What's a girl like you doing out here all alone?" He asked with a smirk. Izzy wasn't able to answer before James started kissing her.

* * *

The twins, Bellini and Bellino, we're in their backyard, running around and playing. They were playing Pride and Bellino was the big male lion. Little did they realize that they were being watched by actual lions. Well, not actual lions, but it sometimes seemed like it to them. Bellino was acting as the male lion and prowling around their territory. At the same time, the bigger lions prowled along the outside of the backyard fence.

"Hi twinny kitties!" Phil Baxter and Lil Kanker jumped out in front of their respective twin crush. Phil and Lil attacked the twins with kisses.

* * *

In another part of the cul-de-sac, Eddward was currently bullying Kevin.

"You got 10 seconds to tell me where my bike is, or I'm gonna rearrange your face, twerp!"

"I told you, I haven't touched your bike at all today!"

"Well, it wasn't where I left it yesterday, so where is it?"

"Eddward, why would you immediately point fingers at me?!" Kevin asked, "You have no proof or reasoning at all! I'm not even athletic!"

"You're the only other person that knows the password to my garage," Eddward snapped, "Now cough up the bike!"

Someone nearby gave a slightly feminine cough.

"Hey, could you do me a favor and just, I dunno, STAY AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!" Martha yelled, punching Eddward.

"What's your problem, you little witch?" Eddward got to his feet, "That dork owes me a bike!"

"Yeah, ok, but see, the thing is I can get like, seven of my cousins plus me to come and beat you to a pulp if you don't back off, and I really doubt you want that," Martha said kind of sweetly. But Eddward knew better than to fall for that sweet tone so, giving Kevin one last glare, he took off. Kevin didn't know whether he was better off with Eddward or Martha.

"I hope your plans aren't worse than Eddward's," He gulped.

"You're welcome," Martha said, ignoring Kevin's words, "Now, how about some thank-you kisses?"

"No, please!" He tried to worm out of the constrictor's hug, "EDDWARD! HEEELLLP!"

"No way, man! I'm too young to die!"

* * *

Martin and Ryland were stumbling through the junkyard. Martin had lipstick marks on his face and Ryland had a few hickeys. Martin ended up tripping over a tire but Ryland helped him up. Martin led Ryland to the pop-up trailer and they wasted no time getting inside. They were greeted by the presence of six more kids sitting on the two beds on either side or on the floor, each sporting lipstick stains or hickeys.

"You guys too?" Chris asked.

"Kevin?" Ryland was surprised, "How did you get here?"

"Well, after Martha attacked me, I came here, with the other Kander-children-crushes," Kevin explained. Nick turned to Kevin.

"How did you know where to find us?" He asked.

"Everyone knows where this thing is," Izzy explained, "Me and Ryland come and sleep over here all the time."

"Me and Bellini play Pride here sometimes," Bellino said.

"Kevin and I find it a nice, quiet place to read and study," Martin said.

"I come here sometimes too," Chris said, "Y'know, to listen to music and stuff. No one can bother me here."

Martin nodded and collapsed on the beanbag chair on the floor.

"We've fallen into the claws of rapture, I'm afraid," He sighed.

"Stupid Kanker kids!" Chris said angrily, "Why can't they leave us alone?!"

He plopped down on one of the beds. A few of the other kids started noticing a bad smell. Martin clasped his nose shut.

"Good golly almighty!" He cried. Ryland did the same.

"What is that horrible odor?!" She asked. Izzy looked at the other bed.

"Nick?" She accused.

"Tis not me, Izzy," Nick said, "Talk to your stinky brother."

Chris coughed up a bright orange hairball.

"Hey, I had a Baxter hairball stuck in my shower!" He glared. The girls present giggled slightly. Martin leaned on the window.

"Well, I'm sure if we put our seven and a half heads together, we could-" Martin began. Chris threw the hairball at Martin.

"You think of something, smart guy!" He shouted.

"GOOD LORD!" Martin cried, "Chris, that's disgusting!"

"Chris, don't do that," Izzy scolded.

"Well you and Kevin and the two smartest nerds here," Chris said, ignoring his sister, "So think! Think think think!"

He kept chanting and eventually the rest of the kids joined in.

"VERY WELL THEN!" Martin and Kevin shouted together.

"And it better be good," Chris said. He followed the two through the junkyard, "Where ya goin'?"

The rest of the kids trailed behind him. Kevin and Martin walked through to the Lane, thinking and chatting quietly.

"SLAHORN!" The sound of crumbling rocks sidetracked them. Victor was wearing gloves but no shirt as he crushed a big rock with a smaller rock. Chris caught up to Martin and Kevin as they were sifting through the broken pieces of rock.

"You're on to something, aren't ya?" His eyes lit up, "Oh, I know! Don't tell me. We hit 'em with a rock, and-"

"That's stupid," Bellini interrupted. Bellino nodded in agreement.

"I could've come up with that," He said. Chris realized they had a point. He turned back around and found the gravel pit empty.

"Now where'd they go?" He asked. Victor drew another X on another rock and was about to smash it when he noticed Nick in the way.

"Watcha doing, Victor?" Nick asked.

"Hello, bundt-cake-for-brain Nick-boy," Victor showed him the rock in his hand, "Victor is using a smaller rock to crush a bigger rock."

"Bundt cake crushes rock?" Nick asked, confused. Victor shook his head.

"No, only rock will break rock," He said. Martin's eyes lit up.

"By Don, that's the answer!" He said happily.

"Yes, of course!" Kevin agreed, "It's simply brilliant!"

"Pizza slice breaks rock?" Nick asked, holding out a slice of pizza. Victor's arm went limp with his frustration.

"Nick-boy! No pizza! Rock!" Victor said angrily.

"Half-eaten soft pretzel breaks rock?" Nick asked, pulling out said food.

"When's that from?" Izzy asked.

"This morning," Nick answered.

"Good enough for me!" Izzy snatched the soft pretzel and ate it. Victor took in the scene with amazement.

"Papa was right; there's no way to learn the customs of this land," Victor shook his head.

"Hey, food is food," Izzy said, her mouth full.

"Fully-eaten soft pretzel breaks rock?" Nick asked. Victor promptly dug his fingers into the rock with both hands and hoisted it above his head.

"MUST VICTOR BEAT SOME SENSE INTO THAT OVERCOOKED NOODLE THAT YOU CALL A HEAD?!" Victor shouted loudly.

"Victor!" Martin said, promptly shaking his hand, "Thank you so much-"

"For being an unlikely source of inspiration!" Kevin finished, now shaking his hand as well. Victor didn't notice Nick take the rock from his other hand. Nick skipped after Martin and Kevin singing "I'm a noodlehead and you're not!" Izzy followed after Nick.

"He's a noodlehead who sings a lot!" She sung. Chris tried to join.

"He can be so strong, and always get it wrong."

The twins sang together.

"But he's still the bestest friend we've got!"

Nick tossed the rock which landed on Victor's head, knocking him to the ground.

"Victor too yearns the simple life of a noodlehead," Victor sighed.

"Everyone!" Kevin announced, catching the kids' attention "We've formulated a solution to our Kanker children dilemma!"

"Because only a rock can break a rock!" Martin said proudly. Chris couldn't believe it.

"You spent all this time thinking, and that's what you came up with?!" He asked angrily.

"It's just an analogy, Chris," Kevin explained, "Rock breaks rock, fight fire with fire?"

Martin sighed at the look on Chris's face that meant he still thought it was dumb.

"We use reverse psychology!" Martin said, pulling a book from his shirt. The twins looked to Martin.

"What's that?" Bellini asked. Chris's eyes lit up.

"Oh, I get it!" He realized, "We hit 'em with a book! That's a good one!"

"Perhaps a demonstration is in order," Kevin whispered to Martin.

"Yes," Martin said, "Ok Nick, pay attention. Do _not_ eat that dirt."

Nick saw a bare patch in the grass, but was confused as to why he would want to eat it. As he toyed with possible reasons, the thought of dirt tasting like chili-flavored gravy crossed his mind. With that, the urge to eat the dirt became impossible to resist. He ended up eating the dirt.

"What an idiot," Chris said, "I thought you said not to eat the dirt!"

"That's reverse psychology," Kevin explained. Martin nodded.

"In order to defeat the enemy, we must become the enemy," He said, flipping through the book. The twins understood.

"Oh," Bellino said.

* * *

The Kanker kids that had crushes were hanging out together by the creek. The girls were currently fighting and the boys stood nearby.

"Hey June, can I borrow your barrette?" Mary asked, having just knocked the girl to the ground. Martha plucked it from her sister's hand.

"My cutie pie's gonna love my new hairdo," She said, clipping it to her hair.

"No way!" Lily said, pulling Martha by her nose and grabbing the barrette, "I need it for my hair!"

Lil tripped her cousin and took it for herself.

"I saw it first!" She argued.

"Is that so?" Martha snatched it from her younger cousin's hand and held it above where she could reach.

"Popcorn?" James held a bag of popcorn out for the other boys as they watched the girls argue and fight.

"Please." Justin reached out for a handful. Phil, however, noticed someone walking up to them. Nick walked past the boys and over to the girls.

"I belt you good day, ladies!" He greeted. Phil greeted Nick to break up the girls' fight.

"Hey, Nick," He said. Lily was the first to respond to Nick's presence.

"Look, girls; Big Nick's come for a visit," She said.

"What a coinkydink, I was just thinking about you," Mary said. The boys' watching was interrupted by a jump scare-inducing tap on Justin's shoulder from Izzy.

"Hiya guys," Izzy said sweetly. James gave a welcoming smile.

"Hey, doll," He greeted, "Wanna come watch with us?"

"Back off, he's mine!" June shoved her cousins over, looking at Nick. Lily took charge of the situation.

"I say we split him up five ways, huh, girls?" She smirked.

"Not such a bad idea," Justin whispered to his brother. Izzy picked up Mary's fallen lipstick dispenser.

"I got a better idea."

The boys looked at each other.

"June!" Nick said, making the girls stop circling him. He grabbed her and noogied her, "You look very pretty today!"

Izzy started juggling cloves of garlic.

"Check this out!" She said.

June tried to fix her hair.

"Oh gee, you're making me break out in a rash, Big Nick," She blushed.

"Haha, wicked!" Phil said.

* * *

"You better be sure about this, or those two are goners!" Chris said from the tree. The other kids were also hiding in the tree.

"Have faith in the science of the mind, Chris," Martin assured Chris.

* * *

Suddenly, Izzy crushed the garlic cloves in her hands and rubbed the juice on her arms.

"Oopsie," She acted like it was an accident and at the same time trying not to gag.

Lil looked to Martha.

"He's so good looking," Lil said. Martha shrugged.

"In a weird sort of way," She agreed.

Izzy held out her arms.

"How about a hug?" She asked.

"Babe, are you feeling alright?" James asked, holding his nose.

"Let's mambo!" Nick said, grabbing the hands of the remaining girls.

"Never better!" She drew a heart shape on the back of James's neck with Mary's lipstick before adding it to her own lips.

Nick took the Baxter and Sheppard girls and Lil and duct taped their hands to the side of his jacket, upon which he started a violent tango with them.

James jumped and his hand flew to the back of his neck.

The girls looked at each other.

"Hang on, Casanova," Lily said.

"We haven't cooked ya dinner yet," Mary said.

Izzy set to work on Justin, rubbing the garlic smell into the back of his shirt with a hug and planting kisses across his face.

Nick grabbed a bushel of dandelions from the ground with his teeth and tipped the buds toward Martha and Lil.

"Bro, do something!" Justin said.

Nick flung the girls away and turned towards a now-scared June.

James turned to Phil.

"What'd you do with my cologne?" He asked him.

"May I have your hand in carriage?" Nick slurped up June's hand.

"What do you mean?" Phil asked.

"What're you talkin' about, Nick?" June asked, backing up.

"You asked me for it when we got home," James said.

Martha looked to Lily.

"This guy's beginning to creep me out," Martha said.

"Oh right, here," Phil tossed it to him.

"Back off, mister!" Lily pushed Nick over. No sooner had the bottle landed in James's hands, Izzy made her advance on Phil. James aimed the cologne bottle at her.

"Back off, creep!"

* * *

Kevin handed the binoculars to Chris.

"Chris, look!" He urged, "It's beginning to work!"

"It is?" Chris asked, "See? What I tell ya?"

* * *

"What's he up to now?" Lil asked. Nick had a hat full of mud and other stuff. Seeing an opportunity to get rid of the garlic smell, Izzy didn't react to James's threat.

"C'mere, Sugar Daddy!" She smiled.

"A treat for my sweets?" Nick took a handful of the stuff and held it out to the girls. Nick put the hat on his head.

"Let's pitch some woo!" He started making kissy faces at the girls. James let 'er rip with the cologne, and the garlic smell started to fade, though not completely. However, it wasn't enough to get Izzy to shy away from drawing a mustache on Phil's face with lipstick. She did rub her eyes to get the cologne out of them, though.

"Lily, do something!" June begged.

"I'm on it!" Lily said. She used June and her hair as a boat and Mary as an oar. The other girls got on the June boat and Lily pulled the guys over. Izzy tried to swim after them, but she only got in the water to get the cologne and garlic off of herself and let herself get carried downstream to where the rest of the kids were watching from.

"That was so much fun!" She cheered.

"You two did it!" Chris said happily, jumping on Nick's head, "Come on, let's go psycho-whatever the store into giving us free gobstoppers!"

Kevin pulled Izzy out of the water.

"We're not done yet, Chris," He said.

"Yes, in order to ensure ourselves of a Kanker, Baxter, 2x4, and Sheppard-free future, the lot of us must strike while the iron is hot," Martin explained. Nick returned to the group.

"What about Jakob and Victor?" He asked.

"We mean the Kanker, 2x4, Sheppard, and Baxter kids that like us," Kevin said. Chris started trekking back to the cul-de-sac.

"No way. I'll wait for the novel," He said.

"Nick, please _don't_ get Chris," Martin and Kevin said together. Nick couldn't understand how the operation was to succeed without Chris, and he took it upon himself to bring Chris along for the ride. Chris tried to run away from him in circles.

"Popcorn?" Ryland held out the fallen bag.

"Please," Izzy took a handful for herself.

"Leave me alone! I don't wanna! Go away!" Chris was yelling.

* * *

The Kanker cousins all entered their trailer. Even Mary and Martha tagged along, even though it was summer, so they lived with their dad right now. June wrung out her wet hair.

"What just happened there?" She asked, confused. Justin shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine," He said.

"Grandma was right," Lily said, "Throw a man a bone and he'll mess up the carpet."

James was still trying to rub out the lipstick heart on his neck.

"Hey, Mary, could you help me get this stuff off?" He asked. Mary laughed and went to get a wet towel.

"Welcome home, my dainty dowdy darlings!" Martin was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Phil looked back and forth between the door and the kitchen.

"Where'd you come from?!" He asked. Martin ignored the question.

"I have freshly laundered socks for each of my contemptuous cupcakes," He said, holding out a sock to each girl. Ryland was right behind him.

"As do I," She did the same to the boys. The kids backed up from Martin and Ryland, and right into Nick and Izzy.

"And we made our chicks pancakes!" Nick smiled proudly, holding a plate of pancakes. Izzy produced a bottle of...

"Ketchup?" She offered.

"Uh, no thanks, we had breakfast," Phil said. They showed no reaction as Izzy laid down decorative squirts of ketchup on the fluffy discs. Nick read out the squirts of ketchup.

"See? 'Eye luv U'!" He read allowed. Izzy sealed the bottle.

"A poet I am," Izzy stuck her tongue out slightly in a smile. The kids looked disgusted. June looked to Lily.

"These guys are creeping me out," She said. Mary headed upstairs.

"Let's hide in our room!" She said. The boys followed close behind.

"Wait up, girls!" James said.

"Uh oh," Chris said. He was up in their room and tried to hold the door shut.

"Surprise, surprise!" Kevin greeted the group of eight as they entered the room, "Love knows no bounds, turtledoves."

Martin shook his head.

"While labeling all the personal items in your boudoir, we took the liberty of planning a more ergonomic arrangement to our love nest," He smiled while showing them a tablet with drawn out plans.

"They're so suffocating!" Martha screamed as the kids rushed downstairs.

"Make 'em go away, Justin!" Lil pleaded.

"That's it, I'm callin' the cops!" Lily said. She picked up her phone but realized that the case wasn't on her phone, it was on Nick's face. What's more, he was dressed up as Izzy.

"Dial ME for love!" His lips puckered toward the cousins. Lily screamed and slammed him onto the floor. The boys scrambled for the door, only to find the twins taking turns picking petals off a flower.

"He loves me..." Bellini said.

"She loves me, also..." Bellino finished. The kids scrambled back and saw Chris, who promptly screamed at the same time they did. They took cover in the closet, not noticing an Izzy-shaped hole in the door. There was a Nick-shaped hole, too.

"It's dark in here," Nick laughed.

"Not for me," Izzy said.

"Well, yeah, you're a cat, so-" James suddenly realized who he was talking to. The cousins all burst out of the closet screaming, leaving holes shaped like themselves in the door. They all huddled on the couch.

"Care to snuggle under my blanket of amore?" Martin asked. The cousins screamed and ran off, "I haven't had this much fun since Father let me disassemble his razor!"

Chris peeked out from behind the couch.

"Is it over?" He asked fearfully.

"No Chris, now it's your turn," Martin said, handing him a bouquet of flowers. The cat got Chris's tongue as Martin pulled him out from behind the couch.

"Yeah, so, um...y-yeah," Chris was standing in front of the cousins. Lily noticed a drop of sweat leave Chris's chin and whispered to Justin. He and Lily nudged all the others and they noticed too. One by one, the cousins ran up to their room with fake fear in their voices. Chris stood in slight shock. Lily was the first to run.

"Oh, you scare us!"

Then Justin.

"I'm shaking like cheese!"

"Ha! They couldn't take the ol' Chris magic!" Chris said, "Can't blame 'em though. I'm too much for even myself!"

Nick applauded.

"Chris, the babe magnet to the... um, babes!" He tried.

"Let's hit on 'em again!" Bellino said. Bellini nodded.

"Yeah, let's do it!" She agreed.

"Come on out, no use hiding!" Chris said. They were entering the cousins' room, "You know you want me."

Justin waited for all eight of the targets to enter before shutting the door.

"Look out, girls; we're trapped!" He said. Lily took the key and slid it down her shirt.

"Just prisoners of love," She sighed dramatically. Martin and Kevin looked confused.

"Watch this," Chris said, "Look out girls, it's smooching time!"

The twins tried to warn him.

"Uh, Chris?" They said. Two figures clasped their mouths shut and whisked them under the bed.

"Huh?" Martin noticed them disappear.

"Oh no, don't kiss us!" Lily said mockingly. Izzy reached for the window, but James swooped in as she opened it.

"So nice of you to let me in, doll." He said. She jumped back. Nick and Ryland's abduction into the closet was evident by their cry of "Holy schmoly!" Once all the other kids had been attacked by the cousin that liked them, Martin and Kevin started flipping through the Reverse Psychology book. In their panic, the book slipped through their sweaty palms onto the floor, revealing the smiling faces of Mary and Martha.

"Don't kiss us, guys!" The sisters said together.

"This can't be!" Kevin fell back on the bed, "They've turned the tables, guys!"

Martin fell beside him.

"They're using reverse reverse psychology!" He screamed. Laughs from eight cousins and screams from eight targets eclipsed all other sounds throughout the trailer park.


	30. Middle Name

Victor, Jason, Janet, Eddward, Jakob, and June were gathered outside in Chris's lawn. There were three settings with a wax statue of Chris, Nick, and Martin in their rooms. Victor was looking at the figure of Martin and accidentally knocked the skull out of his hands. He whistled innocently and pushed the skull under the table. Martin was working on a new one. Janet was looking at the Chris statue.

"Lifelike, ain't it?" Chris asked.

"I guess," Janet said.

"Well, you too can get your own wax dummy!" Chris announced, "Need a scapegoat for Mom and Dad and sister to yell at? Why not blame the dummy?"

"I blame you all the time," Ryland remarked. Chris ignored her.

"Only one dollar," He said.

"You mean live life guilt free?" Janet asked, "Give it to me, Chris!"

"Coming right up," Chris said. Nick slammed a wooden box on top of Janet.

"Be still, my heart," Janet whispered. Chris started the process.

"First, we pour in oatmeal," Martin explained, "Mother Nature's own casting agent."

Martin explained everything. When it was done, Janet stood next to the dummy.

"Which one's the dummy? Huh? Huh? Bet you can't tell!" Chris said.

"Janet looks like she's gonna throw up," Jason worried.

"Oh, she's fine," Chris said.

"Turn me and Woody into candles, Chris!" Jakob said, handing the tom cat/human two dollars.

"Coming right up," Chris said.

"This is so bunk," Eddward said, walking off. He spotted something in the road, "Choice, a wallet!"

Chris ran over.

"Any cash?" He asked, excited. Eddward looked inside.

"It's empty, like your head," He said. Chris decided to ignore that part.

"What idiot would carry a wallet around with no cash?" He asked, storming off.

"No way!" Eddward said, "Hey Chris, check out the idiot!"

Chris rushed back over to see, only to be greeted with a picture of himself.

"Hey, that's mine," He said.

"It's funny how wallets can tell a lot about a twerp," Eddward said, tossing Chris his wallet, "Huh, Prato?"

"What you call me?!" Chris yelled, looking over at the scam where the others were.

"Pretty nice middle name, huh?" Eddward asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"How'd you know Prato means Meadow?" Chris asked, turning red.

"I didn't," Eddward said. Chris paled.

"Please Edd, you can't tell anyone!" Chris begged.

"And why not?" Eddward asked, smirking.

"Come on, I'll do anything!" Chris said, "Just don't tell!"

"Anything?" Eddward smirked more. Chris nodded nervously.

"Buy me a soda, cuz I'm broke," Eddward said.

"In your dreams!" Chris snapped.

"Hey guys!" Eddward called.

"Wait, no! Ok!" Chris said.

* * *

"Where'd everybody go?" Jakob asked. Nick had taken his eyeballs for the statue. Everyone laughed. Chris walked over.

"Nick, give Jakob his eyes back," Martin deadpanned.

He didn't notice Chris take the jar of money from his hands. Chris handed it to Eddward. Martin noticed and watched Chris hand Eddward the jar.

"Getting warmer, Jakob," Nick said, "Warmer, warmer, you're on fire!"

Jakob grabbed his eyes and set them vertically on his face.

"Weird, huh buddy?" He asked Woody. Everyone laughed again. Chris ran back over.

"Everyone go away!" He yelled.

"But Chris, my wax figurine!" Janet said.

"Just go!" Chris said, "We're closed!"

He dragged Martin and Nick inside to his room.

"Chris, what's going on?" Martin asked.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on," Chris said, sweating and smiling nervously, "Let's, uh...play some X n O's."

Martin raised his eyebrow.

"Oh oh, X's and O'x?" Nick asked happily, grabbing the pencil and paper, "I am super at X's and O's!"

Chris sighed.

"Nick, don't you see?" Martin said quietly, "Something's amiss here, and Chris is just trying to-"

"Find your hot dogs yet, whimpy?" Nick mocked. Martin glared. His glare softened and he sighed.

"Very well Nick, I'm up for your challenge," He said.

"You guys go on ahead, I just...need to check on something," Chris said, running outside. Chris spotted Eddward talking to Janet and Jason.

"Are you pulling my leg, Eddward?" Janet asked happily. Chris ran over.

"Lies, all lies!" He said in a panic, "Don't believe anything he says, Janet!"

Janet raised her eyebrow.

"I was just telling Janet how much you loved her fashion sense," Eddward explained, "But if that's a lie, maybe I should tell them the TRUTH."

"N-no," Chris said.

"What truth?" Jason asked with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, Eddward's right, Janet," Chris said, "How about sharing your secrets, huh?"

Janet smiled widely. Chris loved HER fashion sense? That had to mean something!

* * *

Martin and Nick were playing X's and O's. Nick drew pictures in all the remaining boxes.

"I win!" He said.

"Wha-?" Martin looked confused. Chris came back in dressed exactly like Janet, He even had the braces and mini skirt.

"Who's next?" He asked nervously, "My go?" He drew a straight line through three boxes, "Um, be right back!"

Martin raised his eyebrow. Chris rushed outside and saw Eddward talking to Jakob. He ran over, grabbed Jakob and stuffed him into an envelope, then put him in the mailbox.

"C'mon Edd, you promised you wouldn't tell!" Chris said.

"I didn't," Eddward said. Chris looked confused and looked over at the mail box.

"Then what-?" When he looked back, Eddward was gone. Chris ran over to the mailbox.

"Hey Chris!" Eddward called, standing next to June, "Come here, will ya?"

Chris walked over.

* * *

"I win again!" Nick announced. Martin looked confused and annoyed.

"How are you winning?" Martin asked. Nick just smiled proudly at the drawings inside each box. Chris ran in and grabbed Martin.

"Do you mind telling me what's going on?" Martin asked angrily. Chris said nothing and dragged Martin outside.

"Forgive me!" Chris begged, kissing Martin. Martin pulled apart, pale. He stumbled back over to Nick.

"You're so bad, Edd," June giggled.

"I know," Eddward said.

"Chris, what has gotten into you?" Martin asked.

"I can't tell you!" Chris said, "No one can find out!"

Martin frowned.

"Oh Chris!" Eddward called.

"Gotta go!" Chris said, running over, "Yes?"

Eddward told him what to do.

Chris was acting like a seal and played a tune using three horns.

"The Chris-boy has been trained well," Victor remarked. Everyone laughed.

"Now beg for the fish," Eddward said, holding one out.

Chris begged for the fish. Eddward tossed him the fish and Chris caught it in his mouth.

"Now, swallow it," Eddward ordered.

"Even the bones?" Chris asked with a full mouth, "Cuz the bones are bad for you."

"Yes," Edd said. Chris didn't swallow.

"Right then," Eddward said, "Hey guys, wanna know what Chris's-"

"Alright, alright!" Chris said quickly.

Eddward watched with amusement. Chris swallowed the fish, bones and all, knowing he'd probably be throwing up later.

"Here's something to wash it down with," Eddward said, using a squirt gun to make it look like Chris peed himself. Chris turned red.

"Oops, I missed," Eddward lied, "Bathroom's over there, pal!"

The others laughed loudly and Chris glared at them. He realized he couldn't say anything, though, because then Eddward would tell the others.

"Good one Edd, you're a funny guy," Chris laughed nervously.

"Chris, may I speak with you?" Martin asked.

"Go away!" Chris hissed, "Can't you see I'm trying to bend to one's yolk?"

"Fine," Martin said, "I'll just tell your mother you're too busy."

Martin walked off. Chris looked after him.

"Uh, remember Edd, loose lips sink ships," Chris said, walking after Martin, "What's my mom want?"

"I made up the mother excuse to lure you away, Chris," Martin said, "Look at yourself! Eddward's making a complete fool of you!"

"Yeah, and that's usually Izzy," Nick said.

"I know what I'm doing, alright?" Chris said.

"Why are you humiliating yourself?" Martin asked.

"Like I said, no one can find out!" Chris said.

"Chris!" Eddward called. Chris sighed and walked over to him.

"Yeah?" Chris asked. Everyone was looking at him.

"Hey Chris," Janet said, "How about some _meadow_ flowers, friend?"

"Uh, nope, I'm good," Chris said nervously. Eddward smirked.

"Woody wants to know if you know any good _meadows_ ," Jakob said, holding out Woody.

"U-uh, nope," Chris said nervously.

"What sounds like cello, is close to bellow, rhymes with ghetto," Jason sung tauntingly.

"Shut up, Jason!" Chris growled.

"It's not a gecko!" Jason said, "Well what do you know? It's Meadow!"

"Say what?" Chris asked, shocked. The kids started taunting him, "Shut up!"

Everyone walked off.

"Edd, you jerk! You promised you wouldn't tell!" Chris said.

"Oops, I forgot," Eddward lied, "Sorry, _Meadow._ "

Eddward laughed and rode off on his bike. Chris sighed.

"Chris, are you alright?" Martin asked, walking over with Nick.

"Meadow is embarrassed because everyone now knows Chris's middle name," Nick said, trying not to laugh. Martin frowned.

"Meadow?" He asked.

"Aw, who cares?" Chris asked, burying his face in his hands, "My life's ruined."

"If it will make you feel any better, I will tell you my middle name," Martin said.

"Ok," Chris sniffed.

"It's Claire," Martin said. Chris stared for a second before bursting into laughter.

"You gotta be kidding!" He laughed, "That's a girl's name!"

Martin sighed.

"Hey guys!" Chris yelled, "Martin's middle name is-"

"Chris, please don't!" Martin begged, covering his mouth.

"CLAIRE!" Chris shouted while laughing. Nick laughed too. The kids came back out.

"Claire?" Jakob asked.

"My dad's middle name is Claire!" Lily said.

"Martin, that's so cute!" Mary said and Martin blushed. The kids continued to laugh at Martin.

"Kids can be so cruel, huh Nick?" Chris laughed. Martin glared.

"Got that right, MEADOW!" Nick laughed. Chris glared at him.


	31. Oh Brother!

Sunlight crept through Nick's bedroom window as the morning broke into the sky. He was wrapped up in his blanket as he rolled out of bed onto the floor. The heavy thud did nothing to disturb his deep slumber. But a voice from the window snapped him awake.

"Big bro big bro big bro!" Sheldon chanted, bouncing down into the room, "Up up up! Come on! Mommy said I get to hang out with you today!"

Nick walked over to the clothes dryer and jumped in, emerging with his clothes on.

"Big brother's here, Sheldon," He picked up a foot by the shoelaces, "Yep, just tying my shoe."

Nick messed up a few times before falling asleep. Crayon drawings appeared around him, and Nick emerged from a sketched house.

* * *

"ONE! TWO! Tie my shoe!" His laces wove themselves into shoestring knots, "Three four, shut the door." Nick closed the door behind him, causing the house to collapse, "FIVE! SIX! Grab some sticks!" He plucked a pair of lampposts from the ground, "Seven eight, lay them straight!" Nick chanted, laying them on Jakob, who had a bigger head and afro, "NINE! TEN! A big, fat hen!" A large hen laid three eggs on the lampposts, and Nick hugged it as it flew away, "Eleven, twelve!"

* * *

"Nick!" He was slapped awake by Chris, who dragged him out to the sidewalk in front of his house, "Get up, stupid! You're wasting time!"

Chris was doing a happy dance.

"Today's the day, buddy boy! The scam to end all scams! Our NMC Frog Jumping Derby!" He gave a snap and a clap before walking a lap around Nick, "After we charge the saps for a frog-rental fee, they'll race for the grand prize:..." he whipped around to present it to Nick, "...mittens!"

"Lucky fellows," Nick said cheerfully. He would have said "Lucky dogs" but Chris hated any mention of the creatures. Martin appeared with a wagon carrying three sets of various equipment.

"Gentlemen, I've located a pond, and acquired all the required accoutrements in order to draft our frog competitors for today's derby," He smiled.

"We're gonna be rich!" Chris cheered. He pinched Martin's cheek, "You're a peach."

As Chris started for the journey to the pond, Nick was struggling to get into the apparatus Martin had supplied.

"Evil!" His goggles were doubly wrapped around his head, "Bad!"

"Here Nick, let me assist you," Martin offered.

"Hi Martin!" Sheldon jumped up.

"Sheldon, please!" Martin shooed him away, "I'm trying to help your brother with the safety apparatus for our frog catching expedition."

"Aw, it's ok Martin," Nick beamed and scooped up Sheldon, "I'm watching him for today. Mom and Dad are on a date."

"Very well," Martin followed Chris, "Just make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble than is normal for the three of us."

"He won't!" Nick said as he set Sheldon on his shoulders.

* * *

The group arrived at the pond, Chris smiling like the Cheshire cat all the way.

"Those saps won't know what hit 'em!" He laughed to himself, "It's the best scam in the whole stinkin' world!"

He jumped onto Nick.

"You and Sheldon remember your jobs, Stinky?" He asked. Sheldon hopped on Nick's other shoulder.

"We are the frog wranglers!" He answered. Nick nodded.

"So you don't have to touch those slimy weasels," He added.

"So where are the frogs?" Chris asked, looking in the pond. Martin studied a map.

"Albeit a bit dated-" Martin began. He became distracted by Sheldon looking over his shoulder, "This map indicates that-" Martin shifted the map, "The common frog does reside in this pond."

Sheldon jumped on Martin's head to get a good look at the map.

"GAH!" Martin stumbled and fell backwards. Sheldon's jacket puffed up and allowed him to float to the ground. However, the unwashed jacket came off and fell on Martin's face. Nick peeked inside at Martin.

"Is it my turn to jump on your head?" Nick asked.

"SMELLY UNWASHED JACKET!" Martin screamed, rubbing his face vigorously with soap.

"Oh yeah, Martin doesn't like that," Nick said. Chris looked on with disinterest before peering into the pond.

"Is that a frog or a boot?" He asked.

"A boot?" Nick and Sheldon said after the latter had pulled on his jacket. Chris pointed into the water.

"There. See it? What is that?" He asked.

"Kinda looks like Abraham Lincoln, Chris," Nick said.

"What are you talking about?" Chris took a harder look, unsure if Nick saw a penny in the water, or if it was just Nick being Nick. Martin was a few feet back, trying to remove Sheldon's jacket with a stick. He had to deal with one of the smelly jackets, he wasn't about to deal with two. Sheldon tugged on the stick with surprising strength and Martin was pulled inside his jacket.

"FILTHY, CRUDDY, SMELLY!" Martin screamed. He escaped quickly from Sheldon's jacket and soon a shower curtain appears. There was a rack next to it with Martin's clothes and his glasses.

"Nick, I request that you take your brother home Immediately," Martin said, peeking out from the shower curtain, "I can't handle the stench of two of you."

Chris looked to Martin.

"What's your problem?" Chris asked, "They're not giving me any trouble, and I have a heightened sense of smell being part cat."

"Well, you clean the cat litter everyday," Martin countered. Nick and Sheldon looked at each other.

"Ok," Nick said.

"If you gimme your glasses," Sheldon smiled.

"My glasses?" Martin was shocked, "Why, that's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Absolutely not."

"Give him the stupid glasses so we can get some frogs," Chris said, irritated. He knew his cousin had contacts. Why didn't he just wear those?

"First of all, my glasses don't smell," Martin got himself dressed, "Second, my contact lenses are at home, so I'd have nothing to enhance my vision without my glasses."

"Oh yes they do," Sheldon nodded, talking about how Martin's glasses stank. Martin marched over to the brothers.

"No, they do not," He said, "You're just saying that because I said your jackets stank."

"Stinky glasses," Sheldon said.

"When was the last time either of you washed your jacket?" Martin asked.

"Stinky glasses," Nick repeated.

"Odoriferous clay coats!" Martin yelled.

"Stinky glasses," Sheldon said, the both of them unfazed.

"Rancid graveled wraps!" Martin snapped.

"Oh yeah? STINKY GLASSES!" Nick yelled. This was fun. Martin didn't think so.

"Soiled stitches of suffocation!" He shouted.

"SHUT UP!" Chris screamed, stopping the argument, "ALL OF YOU!"

One by one, Sheldon, Martin, and Nick gave defiant gestures and walked off in different directions.

"Oh come on," Chris groaned, "We've got a SCAM TO RUN HERE!"

Martin turned to the pussycat.

"I'm sorry, Chris; I can't work under these conditions," He said.

"Oh yes you can!" Chris shouted, poking Martin in the nose, "You just worry about catching those frogs!"

Martin finagled his nose away from Chris's finger.

"I'll take care of those two," Chris said. Chris walked over to the other two and started ripping their clothes off.

"Hey!" The two said angrily, pulling their jackets down.

"What? The frogs will recognize you two," Chris explained, "What you guys need are disguises."

"Disguises?" Nick questioned.

"Yeah! Hurry, get undressed!" Chris rushed.

"Frogs are so stupid!" Sheldon laughed as he and Nick jumped out of their clothes. The fabric sat there in midair. Chris glanced back at Martin as he followed the boys.

"You owe me," Chris said.

Chris was looking at the pond thoughtfully.

"Try showing some more leg, guys!" He yelled. Nick and Sheldon were dressed as female frogs and sitting on fake lily-pads at opposite ends of the pond. They both lifted a leg, "Okay, Sheldon, a little more to the right."

"Chris, this delicate procedure requires your assistance!" Martin called.

Chris turned around to see the 'delicate procedure' being carried out by Martin. He was setting wooden crutches under the sleeves of both jackets. He was wearing a gas mask and had a hose and some soap. Knowing that Chris wouldn't take kindly to being sprayed, he had Chris handle the hose. They started on Sheldon's jacket, Chris spraying it with the hose and Martin rubbing it down with soap.

"Halfway to success," Martin smiled.

"HEY!"

They saw the Hunter brothers glaring down at them, still sporting their frog attire. Sheldon had been the one to yell out.

"That's MY jacket!" He yelled angrily, grabbing it back, "Yuck, it's clean!"

Nick plucked his own jacket from its stand.

"Here you go, Sheldon," He offered, "You can get some on yours."

Chris growled like a cat.

"We're never gonna get those frogs!" He yelled.

"Thanks big bro," Sheldon smiled and mixed up his and Nick's jackets till his own was equally dirty. Martin hadn't removed his mask or de-pegged his nose yet.

"I beg you, in the name of all that is decent," He was on the edge of tears, "Please don't put on that jacket, Sheldon!"

"But it has memories!" Sheldon said, slipping it on. He flapped his arms happily, the excess sleeves of the jacket knocking off Martin's mask and nose clip. All the color drained from Martin's face.

"DEFILED! SOILY! PROFANE!" He screamed.

"Home sweet home, huh Jackie?" Sheldon smiled and hugged around himself and the jacket. Chris scoffed.

"Wish you could be a babe magnet, huh, Sheldon?" He teased.

"Ew, no way!" Sheldon said, "Girls are icky!"

Chris laughed and gave Sheldon a one-armed hug.

"I'm just messin' with ya," Chris said. He took the opportunity to squeeze a squirt of soap into Sheldon's pocket. Sheldon noticed immediately.

"NICK! SOAP ALERT!" Sheldon screamed. Chris jumped away from Sheldon, and the brothers started chasing Chris around the pond in the creek.

"Woah, woah! Hey!" Chris yelled. The two didn't notice when Chris fell into the pond. Chris growled as he sank, but was suddenly struck with an idea. He climbed out of the pond, soaking wet and dripping with water.

"Look at me, guys, I'm all wet and freezing like," Chris said innocently, "I sure could use something to keep me warm. Like your jackets!"

The brothers each produced a towel from their jackets.

"Towel?" They offered.

"Drat," Martin said. Chris wrapped himself in the towels before pitching a new idea.

"Since the frog-catching isn't going anywhere, let's start up a new country!" He said, "We'll call it... Huntropia! Yeah! You guys will be big shots! And those zombies will salute Huntropia's Monday Leader: Sheldon! From atop your throne in the trees, you'll be respected every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday!"

Martin crossed his fingers and hoped for the best.

"Cool, zombies!" The brothers said together.

"Worship me, Chris!" Sheldon laughed and giggled as his older brother held him up.

Chris took Sheldon into his arms and scampered up the highest tree he could find, setting Sheldon down into a chair-shaped cluster of branches in the canopy. Sheldon didn't fear the heights- in fact, he liked them. As Chris scrambled down the tree and Nick used his foot to salute his baby brother, Sheldon peered down at his 'kingdom' below. Chris recovered from his euphoria.

"A'ight, how 'bout them frogs, huh?" He turned around to Martin, "You too, DiCaprio!"

"I'd be happy to oblige, Chris," Mart smiled, following his friends.

Up on his perch in the trees, Sheldon saw his brother and his friends walking off. Not wanting to be left out, he quickly jumped/climbed down the tree until he landed on Martin's head. Chris didn't notice the scene behind him.

"Just think, Nick! We'll be so rich, you could buy a brain!" Chris was saying.

"Oh look, it's Sheldon!" Nick cried happily, running after his little brother, "And to think I almost forgot you."

"Oh Sheldon?" Chris growled, "GO HOME! YOU'RE A PEST!"

Sheldon stood in shock before running off into the woods crying. The pussycat gave a small huff.

"Good riddance," He grumbled.

"Well, that was economical," Martin said. The three boys heard crying from the woods. Chris ignored it.

"NMC Frog-Jumping Derby, here we come!" He smiled. Martin frowned and walked towards Sheldon.

"Sheldon?" He spoke. Nick came barging over and hugged the small boy. The tears prevented any words from coming forward.

"Listen Sheldon, I'm sorry," Martin said, "I shouldn't have been so rough."

"So, why were you making such a fuss about our jackets?" Sheldon sniffed.

"He's sensitive to stinky," Nick joked to Sheldon. Chris appeared from the trees.

"And you'll be sensitive to pain IF WE DON'T CATCH SOME FROGS!" He yelled.

"Maybe my lucky fishy Milly can help!" Sheldon said, pulling out a fish skeleton from his shirt. Martin ran away with a disgusted look in his eyes. Chris chased Sheldon with a hungry look in his eyes. Nick chased Chris with a frightened look in his eyes.


	32. STAMPEDE!

The Kanker cousins were sound asleep as night held the small town in its grip. Their snores were a spectacle as the boys each snorted one by one, followed by one of the girls letting off a whoosh of breath. Suddenly, there was a loud crash from downstairs. Justin snapped awake with the others.

"What the heck was that?" He asked. All the kids crammed around the doorway. June saw a tin can roll out of the kitchen.

"Somebody's in the kitchen, Lily!" She said. The light was on downstairs as the older girl crept into the kitchen.

"AH HA!" She yelled, wielding a swordfish, but no one was there. What was there was a mess of a kitchen and a swinging window.

"Hey, come back here!" Phil yelled out the window.

"Yeah, we ain't done with you yet!" Lil added. James surveyed the kitchen.

"Typical," He said, "Whoever it was sure is a slob."

"Why is it always the good ones that get away?" Lil whined, looking at the table, which had a bite taken out of it. Lily tossed an empty ketchup bottle to the floor.

"That crumb ain't worth shedding tears over, Lil," She snapped.

"Yeah, his loss," Phil said.

"Boy, it's gonna take June and Jakob forever to clean up this mess," James said. Justin laughed.

"June, Jakob," He chuckled, "Good one, bro."

The brothers enjoyed a hearty laugh together. The kids looked over at the two siblings they were referring to and saw that the two were just staring over the kitchen doorway. Justin and James walked over and waved in front of their faces and flicked their noses. Neither reacted to their actions. The rest of the cousins walked over and looked at the spit June and Jakob were staring at.

"HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE!" They all yelled. There was a plaque there labeled 'Ship Inna Bottle' but no ship. The cousins all started fighting over the empty display board.

"Someone shanghaied our Ship Inna Bottle!" Lily said, finally winning. Justin and James knew the thief was almost certainly the one who trashed the kitchen.

"But it's our family heirloom!" June sobbed, "We used to play with it on bath night!"

Phil clasped June's shoulder.

"I say we call the cops!" Phil said. June ran over to get her phone and turned it on.

"What number do you dial for 9-1-1?" She asked. Justin and James burst out laughing as Lily plucked her cousin's phone from her hand and threw it in the trash.

"No cops!" She said, "I say we pay our neighbors a little visit and find out bottle Kanker style."

Justin smiled and rubbed his hands together.

"This oughta be fun," He chuckled.

* * *

By morning, the Sheppards were already up and working. Victor was sitting atop a giant weiner that was being pulled by his goat, Arthur.

"Victor's giant wiener will fetch a pretty penny at the market, yes Arthur?" Victor said.

"Not to mention a few girls," Martha teased her brother.

"What?" Victor asked, confused. Mary and Martha giggled. The laughter came to an abrupt stop when Arthur made one.

"Arthur? What is it?" Victor asked. The three siblings then heard the approaching rumble of all their cousins. Mary and Martha opened the cellar doors, allowing their brother to herd all of the livestock inside.

"Alright, you guys stay in here," Mary said, "Victor, Martha, let's go see what's got 'em so upset."

The cellar doors closed, and the Sheppards set off in search of their cousins.

* * *

While this was going on, Martin and Chris had been called to Eddward's house to recover something from his house.

"I believe this belongs to you?" Eddward said. He opened his fridge to reveal Nick twisted up inside. Chris burst out laughing as Martin covered his face.

"Sleepwalking again?" Martin sighed, "We'll have Nick vacated ASAP, Eddward."

Eddward started for the door.

"Lucky for you twerps, I got chores to do, or else I'd have had to pound you," He growled. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Nick? Oh Nick," Martin said softly, "Rise and shine, sleepyhead."

Chris aimed a trumpet over Martin's shoulder and made a bad attempt at playing Reveille into Nick's ear. Nick yelled and tumbled out of the fridge.

"Private Do-Not-Enter reporting for duty, sir!" Nick said, saluting Chris. However, there was a certain something stuck on his finger. Martin noticed the large glass bottle on Nick's finger.

"Nick, you seem to have garnered a memento from your slumbered stroll," He said.

"I have?" Nick said, confused.

"Ain't you caused enough trouble?" The pussycat examined the bottle, and upon seeing a replica ship inside, threw it over his shoulder declaring "It's junk. Get rid of it."

However, the bottle was stuck to Nick's finger and came back to hit Chris in the head. Nick dangled the bottle in front of him.

"It likes me, Chris," He chuckled.

"Inanimate objects don't 'like', Nick," Martin said, pulling out a ruler and measuring Nick's swollen finger, "Just as I suspected, Chris; Nick's swollen finger will thwart any attempt at removing this bottle."

Chris cracked his knuckles.

"Oh, I'll give it a twart," He growled.

* * *

None of them noticed as all the Kanker cousins ran past the window outside, destroying the cul-de-sac. Nicole spotted the cousins force their way into a house across the street.

"What's their problem?" She asked. She was sweeping outside her house as she watching the Kanker cousins force their way into another house. Janet wheeled her tricycle into the street in time to watch the house collapse and send large cracks in the Earth radiating outward.

"IT'S A KANKER HISSY FIT!" Janet screamed. All the kids ran for cover in their own houses.

"AH, GET AWAY FROM ME!" Jason yelled, "JANEEEET!"

Janet watched in horror as the cousins threw her brother into a rose bush.

"It's the end of the world as we know it!" Janet shook. Her bedroom door flew off its hinges, barely missing Janet. She turned around to see Lily standing where the door used to be, surrounded by Justin and James, who each had a foot raised in front of them.

"Make it easy on yourself, Curly-Q, and cough it up," Lily said, holding out her hand.

"Let's just find it the hard way, Lily," Mary chuckled evilly, sneaking in.

"Cough - hard way?" Janet stuttered. The Kanker cousins started messing up her room.

* * *

As the drama continued to unfold, Nick, Martin, and Chris were completely unaware of the chaos ensuing in the neighborhood as they strained to loosen Nick's finger from the bottle being sought by the Kanker cousins.

"Let go of it!" Chris yelled, trying to pull off the bottle.

"It's a fighter, Chris!" Nick cried. Martin followed the other two into the woods.

"If I might make a suggestion-?" He began.

"It's under control!" Chris snapped. Martin watched as Chris saddled Nick against a tree and started pulling Nick's arm around a cluster of trees.

"But Chris, this is simple," Martin insisted.

"I said I got it!" Chris repeated. Suddenly, Nick's arm sliced through the trees, causing the pussycat to snap back to the tree holding Nick. All the trees fell over onto Chris, one by one. Chris wedged himself through the trees, laughing weakly as he did so.

"Ha...ha...ha...One bottle, hold Nick's finger..." He said weakly. He looked to see that the bottle was still snug tight to Nick's finger, "What the-"

He let off an exasperated sigh.

"Chris," Martin approached the pile of fallen trees, "Wouldn't it be easier if we dab a little soap on Nick's finger to-"

"SOAP!" Nick cried, running off. Chris hadn't let go of the bottle, and was subsequently dragged along as Nick ran off. He let go as Nick rounded the fence, causing him to get slammed into it. Chris peeled himself from the fence and gave chase in time to hear Nick cry out "YUCK! FRESH! CLEAN! NASTY!" Nick ran into Eddward's yard, passing in front of him. Eddward was mowing the lawn when he saw the three boys run past.

"Get back here!" Chris yelled angrily.

"Pardon us, Eddward," Martin panted. Eddward raised his fist as the boys rounded the corner.

"IF I SEE YA ONE MORE TIME, I'LL-" He didn't have time to finish before the fence boards behind him opened up. He mumbled, restarting the mower.

"Oh, this one is gonna be fun," James chuckled. Justin ushered the rest of the cousins through the fence.

"I call first dibs," He whispered. The fence closed up in time for Nick, Martin, and Chris to run by, still oblivious to the Kankers, Baxters, Sheppards, and 2x4s out and about.

"Bad soap, evil soap, slippery sudsy scary soap!" Nick cried. Chris took the soap from Martin.

"Okay, Nick. You win," He pulled Martin beside him and held it behind him, "See? Soap's gone."

Nick still remembered the incident at the pond when he had to babysit his brother for the day. A suspicious look crossed his face as he approached Martin and Chris. Chris pounced on Nick and wrestled him to the ground.

"C'MERE YOU!" Chris looked to Martin, "What are you waiting for? Soap him! Soap him!"

"Oh dear," Martin gulped. Nick put up a hefty fight with Chris.

"He's putty in my hands," Chris laughed weakly. Chris tried to drag Nick toward Martin, "Soap him! Soap him!"

Martin walked towards Nick, holding out the bottle. Nick swung his foot toward Martin and caught the bottle between his toes.

"Be gone, despicable detergent of the deep!" Nick said, throwing the bottle away, "For I can remove the bottle with sticky tape."

Martin shined his hands on his shirt.

"Sticky tape?" He asked.

"Stick-" Chris's hands dropped to his sides, "YOU'RE ALREADY STUCK, NUMBSKULL!"

"And your point is?" Nick asked. Chris started backtracking the way they came.

"This is stupid," He said.

"Nick may have something, Chris," Martin said, "No pain, no gain, you know."

Nick followed after his friends.

"Just follow my smell, buckos!" He said.

* * *

Meanwhile, the cul-de-sac had been completely ruined. Kevin ran out of his house to escape the cousins.

"They're mad, I tell you! Mad!" He cried.

"Run for the hills!" Eddward yelled.

* * *

Jason was in his room, hiding in his toy chest. A loud thump sounded outside. Jason peeked out of his toy chest to see Nick, Martin, and Chris.

"Nick, wouldn't it have been more polite to knock before entering your cousin's bedroom?" Martin asked, "Then again, wouldn't it be polite to knock before entering his house?"

"I'm in the zone, Martin," Nick said. He started rummaging through the dresser drawers until he found... "Sticky tape!"

"NICK!" Jason yelled, "GET OUTTA MY HOUSE! Can't you see I'm hiding over here?!"

Chris was too focused on the bottle to think about why Jason would be hiding.

"Can we get rid of this bottle or what?" He snapped. The pussycat grabbed his friends and stormed for the door.

"Where are we going now, Chris?" Martin asked as Chris carried him and Nick down the stairs.

"Your place. Where else?" Chris said. The boys' presence was quickly replaced by the Kanker cousins, who completely missed Nick, Martin, and Chris.

* * *

The boys made it to Martin's house, somehow managing to avoid seeing the carnage that was taking place in the neighborhood. Nick's idea was to tape the bottle to the ceiling and jump off the second story balcony. The setup had attracted Ryland's attention, and she came to watch what they were doing. Although she had seen the Kanker cousins turning the neighborhood inside-out, no one had told her what they were after, and she had no idea where Nick got the bottle from.

"Are you sure the tape won't leave any unsightly residue?" Martin worried, "Father has the eyes of a hawk when it comes to adhesive resin."

Chris didn't react to Martin.

"Okay, Nick. Jump!" Chris instructed. Nick did so, tearing off a chunk of ceiling with him. Ryland let off a breath as Nick hit the floor.

"Tape residue will be the least of Father's problems," She muttered. Martin covered his eyes with his hand. Chris headed down the stairs.

"Don't sweat it, Nick," He said, "My dad's got a hacksaw."

Ryland followed Chris down the stairs.

"I've got a better idea," She said.

* * *

The Kanker cousins were searching Jason's room. Justin and James stepped out of the closet.

"We couldn't find it," James said.

"We checked everywhere," Justin groaned. Victor set down a lamp on the dresser.

"The space beneath the lamp is vacant," He announced. Jakob lowered Woody from an overhead shelf.

"Woody didn't see anything," Jakob said. Phil and Lil appeared in the door.

"Nothing," They reported together. Martha set down the bed covers.

"Same here," She shook her head. Mary crawled out from under the bed.

"It ain't here, Lily," She said. Meanwhile, Jason was tied up in the corner.

"We'll never find it!" June sobbed.

"That's crazy talk, June!" Justin snapped. James nodded.

"Yeah, snap out of it!" He agreed. Lily ground her teeth together.

"We're finding that Ship Inna Bottle if it kills ya!" She said. At that sentence, a realization hit Jason like a ton of bricks. He remembered back to watch Nick scratch his head with a bottle on his finger. With this information, he instantly started rubbing his face on his shoulder frantically to free his mouth before the cousins disappeared.

"WAIT!" He called, causing the cousins to pop back in, "I know who's got a Ship Inna Bottle."

Justin appeared in the door.

"Is that so?" He asked. He was followed by his brother.

"Alright, spill it," James said.

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were at Martin's house still. Chris was pushing Nick in a circle while Martin held the bottle still. The whole setup was Ryland's idea.

"Sometimes something can be fixed by just twisting it," She said.

"What a load of bunk," Chris mumbled. Martin got to his feet, Ryland taking his place, as Westminster chimes resonated from the front door.

"Now, who could that be?" Martin wondered, "Hello, how may I help-"

Martin stopped mid-sentence as he opened the door and saw who was there. The Kanker cousins were at the door, looking as happy as ten hungry dogs. Their numbers blocked Martin's view of the state of the cul-de-sac, which looked like a war zone. James was the first one to speak.

"A little birdie told us you have something of ours," He smirked.

"Birdie?" Victor asked from behind, "Was it not loudmouthed Jason-boy that said so?"

Justin turned to his cousin.

"It's a metaphor, Vic," Justin said, "Sheesh."

Martin stood in shock as he looked at the bottle and back to the Kankers. His heart beating faster by the second, he slowly closed the door and put the chain lock into use. He turned towards his friends.

"OH LORD, THAT SHIP INNA BOTTLE BELONGS TO THE KANKER COUSINS!" He screamed.

"KANKERS?!" Chris nearly jumped out of his clothes, "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

Ryland ran up the stairs in a panic.

"SIERRASIERRASIERRASIERRASIERRASIERRASIERRA!" She screamed. Nick followed Martin to the kitchen.

"WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHY?!" Nick yelled. Justin and James burst through the living room window and opened the door for their cousins.

"Don't bring me into this!" Sierra yelled down the stairs, "None of 'em like me!"

Nick, Martin, and Chris ran to hide under the kitchen sink. By the time the girls got together, the house was quiet. Justin and James had shushed their cousins as they started to probe the kitchen for June, Lily, and Mary's crushes. They saw a pan spinning around on the floor. It finally stopped with the handle pointing towards the sink. The cousins tiptoed toward the sink, making as little noise as possible.

"All they want is the bottle," Chris said, "Looks like you'll have to take one for the team, Log."

Martin rolled his eyes.

"Oh, that's very brave of you, Chris," He said in a hushed voice.

"What?" Chris asked. The cousins tiptoed toward the sink in socked feet as quietly as possible.

"Why should Nick sacrifice himself?" Martin asked.

"Oh, look! A sponge!" Nick said. Lily set her shoes on the counter and reached to turn on the sink.

"Ssh, what was that?" Chris hissed. The cousins surrounded the sink as Lily twisted both knobs on the faucet. Nick, Martin, and Chris, in that order, poured out of the sink.

"Whoops, heh-heh," Chris laughed nervously, "Hey, look what we found!"

Phil and Lil grabbed Chris from the sink. Justin and James grabbed Martin from the sink. Mary and Martha grabbed Nick from the sink. June grabbed Nick's hand with the bottle, and Lily plucked it off his finger.

"We're a family again, guys," Lily said happily.

"Aw..." The cousins cooed together as they got their shoes back on.

"Let me see it!" Mary yelled, reaching for it. James shoved her away.

"No way! It's mine!" He snapped. All the cousins started squabbling for the Ship Inna Bottle. Nick watched as the cousins vanished out the front door.

"I think that was the Kankers' bottle, Chris," Nick said.

"You're not the only one confused here, Nick," Martin said, "Have you noticed that we came out of this virtually unscathed? I mean, even James and Justin didn't hurt me."

Nick hopped down to the floor with Martin.

"Are we lucky, or what?" He said proudly.

"We must be getting good at this!" Chris smiled. As he started to walk away, his hand remained stuck in the faucet.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! OF ALL THE-" Chris let off an exasperated sigh.

"Aw, just like old times," Nick smiled. Martin looked at the faucet.

"Well, that sense of confidence didn't last long," He said.

"Do something, will ya?!" Chris snapped.

"I know just the thing," Martin said. He reached into the sink cabinet, "A little dab of soap will do the trick."

"And I will get the Kanker cousins, as they are wizzes at stuck fingers," Nick said, walking off.

"NO! WAIT! NICK!" Chris tugged at his hand frantically, "NNIICCKK!"


	33. What Goes Around Comes Around

Janet was in her front yard. She was sitting in front of three stuffed animals. She was doing yoga.

"Alright everyone, yoga class is now in session," Janet announced.

Just then, a basketball hit the mailbox and fell on Janet's stuffed animals.

"MRS. YUM YUM!" Janet cried, rushing over and trying to lift the mail box off. Eddward walked over and picked up the mailbox and the ball, "Mrs. Yum Yum!" Janet sobbed, picking up the crushed stuffed animal. She cried and hugged it, "Me and Mr. Yum Yum will miss you so."

"Jeez, loose the baby toys," Eddward said, walking off. Janet glared after Eddward.

"If only I were stronger, I'd give him what-for," Janet said.

She spotted a boomerang in the nearby bush. Janet picked up and started messing with it. She giggled and put it in the back of her shirt so she looked stronger.

"Look at me, I'm a bruiser," She joked.

The boomerang did in fact, make her stronger. In fact, it altered her personality all together. Janet now had muscles. She picked up the mail box and dropped it on Eddward.

"I am Janet, hear me roar!" She yelled.

The boomerang popped out when she flexed. She looked slightly surprised as her now-stretched shirt slid down her shoulder a little.

"Why I aughta," Eddward grumbled. Janet laughed nervously.

* * *

The boomerang flew into Jason's room, right into his closet. His room was a mess.

"NICK!" Jason yelled, "God, I hate it when he visits! Now I have to find somethin' to hit him with!"

First thing was a baseball bat.

"Used it," Jason said as it broke in half. He pulled out a golf club dented with the shape of Nick's head, "Used it." He tossed it. He came across the boomerang, "Huh, don't remember buying this one. Oh well."

Suddenly, he turned weird. He smiled and hearts floated above his head.

"Here I come, sweet cousin!" He said, skipping out the door.

* * *

Chris was with Martin and Nick.

"See? Here it is!" Nick said, holding out a tube of toothpaste, "My favorite toothpaste. Fresh as the day my mom bought it."

"Yes, where would we be if you actually brushed at least once a week?" Martin asked.

"In another universe," Chris said, grabbing the toothpaste and throwing it in the suitcase. They heard Jason.

"Uh oh," Nick said fearfully.

"Let's go," Chris said.

"Before Jason comes!" Nick said. They rushed outside but ran into Jason, "AAAHH! Don't hurt me!"

"Why would I do that? I love you," Jason said.

"Say what?" Nick asked, confused. Jason hugged Nick.

"What the heck's going on?" Chris asked, confused as well.

"Hiya Chris," Jason smiled, walking towards him.

"Jason, are you feeling alright?" Martin asked, concerned.

"I feel fine," Jason said.

"Get this kid off me!" Chris snapped as Jason hugged him. Martin watched.

"Cousin is sweet and cuddly!" Nick said happily, yanking Jason into a hug and making him drop the boomerang. Jason squirmed.

"Nick! Let me go!" Jason snapped. Nick dropped him and Jason threw the boomerang at Nick, making it bounce off and fly away, "Touch me again and I'll pound you."

Martin raised his eyebrow. Jason stomped off.

"Alright, enough about that," Chris said, "Let's just go."

* * *

Victor was working on his dad's farm. During the summer, he, Mary, and Martha lived with their dad instead of their mom, aunts, uncles and cousins.

"This stinks," Mary complained.

"Cheer up, Mary-sister," Victor said happily. The boomerang flew and landed in Victor's pants.

"Hallo?" Victor blushed and looked at the boomerang, "Which of you threw this whatchama-doohickey at Victor's tochas?!"

He started opera singing. Mary and Martha covered their ears. Victor covered his mouth and stopped.

"Jeez Victor, what's with you?" Martha asked. He started singing again. Mary and Martha covered their ears again.

Chris, Martin, and Nick approached Victor's door.

"Alright, Martin, act natural," Chris said, "Nick, shut up, and I'll do the talking."

"What do I do?" Nick asked.

"I said don't talk," Chris said. He rung Victor's doorbell. Victor opened the door and continued to sing. His singing was so loud, he actually blew Martin away. Chris slammed the door in his face.

"Jeez, since when did Victor become one of those opera singer people?" Chris asked.

Martin stood up and opened the door to see Victor against the wall.

"Thank you," He said. Martin saw the boomerang on the porch. It had fallen out when Chris slammed the door.

"Nick, isn't this the boomerang Jason had earlier?" Martin said. Nick looked at it.

"Boomerjigger?" He asked.

"No, a boomerang," Martin said. He then explained what it was.

"Oh," Nick said.

"Some people believe them to possess supernatural powers," Martin said, "Silly, isn't it?"

Nick picked it up as Martin walked off. He started using a laptop and acting really smart.

"By Nathan," Nick finished his writing. Martin walked over.

"Nick?" Martin asked, shocked. Nick kept on with his strange behavior and Martin became excited. He went to find Chris.

"Chris! Chris!" Martin called.

"What are you doing over there?" Chris asked. He had been about to knock on a door, "The scam's over here!"

"Come see this," Martin said.

"See what?" Chris asked, "So what? It's just Nick on a laptop. What else is new?"

"He's writing something," Martin said.

"So what? We got people to fleece!" Chris said angrily.

"Hostility is the calling card of a weak intellect," Nick said, pointing the boomerang at Chris.

"That explains Izzy," Chris joked.

"I heard that!" Izzy snapped as she rode past on her roller skates. Chris snickered.

"Gimmie that!" Chris said, snatching the boomerang, "And get back to-"

Chris started acting weird as well. He acted like a mom and started using the boomerang to 'feed' the suitcase.

"There you go," He said, "Don't drink too fast, or you might get gas!"

"Chris?" Martin questioned. Nick acted stupid again.

"Well that was nice while it lasted," Martin sighed, "But Chris? Acting motherly?"

Martin watched Chris in confusion.

"Aw, what's his name, Mommy?" Nick asked.

"Casey, Casey Jr," Chris said, "Casey Jr. wants second cousin Martin to change his diaper."

Chris handed the suitcase and the boomerang to Martin.

"Wait, wha-" Martin began acting weird.

"What's four-eyes going on about?" Chris asked, back to normal. Martin started sweating.

"Boy, is it hot," Martin complained.

"It's only 74 degrees," Chris said.

"Chill, man," Martin said, "I'm sizzlin' in this heat." He pulled his shoes and socks off, "That's better."

Chris stared in confusion.

"The man's uniform is crampin' my style," Martin said, pulling his shirt off and tossing it on Chris's face. Chris looked horrified but Nick looked oblivious.

"Who are you?!" Chris cried fearfully. Martin jumped on a lamp post and took his pants off.

"Stop it! Stop it stop it!" Chris cried, running past and snatching the boomerang. He turned back to being motherly. Martin noticed he was naked.

"WHAT IN SAM HILL IS GOING ON?!" He shouted, covering himself with his arms- trying to, anyway, "I'M NAKED!"

Chris wasn't paying attention.

"Uh oh, looks like Casey make a stink-ums," Chris cooed. He emptied out the suitcase and gave everything to Nick, "Dispose of these, won't you deary?"

"Of course Mommy," Nick said. Nick tossed them into the nearby sewer.

"Oh darn it, out of safety pins," Chris said.

"Why not use this, Mommy?" Nick suggested, taking the boomerang out of Chris's hair.

"Oh thank you, deary," Chris said before snapping out of it, "Where'd the scam go?!"

Nick went back to being smart. He threw the boomerang to demonstrate how it worked.

"Hot potato!" Nick said stupidly. The boomerang hooked around and caught him in the neck.

"Who did this to my hair?!" Chris yelled as the boomerang caught him.

"Where are my clothes?!" Martin asked as the boomerang caught him as well. They were stuck to a tree branch.

"Oh no, Casey's all alone!" Chris cried. Nick acted smart again.

"I'm getting the need to feel the breeze between my knees," Martin said. He slipped his underwear off and sighed.

"Not in front of the baby!" Chris cried, "Casey, you cover your eyes!"


	34. Report Cards

**Report Cards**

The school bell rang that morning as the kids were in the halls, looking at their report cards.

"B's and C's for me! B's and C's for me!" Jakob said happily, running in circles. He stopped at his locker, where Woody was sitting inside, "All that extra tutoring you and your dad gave me really paid off, buddy!"

"Sweet, an A in Writing Class!" Izzy smiled, "Mom's gonna be so proud!"

Chris and Nick watched the others. They, for some reason, didn't have their report cards.

"Jakob, Jakob, look at what I got!" June said, showing her older brother her report card.

"An A in cooking class?" Jakob asked proudly, "Wow, you sure are smart!"

"Rad!" Nicole was saying, "I got my Fine Art's grade up to a B-! Daddy's gonna be so proud!"

"Curse this new fangled technology!" Victor said fearfully, "Victor will need a new behind after Mama sees this!"

"A D in typing?" Eddward said, looking over Victor's shoulder, "Wow, that sucks."

"All-mighty sock-hatted Eddward," Victor said, dragging Eddward over to his locker and showing him a laptop inside, "Of what use is this infernal button-plate to the son of a Sheppard? Victor asks you!"

Eddward pulled his head out of his friend's locker. He ran over to Sierra.

"Yo, Sierra, check it," Eddward said. The rest of the kids began talking about their grades.

"How'd you do, Rye?" Izzy asked.

"I got all A's," Ryland said.

"Yeah, that's your dad's side," Izzy said. Chris growled. He and Nick were by their lockers, as was Martin. Martin looked somewhat nervous.

"Why do they get their report cards?" Chris asked angrily, "Some back-stabbing, two-timing j*** is giving OURS straight to our parents!"

"Life can we so cruel!" Nick sobbed sadly. He slammed his face on his locker.

"I mean what low-time, slime-covered, dog-loving twerp could do such a thing?" Chris snapped, looking at each of the other kids.

"Well, l-look at the bright side, gentlemen," Martin said nervously, "This is a great chance for you to talk to your parents about your grades and how to improve them." He started walking off as Chris grabbed Izzy's backpack and dragged her over with it. He started looking through it.

"Hey hey hey, get outta my backpack!" Izzy snapped, slamming it on Chris's head. Ryland was walking with her and snickered. Chris had thrown out a couple pencils and Martin slipped on one, making him fall on his back and drop all the papers in his bag. Izzy and Ryland walked off.

"Oh dear," Martin frowned.

"Oh, I'll help!" Nick volunteered, throwing the papers into the air, "Pick paper up, pick paper up, pick paper up!"

"No, Nick, really, you don't have to," Martin said nervously. Suddenly, Nick found something interesting.

"Hey Martin!" Nick said, "Your report cards look the same as mine and Chris's!"

Chris took one of the envelopes. Chris looked over the paper and glared at Martin.

"So you're the dog-loving twerp!" Chris snapped. Martin sighed.

"I suppose," He said, "But still, I'm doing this for your own good, Chris."

Chris glared and shoved Martin into his locker. Chris went into his own locker as Nick picked up his own report card from the ground.

"Oh oh, can I see?" Nick asked, "I bet I'm doing the bestest, guys!" Nick read the notes section, "Oh, look at this! 'Nick has trouble concentrating for even the smallest period!'" Nick, who had been waving his finger like the teacher, started watching his finger.

"Just like Izzy," Chris laughed. Nick nodded.

"Deplorable grades do not a joke make, Chris," Martin said from the locker, repeating the phrase he had practically grown up on.

"Who's got deplorable grades, smart guy?" Chris asked, grabbing Nick and running over to his locker, "Not us, not anymore!"

Chris opened his locker to reveal a picture of himself. He lifted the picture and pulled out the well-known...

"Report card changing kit!" Chris said, smirking, "I got it from my dad."

"You shouldn't change your grades," Martin said from the locker. Chris rolled his eyes and ignored Martin. He opened the kit.

"The usual A's and B's," Chris said to Nick, "And a C- just in case."

Nick was smiling dumbly. Martin got out of the locker.

Just then, a shadow loomed over Nick and Chris.

"Uh oh," Chris said. He turned around nervously, "Principal, sir."

But it turns out it was just a small cardboard cut out in front of a flashlight. Martin slowly snuck the two report cards from behind his friends and ran off, slipping them into his bag.

"Hey, what's the big idea?!" Chris yelled, appearing in front of Martin. Nick was on the other side of him.

"I have a job to do, Chris," Martin said nervously, "And I promised that I would complete this job, no matter what."

"I'M GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY AUNT, MARTIN!" Nick cried fearfully, "SHE WAS A MEANIE TO MY DAD!"

"THE CARDS, NOW!" Chris shouted.

"HER BUNNY MAKES ME SNEEZE AND SHE NEVER BUTTERS MY TOAST!" Nick cried.

"GIMMIE EM!" Chris yelled.

"SHE DOESN'T LET ME HAVE MY GRAVY TUB AND MAKES ME CLEAN MY ROOM!" Nick cried again. Martin slipped away just in time for class.

"History Class," Martin sighed, "Yes!"

Martin sat down next to Sierra.

* * *

Throughout the day and each of their class, Nick and Chris sat on either side of Martin, determined to make sure he didn't get away. A minute before school ended, however...

"Excuse me, Father, may I go to the restroom?" Martin asked, "Thank you."

He ran out the door and almost made it outside when the bell rang. The kids clambered over him.

"Fish Friday, everyone!" Lily Baxter said to all her cousins that went to that school as they ran out the door.

"I call dibs on the first one!" James Kanker said.

"No way, it's mine!" Justin argued.

"Last one home files grandma's bunions!" Mary said. She didn't want to have to do it again.

"Victor's farm of bunions is not yet grown, offspring of the same parents," Victor said.

"No bunions for me, I'm going on a diet!" June said.

"'Bout time," Martha said.

"Hey, guys, wait for us!" Jakob called. Victor stayed behind his cousins. He was ok with tending to HIS farm if he was the last one home, no big deal. He spotted Martin and rushed over.

"Smart-as-an-owl Martin-boy!" Victor said, "Please assist the son of a Sheppard!"

"What do you need, Victor?" Martin asked.

"Please assist Victor with this cursed menace he must take home for further torment!" Victor said, holding up a laptop case with the laptop inside. Victor was carrying a large bag. Martin got an idea.

* * *

"The weasel's still inside, Nick," Chris said. He was right outside the door, "When he comes out, we'll grab him and our report cards!"

Nick nodded. The door opened and Chris went to bash the person on the head with a traffic cone, but it wasn't Martin.

"Victor?" Chris asked. Nick scooped Victor up in the net.

"Got him, Chris! Am I good or what?" Nick said proudly.

"You idiot!" Chris growled and picked Victor up out of the net by his head, "Does Victor look like Martin?"

Nick thought for a minute before dropping the net.

"Maybe with some glasses?" He said. Chris smashed the cone on Chris's head and looked over at Victor, who was dragging his bag along behind him on the way home.

"Hey Victor!" Chris called, "You seen Martin?!"

Victor started to sweat nervously.

"Um, owl-boy-Martin?" He said, "Uh, I am an innocent son of a Sheppard. I know nothing. Goodbye, I must tend to my farm!"

He tried to run off, but the bag was too heavy. The laptop case fell out and popped open to reveal Martin! Martin laughed nervously.

"Look, there he is!" Chris yelled, "Get him!"

Chris and Nick ran after Martin, who began to run away. Chris ran faster.

Eddward was polishing up his bike. Sierra was with him.

"Ready to ride?" He asked.

"No no no no no," Sierra said. "You know I don't like bikes."

"C'mon, it'll be fun," Eddward said. Suddenly, Martin ran past and jumped on the bike, riding off.

"Excuse me, I need to borrow this," Martin said.

"Hey, my bike!" Eddward yelled angrily. Sierra sighed in relief.

"GET BACK HERE!" Chris shouted, shoving past Eddward as Nick followed him.

* * *

Martin rode through the original cul-de-sac and ends up in the lane, where Janet and Jason are having an after-school parade. Their baby sister, Oliva, was in Janet's arms as they both threw flowers everywhere. One flower landed on Martin's head. Martin attempted to get it off. He ended up swerving and crashing into the float, startling Oliva and making her start to cry.

"Jason, he scared Oliva!" Janet tattled. Jason growled and started running towards Martin, who turned around on the bike.

Nick was running towards Martin, carrying Chris on his shoulders.

"We got him now!" Chris said just as Martin passed them. He turned around on Nick's head, "That way, Nick!"

Nick turned around so Chris was facing towards where Jason was coming from.

"Which way, Chris?" Nick asked.

"Jason's coming!" Chris warned.

"Jason bad for Nick, Chris!" Nick cried, turning his body around and running away. Chris tried to steer Nick the other way. They ran off and Jason stopped at the end of the Lane.

"Yeah, you better run!" He yelled.

* * *

Martin was almost back at the school when Eddward stopped him.

"I'll give you three seconds to give me back my bike!" Eddward snapped. However, before he could start counting down, Nick and Chris ran over him. Martin sped off on foot and ran to the woods. Chris ran after him. Martin stopped a few feet inside, panting.

"Am I in the clear yet?" He asked himself. He heard snapping of leaves and twigs. Chris and Nick were right behind him, so he kept on running, deeper into the woods. His friends suddenly cut him off.

"Ah ha!" Chris said, "You're trapped! Now hand over the report cards!"

Martin pulled out an umbrella and the wind pushed him into the air, away from his friends.

"How'd he do that?" Chris asked.

"Like Mary Poppins, Chris," Nick said.

* * *

Martin landed right on top of Ryland, who was heading to practice.

"Oh, my apologies, Ryland," Martin said.

"Ow," Ryland said, "What the heck are you doing?"

"I'm trying to deliver Chris and Nick's report cards, but they're trying to hinder my ability to do so, and we were deep in the woods and that was the only escape I had," Martin said, stepping onto the ground. Ryland picked up Martin's glasses and handed them to him.

"Thank you, Ryland," Martin sighed, putting them back on, "Now, I must hurry."

"Be careful," Ryland said.

"I'll try," Martin said and kept running. At the end of the Lane, the Kanker's (Well, the children of the Kankers) trailer crashed through, with Chris on top and Nick pushing it along.

"Just like our report cards, you failed!" Chris said. Martin looked around for an escape, but there wasn't one.

* * *

Inside the trailer, the Kanker, Baxter, 2x4, and Sheppard kids were fighting over the fish their parents had made. Victor, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, has anyone seen Victor?" June asked as she stole the fish that was supposed to be his.

"Not a clue," Martha said, snatching Jakob's fish.

"Maybe he's out doing farm work or something," James said, taking his sister's dinner and swallowing it.

Suddenly, Martin ran through the trailer.

"Excuse me, pardon me!" He said, "My apologies!"

He jumped out the window. Everyone stared in shock. Chris and Nick passed through, but Lily and June caught them.

"Hey, where you going?" Lily asked.

"Hey, aren't you gonna stick around for dessert?" June smiled.

"Get lost, Kank-" Chris was cut off when he started sniffing the air, "Do I smell fish?"

* * *

A little while later…

Martin collapsed in the cul-de-sac he lived in, the second on.

"So tired," He gasped, "So truly, beyond comparison, exhausted." He spotted Chris and Nick's houses right next to each other, "Must...continue...So...close." He stood up and ran over to Chris's yard, "I made it!"

Martin walked up to the front door. Suddenly, Nick jumped on Martin. Both him and Chris were covered in different colored lipstick marks from all the female Kanker children.

"Ah ah!" Chris said, "Now we got ya!"

He started rooting through Martin's bag, who smiled knowingly.

"Huh?" Chris said. He couldn't find the report cards, "Where-?"

He was cut off by a trumpet noise. Victor, Jason, Jakob, and Woody were all wearing their Urban Ranger uniforms. Victor was standing proudly in front of the others.

"Dearest leader, Victor," Jason began, "I hereby award you with the Report Card Delivery badge for a job well done!"

"Thank you, yes," Victor said proudly.

"So THAT'S where you were!" Jakob said. Martin nodded.

Our...report cards?" Chris asked, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry, Chris," Martin said, "But like I said, I'm sure your parents will be very understanding and-"

He was cut off when Izzy walked over and grabbed Chris's wrist.

"Uh, Izzy?" Chris gulped.

"Mom would like to have a word with you, Chris," Izzy smiled evilly.

"No, wait! It's not my fault!" The teachers are out to get me, I tell ya!" Chris said as Izzy dragged him inside. Nick's mom reached over and took his hand, dragging him home.

"No auntie for Nick!" Nick cried, "Mommy, no auntie for Nick!"

Since practice was over, Ryland walked up behind Martin with a smile. Martin smiled and started walking home with Ryland.

"Sometimes one must learn their lesson the hard way," Martin said, shaking his head.

"Got that right, where should I start?" Eddward asked, leaning on his bike and glaring at Martin.


	35. Where Do Babies Come From?

The twins were running around at home. Bellino was dressed up in a lion costume and Bellini was dressed as a hunter.

"I see you!" Bellini stepped slowly through the kitchen, "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Bellino gave a mighty roar- well, the best one he could, anyway- and started chasing after Bellini.

"You'll never take me alive, hunter!" He ran upstairs with Bellini on his tail. He tripped over and the mane fell over his face.

"Time out! Time out!" He scrambled to get everything back in place, "Ok, I'm good."

Bellini continued chasing Bellino around. Bellino escaped through a window and scrambled down the tree. Bellini was waiting for him at the bottom. She chased him back inside where they noticed something. Midnight was in her cat bed, but there were three little balls of fur with her- one gray, one black and white, and one calico. Bellino paused at the sight.

"Midnight's got visitors?" He said, confused.

"They look like babies kittens, Bellino!" Bellini said happily, looking at them.

"Where do babies come from, Bellini?" Bellino asked.

"Huh," Bellini said, "I don't know, Bellino."

The two heard Izzy talking on the phone in the kitchen and went to see. She was making a sandwich with some milk.

"Hey Izzy?" Bellino said.

"Hold on Rye," Izzy said, "Hey guys. Want some milk?"

The two nodded and Izzy poured them both small cups of milk. While the twins drank their milk Izzy finished making her sandwich and took a sip of her own milk.

"Hey Izzy, where do babies come from?" Bellini asked. Izzy nearly choked on her milk and started coughing. She finally recovered from her coughing fit.

"Rye, I'm going to have to call you back," Izzy said and hung up. The twins looked at each other, confused.

"Um, well..." Izzy thought for a minute, "Babies come from...baby seeds."

"Baby seeds?" The twins asked together.

"Yes," Izzy nodded, "Mommies swallow a baby seed and then it grows in their belly."

Izzy poked Bellini in the belly.

"Well why can't daddies have baby seeds?" Bellino asked. Izzy thought for a minute, opening and closing her mouth.

"I'll have to get back to you on that," She said. The doorbell rang and she went to answer. It was Nicole.

"Hey, Izzy," She greeted, "Is your brother home?"

"He's not, he's out scamming," Izzy said, "Sorry."

"Okay. Tell the twins I said 'hi'," Nicole said. As she turned to leave, Eddward could be heard talking to Kevin in the background. The twins rushed out the door, having finished their milk.

"Hey guys, guys!" Bellino called, catching the attention of the three. Eddward looked up.

"What do you want? I got math homework to get from my nerd here!" He snapped.

"Do you guys know where babies come from?" Bellini asked. Eddward's grip on Kevin's shirt loosened as Nicole struggled to stifle her laughter. Only when Kevin was dropped on the sidewalk did Eddward speak.

"Say what?" He asked. Nicole kept giggling but Eddward started to look a little bit confused, "Babies? Where do they come from?" He gave Kevin a small kick, "Well?"

"Um, w-well, Eddward, t-there's a lot of-of...uh, h-how do I p-put this?" Kevin was thinking. Bellini and Bellino were only ten, they're weren't really old enough to know yet. Eddward kicked him harder.

"C'mon, I don't have all day!" He snapped angrily. Kevin scrambled to get up.

"Eddward, I'm not sure if I should say," Kevin said quietly, "With the twins here and all..."

Eddward grabbed him by the sleeves.

"You better say something to them, or you'll have to do my math homework TWICE!" Eddward threatened.

"Alright, alright!" Kevin squeaked. He looked around quickly, "Um, babies come from...trees. Like apples!"

Eddward couldn't believe what he heard. He stood staring at Kevin before smacking him in the back of the head hard enough to send him face first into the road.

"See if I ask you about where babies come from again..." He mumbled. His words were heard by Jakob, who was looking for a ball in a bush. Eddward walked off, followed by Nicole.

"Eddward, wait!" Kevin ran after him, "That's not the actual answer, I just couldn't say in front of the twins!"

"Well, he's got the tree part right, but the rest of it is a bunch of malarky!" Jakob said. The twins were confused.

"Tree part?" They questioned.

"Me and Woody know where babies really come from," Jakob said. He held up Woody dressed as a lobster in a trap, "We saw last spring. Come on!"

The twins followed Jakob up a tree.

"I hope we don't get stuck this time," Bellini said.

* * *

Jakob had built a giant nest. The twins were inside two eggs in the nest.

"See? This is the nest," Jakob said, "You need to build one, for the baby."

The twins watched with earnest.

"Woody want to be the mama bird," Jakob said, showing Woody dressed as a bird, "And you guys are the eggs."

Jakob zipped up the fake eggs with the twins inside.

"I don't see any babies," Bellino said.

"Me neither," Bellini said.

"You have to wait for the warmth of mama bird to hatch you," Jakob said, laying Woody down on the two eggs.

"This is ridiculous," Bellino complained.

"I'm getting a cramp," Bellini whined.

"Ding! Ready!" Jakob announced, removing Woody, "Now you know. That's where babies come from."

The twins made their ways out of the eggs, gasping for breath.

"Now it's time to feed the baby," Jakob said. Bellini giggled and opened her mouth for food. Jakob tossed a worm into her mouth, but she didn't realized until she had swallowed it.

"I ATE A WORM!" She screamed.

"JAKOB, YOU IDIOT!" Bellino screeched. A voice from below prevented a brawl from breaking out.

"JAKOB THE WOOD BOY!" Victor called, "Your sister has called for you to aide in laundry washing. What brings you to the treetops with the Siamese cat twins?"

"Jakob made Bellini eat a worm!" Bellino yelled angrily. Being a son of a Sheppard who tested soil by tasting it, Victor didn't see anything unusual about that.

"Were you starting a garden, female Siamese cat twin?" He asked.

"No, worms are yucky!" Bellini sobbed.

"We just want to know where babies come from," Bellino said.

"Hallo!" Victor whistled for one of his sheep and put Jakob on it, "Off to your laundry, Wood Boy cousin!"

Victor slapped the sheep and it scurried off. Victor wasn't usually at his papa's house during the school year, so he went to see him.

"Hallo Papa, may Victor borrow some things? Thank you very much! Come!" Victor waved the twins over, "And Victor will explain as Victor was told."

Victor set up a little scene, with a fireplace and a log for him to sit on. He put on a fake white beard and lit the fire.

"These words Victor is about to share have been whispered down the bushy ears of Victor's forefathers," Victor paused to place the pipe in his teeth, "Are you ready to accept the disclosure of newborn life?"

The twins nodded excitedly. Victor took a big breath.

"You are children. Go away," Victor said. He cleaned up the setup he had made, putting out the fire and carrying it away. The twins heaved a sigh and headed for home.

"Oh, we'll never find out where babies come from," Bellino said. Suddenly, a patch of grass rolled over them, carrying them along to the Lane. The grass unrolled and dropped the two in a bucket of ice and a box of ice cream. Chris slid in front of them, wielding a cane and a fancy suit.

"Got goosebumps?" He shivered, "Well, not anymore! Be the first on your block to get your very own, custom-built, sweat-inducing... sweater!"

He motioned to Nick, who was spinning on a stool-like thing and wearing a sweater.

"Sell it, Nick," Chris said through his teeth.

"Quack! Quack!" Nick said. He stood on his head, "Haha."

Chris smacked Nick off his pedestal with the cane and turned to the twins.

"So whaddaya say?" He smiled.

"But Chris, we just want-" Bellino began.

"Two? No problem!" Chris said, "I'll get Nonna Martin right on it!"

Martin was busy knitting sweaters.

"Knit one, purl two - agh, curses, I missed a stitch!" He worried.

"Get over it, ya old coot," Chris said, "Our customers here want two sweaters, pronto!"

"We don't want sweaters, Chris!" Bellino said.

"We want to know where babies come from!" Bellini said. Chris was surprised.

"What do I look like, the Joker?" He asked. Nick shrugged.

"Maybe with some makeup," He said.

"But babies, huh?" Chris said thoughtfully, "I could probably hook you up. But for a fee, of course. It's a secret, you know."

"I got this one, Chris!" Nick leaped in front of the twins, "Babies come from storks."

"This idiot don't know where babies come from!" Chris said, "But I do. Uncle Danny told me."

"Oh boy, that means it has to be true," Bellino said. Martin put away his knitting.

"Pardon me, I couldn't help overhearing," He began. Chris kicked him away.

"So what do you say?" Chris said, "I mean, something like this would usually cost 50 cents each, but since you're my little siblings, I'll split the price in half."

Bellino bounced up and down.

"Tell us, Chris! Tell us, please!" He begged. Bellini still had the taste of worm in her mouth.

"You'd better be right!" She said. Chris led the twins home to the garage.

Martin, who had landed in the clothesline, was trying to get down.

"Nick, Chris attempt to educate the children could bring irreversible harm to their youthful good-natured ways," Martin worried, "Perhaps a more sensitive explanation is in order."

Nick pulled Martin off the clothesline.

"Keep your head on, mister!" He chuckled.

* * *

Chris turned on the light in the garage, standing on a ladder to do so. He looked down at the twins, who were sitting on the floor.

"Ok, ready?" Chris said. He looked around, "Alright, here goes. You know that lint you find in your belly button? Well if you don't clean it out, it grows! And when it gets big enough, it runs away behind the couch! It waits there, jiggling, and gets even bigger! Then, it grows into a baby, and at night they come out and feed on table scraps! That's why babies smell so bad."

"Coooool!" The twins said together. Just then, the door opened, flooding the garage with light.

"Hello, I'm Martin the Buzzzy Bee," Martin said. He was dressed up as a bumblebee, "Care to follow me into my hive? I'm here to teach you the truth to lifezzz beginningzzz."

Martin pushed a button that opened the garage door and revealed a giant bee hive.

"Cool! A bumblebee hive!" Bellino said.

"This one looks fun!" Bellini smiled. The twins headed inside.

"Hey, what's with you?!" Chris yelled, trying to follow, but Martin shut the garage door. Chris slammed into the door, creating a Chris-shaped dent. Martin paid no mind to Chris as he started up his video presentation.

"Catered to by industriouzz worker beezz, a queen honeybee is capable of laying zzeveral thousand eggzz a minute," Martin explained, going through slides. The twins marveled at the display. Suddenly, Nick burst through the door.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo! I am a stork!" Nick said, "No rain, sleet, or ingrown hairs keep me from delivering my babies!"

"They're clueless!" Chris said, entering the beehive, "They don't know where babies come from!"

"Storks, Chris!" Nick smiled. Chris stomped angrily towards him.

"I'm the older brother! I get to tell them!" He yelled.

"Storks, guys!" Nick repeated. Chris slammed Nick's head to the ground.

"Where's your babies now, Captain Stupidstork?" Chris glared. Martin remembered the stinger on his bee costume and used it to 'sting' Chris in the butt. Chris jumped in the air with a cat's screech. He landed back on the wooden board, causing Nick to jump and accidently hit him with his beak. Chris raised his fist, "Why you-!"

Martin stung Chris again, causing him to jump again and for Nick to hit him again by accident. Chris left the beehive, but returned within moments wielding a broom.

"BANZAI!" He cried.

"Run, Nick!" Martin cried as Chris started chasing them with the broom. Chris took to his heels after the boys.

"C'MERE, YOU!" He shouted.

"Chris is mad, Martin!" Nick said.

"I'm well aware of that, Nick!" Martin panted.

"Well, this is betting boring," Bellino sighed, "Let's go make mud pies, Bellini."

"I like playing in mud!" Bellini clapped. The fight took the boys out of the tent, where Chris saw the twins leaving.

"Hey, where's my 50 cents?!" He cried, "Great going, four eyes! You scared 'em off with all your stupid science mumbo jumbo."

Martin folded his arms.

"And your theory kept them entertained?" He asked.

"Aw, it's ok Martin," Nick comforted, "It is not your fault you are so useless. If I may re-irritate, babies come from storks!"

Martin's arms fell to his sides.

"Think, Nick!" He tried, "A child is far too heavy a load for a bird to carry!"

"Says you," Nick folded his arms. He walked over to Chris and grabbed the back of his jacket between his teeth. Flapping his arms like wings, he flew up to the chimney.

"What the-Put me down, you lunkhead!" Chris desperately tried to unbutton his jacket, but it wasn't working, "Martin, do something!"

"Babies are born as such!" Nick said. He proceeded to drop Chris down the chimney, causing him to start bawling loudly, "See, Martin? Screaming like a baby." Nick returned to where Martin was, "Boy, it sure does stink when I'm right."

Martin started in shock and awe as he pulled a lawn chair out of nowhere and sat down.

"Nick, how did you do that?" Martin asked.

"What, this?" He started flapping like a yellow-bellied bird, and he was soon airborne. But within seconds, he had beat himself senseless against the roof and fallen back to Earth, "My head's still attached, Martin!"

"NICK!" Chris yelled angrily, but continued sobbing loudly.


	36. Shots

Nick, Martin, and Chris were in the nurse's office. Martin was the nurse's assist and had dragged the two along. Chris was playing with the tongue thingies. He cleaned his ear with one and put it back in the container. Martin threw the cup away and changed it. Chris rolled his eyes. He looked at Nick, who was using the school blood pressure gauge.

"Gee, nice head, Nick," Chris said sarcastically. Nick's head was blown up huge and he floated up to the ceiling.

"Nick!" Martin cried, "That is not the proper use of the school blood pressure gauge!"

Martin ran over and used the scale to get Nick down. Chris jumped off the table.

"Stay here if you want, four-eyes, but it's Whopper Wiener Wednesday in the caf," He said.

"No wait, I have one last thing to do," Martin said.

"Wopper Wiener Wednesday, Martin!" Nick said happy as his head deflated.

"Oh I suppose we could take a break," Martin said. "Oh wait, one more thing."

Chris, who had been holding the door open, angrily slammed it shut. There was a commotion outside. Chris looked out the window. Everyone came out of the gym doors. They were holding Ryland up.

"200 free throws in a row!" Izzy cheered. Ryland chuckled.

"Photo op!" Janet announced, holding her phone. Ryland posed with everyone. Chris growled.

"What are they celebrating HER for?!" He snapped.

"Well, Ryland had many accomplishments, Chris," Martin said.

"So?" Chris snapped, "She's a show off!"

"No she is not. Ryland is just successful," Martin glared.

"I bet Ryland can't do this," Nick said, using a rubber glove as a bow to shoot himself out of his pants and into the shelf, knocking everything over, "I learned that from my dad."

"Nick, look at the mess you've caused!" Martin cried as the files of all the students fell everywhere. Martin started picking them up. Chris picked one up and looked inside. Inside was Ryland's medical papers. Chris read and his eyes widened. Martin started rambling on about something.

"No way!" Chris said. Martin looked over, "Martin, you never told me Jockess was afraid of needles!"

"That is confidential information," Martin said, taking the file from Chris. But it was too late, the damage had been done.

"This is perfect!" Chris laughed. Martin rambled on again, but Chris and Nick had already left with two nurse uniforms.

* * *

In the lunchroom...

The kids were getting their lunch. Everyone was seated next to Ryland.

"Would you like some ketchup, Ryland?" Janet offered.

"Sure," Ryland shrugged. Janet handed Ryland the ketchup. Ryland used it to sign Janet's hotdog with 'RYE'. Janet squeaked and held her hotdog up.

"I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" She said. Ryland chuckled and everyone started talking. Just then, Chris and Nick entered and everyone went silent.

"Oh great," Izzy rolled her eyes. The two walked over.

"Well well well, Nurse Nick," Chris said, "Seems like we have a student who has yet to get their vaxanation shot." Chris looked at a clipboard with 'Get Ryland!' written on it over and over, "Good thing for them, today's booster shot day!"

"Booster shot day?" Ryland asked.

"Hand 'em the fliers, log!" Nick said, handing out fliers.

"That's my line, stupid," Chris said quietly. Everyone took a flier.

"It's booster not shot day, is it?" Ryland said.

"Pins and needles, Jason!" Janet said nervously. Chris started messing with Ryland.

"But I already got all my shots!" Izzy said.

"You need more," Chris said.

"Tell them they're big, bonehead!" Nick said stupidly.

"Zip it, stupid," Chris said, grabbing Nick's lip. Ryland looked up at Nick and Chris. Chris was trying hard not to laugh. Ryland started sweating.

"Gee Victor, that wiener looks dangerously hot," Chris said, "Better poke it, just to make sure."

Ryland paled and fell back in her chair.

"Rye Rye!" Izzy said, worried, "You ok?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Ryland said, getting up.

"You sure?" Izzy asked, "You look pretty white."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Ryland said, "Uh, gee, I think I hear the coach callin'. Better go."

Ryland quickly left the lunchroom.

* * *

Nick was running off fearfully, dragging Chris with him.

"Needles bad for Nick, Chris!" He cried.

"It's not actually booster shot day," Chris said. Nick stopped running, confused, "It's just a prank."

"Not funny, Chris," Nick huffed. Chris rolled his eyes. They saw Ryland head into the bathroom.

* * *

Ryland splashed water onto her face.

"Chill out, Rye. It's just a dumb needle," She said to herself. She sighed and leaned on the counter. She looked up and saw a flier. The drawn on person on it looked like he was in extreme pain as the needle went through his arm.

"It's not a big deal," Ryland told herself. Chris and Nick stood outside the door.

"We better stabilize these sharp needles, Nick!" Chris said loudly. Ryland heard and jumped.

"Say it's big, log!" Nick said loudly. Chris punched Nick in the gut, "Ow, Chris."

Ryland shook her head and hopped onto the sink. She then crawled into the vents. Chris and Nick laughed as they saw her climb through the vents. Ryland looked around for an exit. She crawled towards one, but Nick popped up with a needle through his head.

"Ow! Woe! Pain!" He said. Ryland's heart raced. She screamed and hurried the other way. Ryland went so fast that she fell through the ceiling and onto the floor.

* * *

Meanwhile...

Martin was finished reorganizing the student medical files. He smiled at his work. Just then, he bumped into Jakob, who was in front of the gym, which was decorated for 'Booster Shot Day.'

"Me and Woody are next, Martin!" Jakob said happily, pulling his pants down. Martin blushed a crimson shade of red. He quickly covered his eyes.

"Good Lord, Jakob, make yourself decent, man!" He cried, "What are you doing?!"

"K mom, I love you," Nicole was on her phone, "Like, just in case, alright?"

Martin looked at her in question.

"I heard those things can poke a hole through a truck tire, Janet!" Jason said fearfully, pushing his sister forward.

"Owie, Jason!" Janet cried. Martin frowned and picked up the flier Jason had dropped.

"Booster shot day?" He asked himself, "Today?" He started flipping through his book, "That can't be right."

He spotted Chris and Nick carrying something made up of a trashcan and golf club.

"What are you doing?" Martin asked. They ignored him as Ryland popped out of the vents. She fell in front of the 'needle'.

"Be a good girl and I'll give you a lollipop!" Nick said, pulling out a dust covered lollipop from his pocket. Ryland backed away from them.

"Now hold out your arm, you big baby!" Chris said, he and Nick holding the 'needle' up. Martin stepped in.

"Excuse me, Chris," He said, "I'm afraid there's been a slight error with this booster shot day. I have no scheduled vaccinations for today."

Ryland softened her facial expression and raised her eyebrow.

"What?" She asked, confused.

"Well it's wrong!" Chris snapped.

"And that is not even a needle. It's just a bunch of garbage," Martin said.

"Shut up!" Chris hissed, "Martin, watch this! It'll kill ya!"

He poked a now furious Ryland in the arm with the golf club. Ryland glared and took the golf club in her hands.

"Real funny, Chris," She said, "Now I guess it's my turn. KISS YOUR FACE GOODBYE!"

"Wait, use Nick's face! He doesn't need it!" Chris said. Ryland went to hit them.

"Wait! Martin, do that nurse thing you do!" Chris said, pulling Martin in front of him. Ryland glared. Martin glared slightly at Chris.

"Move it or lose it, Mar," Ryland said.

"If I may, I have a better solution than the cliche act of cartoon violence," Martin said.

"Yeah, and what's that?" Ryland snapped. Martin started whispering in her ear. Nick tried to listen in. Ryland picked him up and sat him down next to Chris.

"Stay," She said.

"Aw," Nick pouted. No one noticed Chris sneaking off. Ryland listened to Martin's idea.

* * *

Ryland was waiting outside the nurse's office, reading a pamphlet on shots. Martin exited the nurse's office.

"The nurse is ready for you, Ryland," He said. Ryland looked up and put the pamphlet away. Nick walked up on all fours with Chris tied to his back.

"Here he is!" Nick said, "I found him in the science room pretending to be a stuffed jaguar."

"Oh, wonderful," Martin smiled.

"Let me go!" Chris said, kicking and trying to escape. Ryland smirked.

"The nurse thanks you, Chris," Martin said.

"W-what for?" Chris asked.

"For letting Ryland watch the experience of receiving a REAL booster shot," Martin said. Chris looked in the nurse's office, who was preparing the shot.

"Hi Uncle Jimmy!" Nick waved. Chris paled and held on to the floor.

"Oh no you don't, not me!" He said, trying to run away, but Nick caught his feet, "Noo!"

Chris clawed at the floor.

"Be a good boy and I'll give you a lollipop," Nick said.

"Mommy," Chris said as he was dragged into the nurse's office. Only shadows were shown.

"No, wait, I already have my shots!" Chris said fearfully. The needle pierced his skin.

"NEEDLE!" Nick cried, terrified, and ran out the door. Ryland snickered.


	37. Contest

Chris and Izzy were raking up leaves while the twins played in them, Janet was doing the chores at her house and Oliva was attempting to help, and Eddward was putting leaves in a garbage bag. As the work progressed, the sound of a trumpet filled the air. The Urban Rangers- Victor, Jakob, Jason, Nick, and Martin- walked out into the center of the second cul-de-sac the kids lived in.

"Rangers!" Victor stopped in the center of the bulb at the end of the road, "Halt! Attention cul-de-sacians! The Urban Rangers will now entice you with their discipline and daring do!"

They started by raking the leaves. They raked in a pattern in each yard till they each had a bag full of leaves. They each hoisted their bags up to display to the rest of the kids, though Martin had a little difficulty getting his off the ground. Next the group of five walked to the center of the cul-de-sac and hoisted each other up in a small pyramid. Nick had Victor on his shoulders, who in turn was carrying Martin and Jason, each armed with a hose. On their shoulders was Jakob, who had a third hose. Nick turned slowly, letting the three boys on top use the hoses to rinse all the leaves in the gutters away. The kids applauded the display in front of them, with the exception of Chris. Izzy leaned toward her brother.

"Are they fancy or what?" She asked him. Chris blew a raspberry and folded his arms.

"Urban losers," He said.

"Well, they did our chores for us," Bellino said.

"Yeah, who's complaining?" Bellini said. Victor and the Urban Rangers were seated at a booth that was in the process of being unveiled.

"Potential petitioners of the cul-de-sac!" Victor read off his note cards, "As you have seen, you too can ease the burden of daily chores! Come join the Urban Rangers and become the master of the mundane! The duke of duties! Earn badges! Impress your relatives!"

Martin and Jason passed out pamphlets to everybody. Ryland looked at a pamphlet as Chris stood beside her.

"You do have to admire their efforts in educating the community, Chris," She said. Chris took one look at the pamphlet and walked up to the stand. He tore up the pamphlet and dropped the pieces on the stand.

"Ah, Victor sees the Urban Rangers are far too demanding for one whose hide resembles the domestic household feline," Victor promptly put a pet surgery collar over Chris's head. Everyone except Martin, Izzy, and the twins laughed.

"You look like a lamp, Chris!" Nick laughed.

"Hey hey hey! You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us," Izzy said angrily, she and the twins standing with Chris. Chris ripped the collar in two, tossed the halves to the twins, and jammed a finger as hard as he could against Victor's nose, threatening to cut it Chinatown-style with his claws.

"ALRIGHT, TOUGH GUY! HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU ON FOR THE HARDEST BADGE YOU GOT! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW!" Chris yelled.

"Chris, no!" Martin squeaked.

"He couldn't mean the-the-" Nick started pulling on Jakob's shirt.

"Hairy Chest of Resilience badge?" Victor said, a look of pure terror on his face.

"But no one has won that badge since Victor's dad nearly thirty years ago!" Jakob said. Chris released his finger from Victor's face as he watched the rattling nerves in front of him.

"This badge has trampled the eggplants of many a brave hopeful who have tried to obtain it!" Victor gulped, "Only Victor's papa has survived the perilous journey unfortuitously!"

"Well, our dad survived it too," Bellino said, "Even if he did break everything."

"And lost all his teeth," Bellini added.

"And all he got was a Cry Baby badge," Bellino said. Chris seized an opportunity to humiliate Victor.

"I smell a chicken!" Chris teased.

"A chicken, Chris?" Nick said excitedly. Chris nodded.

"Yep! A big Urban Free-Range-R chicken!" He ignored Victor's building anger, "I got a badge for you, Vicky-Chicky. How about the 'Go Home and Lay an Egg' badge?"

"Enough! Your mockery of the domestic fowl insults Victor!" Victor yelled angrily, "You know not where you tread, Chris-cat. Urban Rangers!"

Chris held his nose, unsure if it had been cut by Victor's fingernail, as he watched the rest of the Rangers carry the stand away, Nick chanting "Follow the chicken!" as they went. Izzy and the twins followed after Chris as he pursued Victor, while Martin stayed behind to talk some sense into Chris.

"Chris, according to my calculations, taking into consideration mass versus height versus the scope of coverage in sheer body hair, Victor surpasses you in every category required for the badge, Chris!" Martin worried, showing Chris the calculations. Ryland looked at her brother's data.

"How can Victor have more body hair than Chris?" She asked, "He's part cat."

"I don't count tail or ear hair because technically that's fur and he was born with it," Martin explained.

"Plus the fur doesn't cover the rest of our body," Izzy said, "Just our ears and tails."

"Yeah, well, who cares?" Chris beefed up his posture, "I'll succeed where Dad failed and show these Urban Dweebs once and for all!"

* * *

Jason and Nick were carrying over the enormous book of the Urban Rangers. The duel was held in the junkyard. A ring was carved in a level patch of ground and embossed with the Urban Ranger logo. Makeshift bleachers were perched upon the surrounding piles of garbage overlooking the battle arena. Victor and the Urban Rangers were on one end, while Chris and his siblings were at the other end. Jacob and Nick laid the Urban Ranger Code Book on a podium, and Jason opened it to the appropriate page, reading the text aloud to the people present.

"Hear ye, hear ye!" Jason read, "You brave men are about to embark on a series of tests! Ordained by the Grand Poobah of the International Urban Rangerhood! Make your way to the Circle of Supremacy!"

"Sure stinks to be you, huh cat-head?" Eddward sneered. Sierra elbowed him in the side painfully. Jason continued reading uninterrupted.

"The contenders must endure without a murmur, a mumble, or a mutter of grief in order to earn the coveted Hairy Chest of Resilience Badge," He read allowed. Martin supplied Chris's party with supplies for the first challenge, while Nick provided Victor's. The supplies were a bucket of wax and a leather strap. Nick stuck is tongue in the bucket of wax.

"Assistants Bellini and Bellino liberally apply the wax to Chris's leg, adhere the leather strap to the wax, and await my signal," Jason said. Nick and Martin were applying the wax to Victor's leg. Izzy scoffed.

"Waxing? I do this every day; it'll be easy-peasy," She stuck the gauze strip in the wax on Chris's leg. Martin addressed Chris before regrouping with the Rangers.

"You still have time to renege, Chris," He said.

"It's Chris, you can't talk him out of anything," Bellini said. Bellino nodded.

"Especially when Izzy is this confident," He added. Chris reclined in his seat.

"It's in the bag," Chris said confidently. Jason blew the whistle- which happened to be a duck call- and the round started.

"And this little piggy went to market," Nick said, tearing the wax off of Victor's leg. Victor's face was frozen like the ones on Mount Rushmore. His leg was lobster red, and new hairs oozed from the swollen follicles. Jakob gaped at the hair-covered wax leather strap. Everyone gasped and murmured.

"One, two, three," Bellino said, and proceeded to rip off the strap from Chris's leg. Chris strained to stay quiet as his leg swelled up from the intense pain. Fortunately, he managed not to scream. Unfortunately, his eyes were streaming with tears. Jason blew the duck call again and each team attended to the person's injuries. Victor took the opportunity to trash-talk his opponent.

"Ho-ho, he whose voice is shriller than the banshee that was Victor's Great Nana, are you ready to cry?" He taunted.

"No, I'm perfectly fine!" Chris snapped, wiping off the tears. Ryland tried to talk some sense into Chris as they embarked for the next challenge.

"Chris, I sympathise that your past dealings with the Urban Rangers has been less than cordial," She said, reminding Chris of her brother, "But is this really necessary?"

"Um, duh!" Izzy and Chris said. The twins could only shrug apologetically.

"I'm gonna beat them at their own game, Jockess!" Chris said, "And everyone will see what phonies they are when I'm wearing that dumb badge!"

* * *

The next challenge took place in the basement of Ryland's house. Victor and Chris were seated in front of two filing cabinets on office chairs, one arm tied to the armrest and a drawer open behind them. Izzy and Jakob were at the controls of a turning mechanism controlling each chair and were seated atop the filing cabinets above their respective partner. Jason was seated at a desk observing the action, the Urban Ranger Code book open in front of him. He read aloud the second challenge to the contenders.

"Next challenge, the bumping of the funny bone!" Jason announced.

"Little fun fact, the funny bone isn't actually a bone at all," Izzy said, "It's a nerve called the Ulner nerve that controls the feeling in your fourth and fifth fingers and the movement in your wrist."

A The More You Know star flew over her head.

"Are we ready?" Jason had the duck whistle in one hand and a timer in the other. He blew the whistle and Izzy and Jakob started turning the chairs. The contestants' arms were rammed against the open drawers with progressively increasing force, Izzy and Jakob competing over how hard they could swing their partners and how many times they could do it.

"Don't make Victor come up there, wood-boy!" Victor said angrily, shaking his free fist, "Faster, faster I say!"

Chris struggled to maintain his composure as Izzy continued to up the ante. After 20 trying seconds, the duck whistle sounded again. Chris's arm was all bent up. Ryland was quick to come to Chris's aid.

"For goodness sake, Chris, concede!" She tried. Bellini and Bellino were wrapping up Chris's arm.

"Yeah big bro, even I'm thinking you might not be able to do this," Bellino said. Bellini nodded.

"After all, Dad wasn't as quick a healer as Victor's dad," She said.

"Well that's our dads, not us," Chris said.

* * *

The kids were now in the woods, where a thick, sharp bramble of bushes was. Chris's arm was up in a cast while he used his free hands to give Victor, who was in a bathrobe, bunny ears.

"For the third test, wearing only your birthday suits, you must crawl through-" Jason began.

"The Bramble Bush of Bellyache!" Jakob finished. Izzy turned to Ryland.

"Nudge nudge, wink wink," She joked. Ryland shoved Izzy over.

"Enough!" Victor was already undressing himself, "The prickly maiden of the bramble awaits!"

Jason blew the duck call and Victor rushed into the bramble, leaving his bathrobe behind. Izzy wasted no time undressing Chris before Ryland's stupefied eyes.

"Really? REALLY?" Ryland yelled. Izzy ignored Ryland as she held her brother like a bowling ball.

"Birthday bomb!" Izzy announced. She tossed him into the bushes, where he scrambled through before appearing on the other side with brambles and branches twisted around his body. Chris pulled himself free, coughing up blackberries as he spoke.

"Did I- cough- win yet?" He asked weakly. Victor had redressed himself at this point.

"Fool! The greatest test must yet be realized!" The son of a Sheppard said.

"Chris, please, just give up!" Bellino said, helping his older brother up. Bellini took her brother's other side.

"Look at yourself; you can barely stand!" Bellini said. Ryland was close to tears.

"This charade of self-validation has gone on long enough! Throw in the towel! End it! None of us will think any less of you!" She said. The girls turned around as Bellino helped Chris dress.

"I'll throw in the towel when it's laundry day, Ryland!" Chris said.

* * *

The fourth test took the assembly to the playground. The swing set had been rigged with roped boulders in a Newton's Cradle configuration, with Victor and Chris sandwiched between them around the center boulder. Chris could barely hide his scaredy-cat fear at this challenge.

"The next contest is called-" Jason began.

"The Pendulum of Protest!" Jakob announced. Eddward laughed.

"I've heard of cradle to grave, but this is ridiculous!" He joked. Victor didn't wait for Jason to blow the whistle.

"As it is said in this country: 'LET 'ER ROCK!'" Victor shouted. Nick pulled back one of the rocks and let it go. The boulders slammed against one another back and forth, slamming Victor and Chris as they did so. With each collision, the sound of crunching bones radiated through the area. Jason blew his duck whistle again and Nick held the rocks still. As Nick gently set the boulder down against its partner, Victor and Chris were released from their restraints while Jason introduced the fifth and final challenge.

"You both have done well," Jason said, "But this last test will determine who will receive the coveted Hairy Chest of Resilience badge! Gentlemen, I give you..."

Nick patted his stomach for a drumroll…

* * *

"The Tour Of Tears!" Jakob announced.

Every single face observing the action showed pure, unadulterated fear. The only face void of fear in a one-mile radius was Victor's. He, alongside Chris, were perched upon two diving boards overlooking a steep cliff. From their spots in the stands, none of the spectators could see what awaited the contestants at the bottom, nor were they told what awaited the badge-seekers at the bottom. Even Jason couldn't hold confidence in his leader or the pussycat neko as he fearfully blew the whistle to start the final leg of the journey.

Victor dove down below while Chris tried to hold onto the plank before falling down. The spectators rushed to the edge to see where they landed. The divers' fall was broken by a water tower overlooking a railroad track. They bounced inside the empty tower before coming out in front of a speeding train. Chris and Victor were stuck at the front of the train until it began to slow down, upon which they slid down and slipped under the wheels, ejecting out the back of the train and tumbling down the track. Further ahead, Nick and Martin were manning a track switch. When the train had passed, they switched the track over to allow Chris and Victor to reach a set of buffers made from a couch.

"Ha!" Chris laughed weakly, "Did I win yet?"

His question was answered by all of the Urban Rangers who were present.

"No."

Nick untied a piece of rope from a stake, and the couch flew forward, sending Victor and Chris flying back over the cliff. They landed smack-dab in the middle of the circle from the first challenge.

* * *

"Chris? Chris!"

"Wake up, Chris!"

Chris's eyes creaked open, but all he could see was white with a piece of tape running down the middle. He couldn't move his body outside his face, so he let off a moan to tell anyone around that he was conscious. The twins stood up from looking down Chris's pet surgery collar.

"He's up! He's up!" Bellino said.

"Chris, I'm so sorry!" Izzy said, genuinely sorry for Chris, "I shouldn't have let you do this."

Chris could hear Izzy, but he couldn't see anything past his pet surgery collar.

"Now did I win?" He asked. Ryland didn't know how to break the news to Chris.

"Well, erm..." She began. Bellini picked up when it became evident that Ryland didn't know what to say.

"You... passed out..." She said. Bellino completed her sister's sentence.

"...half a second before Victor," He said.

"So..." Izzy covered her ears, "Victor won by default."

Heeding Izzy's subtle advice, the others covered their own ears as well.

"ONE LOUSY HALF A SECOND?!" Chris screamed. Ryland uncovered her ears.

"Everyone got the earth-shattering kaboom on their camera phones, and that was the average guess based on how the videos were analyzed," She explained. Victor was cast up just as much as Chris, but he wore the badge on his shirt while everyone admired it and him. Chris could hear everyone applauding Victor.

"Wow, cool badge!" Nicole said.

"Let me see!" Janet requested. Only Eddward said anything remotely mocking.

"You're not wearing that to school, are you?" He asked.

"Do not touch the badge!" Victor yelled. Chris hissed like a cat.

"Urban Boneheads!" He growled. He heard footsteps walking up to him.

"Can I play with him, Martin?"

"Nick, don't touch," Martin said. He turned to Chris, "I certainly hope you learned your lesson, Chris. As brash as your decision to pursue this objective was, we do feel obligated to reward your efforts with a badge of your own."

Chris groaned as he turned toward the sound.

"It better not be that stupid Cry Baby badge," He said.

"Um, well, it's the only badge Victor would allow us to give you," Martin said, holding it out. Nick stuck it to Chris's cast-covered chest and flicked the rattle.

"At least you can become an Urban Ranger now, Chris," He smiled.

"Like I'd want to!" Chris yelled angrily. Ryland looked to Izzy.

"I think Chris deserves some rest," Ryland said.

"Yeah, come on, Chris," Izzy said. Bellini followed Izzy as she escorted her mummified brother home.

"Rest is best!" Bellini said. Bellino joined in.

"So, be no pest, and I'll wear a vest!" He rhymed.

"ONE LOUSY HALF A SECOND!" Chris screamed.


	38. Arbor Day

Izzy, Ryland, and the twins were at their lockers getting ready for class. A loud thump derailed Izzy's texting session with Nicole.

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were in the gym. Chris was currently slamming a dish of some sort onto Nick's head. Chris panted when it became clear that the lid wouldn't cover Nick's head any further.

"Hey, don't let this get around, but," He looked around, "I'M LIKING THIS ASSIGNMENT!"

"It's fun-edu-tastic, Chris!" Martin said, "Even the most menial of school projects, when approached creatively, can be enjoyable. Let's begin, shall we?" He flipped over a piece of paper on the stand and revealed a graph. In one corner was a nose and the other a piece of pie, "We've been asked to establish the human brain's correlation with our sense of smell. Isn't this fun-edu-tastic, Chris?"

Chris stared at the TV screen that was hooked to a camera on the ceiling looking down on the floor.

"If you don't get on with it, I'm gonna fun-hit you over the head, Martin!" He said. Chris used a rubber band to attach a ruler with a role of tape to Nick's waist. He stuck the red tape to the floor. Nick spun around blindly.

"Where are you, you little dickens? Chris?" He asked, "Oh, ok, I smell, uh, gravy and mash-ed potatoes."

Martin removed the lid from a plate, revealing a slice of pie.

"No wait, that is me," Nick laughed. Chris tugged the tin off of Nick's nose. The smell of the freshly baked pie reached Nick, and a smile spread across his face, "Peek-a-boo! I smell you! I smelt it, who dealt it?"

Martin carried the pie to the opposite corner of the drawn out grid and started mapping Nick's progress on a chart through the camera feed from above. As Nick walked, the tape behind him was dragged across the floor. As Chris watched Nick struggle to find the pie, he suddenly became aware of a foul odor in the area. He sniffed himself before peering into the locker room. He saw Nick's fermenting gym bag lying open on a bench within.

"That's it Nick, you're almost there!" Martin said. He started tracing the final movements toward the pie when he suddenly noticed the path going in circles further and further from the pie. Chris had the gym bag on the end of a hockey stick and was leading Nick around.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Chris chuckled to himself, "Follow your nose, Nick!"

He made Nick smack into the wall three times. The third time he broke through the brick and into the locker room. Eddward was with Kevin talking to Jakob.

"Hey, I got some deodorant to get from my nerd here, so back off!" Eddward snapped.

"Be there or be square!" Jakob said, holding out an invite shaped like an acorn. Martin paid no mind to the exchanges in the locker room as he strained to remove the tin from Nick's head.

"What, that's it?" Chris asked.

"It's all fun and games until Nick loses conscious, Chris," Martin scolded. Jakob climbed through the hole in the wall.

"Special delivery! Special delivery!" Jakob smiled.

"For me?" Martin asked, "Oh, why thank you Jak-"

Martin was cut off as Chris snatched the card. He read the headline on the acorn-shaped card.

"'Woody's Groovy Arbor Day Party'?" He looked up at Jakob, "What's that?"

"WHAT'S THAT?" Jakob repeated, "You live under a rock or something?"

Chris rolled his eyes.

"At least we don't live in a trailer," He said.

"Hey!" Jakob said angrily.

"Victor sees nothing wrong with that," Victor said from the gym. He was standing next to a giant potato, "It is quite a large trailer, yes?"

Nick stared at the potato with wide eyes.

"Big potato!" He laughed.

"Well every year, Woody pays tribute to all his timberland pals!" Jakob explained, "And we eat, and eat, and eat, till our belly buttons pop out! Everyone's coming! It's gonna be a blast!"

Victor was talking to Nick.

"Victor has impressed his instructors, and surely will receive the alphabet A for his project: Victor's mystical mixture of mammal manures," Victor said proudly.

"Pardon me, Jakob." Martin adjusted his glasses, "Not to rain out Woody's reception, but Arbor Day is the last Friday in April, which is..." he looked at the calendar on his cell phone, "...six months from now."

Jakob just stared at him, his small buck teeth poking out from his smile as his head fell over onto Woody. Chris started jumping around with excitement.

"We got an invite! An invite to a party!" Chris said excitedly, "An invite to a party that everyone's going to! We've hit the big time, boys! We're mingling!" He made a dash for the doors, "Follow me! I know where my dad keeps his lucky cologne!"

"But Chris, our assignment!" Martin cried. But Chris was already gone.

"Do we reek of swag or what, Martin?" Nick asked, rubbing the gym bag on himself. Martin tried to follow Chris.

"My brain hasn't correlated that yet, Nick," He sighed.

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were heading to the trailer park. They were all dressed up.

"So here's the deal: we hit the cheese dip first," Chris was saying, "My uncle told me that's where all the chicks hang out."

Martin rolled his eyes.

"I've no doubt that June, Lily, and Mary will be waiting for us there," He said. Nick was bouncing with excitement.

"Baby chickens are so cute!" He laughed. Chris ignored him as they approached the door.

"Ring the doorbell," Chris told Martin. Nick stepped on Martin from behind.

"Allow me," He said. Nick grabbed Martin's hand and slammed it into the doorbell. A greeting of "Ding-dong!" alerted Jakob to the new arrivals.

"Oh, hello Jakob," Martin said, holding his throbbing hand.

"Hiya guys!" Jakob greeted happily, "A little late, aren't ya?" He looked around, "Where's Chris?"

A boombox boomed to life in the living room, and the pussycat burst through the door to the music.

"Out of the way!" Chris yelled, "The par-tay has arrived!" He put a lampshade on his head and rolled over to a chair, "Now where's that cheese dip?"

Three female voices from the kitchen answered him.

"The cheese dip's in here!"

"A kitchen party, huh?" Chris smirked and slide into the kitchen, knocking against the fridge, "Gotcha! OW!"

Lily helped Chris to his feet.

"Wanna help us make the party food, kitty cat?" She asked.

"Wow-ee, what an entrance!" Jakob beamed.

"What and you guys doing here?!" Chris cried.

"We got suckered into this," James said.

"We're his cousins and we live here, we had to come," Justin explained. Martin was busy untangling Nick from a string of beads.

"I did talk to Ryland and Sierra about this party, but neither of them said whether or not they would be here," He said.

"Is Izzy coming?" James asked suddenly, looking at Chris.

"I asked her and she said she'd try to make it," Jakob answered.

"I didn't get a chance to ask the twins if they were coming," Chris felt a paper party hat reach his head, "But Izzy probably told them about it."

"Well you guys sure know how to party!" Jakob said, handing Martin and Nick the same type of party hats. Nick and Martin put on the hats as Mary and June took hold of them with shoulder hugs.

"So, what are you guys waiting for?" Mary gestured to the living room.

"Yeah, Woody was just telling some killer jokes!" Jakob smiled, "Come on, sit down!"

The group assembled in the living room. Woody was on the floor propped in front of the TV. Justin and James were seated on either side, Jakob was sitting on the floor in front of Woody, and the girls were piled on the couch with the heads of their respective crushes in their laps. Chris tried to get up but Lily held him down, chuckling. Before Woody could start telling jokes, there was a knock on the door. All the cousins except Jakob started fighting over who would answer the door, allowing Martin to answer the door in their stead.

"Oh, hey," Izzy was standing there with the twins behind her, "Hope we're not late. The twins were hiding."

James broke out of the cooling fight to welcome Izzy and the twins.

"Hey, doll. Glad you could make it," He smiled. Justin was close behind.

"Did Ryland tell you if she was coming?" He asked.

"Actually, she and Kevin had plans tonight," Izzy said.

"Hiya twins!" Phil and Lil appeared on either side of James and Justin, leaning in next to the twins.

"Greetings, tom-and-she-cat-siblings!" Victor walked over, "The whole family is here now, no?"

Martin shut the door behind the new arrivals.

"So it seems," He said. Martha set down some bags next to the sofa.

"We thought we'd get some food from Vic's house for the party," She said.

"It is only Victor's house during the summer months, younger sibling," Victor said, "And it is not only Victor's, your's as well."

As Martha set about unpacking the food brought over from her father's house, Martin decided to strike up a conversation with the son of a Sheppard.

"So, how did your potato project fare, Victor?" Martin asked.

"Victor's instructors said that Victor's project was too 'smelly'," Victor said with a frown, "They gave Victor the lower letter of a B."

Martin nodded in understanding.

"At least you made a decent mark for your efforts," He said.

"Alright everyone, Woody's gonna tell jokes now!" Jakob said happily.

Everyone huddled to the same places as before, except that Martha and Victor were seated on the sides of the TV, the elder Ed-boys' sons were sitting on their respective stalker's lap, Justin was standing behind the couch, and James, Phil, and Lil were seated at the foot of the couch with their crushes in bear hugs. There was silence as Woody told his 'joke' before Jakob started laughing. Nick joined the laughter before Justin spoke up.

"I don't get it," He said.

"Well duh, he said that thing and she made that pun, how don't you get it?" Izzy asked. A low rumble sent everyone's gaze toward Chris.

"Yeah," Chris slipped out of Lily's grasp, "Who's hungry?"

"Eh, I could eat," James shrugged. Nick bounced to the kitchen with June dangling on him like a stuffed handcloth.

"Pop my belly button! Pop my belly button!" He laughed.

"Well, ok," Jakob said slowly, "But then Woody says it's time for party games!"

A shave-and-a-haircut knock sounded from the front door, and two minutes later, Justin had a stack of pizzas in the kitchen.

"Who wants pizza?" He asked. Martin labeled the pizzas by flavor; cheese, pepperoni, sausage, and veggie pizza.

"Yum, cheese," Izzy grabbed a slice. Chris took a slice of everything but the veggie pizza. Martin took a slice of veggie pizza and took to enforcing a 'No seconds before fair share' rule.

"Stop being so lame," Justin said, plopping down on the arm of the couch with his brother.

"Yeah, rules like that are for people who are scared they won't get any," James said, "If you don't get as much as other people..."

"Oh well," Justin finished with a shrug. Mary gestured to the rest of the food in the kitchen.

"We got plenty more grub, Dreamboat," She assured, "The pizza will be fine with free-for-all service."

"Oh, well, alright," Martin said.

"Alright everyone, game time!" Jakob announced after everyone was done eating.

"Oh, can we play Pin The Glasses On The Nerd?" James asked.

"Yeah, we love that game!" Justin smirked at Martin.

"Um, I-I'd prefer to play something else," Martin said fearfully.

"Woody says everyone sit in a circle around the living room rug!" Jakob instructed. The partygoers complied, and Jakob stood in front of the TV. Jakob started running around the circle, tagging everyone.

"Oak, oak, oak," He repeated over and over. James watched Jakob circle the assembly.

"Oak you," he whispered under his breath.

"Oak, oak oak," Jakob kept saying. Izzy could sense James's annoyance.

"Thanks for not breaking the K+ rating," She whispered.

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Chris yelled, "JUST SAY SPRUCE!"

Everyone except Jakob responded with a confused "Spruce?"

"Dad told me about this game as a warning," Chris huffed, "I should've listened."

The twins responded with a confused "Why?"

"Oak, oak, oak, SPRUCE!" Jakob yelled as he tagged Woody.

"You're it, Woody!" Jonny took off in circles around everyone. Chris reached over and picked up Woody before turning to James.

"May I?" He asked. James saw Chris poised to throw the board at Jakob.

"Please," James said. Chris threw Woody at Jakob and it caught him in the head, knocking him over.

"Jakob!" June cried, "Are you ok?"

Jakob sat up laughing.

"Tag! You got me, buddy!" Jakob beamed.

"Oh I'll get you, you melonheaded-" Chris mumbled, "Hey! Let's crank the tunes and get this joint a-jumpin'!"

Justin and James stood up in agreement.

"Yeah," They said. They started sifting through the music they had, with everyone else except Jakob seeing what the brothers had in store.

"New game!" Jakob announced, "Guess how many nuts are in the jar!"

June looked to her brother.

"What's the prize?" She asked.

"Winner gets to choose the first song to play," Jakob answered.

"Three?" Nick guessed.

"Five?" June said. Martin was doing a bunch of complex calculations.

"976," He said. Justin eyed the jar.

"187?"

James gave a guess.

"394?"

Victor pondered for a moment.

"611?"

Everyone gave a guess except for Chris when Nick accidentally dropped the jar.

"Two?" Nick guessed again.

"Oh, oh, zero!" Izzy cried happily. Jakob unfolded a piece of paper.

"Woody was the closest," He said. There were 981 nuts in the jar."

Chris grabbed Jakob and dragged him over to a corner.

"Jakob, if you're gonna have a party, you gotta liven things up!" Chris said, "Jeez Louise! When's everyone supposed to get here, anyway?"

"Didn't I tell ya, Chris?" Jakob asked, "Everyone said they were too busy! Eddward's making cupcakes, Kevin and Ryland have plans, Nicole is pedaling papers, Janet's washing her hair, and Jason said 'Beat it, Afro.'"

Chris stared at Jakob before throwing his hat off and walking towards the door. He quickly found his path blocked by Lily.

"We haven't gotten to the good part yet, kitty cat," She chuckled.

"Hey Chris, where ya going?" Jakob asked, frowning, "Aren't you having fun?"

"Fun?" Chris snapped, "This party's Deadsville! I'd have more fun being kissed by her!"

He pointed behind him at Lily. A smile spread across Lily's face.

"I'm ready whenever you are," She said.

"You would?" Jakob started crying, "F-for crying out loud! I was just trying to make this a special day for Woody!"

Martin approached Chris.

"Chris, I'll admit this hasn't been the most lively of festivities," He said, "But this party was of utmost significance to Jakob and Woody. Besides, when have we ever been with these cousins for this long and not had our faces smeared?"

"Sorry pal, I tried but there's-" Jakob sniffed, "No Arbor Day wish this year!"

"Chris, just let him make his wish," Martin said, "Then we'll politely leave."

"That's what your dad said to my dad when Jakob's dad had an Arbor Day party, and look what happened!" Chris said. Lily folded her arms.

"Relax, kitty cat," She said, "We'll handle it if things get out of hand."

"Would you stop calling me that!" Chris hissed. Lily picked up Chris's fallen hat and put it on his head.

"I got your back here," She said.

"Ok, we can make one stupid wish!" Chris said.

"Haha, gotcha Chris!" Jakob laughed, "I was just fooling!"

Chris was beyond belief.

"Why you little-" He growled angrily. Nick bounced with excitement.

"Goodie goodie looky!" He clapped. Jakob pulled out a big box labeled 'Decorations.' Inside was a single acorn. Nick looked at it in admiration, "Ooooh!"

"Yes, very, um, ooooh," Martin said. Lily huddled her cousins and brother together out of sight of Jakob.

"Alright, here's the plan. Jakob's probably going to wish for a never-ending party," She said, "We'll stand by during the wish-making ritual, and if he does make that wish, we'll secretly swap places with our crushes one by one so they can leave."

"Yeah, we have to stay here anyway," Mary said. James nodded.

"Let's do it," He agreed.

"Ok everyone, place your hand on the awesome Arbor Day Acorn and make your Arbor Day Wish," Jakob instructed. The acorn was placed in a tiny chair, and Jakob, Nick, Martin, Chris, Izzy, and the twins placed their hands on it. As they did so, Izzy spoke up.

"Now, remember, don't say your wish out loud, or it won't come true," She said.

"Yeah Izzy, everyone knows that," Chris said, "It's the number one rule of wishing."

Martin looked to Chris.

"The sooner you make your wish, the sooner this ends, and the sooner you can leave, Chris," Martin said. Everyone silently made their wish. But it soon became evident that Nick had difficulty keeping his mouth shut.

"I wished for a neverending party!" Nick blurted. Jakob was too excited to notice the jinx.

"Wow, Nick! That was Woody's wish, too!" He cried. Lily winked at her cousins in the kitchen. Chris stared in shock.

"Well, now it won't come true," Izzy said to her brother in cat.

"I sure hope so," he replied. That hope was undermined by Nick and Jakob nailing the door shut with wooden boards as they chanted "Never ending party!" Lily tasked Justin with un-barricading the door. Chris didn't notice as he turned on Martin.

"Let him make a wish, you said," He said, "Then we would leave, you said!"

Martin wrung his hands.

"A figure of speech, I'm sure, Chris," He said nervously.

"Now we must watch over the sapling until it spurts into a full grown tree!" Jakob said happily.

"You hear that?" Chris asked Martin angrily, "I'll be 100 years old!"

Jakob placed a potted sapling on top of the acorn, and the group joined hands around it.

"Am I the host with the most, or what?" He looked over to Woody, who was armed with a set of panpipes, "Hit it, buddy!"

Lily watched as the assembly started dancing around the tree.

"Time to make our move," She told her brother and cousins. The first one to go was Martin, who was quickly replaced by Mary. Then the twins, replaced by Phil and Lil. Nick and Izzy were replaced by June and James. And Lily took Chris's place.

"But I wanna stay for the party!" Nick sobbed as Chris and Martin dragged him off.


	39. I'll Bet You!

It was swim class at school, and the classes were at the town swimming pool. Everyone was swimming, but Chris was actually trying to sleep. Ryland smirked and splashed him.

"AH! Man the life boats! Women and me first!" Chris cried, "This early morning stuff is killing me."

Ryland snickered.

"I love swimming," Izzy said, swimming past.

"Same," Ryland said. Nick was slurping up containers of gravy and tossed one. The container hit Chris in the head.

"Hey, watch it!" Chris snapped, "I'm trying to watch a few winks here!"

"In the pool?" Izzy asked.

The teacher blew a whistle and the kids climbed out of the pool to jump in from the diving board. Ryland was first and she did a flip. Izzy was next and also did a flip, while Martin just jumped in. Justin and James did a cannonball together. Ryland rolled her eyes. After everyone else jumped in, Nick jumped in, a box of gravy mix in his underwear. It fell out in the water.

"Whoops," Nick said, "I dropped my ready instant gravy mix." Nick picked it up, "Good thing it didn't open up, huh guys?"

As he said it, the box opened upside down, turning the pool into a giant tub of gravy.

"Gross, Nick!" Ryland cried.

"There's enough for everybody! Who needs a ladle?" Nick held ladles between his toes. Everyone got out.

* * *

After swim class...

The kids were getting on the bus. Eddward muttered about still having gravy in his ear.

"Great! So I end up with a detention because of YOUR stupid eating habits!" Chris yelled angrily. Martin sighed and Chris shoved the slip into Nick.

"Snack time already?" He asked, opening his jacket to reveal... "Gravy cakes. Yum!"

"Gross," Chris said.

"Nick, aren't you worried this intake of gravy will become detrimental to your health?" Martin asked.

"It doesn't matter," Chris rolled his eyes, "He'll still eat it. He's, like, obsessed with it. Hides it here-" He lifted Nick's shirt to show taped on gravy boats, "Stashes it there-" He poured gravy out of Nick's shoe, "I bet he couldn't go a whole day without it."

"That should be a thing," Ryland butted in.

"Says you," Nick said, ignoring Ryland and pouring another boat of gravy.

"SO PROVE IT!" Chris shouted loudly.

"OW! Your voice is like toothpicks in my eardrums, Chris!" Nick yelled, holding his ears. Chris rolled his eyes.

"I agree, Nick," Martin said, "I too wish Chris could communicate in a voice tone that didn't rattle the timbers of every house in a five-block vicinity."

Chris became furious.

"Don't touch that X, kids," Nick said.

"Maybe you could loose the large vocab, Mar," Ryland said.

"Ha! Yeah!" Chris agreed, "You couldn't go a whole day without using those big fancy-shmancy words of yours!"

Ryland snickered. Izzy was singing a little loudly next to Ryland.

"Hey, shut up," Ryland said.

"Hmm?" Izzy paused the music on her phone, "What?"

"Stop singing so loud," Ryland said. Izzy huffed and put her phone away. She continued to hum.

"You know, I bet YOU couldn't go a whole day without singing, humming, or whistling," Chris said. Ryland nodded in agreement. Izzy looked at Ryland.

"Rye?" She asked, slightly hurt, "I'd expect Chris to say something like that, but you? C'mon, you're my BCFF."

"I'm honest," Ryland shrugged. During all this time, Ryland had been tossing a football back and forth.

"Well, I bet a whole dollar you couldn't go without your lousy sports," Izzy said.

"A whole dollar?" Chris's ears perked up. Ryland rolled her eyes.

"You're on," She said.

"Alright, so that's it, is it?" Chris asked, "We all bet one dollar."

"Whatever," Ryland shrugged.

"And whoever wins gets all the money," Chris said, "Izzy gives up singing, Ryland gives up sports, Nick gives up gravy, Martin gives up big words- meaning you can only use words with, like, one syllable- and I give up yelling."

"Deal," Ryland said, throwing the ball to Nick, "Starting now."

Chris put his hand in the middle of the aisle.

"Place your bets," He said.

"Everything musical is leaving my head," Izzy said, setting her hand on top of Chris's.

"No sports," Ryland said, putting her hand on Izzy's.

"No gravy or bust," Nick said, setting his foot on top.

"Very well, I welcome the challenge of my vast knowledge of the English word," Martin said, setting a hanky on top of Nick's foot and his hand on the hanky, "Everyone ready? Then may the best- ahem- 'cousin', win."

Ryland smirked.

"Will do," She said. The bus pulled into school.

* * *

Ryland was ridding her locker of all things sport related. She looked at her first picture of a win and sighed. Izzy was trying to not sing the song that had been stuck in her head.

"Ugh, this is so hard," Ryland groaned.

"You think you have it tough?" Izzy asked, "Look at Nick. It's barely been ten minutes."

Nick already looked depressed without his gravy. Ryland frowned.

"Ouch," She said.

Meanwhile, Chris was walking to his locker and bumped into Jason, knocking them both down. Chris glared and Jason growled.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, CATHEAD!" He yelled loudly. Chris sighed in frustration. He was about to yell back but caught himself. Izzy and Ryland looked at him. Ryland crossed her arms and Chris cleared his throat.

"Nice try, windbag," He said calmly, walking off. Jason looked confused. Ryland snickered.

"Come on, we have a science test today," Izzy said, closing her locker.

"Fun," Ryland said.

"As a pitbull," Izzy rolled her eyes. Ryland scoffed. They headed to science class.

"So Ryland, how'd the big game turn out?" One kid asked. Izzy eyed Ryland. One word about anything to do with sports and she'd be disqualified.

"Uh, I had ebola. I was in quarantine," Ryland lied.

"Tone it down a bit, Rye," Izzy said, "She exaggerates everything. It was just a cold."

"Whatever," Ryland said.

"Oh, ok," The kid shrugged. Ryland walked away and sat next to Kevin.

"Hello Ryland," He greeted, "How are you?"

"Good baby. How about you?" Ryland smiled.

"I'm doing excellent," Kevin smiled back. Ryland kissed his cheek.

* * *

Nick, Martin, and Chris were in English class. Martin had his head on the desk and so did Nick. Martin sighed. The bell rang and Izzy and Ryland headed to the library for their study hall. Ryland was twitchy during her studies. Izzy was resisting checking her phone, as her wallpaper was a picture of Marlin Cratt. Chris had added on that she couldn't swoon over her fictional crush, which was Marlin Cratt. Both girls were twitchy.

Chris spotted them from the hall. He was about to yell for Martin but stopped himself yet again. Chris walked off to get Martin and showed him.

"Check it out, Shakespeare," Chris said, "Without music and sports, Iz and Rye are going crazy. You feel yourself cracking anytime soon?"

"Uh, no," Martin said, "Why, it is...fun." Martin thought for a minute, "To speak in small words all day. Not hard one bit."

Martin chuckled nervously.

"MARTIN!" Nick cried, pouncing on the boy, "How much longer must me and gravy- GAH- not be as one?!"

"I'm not sure," Martin said. Nick cried out and started running his face over with the library cart. Martin raised his eyebrow.

* * *

At lunch…

Everyone was eating, but Ryland was missing for some reason.

"Where's Rye?" Sierra asked.

"I'm not sure," Izzy said. She was still twitching. She hadn't listened to a song for four hours.

"I'll go look," Sierra said, "Edd, you coming?"

I'll stay here," Eddward said. Chris tossed a ball of paper at his sister's head. Sierra left.

"Yikes," Sierra gasped, "What happened?"

"Because of this stupid bet I can't work out," Ryland said, "I feel weak."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," Chris said, glancing at Izzy. Her eye twitched. Sierra put Ryland's arm around her neck and walked her over to the table.

"Rye. Land!" Martin cried, "You look bad!"

"Ok, names don't count," Izzy said. Ryland sighed.

"You look like someone could hunt you down, eat you alive," Chris looked at Izzy. Her arms twitched and her ears stuck up.

"Cut it out, that's cheating," Ryland said.

"Says who?" Chris asked, "The only rule is that you can't do what you gave up. And I'm not."

"Don't push, Chris," Martin said, "You are not...fair."

Ryland laughed.

"So, we just came from gym class," Chris said, "We're practicing football."

Ryland groaned and buried her face in Kevin's sweater.

"Shut up and leave her alone," Izzy snapped.

"Why you gotta be so rude?" Chris asked.

Ryland snapped up as a football flew past her face. Eddward was tossing it around with Justin and James. Ryland lost it. The ball hit her in the head, and she popped it.

"Hey, what gives?" Justin asked.

"We were using that!" James snapped.

"Get a new one!" Ryland snapped.

"Jeez hon, what's with you?" Justin asked.

None of your business," Ryland said.

"Jeez Rye, just let it go," Chris said. Izzy finally burst.

"Duck this shot, I'm listening to my f'ing music!" She yelled, "No five bucks is worth this!" She pulled out her phone, put her earbuds in, sighed at her wallpaper, and went to YouTube, "The snow glows white on the mountain tonight. Not a footprint to be seen."

Ryland huffed.

"Hey hon, there's a baseball game going down at the trailer park later," Justin said, "Why not tag along?"

Ryland dropped to the floor and started doing push-ups again.

"Ha! Two down, two to go!" Chris smirked. Ryland kept doing push-ups. Izzy sighed happily and sunk in her seat. Ryland stood up.

"Yes, Jesus, please take me to play baseball," She begged, grabbing the front of Justin's shirt. Justin smiled widely.

"Awesome," He said, "3:30 sharp. I'm counting on you, hon."

"Finally!" Ryland cried in happiness. Justin gave her a kiss and sat down, smiling.

"I think she's finally warming up to me," He said to James. Ryland thumped him before pulling Kevin into a deep kiss, "Ow."

Justin rubbed the back of his head.

"Keep dreaming," James said, leaning back in his chair. Chris was looking at a dictionary.

"What's this?" He asked, "Un-con-sit-it-e-us?"

Martin looked at him.

"What kind of bunk word is that?" Chris asked, crossing it out with a pen, "Match-in-at-iron?" The word was machination, "Don't know about you, but that's just plain stupid."

He crossed out that word. Martin's eye twitched.

"In-grat-I-ate?" Chris asked- ingratiate-, "That word's probably useless."

He crossed that one out too.

"Okay," Martin said, "I give!"

He snatched the dictionary.

"I will not tolerate your single-handed annihilation of the English word for your own monetary gain, Chris!" Martin yelled. He realized what he had said and covered his mouth. Chris smirked. Nick was sucking on the table top.

"Table coulda...kinda taste like gravy," He said desperately. Martin watched him.

"Forget the gravy, Nick," Chris said, "Here, naw on this."

He set Nick's face in a plate of mashed potatoes. Martin sighed.

"Mashed potatoes, no gravy?" Nick asked.

"Yup," Chris said.

Nick freaked out and jumped backwards. Martin's eyes widened. Izzy, meanwhile, was singing and dancing. She knocked the top off of a can that seemed to be full of dark gravy. Chris watched.

"It is you!" Nick said, seeing the container. He ran towards it, "Come to Nick! Belly misses you!"

"Nick, wait! You and Chris are the only ones left in the bet!" Martin cried.

Too late.

Nick had jumped into the container.

"HAHA!, I win!" Chris shouted, "Am I loud enough for ya, Martin?! No? How about now?! No?! HOW 'BOUT NOW?!"

"You just yelled," Martin said.

"I'VE ALREADY WON, SO WHO CARES?!" Chris asked.

"KEEP IT DOWN OR I'LL FEED YOU TO THE WOLVES AT THE ZOO!" Izzy snapped, yelling louder than Chris. Nick popped out of the container.

"Uh oh, chocolate pudding," He said, holding his neck.

"Chocolate WHAT?!" Chris yelled.

"Oh, would you look at that," Martin said, looking at the poster, "It's Fun With Chocolate Pudding Thursday today."

"So it's not gravy?!" Chris yelled, then covered his mouth.

"No," Ryland said.

* * *

"Here you go, Nick," Martin said. He was holding five one dollar bills. Nick was drinking from a water fountain, "I do hope this lessens the discomfort a tad. Who would've known you were allergic to chocolate pudding?"

"Just don't eat so much gravy," Ryland said.

"Not me, Martin," Nick said. His face was swollen up and his tongue was sticking out.

"What's Dumbo gonna do with that money?!" Chris asked angrily, grabbing at the money.

"Possibly buy more gravy," Martin said.

"Yeah!" Nick said, pulling out a gravy catalog. Martin facepalmed.

"There's Italian gravy, and Spanish gravy, and Irish gravy," Nick said, "Yum."

"Gross," Ryland shuddered.


	40. Our Land

**Our Land**

The Kanker children were all in their shared trailer, laying on the couch and floor, watching TV. The only one not lying around was Lily.

"Get up off your lazy butts!" She snapped, picking up the couch and tipping her cousins onto the ground. She dropped the couch again, "We got a trailer to clean!"

"Alright, alright!" Mary said, rubbing her head.

"No need to throw us on the ground," James said, pulling himself out from under Justin.

"Or toss our entire family on top of us!" Phil said.

The Kanker cousins got up and started cleaning, some of them vacuuming while others dusted. Some cleaning out the fridge while others mopped the kitchen floor. Victor was cleaning up from his animals outside. June was picking trash up off the floor that the vacuum couldn't suck up. She reached under the couch.

"There wouldn't be such a mess if you guys weren't such pigs!" She said. Victor came in for a bucket of water to wash his animals with.

"Wilbur is a very clean pig, yes?" He said. June rolled her eyes and pulled something out from under the couch. It was a piece of paper.

"Huh?" She said, reading it, "No way!"

"What is it?" Jakob asked. He was stuck to the ceiling, cleaning it.

"According to this paper, we own Peach Creek!" June read.

"WHAT?!" The entirety of the Kanker family said at once, except for Victor, since he was outside.

"Lemmie see!" Martha snapped, trying to reach for the paper. June held it out of her grasp above her, but Jakob snatched it and put his face right up against it.

"Gimmie that!" Lily snapped, jumping up and nearly ripping it from her cousin's grasp. The Kids began to fight, causing Victor to come back inside.

"What is causing this ruckus?!" He yelled. No one answered so Victor took the paper from his sister's hands, but no one noticed. He mumbled as he read the paper.

"Bacon and burgers, we own Peach Creek?!" He asked. The others stopped fighting to look at the oldest of the cousins.

"Yup, isn't it cool, bro?!" Mary asked happily, "You, me, and Martha!"

"Hey, who says it's just you?" Lil asked.

"Well duh, Victor is the oldest one here!" Martha said, giving her older brother a noogie as Mary slipped the paper from Victor's fingers, "And we're his sisters!"

"Yeah, but our mom was the oldest of the original Kankers!" Lily said, putting her arm around Phil and taking the paper, "So we should own it!"

"But we're the only ones out of all of y'all who actually have the last name 'Kanker'!" Justin said, snatching the paper and standing in front of James and Lil.

"Well, what if it belongs to us?" June asked, taking the paper and pulling her brother down from the ceiling.

"Yeah," James said.

"I'm talking about me and Jakob," June snapped, "You're not our brother!"

Martha looked thoughtful, but no one noticed. She grabbed two rolls of red duct tape and walked out the door. The others finally noticed and followed her. She walked to the second cul-de-sac and started putting tape down, splitting the cul-de-sac into four sections.

"Each set of siblings gets one section," Martha explained, "Whoever can defend their section the best, wins the whole of Peach Creek. You are allowed to recruit others for your...'kingdom.'"

"Fine," James said.

"And let the war...BEGIN!" Martha said. Each set of siblings ran over to their own section of the cul-de-sac.

"Ok, I think Victor should be leader, cuz he's the oldest," Mary said, "So, what should we do?"

Victor thought for a minute.

"Fetch us the strong-as-an-ox Nick boy and the smart-as-an-owl Martin boy," Victor said, "They shall prove most helpful in this...'war.'"

* * *

Chris, Nick, Martin, and the twins were in the park. Suddenly, Martha and Mary snatched Martin and Nick away. Martin tried to get away.

"C'mon, we need you two," Martha said.

"And you two," Phil and Lil said, each pulling their respective twin crush along.

* * *

When they got to the lines…

"Victor, care to explain what this is all about?!" Martin asked in panic.

"Yeah," Nick said.

"Victor's cousins found this," Victor said, handing the paper to Martin.

"We all own Peach Creek!" Mary said, smiling.

"But then we started fighting about which family TRULY owned it," Martha continued.

"Then Martha came up with idea to divide the cul-de-sac into sections," Victor said.

"Whoever defends their sections the best gets the whole of Peach Creek!" Mary finished.

"Why can't all of you own it together?" Martin asked.

"Cuz that's not how our family works, kid," Mary said.

"Hey, we should have a theme song!" Martha said. Martin stayed silent.

"How about..." Mary got on her phone, "This?"

She played 'Wonderland' by Taylor Swift.

"That's not even a theme song," Martin said.

"But it's catchy," Martha said, "Besides, the Kankers are probably gonna use 'Roar' as their theme song since they have Bellino on their team."

Martin choked on a laugh.

* * *

Chris had been dragged over to the Baxter section.

"Hey hey hey, what's the big idea?" He snapped.

"We need your awesome leadership skills to help us win Peach Creek," Lily said.

"Why would I help YOU?" Chris asked.

"Ten bucks?" Lily offered, holding out the money, "And your little sister?"

"Go AWAY!" Bellini yelled at Phil.

"How about I go home with my family and never see your faces again?" Chris said.

"Nope, not an option," Lily said.

"Then I'm not helping," Chris said.

"Fine, twenty bucks?" Lily offered.

"Deal," Chris said. Lily smiled and handed him the money. Chris put the money in his pocket.

* * *

Over at the Kanker's section...

"So, what are we doing?" Izzy asked, her arms around Bellino, "Also, why should I care?"

"June found a paper saying we owned Peach Creek, but the others won't admit that it's really US that own Peach Creek," Justin explained, putting his arms around his siblings.

"Exactly," James said. Izzy rolled her eyes.

"Ten bucks and keeping Lil away from my brother and you have a deal," She said.

"Uh, okay," James said. Izzy took the money and started chewing a stick of bubble gum.

"First, you need a fortress," She said, "Somewhere to keep your supplies and stay out of the 'line of fire.'"

"Okay," James said. Izzy went to her house and brought back pillows, blankets, and chairs.

"Pillow fort!" Izzy giggled. James laughed.

"How's that gonna help?" Justin asked.

"Listen, you're the one that hired me, this is the best I can do," Izzy said, "Now HELP!"

"Okay, okay," James said, "Jesus."

They quickly built up a pillow fort.

* * *

After it was finished…

"This looks awesome," Lil and Bellino said.

"Now, who's got squirt guns?" Izzy asked.

"I do," James said.

"Me!" Bellino raised his hand. So did Lil.

"Great, go get all the ones you own," Izzy said, "Justin, I need you to find a really long hose."

A few minutes later…

Bellino, Lil, and James returned with a total of 10 squirt guns and Justin with a hose. James squirted Izzy on accident. Izzy glared. James laughed nervously. Izzy turned around and grabbed her brother's squirt gun. James put his hands up.

"Don't do that again," Izzy growled.

"Sorry," James said. Izzy hooked the hose up to the nearest house and filled the squirt guns. James was watching. Izzy tossed squirt guns to everyone. James caught his and squirted Justin.

"Hey, he's on your team, idiot!" Izzy snapped. James squirted Izzy in the mouth. Izzy yowled and punched James.

"That's it, we're outta here," She said, taking Bellino's hand, "Have fun winning without my guaranteed strategy."

"No, wait!" James said.

"No waits," Izzy snapped.

"What about cookies?" James asked. Izzy shook her head.

"White chocolate?" James asked.

"Hah, my mom owns a bakery, gotta do better than that," Izzy said.

"A Taylor Swift concert?" James asked. Izzy turned around.

"Can you even afford those tickets?" She asked.

"No," James said. Izzy rolled her eyes and walked off.


	41. Nice Bully

**Nice Bully**

In a spare room in the school was where a 'Happy Clucker's Club' took place. The members took care of eggs. There were three eggs, each with two 'parents.' The first two partners were Janet and her brother Jason, the second two were Izzy and Nick, and the last was Jacob and Woody. Martin was the leader of the club.

"Good morning, fellow cluckers!" Martin greeted with a smile.

"Good morning!" They all greeted.

"How's everybody's eggs coming along?" Martin asked, taking a close look at all the eggs. Nick held his laugh in. Izzy was giggling slightly, too. Nick started chuckling. Martin picked up their egg, which was actually plastic, and opened it to reveal a tiny robo-cat. Martin giggled and put the egg back.

"My cousin the idiot," Janet rolled her eyes. Nick laughed slightly.

"I think it was cute," Martin smiled.

"Here's our real egg," Izzy said. She had been holding her hands behind her back, holding the egg and wearing mittens. Nick watched in awe. Martin looked over it.

"Seems perfect," He smiled, "Good job, you two."

Izzy blushed and smiled. Nick smiled dumbly. Martin was about to look over Janet and Jason's egg when June, Lily, and Mary burst in the door. Nick hid under a desk. The others, except Izzy, since she was trying to protect her egg, started running around fearfully.

"Who's hungry?" Lily asked her cousins.

"For eggs?" Mary asked, "Always."

Nick looked out from the desk.

"Hey, give him back!" Izzy cried when June snatched the egg from her. Nick came out from under the desk and stood by Izzy.

"Give back Sheldon the Third!" He said boldly.

"In exchange for a kiss," June bargained.

"GIVE HIM BACK!" Izzy snapped. Nick shook his head.

"Girls are gross," He said. Izzy's heart broke every so slightly inside, just like it always did when Nick said that, but she didn't let it show.

"Oh yeah?" June said to Izzy, "Make me!"

Martin stepped forward.

"Martin, help us!" Izzy said. Martin had a book in his hands.

"Um, l-ladies," Martin said nervously, "Um, why harm unhatched life? If you just take a look at this book, you can discover how to care for and hatch your own egg."

The book was too heavy for Martin and he ended up dropping it on Lily's foot.

"YEOUCH!" She cried, holding her foot.

"Lily, what happened?" Mary asked.

"Your boyfriend dropped a book on my foot, what's it look like?!" Lily yelled. In all the confusion, Izzy snatched Sheldon the Third back from June. Nick watched.

"What'd you do that for?!" June asked, wrapping her arms around her cousin's waist. Martin shook his head.

"M-my apologies," He said.

"Back off, mister!" Lily yelled.

"Come on, June, let's get Lily to the school nurse," Mary snapped, glaring at her 'boyfriend' as she and June carried Lily out of the room. Martin frowned. He turned around to see the others, who were looking at him in fright. Nick backed up.

"You can't possible think I did that on purpose!" Martin cried.

* * *

The next day...

Nicole was walking to school with Chris.

"Dude, did you hear about what happened yesterday?" Nicole said.

"No, what happened?" Chris asked.

"Turns out that, in the Happy Cluckers Club, y'know, the one Martin runs, June, Mary, and Lily broke in," Nicole explained, "What happened was that Martin made Lily Baxter's foot swell up like a balloon!"

Chris laughed.

"Really?" He asked.

"I'm serious!" Nicole said, "Phil said they had to use a whole pack of ice just to stop her big toe from swelling."

"Serves her right," Chris said.

"Still, that's pretty scary," Nicole said, "Well, I gotta get my stuff for my next class."

Nicole walked off and Chris walked over to his friends. Chris began studying Martin's 'muscles.'

"Um, may I help you?" Martin asked.

"YOU made a Baxter go crying?" Chris asked.

"Oh, Lily?" Martin frowned, "Honestly, it was an accident."

Chris laughed.

"Yeah, right," He said.

"It was!" Martin repeated. Just then, Victor Sheppard walked up to Martin.

"Hallo there, smart-as-an-owl Martin-boy," Victor said, "Do you have a spare writing quill?" Victor held up a pen, "Victor's is seeming to have been emptied of all squid juice."

"Of course, Victor," Martin said. Martin reached into his locker but ended up kicking Victor in the chin. Martin turned around and slammed Victor into the wall and threw almost all of the pens at him. The pen tips stuck in the wall, holding Victor to the wall by the edges of his clothes.

"Victor would have taken a simple 'No, not today', yes?" Victor said weakly. Chris was hiding behind Nick and smiled slightly. Martin stood there, shaking.

"Did you see that?!" Janet, who was in the room at the end of the hall, cried.

"We didn't see anything, Janet," Jason said, pulling the blinds down. Martin looked around in fear.

"Dude, way uncool!" Jakob said fearfully, prying Victor from the wall and carrying him off. The only ones left were Nick, Martin, and Chris. Martin frowned and sighed sadly. Nick looked at his friend sadly.

"Wow, Martin!" Chris said excitedly, "I didn't know you had it in you! You're a monster!"

Martin looked at Chris.

"That was so cool!" Chris said. Martin started running off, "Hey, where are you going?"

"Martin has been sucked into the black hole vacuum of life, Chris!" Nick cried fearfully, jumping on Chris's head. Chris rolled his eyes and turned Nick's volume down. Nick frowned and tried to keep talking. Chris rolled his eyes again and went after Martin.

"We're gonna rule this place, Nick!" Chris said happily. Nick frowned as he fell on the ground and stared after his friends.

* * *

The next day in the lunchroom, Victor was showing Eddward Rockwell an x-ray of his skull.

"How does one as weak as a butterfly do such harm?" Victor asked. He had a bandage around his head and the x-ray showed a broken skull, "Victor asks you."

Eddward shrugged.

"I don't know, dude," He said. Suddenly, Chris burst through the doors behind Martin, who was carrying his lunch. Chris was wearing a black jacket over a white shirt and his hair was slicked back. Nick was standing a little ways behind them as the two walked in. Chris got a soda from the soda machine and snatched Janet's lunch from her.

"I'll take that," He said. He and Martin walked over to a table and everyone moved to another table.

"Where are you all going?" Martin asked, confused.

"Yeah, where you goin'?" Chris repeated. Martin sat down just as Jason picked Chris up by the front of his shirt.

"You have three seconds to return my sister's lunch!" Jason snapped. Janet held her brother back.

"Wait! Jason, you can't!" She said, "He's watching."

They glanced at Martin, who waved happily. Jason's eyes widened and he put Chris down nervously. Eddward scooted over by Sierra and Ryland. Izzy just walked in and sat down next to Ryland.

"Hey, what's going on?" She whispered. Sierra and Ryland shrugged. Nick walked in and sat at the other end of the table.

"Just me," He said. Martin looked at him.

"Why is Nick sitting all the way down there?" He asked.

"All the way down there!" Chris repeated, "You are so right!" He grinned, "Ooh, Victor's got pears." He jumped on the table and ran over to where the son of a Sheppard was sitting. Martin looked around. He spotted Martha and Jakob fighting over a piece of pie.

"I saw it first, it's mine!" Martha snapped.

"You may be my cousin, but it's still Woody's!" Jakob argued. Martin walked over.

"Certainly a compromise is in the question," He said. Martha glared.

"Yeah, like him giving it to me!" She said.

"No," Martin said.

"Giving it to me and Woody?" Jakob asked. Martin hit Jakob into the air, knocking the pie to the ground. Jakob bounced around the lunchroom before crashing through the wall and into the tree outside.

"Is it over?" He asked weakly. Martha was on the ground with a black eye. Martin picked her up by the front of her shirt. Chris was watching with amusement. Everyone stared at Martin, who nervously dropped Martha. Ryland even raised her eyebrow.

"Everyone, please, it was an accident!" Martin said, stepping forward. Everyone ran and crowded into the corner of the room. Chris watched.

"Please, let me explain!" Martin begged. Sierra, along with everyone else, backed up more.

"Janet, you can't believe this-" Martin got cut off when Nick stood in front of him with a chair.

"Stay away!" Nick cried, "Stay away from my baby cousin, you bully!"

"Nick, my friend, how can you say that?" Martin asked, hurt.

"We can't be friends anymore!" Nick sobbed, "My gramma says I shouldn't be friends with a bully guy like you!"

Nick felt his heart in his throat as it broke in two. Martin frowned and teared up.

"This ends now!" Martin sobbed. He yanked the chair from Nick's grasp, causing Nick to fall. The kids watched as Martin chased Nick around the lunchroom, all the whole tearing up both the room and Nick. Nick was crying as he dug under the school to get away. Martin kneeled at the edge of the hole.

"Come back here!" He yelled. Everyone watched in fear. Martin looked at the others, who were all running out the door.

"Hurry, Janet!" Jason said, dragging his little sister along. Chris walked over to Martin and laughed.

"Oh man, that was awesome!" Chris said, "Did you see their faces?!" He laughed again and looked at the hole Nick had dug, "A little rough on Nick, don't you think? I mean, he is our friend."

Martin glared at Chris with tears in his eyes. Chris became nervous.

"Right, of course, you know what you're doing," Chris laughed nervously and went to exit, "So uh, hey, I'm gonna go have Nicole give me a massage."

He closed the door and Martin looked at his hands.

"What have I done?" He asked himself, "Are these indeed the hands of a lowly thug?"

Ryland was watching Martin from the cafeteria doors, frowning.

* * *

Martin was in the garden club room, pruning his flower. It was a sunflower, not quite in bloom yet. Yet the coloring seemed a bit...off. Martin snipped off a leaf. Martin heard a clatter. He looked around and saw a pair of eyes in a cabinet. He walked over.

"Nick? Is that you?" He asked, holding out his hand, "Come on out, I promise I won't ever hurt you again."

But it was actually Janet that was hiding, evident by when she burst out, knocking Martin over and began running all over the walls and even the ceiling, calling Martin different names for bully. Martin ended up crying next to his flower.

"Oh, what's the use?!" He sobbed, "No one will ever believe I'm no more than a bone-breaking bully!"

As he sobbed, Janet hid in a bag of dirt. She popped her head out to watch when Martin's sunflower bloomed. The inside petals were rose red and there were spines on the stem. Rose spines.

"MARTIN!" Janet cried happily. Martin hit his head on the light above him. Janet ran over and looked at the flower in awe, "You cross-pollinated a rose and a sunflower!"

Martin looked at the flower.

"Only someone with hands as gentle as butterfly wings could have spliced the two together," Janet said, "I believe in you, Martin!"

Martin smiled and wiped his tears.

"Now, how about-" Janet took some garden sheers and cut a nearby bush into a therapy chair. There was a sign in front of it, which read 'The Comment Hedge.' Janet turned the sign around and wrote 'The Common Therapy Chair' on the back, "You tell me what happened?"

"Okay," Martin said, sitting on the chair.

"So, it all started when I accidentally dropped my book on Lily's foot," Martin began, "I apologized, yet I sensed that they didn't quite believe me."

As she listened, Janet randomly grabbed a cup of tea from nowhere.

"Then Victor, oh poor Victor," Martin continued...

(FLASHBACK)

"When Victor said he needed a new pen, I was only too happy to supply him with only," Martin said.

 _"Of course, Victor," Past Martin smiled. He reached up to grab the can of pens, but knocked down a round container of white out. He tripped on it, making his tie get caught on the hook inside his locker. He turned around but was of course stuck, so he fell on top of Victor, shoving him into the wall and bouncing back so all the pens flew out of the can. Past Martin looked fearfully at Victor._

 _"Victor would have taken a simple 'No, not today', yes?"_

"Another unfortunate accident," Martin said, "As was the next."

 _"I saw it first, it's mine!" Past Martha snapped._

"Remembering that Mother had packed me a slice of her delectable apple pie, I thought the best solution would be to share it," Martin said.

 _Past Martin reached into his lunch bag to grab the pie slice, but ended up pricking his fingernail on his fork. He jumped in pain and hit Jakob out the window and knocked Martha over. He picked Martha up to make sure she was ok._

 _"Stay away!" Past Nick cried._

"Then came the worst blow of all," Martin said, "My dear friend had lost his faith and trust in me because of what I never even meant to do. I thought the only way to restore our friendship was to remove the chair between us."

 _Past Martin smiled a watery smile and tried to take the chair from Nick, but ended up falling backwards with Nick falling on top of him. Martin put his arms around Nick's waist to lift him off of him, but Nick panicked and ran in circles. The result was what had happened only minutes ago._

(FLASHBACK OVER)

"And that's pretty much it," Martin sighed sadly, "What should I do, Janet?"

Janet thought.

"You've been marked with a scarlet letter, Martin," Janet said, "All you need is someone to take it from you, and you'll be seen as a complete sweetheart again!"

"Can you help?" Martin asked.

"Of course!" Janet smiled, "I know just what to do! My dad told me a story of this same situation happening with him and your dad!"

"Oh yeah," Martin remembered.

"Come on!" Janet pulled him along.

* * *

Eddward was leaning against the soda machine in the hall. Martin and Janet appeared in the hall. Eddward kicked it but nothing happened. He frowned.

"Weak," He said.

"You think you're so tough?!" Janet asked Martin, slapping him with her glove, "My anger issues make me twice as tough!"

Martin just stood there. Eddward watched them.

"Well, my sister is the captain of the football team, so that gives me some negative reputation," Martin said.

"I could still beat you in a brawl," Janet said, "We shall meet at...uh..."

"The pit," Martin said.

"Yes!" Janet realized, "3:00?"

"Actually, I have a chess club at 3:00," Martin said, "How's 4:15 sound?"

"Even better," Janet said.

"Then it's settled," Martin said. Eddward smiled and walked off to tell everyone else.

"And...scene," Janet said happily.

* * *

"Janet and Martin are gonna fight at the pit, pass it on," Eddward was saying to Nicole and Lil Kanker.

"Oh no, Janet!" Nicole cried, her and Lil rushing out the front doors.

* * *

At the pit…

Chris was making Jakob and Victor carry him on a big recliner to the pit.

"Move it, slouches, or I'll make sure you're the next ones fighting Martin in the pit," Chris threatened. Martin was at one end. Janet was on the other, surrounded by Martha, Nick, Izzy, Ryland, Jason, Nicole, Eddward, and Kevin Anderson. When Jakob and Victor lifted Chris onto the old machine, they joined them. Janet was wearing a hooded robe over a tan-ish colored shirt and white pants.

"Janet, don't go through with this!" Jason said, "It's my job to protect you!"

"Sometimes an anger-issued girl has to do what an anger-issued girl has to do, Jason," Janet said, puffing up her curly hair. Ryland only rolled her eyes.

"Spare the drama, queen," Chris said, "Martin's gonna wipe the floor with that curly hair of yours!"

"You still have the chance to back out now, Janet," Martin said, "Make haste, before I change my mind!"

The two walked up to each other and prepared to 'fight.' After a deep breath, they started slapping each other's hands. Martin pulled away. They continued slapping each other.

"Get on with it!" Eddward said.

"Oh dear, I hope they'll be alright," Kevin frowned. Ryland put her arm around his neck and shook her head.

"Ready?" Janet whispered. Before they could do anything, Chris threw a hot dog covered in mustard at her face. Martin stared at him.

"That mustard looks good on you!" Chris laughed, "It's yellow, get it?!"

Janet took a deep breath and counted to ten, trying to control her anger. She brushed it off and went to turn back to the fight when a ketchup-covered hot dog hit her. Martin started. Janet tried to as well, but a relish-covered hot dog hit her in the back of the head. When she turned around, it was followed by a mustard one.

"STOP IT!" Janet shouted, trying to keep her anger in check. Another ketchup, "You're really getting on my last nerve, Chris. I'm warning you-" Chris hit her with one more relish hotdog.

Janet growled angrily. She rushed towards Chris and tried to jump up to hit him.

"Get down here, you sorry excuse of a twerp!" She snapped. Chris snickered. Martin ran over and pulled on the back on Janet's shirt.

"Wait!" He cried, "Do you remember what we're here for?!"

Chris watched. Martin pulled Janet to the ground, and she snapped.

Her hair caught fire in her anger as she jumped on Martin, her teeth razor sharp as she tore into him, releasing her anger on everyone who had bugged her for the past...two months.

"Punch him in the eye, Janet!" Jason yelled happily.

"Martin!" Izzy cried, worried. Chris jumped down and ran over. After about two minutes, Janet stopped. The anger in her eyes disappeared as she turned around to look at the others.

"What happened?" She asked. Martin looked at her with a black eye. Janet gasped and covered her mouth, but the others, except for Nick, Izzy, and Ryland, congratulated her, lifting her into the air.

"Janet, Janet, she's our girl! She'll beat you down and make you hurl!" They chanted. Jason walked up to Chris.

"Nice jacket," He said.

Jason walked off wearing the jacket.

"Twerp," He said. Ryland threw her arms around her little brother.

"Nice going, caphead!" Chris growled, "How could you lose that?! All that fame! Gone! And that sweet jacket! I lost it, my dad's gonna kill me!"

"I guess I'm not the bone-breaking bully you hoped for, Chris," Martin smiled weakly.

"Nope, you're my smart little brother," Ryland said, hugging him.

"Chris, how dare you put materials before your own cousin!" Izzy said. Just then, all the Kankers' daughters came up (Except for Lil Kanker): Lily Baxter, Mary and Martha Sheppard, and June 2x4.

"Aw, we missed the fight, guys," June whined.

"Yeah, but we got here in time to kiss the loser better," Mary said.

"Martin!" Lily said, yanking him from Ryland's hands, "You should see the bruise you left on my foot! Clumsy oafs are adore-able."

"Yeah, so cute," Martha agreed. Chris growled.

"HEY!" He yelled as the four girls began kissing Martin, "Leave him ALONE ALREADY! HE'S HAD ENOUGH TROUBLE FOR ONE DAY WITHOUT YOU COMIN' ALONG AND MAKING IT WORSE!" The cousins looked shocked and Izzy had her cat ears folded back, "Now beat it!"

Ryland stared at him. The four of them put Martin down and walked away.

"See?" Izzy smiled, "That's what I'm talking about."

"Dogs," Chris growled, his tail twitching angrily. Ryland hugged her brother again.

"Goodness, I'm touched, Chris," Martin said, hugging Ryland back, "You standing up to a cliche story ending, for me. Let me tell you, after the kind of week I've been having, that's just the kind of thing I-"

Chris shoved a hot dog in his mouth.

"Yeah yeah, eat and shut up," He said.

"And for your Nick, Chris?" Nick asked.

"And sister and cousin?" Izzy added, putting her arm around Ryland. Chris handed out hot dogs to everyone.


	42. Junior High Prom

Chris and Nick were running through the halls. Nick was holding a donut.

"It's mine!" Chris yelled, chasing after Nick, "Finder's keepers!"

Nick ran faster. He ended up crashing through the janitor's closet.

"Gimmie my donut!" Chris shouted. Nick stumbled to his feet. He ran off, slamming the door onto Chris as he came out. Chris grumbled.

"Chris, calm down," Martin said, "You know you're only encouraging him!"

Chris huffed. Nick stumbled around, tied up by some rope. Chris raised his eyebrow. He quickly got an idea and spun Nick with the rope, making him drill into the floor. Chris snickered. He looked down the hole as Nick popped up behind him. Chris turned around and knocked Nick into the wall, then bit the donut and Nick's hand in the process. Martin raised his eyebrow.

"YEOUCH!" Nick cried, throwing Chris into the opposite wall and onto a poster. Chris grunted.

"Look at this mess!" Martin cried, looking at the path of destruction left by his friends. Chris looked at the poster and smiled widely.

"The Valentine's Dance," he said.

"V-V-Valentine's Dance?" Martin stuttered.

"This Friday," Chris read, "That's today."

"Oh well, so sad," Martin said nervously, "If only we had known about it earlier."

"Nah, there's still time," Chris said, "Besides, only losers stay home from a school dance."

Martin frowned.

"But Chris-" Martin began.

"No buts!" Chris cut him off.

"Hey Chris?"

Chris jumped and spun around.

"Oh, hey Nicole," He greeted.

"Listen, the Valentine's Day dance is tonight, and I know it's not exactly your thing, but-" Nicole began.

"Actually, I was gonna ask you," Chris said, "I only just saw the poster."

"Oh, okay," Nicole said.

"So, wanna go to the dance with me?" Chris asked, blushing slightly.

"I'd love to!" Nicole giggled. Chris smiled.

"Sweet!" He said, "See you then."

"Okay," Nicole smiled and walked off. Chris was smiling.

"Come on you two, I have a book at home that tells everything we need to know for the dance," Chris said.

"Oh," Martin said nervously.

* * *

They were at Chris's house and Chris was digging through his closet. Martin watched in confusion. He was trying to keep Chris's room neat and catch all the clothes he tossed out.

"Ah-ha!" Chris cried. Martin frowned. Chris jumped out of the closet and landed on the pile of clothes Martin was holding.

"I got it from my dad who got it from Uncle Danny," Chris explained.

"What exactly is it?" Martin asked. Chris showed him.

"'Dames, Dates, And You?" Martin read the title.

"Yup," Chris said.

"Um, a-a tad 'dated', don't you think?" Martin asked nervously.

"Nah," Chris said and flipped to a page. Martin looked at it. Nick looked over. Chris read the book.

"Step one, send that swinging chick to cloud nine," Nick beat him to it. Martin blushed.

Hey, hands off my dad's book!" Chris snapped. Martin frowned and stepped back.

"Come on, there's a sewing Mannequin in the attic we can practice on," Chris said.

"P-practice?" Martin asked nervously.

"Yeah, come on," Chris walked out of his room. Martin and Nick followed. Martin sighed.

* * *

Up in the attic...

Nick was dressing up the mannequin.

"Are you sure about this?" Martin asked. He was chained to a chest.

"Ready Nick?" Chris asked, ignoring Martin.

"Ready Chris!" Nick smiled.

"B-but Chris!" Martin cried.

"No buts!" Chris said, pushing Martin in front of the mannequin, "Go on, ask her!"

"A-ask what?" Martin asked.

"We're practicing asking girls to the dance, what do you think?" Chris snapped. Martin looked down. Chris played a song on his phone.

"She's waiting!" He said.

"Squish the tomato, Martin!" Nick said happily, squeezing his eye. Martin sighed and stepped forward. He looked up at the mannequin and smiled nervously.

"Ooh...I CAN'T BARE THE REJECTION!" Martin cried. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Baby," Chris said, picking Martin up and setting him on the chest, "Nick, you try."

Martin frowned.

"Oh, alright!" Nick said. He stepped up to the mannequin, "Hi there! I'm Charmin' Marvin! And this is my little friend, Walter-" Nick held out a stinky piece of cheese, "Uh, jr."

"Nick!" Chris said, "Girls don't want to see your smelly cheese!"

"Oops," Nick said, having accidentally dropped the piece of cheese in the mannequin's shirt.

"Talk about everyday stuff," Chris said, looking at the book, "Y'know, cologne, cash...me."

"Me?" Nick said, "Like movies? Oh, so have you partaken in watching _Attack Of The Zombie Hoard_?"

Chris huffed.

"My favorite part was when the zombie hoard slowly ate the brains of the screaming people!" Nick said, "Sort of like this!"

He began making a mess of the attic. Martin and Chris hid behind the chest. Chris peeked behind it.

"Chris, maybe we should just give up and not go," Martin said nervously.

"No!" Chris said.

"But Chris-" Martin began.

"No buts! We're going and that's final!" Chris said, "Come on, let's go get ready. NICK!"

Martin frowned.

"Coming!" Nick called.

* * *

At the party…

Jason and Janet ran into the party together, laughing. Nick, Martin, and Chris were right behind them.

"Victor brought Wilbur to the dance, guys!" Nick said happily, running over to said pig. Nicole was sitting over to the side of the dance. Chris walked over to her.

"Hey babe," Chris smiled.

"Hi hon, you're here," Nicole smiled back.

"Yeah," Chris smiled.

"Wanna dance or get something to eat first?" Nicole asked.

"Let's get some food," Chris said, "Martin, you'll be ok by yourself, right?" Martin was about to answer he rather wouldn't, but Chris cut him off, "Great! See ya!"

Martin sighed. He looked around and saw Izzy and Ryland over by the wall.

"I so did not wanna come," Ryland told Izzy.

"Come on Rye, it's fun," Izzy said, "Besides, I heard Kevin's coming."

"Why would I come for a dude when I can eat free food?" Ryland said.

"Cuz he's your boyfriend?" Izzy said, "Besides, dancing is fun."

"Psh, I'm gonna go find Nick," Ryland said, walking off.

"Nick A or Nick H?" Izzy asked.

"Austin," Ryland said.

"KK," Izzy said.

Martin saw Izzy by herself over at the snack table and walked over. Before he reached her, however, he saw James walk over and hold his hand out. Izzy blushed and Martin heard her say something like, "Well, one dance couldn't hurt, could it?" before taking his hand. Martin sighed. He saw Chris and Nicole on the dance floor. All the Kanker cousins were hanging out near the speakers. Victor was wearing some sort of puffer fish suit. Martin raised his eyebrow in confusion. Lily looked furious. She was peeling the wiring off of the speakers.

"Are you gonna let that hussy steal your man, Lily?" Martha asked. Lily shook her head. Lily looked around and grabbed the nervous Martin.

"Oh dear," He gulped.

"Come on, four eyes, we're dancing," Lily said, pulling him onto the dance floor. Lily danced with Martin but flung him into Nicole, catching both her attention and Chris's. Martin frowned. Mary growled angrily and grabbed Nick, who was playing with balloons nearby, and shaped him into a hammer.

"Get your mitts off my man, Lily!" Mary yelled. Martin backed away.

"Hey!" June said angrily, "How about you get your hands off my man, boyfriend stealer?!"

June bumped Victor as she ran over, causing him to roll over and pull up the floorboards.

"O-oh dear," Martin said.

Victor rolled over June, Mary, and Lily, making the second two drop the boy they were holding. He then rolled over Nicole. They all stuck to his suit. It was chaos. Nick carried Chris and Martin out of the crumbling school. Ryland walked over to them.

"What did you do?" She asked.

"We didn't do anything!" Chris snapped, "It was those stupid Kankers!"

"Sheppard," Martin corrected.

"2x4," Nick did too.

"Baxter," Izzy added, walking over. Ryland rolled her eyes and sighed.


End file.
